I give up. Seriously ...can't do this.
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jackiedruga wrote: »I can't do this. I weigh my food, watch my calorie intake, walk every day now for two hours. 3x a week I exercise (Sit ups, dance, etc) I never consume more than 1100 cals a day and average 1050. I rarely do sweets, ever, hate candy, avoid cheese, and drink black coffee and water (I don't log these).
I eat very little because I get full so fast. In this third MFP round 35 days later, I have lost 7 pounds ....
What is making this worse for me is my friend, same age 52 started MFP 18 months ago, but since January, she has lost 65 pounds ...
1) Up your calories to net 1200. Weigh your food. Log carefully. Exercise and eat half your exercise calories back and eat only foods you like.
2) 7 lbs in 35 days is good. That's 1.4 lbs/week.
3) January was almost a year ago. Your friend lost 65 lbs over 47 weeks. That's at a rate of 1.4 lbs/week. Oh look ...
And menopause is not the problem. If it were, I wouldn't have lost 55 lbs last year.
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What exactly are you expecting? I weigh much more than you do and I would be ecstatic if I lost 7 lbs a month. If I were at your weight and lost 7 lbs and a couple of inches every 3-4 months I would be ecstatic. If I were at your weight and lost 7 lb in a month I would get worried, deem it too fast and reign it in (by a lot!). At your friend's weight she would lose much faster than you because she burns more just by existing, and that's a fact. If you want to lose that fast, gain enough to be her weight and watch the pounds drop.
I feel your issue is not lack of progress, but the effort to progress ratio. You feel like you are running yourself into the ground and expect to get more in return. There are two ways to go about it, grin and bear it and accept the unfair trade, or what I would personally do, go easier, more flexible, more sustainable, and when the effort doesn't feel overbearing any results would feel amazing for how relatively easy it is.11 -
You're doing fine. You could eat a bit more. I'm 57, we just don't need to eat as much as younger people. You haven't got much to lose - it always comes off slower when you are closer.
Your weight loss is fab by the way. How fast did you think you would lose it?
Some weeks I have lost nothing - for weeks at a time.3 -
brandiuntz wrote: »You've made excellent progress. Why would you quit when you've done so well?
This. OP, you said you know it's not a competition. Keep repeating that to yourself until you actually believe it.
Have you ever heard the expression "Comparison is the thief of joy"? Because it is.
Also, for whatever it's worth, as a former very obese person I'll just throw this out there. It used to make me pretty mad when I was still fat and my comparatively "skinny" friends (anyone with <20 vanity pounds to lose -- because when you have >50, >100, >150 lbs to lose anyone who wants to lose that much is "skinny" to you) would compare themselves and their progress to mine. Maybe it looked "easy" to them from the outside, but it bloody well wasn't easy by a long shot. And that kind of thinking always made me suspect people were, on some level, judging that I somehow didn't "deserve" to lose the weight because I wasn't making myself miserable enough.
It is not necessary to make yourself (or other people) miserable to work towards a healthy weight over a reasonable amount of time.
I so agree with the statement! I lost around 30lb before suffering a bout of depression during which time I was losing around 4lb a week because i wasn't eating. Nothing about that time of my life was easy. Eventually i broke. Started on meds and over the course of 9 months managed to put the majority of that back on, partly meds partly the fact i thought i was happier when i was bigger (true, but not because i was bigger). When you consistently lose big chunks of weight (because you have it to lose) then the weight loss slowing down completely throws you and if you're not mentally ready for it then you usually throw the towel in at that point.
Your weight may be coming off slowly but you have so little to lose, sometimes your body is at a happy place and its your composition you need to look at working on, as someone else suggested progressive lifting plans are a good idea and bodyweight exercises. Don't be tempted to undereat though, healthy fats, proteins and some carbs for energy then your doing it right but also be realistic about the fact that our bodies change as we age.
Good luck
(and don't give up!) 2 -
You're absolutely right that you cannot do this.
You cannot continue at the extremely high effective deficit and break-net rate of weight loss you've put yourself on without losing excess lean mass and making yourself miserable enough to quit.
You also cannot continue thinking that 7lbs and 1.5" in 30 days is "slow" performance when in fact it is dangerously fast and double the speed it SHOULD be for someone at a normal weight like you are.
Your 1424 Sedentary TDEE means that eating 1200 Cal a day would generate only a small loss (deficit of 224 Cal a day or ~0.4lbs a week. HOWEVER, you are NOT SEDENTARY by the TDEE method because your TDEE INCLUDES the exercise and walking that you do. And as is evidenced by your rate of loss and based on what you say you're eating, your actual deficit is actually closer to 850 Cal a day.
Which brings us into what you SHOULD do.
And what you SHOULD do is accept that your rate of loss OUGHT to be slow. In fact it ought to be so slow that you won't even know you're making any progress. Which is why a trending weight application is recommended to help you visualise the progress you're making.
Based on your current rate of loss and assuming you're correct in that you're eating 1100, your current TDEE is about 2000 Cal. Which means you should be eating approximately 1750 Cal a day for a loss of 0.5lbs a week.
Based on what you've said, you should explore which of the following suits you better: Reducing your cardio and your TDEE and eating a bit less than the 1750 I suggest. For example reducing some of your gym or walk time and only eating 1500 Cal a day while having a TDEE of about 1750. Or you could continue with the exercise activities you do and possibly even add strength training, while fuelling your body more appropriately and providing it with the energy you need to do all this activity.
BE HAPPY for your friend. As someone else mentioned, if you want to safely experience the "ease" of loss your friend is experiencing all you have to do is gain 100lbs and then reduce your calories and watch the lbs fly.
AND be very happy with your progress and your results so far.19 -
Whew--so much great advice. I just know this, you should not be miserable and should be able to work in a treat now and again. This is going to take you a while for all the reasons given above. Be patient, try some new things--like lifting. I'm almost out of menopause, but it was hell, and it's hard to deal with it and restrictive weightloss too. You can do it--just re-evaluate and keep going.
Also take measurements weekly. That way you can see your progress over time.2 -
You are making progress, I don't know why you can't see that. Maybe you need to take progress pictures to compare those.
You might be eating too little- eating less than BMR is counterproductive to weight loss. Your calorie intake sounds way too low to me.
Your friend can eat a lot and lose weight because she is larger. You could probably eat more and lose weight too actually, but not as much as your friend.
You probably have stress weight- that tire around the middle thing could just be where you naturally hold weight, but it kind of sounds like stress weight placement- too much cortisol from stress makes weight go to the mid section. Maybe try to relax and cut out coffee and do some yoga.
I'd also suggest making sure you eat plenty of protein and do some strength training. Types of exercise you do matters, and macros (macronutrients - protein, carbs, and fats) matter.
"I can't do this" is a terrible outlook. Wether you think you can or you can't, you're right.2 -
Look into body recomposition rather than weight loss- you are a healthy weight, you probably want to stay the same weight but gain muscle and reduce body fat percentage.
Also your friend should watch out, avoiding exercise to avoid muscle gain is stupid. She should actually be exercising, eating protein, and trying as hard as she can to keep her muscle. You can't actually gain muscle while in a deficit/losing weight anyways, but you can lose muscle quite easily and that's a BAD thing. Ideally you want to lose fat and keep muscle.
I'm not sure why women are so afraid of muscle!!! I look like I've lost 30 pounds when I've only lost 10 because I work out to improve my muscle tone and preserve my muscle during weight loss so I've lost 10 pounds of mostly fat instead of a combo of muscle and fat and water... I look better at 155 pounds now than I did at 140 pounds in the past because I have more muscle and less body fat. Body composition makes a big difference to physique- more than just overall body weight does.6 -
Check this out- this isn't me, it's a girl I follow in Instagram- but she weighs more on the picture to the right, but she looks way better- why? Because she has MORE MUSCLE and less fat. That's the difference body composition can make. And this also shows that muscle is beautiful, not something to be feared. Show this to your friend who is afraid of exercise.
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You are not in any way overweight, so the fact that you've already lost 7lbs in just over a month is fantastic!! that is great progress. My only issue is that you're not eating that much so that might be making you feel miserable (I know it would for me). I'm a little bit smaller and found when I was losing that 1600-1800 cals meant an 1/2lb loss a week. To lose weight we don't have to half starve ourselves and be miserable.
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In addition to what everyone is saying about not comparing yourself to your friend, I think there are some serious body image issues here. In this culture, we have a very weird sense of what normal healthy bodies look like. We compare ourselves to models, to women barely old enough to drink legally, and feel ashamed when we don't look like the people in movies or TV. I think this is the case with you...you may have a sense your body is lacking when it's perfectly healthy and normal...and feel bad about it. This is what women are made to feel ashamed about.
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Whoa- take a deep breath, and a couple more
Maybe this has already been said,
Calm down and start slow. You can do what you want to do.. set a very small goal and achieve that. Then set another one. Be happy with yourself. Are you your friend? Nope- you're you. You have different things she doesn't. I have to go write a 350 word assessment on a paper. It's gonna take me all day. I'm pretty sure it'd take you 5 min. And I kinda wish I had your talent right about now. It's all perspective. Go a little easier on yourself. And who gives AF if you're skinny or not. Beauty is always with in. Just be the best you5 -
tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »jackiedruga wrote: »I'm 52, and while not seriously overweight (5'3, 134)
So at 5'3 and 134 you are not actually overweight, BMI is 23.7.
Apart from being impatient to lose more quicly (1lb per week at your lowish weight is excellent) - what is your actual goal weight or size? Is it possible you have unrealistic expectations? What do you see yourself as when you look in the mirror at your current weight?
<y goal is to get down to 122. That was always a good weight for me. The last time I did MFP, I did well, NEarly made it but put it all back on. I was exercising a ton back then, and a pulled groan muscles stopped me. What do I see when I look in the mirror ... FRUMPY. I have a gut from sitting and eating and not moving, it wouldn't be as bad visulally, but I have very small breasts my problem areas are from mid thigh to rib cage. Pretty much I am the apple shape to the max. I always had a gut, even when I was bone thin. The only time I didn't was when I skinny and exercising to get muscles. Um ... decades ago and not expecting that body, just one where I can wear decent clothes that don't make me look like a bell.0 -
The advice I have been given is tremendous and inspiring. Some of you posted amazing words of encouragement. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I am going to take the advice of not expecting much as far as weight loss (Aim for .5 week) and most definitely not have such a caloric deficit. I honestly thing I am miserable because I am trying to hard and expecting to much. It for sure is a body image thing as well.
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If you're in a normal weight range already, it's going to be slow going. The most you could possibly hope to lose is a half pound per week. You've lost more than that. You need PATIENCE.3
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jackiedruga wrote: »I'm 52, and while not seriously overweight (5'3, 134) Menopause has not been kind to me. 3 years ago, I went from a mobile moving about job to my dream career of being a writer full time. During this time I entered menopause., stopped moving about and gained a lot of weight, especially that damn back and tummy fat. I carry a tire around my middle.
I'm healthy, the doc says I fall into the normal weight range, just need to exercise and lose the tummy.
I can't do this. I weigh my food, watch my calorie intake, walk every day now for two hours. 3x a week I exercise (Sit ups, dance, etc) I never consume more than 1100 cals a day and average 1050. I rarely do sweets, ever, hate candy, avoid cheese, and drink black coffee and water (I don't log these).
I eat very little because I get full so fast. In this third MFP round 35 days later, I have lost 7 pounds but only 1.5 inches. I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I see no change. I buy big clothes to cover everything.
What is making this worse for me is my friend, same age 52 started MFP 18 months ago, but since January, she has lost 65 pounds (240-169). She doesn't exercise, works part time, ends her night with a high cal sweet treat and accredits her weight loss to fat free dressing and not exercising to avoid muscle weight gain. She shares her food diary with me as motivation. I couldn't possibly consume what she does. The last week alone, her snacks were as much as my daily intake, yet she still lost 3 pounds. She's defying all logic to me.
I know it's not a competition, but it's hard to go to dinner with someone who eats a whole steak, potato, salad with ranch and desert and boasts weight loss while i have grilled fish and a salad and fight to keep from gaining.
I just wanna say screw it and quit and buy bigger clothes.
Sorry for the long rant, this is the most discouraged I have felt in so long. I got a text she lost more weight, while I skipped most of Thanksgiving dinner to stay under calories.
Any advice or am I just overreacting and emotional. Damn menopause.
What you're concerned with isn't weight loss, but aesthetics. Look into any of the progressive resistance training programs tailored for women and find one that you like.
I have a fitness pro friend, Justine Moore, who shows new clients two photos of herself: One - where she was killing herself with cardio and at a lower weight and Two - after a year of weight lifting. By far everyone picks the second picture after weight lifting and body sculpting.
Don't get discouraged. Be proud of what you have accomplished. Be happy for your friend - she is doing something amazing and needs your support. You just have a different goal and going to need a different game plan.4 -
You're not comparing like with like.
Your friend started from (probably) morbidly obese, and unless she's pretty tall, is probably still overweight. If she is tall, then her basic needs will be greater. If she's not, it's obviously far easier to lose weight from an obese starting point.
You are a smallish woman, starting from a healthy weight, just wanting to trim a few lb off, and that is tough, and your rate of loss is excellent. And 1.5" for 7lbs sounds in the right ballpark.
Also, you've been going for 35 days. Since the beginning of the year there have been 335 days. So your friend has lost about 10x the amount in 10x the time.
But even if you were identical twins, starting at the same point on the same day, this is not a race! Do it for yourself, not for bragging rights.3 -
Lift weights, dumbbell and barbell. You're not fat, you just need more muscle.2
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You are overreacting and being emotional about menaupose......I'm well past it at 65..... I know what you are going through, the emotions etcetera........I'm 5.4 and lost more than 30 pounds in 5 months, not exercising at all, bad knee and hip, eat just like you between 1000 to 1100 calories.....this turmoil will pass, keep strong.3
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I am over 55 so I get some of your misery. I think weight lifting will do more to redistribute things and make you feel better about your body. An inch and a half is a lot! But you lost it proportionally so your body looked about the same.2
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courtneyfabulous wrote: »Check this out- this isn't me, it's a girl I follow in Instagram- but she weighs more on the picture to the right, but she looks way better- why? Because she has MORE MUSCLE and less fat. That's the difference body composition can make. And this also shows that muscle is beautiful, not something to be feared. Show this to your friend who is afraid of exercise.
'better' is completely subjective. Just saying.
OP - your friend is bigger. She's probably more active than you. So yes, she can afford to eat more. If you want to eat more... be more active. That's really the bottom line there. My activity lets me eat 400 extra calories a day - that's huge.
And I can guarantee you that your friend will not always be able to eat a full meal with dessert on a regular basis if she doesn't want to gain the weight back.
Also your friend is probably burning through her muscle mass and will regret it later.0 -
courtneyfabulous wrote: »Check this out- this isn't me, it's a girl I follow in Instagram- but she weighs more on the picture to the right, but she looks way better- why? Because she has MORE MUSCLE and less fat. That's the difference body composition can make. And this also shows that muscle is beautiful, not something to be feared. Show this to your friend who is afraid of exercise.
'better' is completely subjective. Just saying.
OP - your friend is bigger. She's probably more active than you. So yes, she can afford to eat more. If you want to eat more... be more active. That's really the bottom line there. My activity lets me eat 400 extra calories a day - that's huge.
And I can guarantee you that your friend will not always be able to eat a full meal with dessert on a regular basis if she doesn't want to gain the weight back.
Also your friend is probably burning through her muscle mass and will regret it later.
The math shows that she and her friend are both losing weight at the same rate.
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courtneyfabulous wrote: »Check this out- this isn't me, it's a girl I follow in Instagram- but she weighs more on the picture to the right, but she looks way better- why? Because she has MORE MUSCLE and less fat. That's the difference body composition can make. And this also shows that muscle is beautiful, not something to be feared. Show this to your friend who is afraid of exercise.
'better' is completely subjective. Just saying.
OP - your friend is bigger. She's probably more active than you. So yes, she can afford to eat more. If you want to eat more... be more active. That's really the bottom line there. My activity lets me eat 400 extra calories a day - that's huge.
And I can guarantee you that your friend will not always be able to eat a full meal with dessert on a regular basis if she doesn't want to gain the weight back.
Also your friend is probably burning through her muscle mass and will regret it later.
The math shows that she and her friend are both losing weight at the same rate.
True, but her friend is probably consuming more calories to achieve the same deficit. When I first started losing weight I could eat 2000 calories completely sedentary and lose a bit over a pound a week, which yes, meant full meals with dessert with barely any activity to achieve the same results I now I have to work harder/eat less for, so her frustration is understandable, but the comparison is unfair. There will be a point where her friend's loss will either slow down considerably if she keeps eating this way, or a point where she would need to put in as much work and eat as little as OP to achieve the same results (provided the friend wants to get down to such a low weight and eat such a low calorie allowance).1 -
jackiedruga wrote: »tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »jackiedruga wrote: »I'm 52, and while not seriously overweight (5'3, 134)
So at 5'3 and 134 you are not actually overweight, BMI is 23.7.
Apart from being impatient to lose more quicly (1lb per week at your lowish weight is excellent) - what is your actual goal weight or size? Is it possible you have unrealistic expectations? What do you see yourself as when you look in the mirror at your current weight?
...not expecting that body, just one where I can wear decent clothes that don't make me look like a bell.
In addition to what the posters above have said, consider meeting with a style consultant. No kidding. When we ladies have a negative image of our bodies, the tendency is to buy big clothes that we think hide flaws - but in fact they make us look worse! A style consultant can help you choose colors, patterns, and fits that are flattering in the right places and hide in the tricky areas.
I did this several years back and bought some new clothes. The next time I went out with girlfriends they oohed and aahed over my weight loss. In reality, I hadn't lost an ounce unless you count all the big, heavy, frumpy clothes I was no longer wearing!5 -
sugaraddict4321 wrote: »jackiedruga wrote: »tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »jackiedruga wrote: »I'm 52, and while not seriously overweight (5'3, 134)
So at 5'3 and 134 you are not actually overweight, BMI is 23.7.
Apart from being impatient to lose more quicly (1lb per week at your lowish weight is excellent) - what is your actual goal weight or size? Is it possible you have unrealistic expectations? What do you see yourself as when you look in the mirror at your current weight?
...not expecting that body, just one where I can wear decent clothes that don't make me look like a bell.
In addition to what the posters above have said, consider meeting with a style consultant. No kidding. When we ladies have a negative image of our bodies, the tendency is to buy big clothes that we think hide flaws - but in fact they make us look worse! A style consultant can help you choose colors, patterns, and fits that are flattering in the right places and hide in the tricky areas.
I did this several years back and bought some new clothes. The next time I went out with girlfriends they oohed and aahed over my weight loss. In reality, I hadn't lost an ounce unless you count all the big, heavy, frumpy clothes I was no longer wearing!
I completely second this. A good outfit can completely transform a woman or a man. And don't buy cheap clothes ( Old Navy) etc. They make everyone look bigger/frumpy because they're cut so badly.2 -
deannalfisher wrote: »I used TDEEcalculator.net to calculate and it gave 1424 for maintenance (assuming sedentary/limited working out)
https://tdeecalculator.net/result.php?s=imperial&g=female&age=52&lbs=134&in=63&act=1.2&f=1
This has terrified me, apparently my ideal weight is 115-126lbs - I look ill at anything below 126lbs0 -
amzamzamz1988 wrote: »deannalfisher wrote: »I used TDEEcalculator.net to calculate and it gave 1424 for maintenance (assuming sedentary/limited working out)
https://tdeecalculator.net/result.php?s=imperial&g=female&age=52&lbs=134&in=63&act=1.2&f=1
This has terrified me, apparently my ideal weight is 115-126lbs - I look ill at anything below 126lbs
Then you know that 126lbs is ok for you - everyone is different . I look good/slim at 128lb despite only being 5ft 2 but I'm not small framed and I have plenty of muscle, whereas other petites can be 20lbs lighter than me and look fine, Body type is why we are given a weight range, and then there is personal preference . 3 -
You're losing at a good rate! You'll start seeing a lot of changes from here on so keep it up.
Please don't compare yourself to your friend. Like others said, she currently has a lot more to lose. When she gets down to a normal weight, her weight loss will slow down to where yours is at the moment (approximately, I don't know her height).0 -
President Obama said "Yes we can." And so can you.
The facts are that at 134 you hardly need to lose anything. Your friend has lost so much and is still way heavier than you, so perhaps you shouldn't be beating yourself up over this.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and follow some of the good advice I see already posted here.0 -
I find I am happiest when I restrict calories for only about 4-6 weeks, then eat at maintenance for 2 weeks before going back to restricted calories for another 4-6 weeks. It takes longer to lose a set amount that way, but then I don't get frustrated because I know I'm going to be able to eat more "soon" and I don't usually gain anything while eating at maintenance, so I'm not losing progress. I generally am ecstatic to lose 1/2 lb per week, so you are doing amazing!1
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