I Need To Vent

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elphie754
elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Perhaps not the right place, but right now I need to vent before I flip out.

This past week has been absolute hell for me both physically and mentally. Physically, I haven't been able to keep and food or drink down since Sunday, which has been making me super cranky. On top of that, in the course of the week inhale had maybe 4 hours of sleep, and that's being generous. I've been in and out of the hospital (L&D) for contractions and pain, which really hasn't gone so well. Due to a history of assault, I don't do so well with people touching me, and that what everyone wants to do in L&D. Then they act like you are some horrible person and use "well think of the baby" as a way to guilt trip you into things you are not comfortable with. They act like I'm a horrible person for standing my ground and telling them no. At the one hospital my doctor delivers at, they had a male on call, which is just not happening. The doctor actually had the nerve to say "well then find a different hospital."

I know that the lack of food and sleep are making me interpret everything a bit off. I really do have a great support system at home, but this past week, even they are getting to me. It feels like no matter what I do, they yell at me, which I know they really aren't, but that is how it feels. I feel like I can't do anything right and just want to shut down. We have a polyagamous home/family (please don't judge) of my self, another female and one guy. I feel like if I don't get my act together and stop melting down all the time, I could be asked to leave, even though both have assured me that is not happening and won't ever happen.

On top of that, I haven't made it to work once this week. I wake up with the intention of going, but then just fall apart while I start to get ready. Then at the end of the day I am kicking myself for not going.

Sorry for such a long rant and I know it doesn't have anything to do with weightloss, I just needed to vent before I self implode.
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Replies

  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    edited December 2016
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    Could you call you mom? You didn't mention her, only your SO's.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    queenliz99 wrote: »
    Could you call you mom? You didn't mention her, only your SO's.

    Yes and no. She's been great and supportive, however she's never been pregnant (my siblings and I were adopted) so her advice in that area isn't the best. She's trying... But ends up annoying the daylights out of me with ridiculous suggestions so I don't tell her much.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
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    Sounds tough. Keep your head up.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    Chef_Barbell wrote: »
    Sounds tough. Keep your head up.

    Trying my best.
  • sllm1
    sllm1 Posts: 2,114 Member
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    Can you talk to your OB in a non-hospital setting about your lack of sleep/food/delivery concerns?
  • deannalfisher
    deannalfisher Posts: 5,600 Member
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    if you have a history of assault and don't like people touching you - that can be discussed with the hospital ahead of time - did you do any kind of familiarization with the hospital, or anything; get that kind of stuff annotated in your record
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    sllm1 wrote: »
    Can you talk to your OB in a non-hospital setting about your lack of sleep/food/delivery concerns?

    I have another appointment with her this upcoming week. I've spoken with her about the delivery concerns and she knows my history. She was not happy about what happened at the hospital at all. She was actually on vacation and had just landed. She actually called me from the airport and saw me the next morning at the other hospital.
  • PhedraJD
    PhedraJD Posts: 1,392 Member
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    @elphie754 That has got to be hard. Being sick, exhausted mentally, physically and the pregnancy hormones are running amok in your body, plus anxiety over being touched can not help at all. Nothing wrong with venting here.
    Sounds like you have a wonderful OB. A lot (not all) male doctors can be idiots. Are you able to meditate? I hate going to the dentist. So when I go, I try and meditate while they are playing in my mouth. This helps some with the anxiety. Not sure if it would be something that could help.

    If you find you are missing a lot of work and are worried about getting fired. Talk to your HR department about getting paperwork for an FMLA leave. Your doctor can fill it out, and can say that you will be missing work on occasion do to a short term disability. Then your work has to work with you and can't fire you for missing days when you are in too much pain/sick to work. I had to do this with my second pregnancy. Was such a relief on the days I couldn't get out of bed.

    Hang in there, you can make it through this.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    tcunbeliever wrote: »
    You didn't specify how far along in your pregnancy you are, but I'm going to assume 3rd trimester if you are having contractions...I have 3 children, it's been a long time since I was pregnant, but I do remember what it's like and I had 3 pretty easy pregnancies even though I pretty much wanted to die or kill someone most of the last month for each of them.

    hospitals - good for you standing up for yourself, OB/GYN doctors can be very invasive and completely insensitive and far too often treat pregnancy like some kind of disease instead of the normal life process it really is...definitely don't agree to anything that makes you uncomfortable, and definitely insist on a female doctor if that will make you more comfortable...anything that stresses you out is going to stress out the baby...

    work - you are in the USA, which means your job is protected for at least 12 weeks assuming you have worked there at least 1 year and have not maxed out your FMLA. It is very common for pregnant women to miss time during their pregnancy, this is not something you should worry about particularly if you are having pain and contractions...rest, hydrate, eat healthy, your body is doing a lot of work even when you are not doing anything.

    home - it sounds like you have a supportive home life, of course they aren't going to abandon you when you are dealing with huge hormone issues and what sounds like a challenging pregnancy...everything you are feeling sounds pretty normal, melting down over nothing, being totally stressed out all the time, particularly since you are sleep deprived and in pain, these are normal reactions to the situation, even if they aren't fun to deal with, just know that this is totally normal and not out of the ordinary.

    Things you can do - you need to get some rest and destress and try to remain calm, which I know is easier said than done. Try to do whatever will relax or comfort you.

    have some chammomile or licorice tea
    have a hot shower
    watch a favorite show/movie
    yoga or walking or breathing exercises
    cuddling and/or talking with anyone who is supportive
    eating favorite foods (I know it's generally bad advice to use food for comfort, but seriously you are already dealing with so much, humans are hard wired to take comfort in food, it's ok once in a while)

    Just started my third trimester (25 weeks).

    I've gotten used to having to stand up for myself in hospitals in the past, so in a way it comes naturally.

    We are having a slight problem with FMLA and work. I worked for a company for almost 6 years. Last year, this started to go down hill with the company and they started losing hospital contracts for the NYC 911 system (I'm a paramedic). In February they sent out an email that the company officially filed for bankruptcy but that we all had 30 days. So we went to work that night thinking we had time. An hour into my shift we get an email that operations are to cease immediately and to return your ambulance to the corresponding base listed in the email. Thankfully the very next day the company that was taking over the 911 contract for that hospital hired us all. But it leaves a bit of an issue with FMLA. I originally had to go to the EEOC to file a complaint just to be given light duty (was given the option of working on an ambulance or quitting) so thankfully have a desk job for the time being.

    Home is being supportive but I hate making them feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me.

    Thank you for the suggestions. Been trying to find things I can do to take my mind off everything.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    laur357 wrote: »
    Do you have a therapist or counselor you could go to? I would guess your lack of eating, sleeping, and stress from the pregnancy are carrying over to other parts of your life (really, not your fault - that's a lot for any person to handle!) and having someone detached from the situation to talk to might help you deal with the stress.

    I actually do. I'm supposed to be on a combination of antidepressants and mood stabilizers (diagnosed as bipolar but have been stable for years on medication), but as soon as we found out I was pregnant, they had me stop them since the risk out weighed the benefit. Instead they put me on a medication that is typically an antihistamine, but also has anti anxiety properties. It's been sort of helping, but not the same.

  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    zyxst wrote: »
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    Awwwww thank you
  • rashoaf
    rashoaf Posts: 2 Member
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    That's a lot to handle. I'm sorry. I ended up taking a month off BEFORE my second was born, because I was having prodromal labor from 10am to 7pm everyday.
    Box breathing is what I do when I'm about to freak out like a volcano of crazy. It won't fix anything, but it's gives you space. And I second the journaling. Even just writing down all those negative thoughts and throwing that piece of paper away with makes me feel lighter.
    We are here, anonymous internet support, if you need to drop your basket for a little while.
  • ladyreva78
    ladyreva78 Posts: 4,080 Member
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    No advice. Just a sympathetic ear and a hug. :heart:
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    akilia112010 wrote: »
    Do you think that writing your feelings down on paper could possibly help? I'm not sure if you believe in God or not but if you do I'm sure that a few scriptures may be able to uplift you. Or possibly while your taking a shower, take a few minutes to cry if you have to. For me it feels as though the pain and hurt is being washed away. I hope that you feel better. Being sad and pregnant is really hard, trust me I know for myself. I hope that you find something that helps so that you don't go into labor too early.

    I think I will start writing things down. I actually felt somewhat better after writing my rant, so maybe a journal would help. I am religious but Pagan so scripture likely wouldn't help. Showers do sort of help-but I tend to end up spending hours in the shower relaxing. Thank you.
  • abatonfan
    abatonfan Posts: 1,120 Member
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    Sending lots of hugs! <3

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