Won't listen to someone that is thin

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  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
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    Do you have a picture from when you were heavy? If so just keep it on your phone and show people when they ask- that will make them take you seriously!

    Honestly I do have a hard time taking advice on weight loss from someone who has never had a weight problem, because those folks tend to be ectomorphs with crazy high metabolisms, or those weird people that don't care about food or enjoy eating... maybe your friends think you are one of those people? Just show them that picture to proove you were once heavy too.

    I once had one of those forever skinny people scoff at my weight loss efforts and say "just eat like I do and you'll lose weight!"... well this girl started every day with a large full fat full sugar white chocolate mocha latte and had some form of fast food for lunch, and did not skip breakfast or dinner... If I ate the way she did I would gain 10 pounds in a week! I don't think she realized how fast her metabolism was and how lucky she was to be able to eat so much & stay thin.

  • kenyonhaff
    kenyonhaff Posts: 1,377 Member
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    Meh, I just tell them the website here, and the basis is counting calories.
  • PuppetPrincess
    PuppetPrincess Posts: 22 Member
    edited December 2016
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    starfish235 wrote: »
    Over time I have had people ask me how I stay thin. They are working on losing weight. For great spances of time I have carefully counted every thing I eat. However they don't want to listen to me because I am thin. I know all this dieting and staying thin is basicly a state of mind. I know how to lose weight but I can't know because I am successful. Or you have lost weight recently and your friends very much hate you. Being thin is not cool. What are your experiences?

    When I originally lost the bulk of my weight I started dieting with both my mother and best friend. We were all overweight and wanted to do something about it. A year or so later we were all still dieting. I was nearly 40lbs down and the two of them had struggled with sticking to things and gained all and more weight back. I started maintaining and they would talk to each other about going on a diet again or complain about being fat or propose crazy fads to each other. If I at all opened my mouth to say anything at all they would literally tell me to shut up because I was a skinny b**** and didn't know what I was talking about. They had actually forgotten that I was fat and had loss weight successfully. Any advice I had was annoying noise to them because they had already tried the methods I used and failed simply because they have no will power. This unfortunately is how the average overweight person see people at their ideal weight. Loosing weight is hard so it is easier to believe thin or fit people are magical unicorns who just appeared in the world possessing abs and a small waist.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
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    kenyonhaff wrote: »
    Meh, I just tell them the website here, and the basis is counting calories.

    That's what I do if anyone asks.And even though it so far has been successful for me I think it sounds boring or maybe too much hard work. None of the people I know have given it a go. But if I said 5.2 or cayenne pepper with honey eyes would light up. Otherwise it's paying to weigh yourself weekly. Fair enough, so I say as little as possible and only speak about it if asked.

    OP there are people who believe that slim people are magical they don't realise effort is involved to stay this way. This is why it's important for those of us who have lost weight to keep our eyes on the ball to ensure it doesn't pile back on
  • _funrungirl
    _funrungirl Posts: 145 Member
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    This isn't just a problem with dieting it is how it is with most things. Most people only see the outside result not the hard work that went into it. They see you wearing skinny jeans, but they don't see the 5am workouts.
  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
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    Docbanana2002 wrote: »
    I am formerly obese, now a healthy weight. I've found that lifelong thin people often annoy me and give others bad advice (and are oblivious that they are giving bad advice), because (for some) maintenance of a healthy weight was easy and effortless and they never put a lot of thought into it. They just didn't have an intense appetite, or care that much about food, or were naturally active enough that they could eat a lot, or never had any of the emotional struggles that fueled my eating, never had lost weight more than a few pounds and had no concept of what a huge and life altering project it can be. So they seemed to think it was simple and natural to be thin and talked to me in a superior or dismissive tone, like I was clearly dense to not get it. Gave me methods without recognizing that simply knowing them would not fix my problem... my problem wasn't a knowledge gap (WHAT! You mean I'm supposed to eat less food!!?? Never knew....) but was with overcoming the physical and psychological struggles involved with implementing that advice. They had nothing to offer me in terms of the actual struggle I was coping with and seemed annoyed at the suggestion that I didn't quite experience this struggle the same way as they did.

    It's is like an alcoholic getting simplistic tips about how to stay sober from a person who never struggled to drink in moderation. Or the person who has always had a fairly stable and happy marriage/kids who never caused them trouble/made straight As in school while barely studying/was always a popular social butterfly trying to explain how to pull your marriage from the brink of divorce/help your kids whose lives are out of control/how to deal with a learning disability/ how to overcome debilitating social anxiety.

    These are all different issues, but the common thread is that when people never have a special struggle in a specific area they often don't appreciate how hard it can be for others who do struggle in that area, The things that are hard for others just seem like common sense to them. They never have to develop strategies to overcome those struggles or even appear to realize that the struggle exists. This is why thin people giving weight loss advice can be annoying. So....if you are a thin person who really DID experience that struggle of losing a whole person off of you like I did, and found strategies to cope and overcome that struggle, I would encourage you to consider opening up about that to those who ask your advice. It will make you feel more vulnerable, but will help them understand something useful to them and they might not shut you down as one of those thin people who who never had a real problem in the first place and doesn't get them or know what you are talking about.

    This!
  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
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    Also does anyone ever get bad advice from people who struggle to lose weight but never keep it off? I've finally lost enough weight to be noticeable and when people talk to me about it they can't really accept my simple method of eating less than TDEE, more than BMR, counting calories, getting enough protein, and working out. You'd think that would be plenty, but they all seem to think there's more to it and think I must have cut out whole food groups or cut out carbs or be starving myself with 1000 calories... no! They try to tell me what is bad and what is good and what I should do- it's kind of funny! I mean... who is losing weight and who isn't? And I've tried all that other silly stuff before without it working or it goes against what I'm doing now that is working so I know it's nonsense.

    Anyone else ever have that happen?
  • vingogly
    vingogly Posts: 1,785 Member
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    Looking for magic solutions is why people in the United States are dieting more than ever -- and growing fatter than ever. See this animated map:

    http://www.americanobesity.org/obesityInAmerica.htm

    But you know what? It's not about them, it's about you. I really don't care what others think or say. I told someone recently I had 10-15 pounds to lose still and was told: I don't want to get too thin. And that person is not thin by any measure.

    Friends who hate you because you're thin -- those are not friends worth having.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,868 Member
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    Are people seeking your counsel or are you offering unsolicited advice? I don't talk to anyone about anything unless they specifically inquire and seek my counsel. I've never had anyone not listen to me when they are specifically seeking my advice...that doesn't mean they're necessarily ready to follow said advice though.
  • Docbanana2002
    Docbanana2002 Posts: 357 Member
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    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    Are people seeking your counsel or are you offering unsolicited advice? I don't talk to anyone about anything unless they specifically inquire and seek my counsel. I've never had anyone not listen to me when they are specifically seeking my advice...that doesn't mean they're necessarily ready to follow said advice though.

    I agree! Just because someone asks you how you did it doesn't mean they want a lot of advice on what THEY need to do. I try to discern when someone is just curious about me and asking to make conversation (which requires a brief "I did Nutrisystem" or "I tracked my calories and started running" type of answer) and when someone is asking for advice about the direction they need to go (in which case I'm going to have a longer convo where I give the detailed answer for myself and then learn what their goals are, what they struggle with, etc., and help them strategize a path that fits their situation). I've only had people show gratitude and seek me out further for conversation in the latter situation. In the former situation, we make chit chat and move on because they aren't asking for my help and would be annoyed if I tried to give it.

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