I Need To Vent
elphie754
Posts: 7,574 Member
Perhaps not the right place, but right now I need to vent before I flip out.
This past week has been absolute hell for me both physically and mentally. Physically, I haven't been able to keep and food or drink down since Sunday, which has been making me super cranky. On top of that, in the course of the week inhale had maybe 4 hours of sleep, and that's being generous. I've been in and out of the hospital (L&D) for contractions and pain, which really hasn't gone so well. Due to a history of assault, I don't do so well with people touching me, and that what everyone wants to do in L&D. Then they act like you are some horrible person and use "well think of the baby" as a way to guilt trip you into things you are not comfortable with. They act like I'm a horrible person for standing my ground and telling them no. At the one hospital my doctor delivers at, they had a male on call, which is just not happening. The doctor actually had the nerve to say "well then find a different hospital."
I know that the lack of food and sleep are making me interpret everything a bit off. I really do have a great support system at home, but this past week, even they are getting to me. It feels like no matter what I do, they yell at me, which I know they really aren't, but that is how it feels. I feel like I can't do anything right and just want to shut down. We have a polyagamous home/family (please don't judge) of my self, another female and one guy. I feel like if I don't get my act together and stop melting down all the time, I could be asked to leave, even though both have assured me that is not happening and won't ever happen.
On top of that, I haven't made it to work once this week. I wake up with the intention of going, but then just fall apart while I start to get ready. Then at the end of the day I am kicking myself for not going.
Sorry for such a long rant and I know it doesn't have anything to do with weightloss, I just needed to vent before I self implode.
This past week has been absolute hell for me both physically and mentally. Physically, I haven't been able to keep and food or drink down since Sunday, which has been making me super cranky. On top of that, in the course of the week inhale had maybe 4 hours of sleep, and that's being generous. I've been in and out of the hospital (L&D) for contractions and pain, which really hasn't gone so well. Due to a history of assault, I don't do so well with people touching me, and that what everyone wants to do in L&D. Then they act like you are some horrible person and use "well think of the baby" as a way to guilt trip you into things you are not comfortable with. They act like I'm a horrible person for standing my ground and telling them no. At the one hospital my doctor delivers at, they had a male on call, which is just not happening. The doctor actually had the nerve to say "well then find a different hospital."
I know that the lack of food and sleep are making me interpret everything a bit off. I really do have a great support system at home, but this past week, even they are getting to me. It feels like no matter what I do, they yell at me, which I know they really aren't, but that is how it feels. I feel like I can't do anything right and just want to shut down. We have a polyagamous home/family (please don't judge) of my self, another female and one guy. I feel like if I don't get my act together and stop melting down all the time, I could be asked to leave, even though both have assured me that is not happening and won't ever happen.
On top of that, I haven't made it to work once this week. I wake up with the intention of going, but then just fall apart while I start to get ready. Then at the end of the day I am kicking myself for not going.
Sorry for such a long rant and I know it doesn't have anything to do with weightloss, I just needed to vent before I self implode.
3
Replies
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Could you call you mom? You didn't mention her, only your SO's.0
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queenliz99 wrote: »Could you call you mom? You didn't mention her, only your SO's.
Yes and no. She's been great and supportive, however she's never been pregnant (my siblings and I were adopted) so her advice in that area isn't the best. She's trying... But ends up annoying the daylights out of me with ridiculous suggestions so I don't tell her much.0 -
Sounds tough. Keep your head up.2
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Chef_Barbell wrote: »Sounds tough. Keep your head up.
Trying my best.1 -
Can you talk to your OB in a non-hospital setting about your lack of sleep/food/delivery concerns?2
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if you have a history of assault and don't like people touching you - that can be discussed with the hospital ahead of time - did you do any kind of familiarization with the hospital, or anything; get that kind of stuff annotated in your record2
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Can you talk to your OB in a non-hospital setting about your lack of sleep/food/delivery concerns?
I have another appointment with her this upcoming week. I've spoken with her about the delivery concerns and she knows my history. She was not happy about what happened at the hospital at all. She was actually on vacation and had just landed. She actually called me from the airport and saw me the next morning at the other hospital.0 -
You didn't specify how far along in your pregnancy you are, but I'm going to assume 3rd trimester if you are having contractions...I have 3 children, it's been a long time since I was pregnant, but I do remember what it's like and I had 3 pretty easy pregnancies even though I pretty much wanted to die or kill someone most of the last month for each of them.
hospitals - good for you standing up for yourself, OB/GYN doctors can be very invasive and completely insensitive and far too often treat pregnancy like some kind of disease instead of the normal life process it really is...definitely don't agree to anything that makes you uncomfortable, and definitely insist on a female doctor if that will make you more comfortable...anything that stresses you out is going to stress out the baby...
work - you are in the USA, which means your job is protected for at least 12 weeks assuming you have worked there at least 1 year and have not maxed out your FMLA. It is very common for pregnant women to miss time during their pregnancy, this is not something you should worry about particularly if you are having pain and contractions...rest, hydrate, eat healthy, your body is doing a lot of work even when you are not doing anything.
home - it sounds like you have a supportive home life, of course they aren't going to abandon you when you are dealing with huge hormone issues and what sounds like a challenging pregnancy...everything you are feeling sounds pretty normal, melting down over nothing, being totally stressed out all the time, particularly since you are sleep deprived and in pain, these are normal reactions to the situation, even if they aren't fun to deal with, just know that this is totally normal and not out of the ordinary.
Things you can do - you need to get some rest and destress and try to remain calm, which I know is easier said than done. Try to do whatever will relax or comfort you.
have some chammomile or licorice tea
have a hot shower
watch a favorite show/movie
yoga or walking or breathing exercises
cuddling and/or talking with anyone who is supportive
eating favorite foods (I know it's generally bad advice to use food for comfort, but seriously you are already dealing with so much, humans are hard wired to take comfort in food, it's ok once in a while)15 -
deannalfisher wrote: »if you have a history of assault and don't like people touching you - that can be discussed with the hospital ahead of time - did you do any kind of familiarization with the hospital, or anything; get that kind of stuff annotated in your record
We are supposed to do the hospital visit next month. When we went to the second hospital my doctor delivers at, the nursing midwife and I had a fairly long conversation about it. She said they always have a female nurse midwife on the floor at all times, so even if the doctor covering that night is male, it won't be an issue, which made me feel somewhat better.
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Do you have a therapist or counselor you could go to? I would guess your lack of eating, sleeping, and stress from the pregnancy are carrying over to other parts of your life (really, not your fault - that's a lot for any person to handle!) and having someone detached from the situation to talk to might help you deal with the stress.6
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@elphie754 That has got to be hard. Being sick, exhausted mentally, physically and the pregnancy hormones are running amok in your body, plus anxiety over being touched can not help at all. Nothing wrong with venting here.
Sounds like you have a wonderful OB. A lot (not all) male doctors can be idiots. Are you able to meditate? I hate going to the dentist. So when I go, I try and meditate while they are playing in my mouth. This helps some with the anxiety. Not sure if it would be something that could help.
If you find you are missing a lot of work and are worried about getting fired. Talk to your HR department about getting paperwork for an FMLA leave. Your doctor can fill it out, and can say that you will be missing work on occasion do to a short term disability. Then your work has to work with you and can't fire you for missing days when you are in too much pain/sick to work. I had to do this with my second pregnancy. Was such a relief on the days I couldn't get out of bed.
Hang in there, you can make it through this.2 -
tcunbeliever wrote: »You didn't specify how far along in your pregnancy you are, but I'm going to assume 3rd trimester if you are having contractions...I have 3 children, it's been a long time since I was pregnant, but I do remember what it's like and I had 3 pretty easy pregnancies even though I pretty much wanted to die or kill someone most of the last month for each of them.
hospitals - good for you standing up for yourself, OB/GYN doctors can be very invasive and completely insensitive and far too often treat pregnancy like some kind of disease instead of the normal life process it really is...definitely don't agree to anything that makes you uncomfortable, and definitely insist on a female doctor if that will make you more comfortable...anything that stresses you out is going to stress out the baby...
work - you are in the USA, which means your job is protected for at least 12 weeks assuming you have worked there at least 1 year and have not maxed out your FMLA. It is very common for pregnant women to miss time during their pregnancy, this is not something you should worry about particularly if you are having pain and contractions...rest, hydrate, eat healthy, your body is doing a lot of work even when you are not doing anything.
home - it sounds like you have a supportive home life, of course they aren't going to abandon you when you are dealing with huge hormone issues and what sounds like a challenging pregnancy...everything you are feeling sounds pretty normal, melting down over nothing, being totally stressed out all the time, particularly since you are sleep deprived and in pain, these are normal reactions to the situation, even if they aren't fun to deal with, just know that this is totally normal and not out of the ordinary.
Things you can do - you need to get some rest and destress and try to remain calm, which I know is easier said than done. Try to do whatever will relax or comfort you.
have some chammomile or licorice tea
have a hot shower
watch a favorite show/movie
yoga or walking or breathing exercises
cuddling and/or talking with anyone who is supportive
eating favorite foods (I know it's generally bad advice to use food for comfort, but seriously you are already dealing with so much, humans are hard wired to take comfort in food, it's ok once in a while)
Just started my third trimester (25 weeks).
I've gotten used to having to stand up for myself in hospitals in the past, so in a way it comes naturally.
We are having a slight problem with FMLA and work. I worked for a company for almost 6 years. Last year, this started to go down hill with the company and they started losing hospital contracts for the NYC 911 system (I'm a paramedic). In February they sent out an email that the company officially filed for bankruptcy but that we all had 30 days. So we went to work that night thinking we had time. An hour into my shift we get an email that operations are to cease immediately and to return your ambulance to the corresponding base listed in the email. Thankfully the very next day the company that was taking over the 911 contract for that hospital hired us all. But it leaves a bit of an issue with FMLA. I originally had to go to the EEOC to file a complaint just to be given light duty (was given the option of working on an ambulance or quitting) so thankfully have a desk job for the time being.
Home is being supportive but I hate making them feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me.
Thank you for the suggestions. Been trying to find things I can do to take my mind off everything.0 -
Do you have a therapist or counselor you could go to? I would guess your lack of eating, sleeping, and stress from the pregnancy are carrying over to other parts of your life (really, not your fault - that's a lot for any person to handle!) and having someone detached from the situation to talk to might help you deal with the stress.
I actually do. I'm supposed to be on a combination of antidepressants and mood stabilizers (diagnosed as bipolar but have been stable for years on medication), but as soon as we found out I was pregnant, they had me stop them since the risk out weighed the benefit. Instead they put me on a medication that is typically an antihistamine, but also has anti anxiety properties. It's been sort of helping, but not the same.
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Do you think that writing your feelings down on paper could possibly help? I'm not sure if you believe in God or not but if you do I'm sure that a few scriptures may be able to uplift you. Or possibly while your taking a shower, take a few minutes to cry if you have to. For me it feels as though the pain and hurt is being washed away. I hope that you feel better. Being sad and pregnant is really hard, trust me I know for myself. I hope that you find something that helps so that you don't go into labor too early.8
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That's a lot to handle. I'm sorry. I ended up taking a month off BEFORE my second was born, because I was having prodromal labor from 10am to 7pm everyday.
Box breathing is what I do when I'm about to freak out like a volcano of crazy. It won't fix anything, but it's gives you space. And I second the journaling. Even just writing down all those negative thoughts and throwing that piece of paper away with makes me feel lighter.
We are here, anonymous internet support, if you need to drop your basket for a little while.1 -
No advice. Just a sympathetic ear and a hug.4
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akilia112010 wrote: »Do you think that writing your feelings down on paper could possibly help? I'm not sure if you believe in God or not but if you do I'm sure that a few scriptures may be able to uplift you. Or possibly while your taking a shower, take a few minutes to cry if you have to. For me it feels as though the pain and hurt is being washed away. I hope that you feel better. Being sad and pregnant is really hard, trust me I know for myself. I hope that you find something that helps so that you don't go into labor too early.
I think I will start writing things down. I actually felt somewhat better after writing my rant, so maybe a journal would help. I am religious but Pagan so scripture likely wouldn't help. Showers do sort of help-but I tend to end up spending hours in the shower relaxing. Thank you.3 -
Sending lots of hugs!1
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Hang in there Elphie! Rant away! Long showers help me too!1
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I do think journaling might help. It helped me a lot during my pregnancies. They were mostly easy, but I do often deal with irrational fears and that was worse when I was pregnant. Writing it down often helps to just get it out there. Hormones also suck, I never realized that until I was pregnant either. I'm afraid I don't really have much helpful advice, but do want you to know that you aren't alone and it is ok to vent.1
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So sorry you are having a hard time. My mom told me when she was pregnant with my youngest sister that it was really hard for her - she had 6 kids under the age of 10 and my dad worked two jobs and the last pregnancy was a difficult one. She said sometimes she just wanted to sit in the bathroom and cry (hard to do with only one bathroom and all those kids!). But she said what really helped was remembering that it wasn't forever and that the end result was well worth going through the hard times. That always stuck with me, such a great way to look at it.
Hang in there, you're strong and will get through it.3 -
That's a lot to handle. I'm sorry. I ended up taking a month off BEFORE my second was born, because I was having prodromal labor from 10am to 7pm everyday.
Box breathing is what I do when I'm about to freak out like a volcano of crazy. It won't fix anything, but it's gives you space. And I second the journaling. Even just writing down all those negative thoughts and throwing that piece of paper away with makes me feel lighter.
We are here, anonymous internet support, if you need to drop your basket for a little while.
Thank you. I have been trying calming breathing but only helps for so long.ladyreva78 wrote: »No advice. Just a sympathetic ear and a hug.Sending lots of hugs!queenliz99 wrote: »Hang in there Elphie! Rant away! Long showers help me too!
Thank you.I do think journaling might help. It helped me a lot during my pregnancies. They were mostly easy, but I do often deal with irrational fears and that was worse when I was pregnant. Writing it down often helps to just get it out there. Hormones also suck, I never realized that until I was pregnant either. I'm afraid I don't really have much helpful advice, but do want you to know that you aren't alone and it is ok to vent.I do think journaling might help. It helped me a lot during my pregnancies. They were mostly easy, but I do often deal with irrational fears and that was worse when I was pregnant. Writing it down often helps to just get it out there. Hormones also suck, I never realized that until I was pregnant either. I'm afraid I don't really have much helpful advice, but do want you to know that you aren't alone and it is ok to vent.
I honestly didn't think my hormones would make me this emotional, but was proven wrong. In the beginning I wasn't as emotional, but now it's driving me crazy.1 -
queenliz99 wrote: »Hang in there Elphie! Rant away! Long showers help me too!
Lol at least we don't pay for water or we'd be broke.So sorry you are having a hard time. My mom told me when she was pregnant with my youngest sister that it was really hard for her - she had 6 kids under the age of 10 and my dad worked two jobs and the last pregnancy was a difficult one. She said sometimes she just wanted to sit in the bathroom and cry (hard to do with only one bathroom and all those kids!). But she said what really helped was remembering that it wasn't forever and that the end result was well worth going through the hard times. That always stuck with me, such a great way to look at it.
Hang in there, you're strong and will get through it.
True. I keep reminding myself that I am more than half way there.3 -
Hi -- I struggle with intrusive anxious thoughts about my husband getting angry with me or him asking me to leave. One thing that has helped me a lot is going through a series of questions my therapist suggested, they're designed for helping anxiety based on jumping to conclusions. You may be familiar with them already, but I'm typing them below in case you haven't seen them. Please feel free to ignore if you aren't looking for tips. They've just been useful for me. Wishing you well.
1. How do I know for certain that ___ will happen?
2. Am I 100% sure that these awful consequences will occur?
3. What evidence do I have for this fear or belief?
4. What has happened in this past with this situation?
5. Am I psychic? How can I be so sure about the answer?
6. Could there be any other explanation?
7. How much does it feel like ___ will happen? What is the true chance that ___ will happen?
8. Is my negative prediction being driven by the intense emotions that I am experiencing?8 -
janejellyroll wrote: »Hi -- I struggle with intrusive anxious thoughts about my husband getting angry with me or him asking me to leave. One thing that has helped me a lot is going through a series of questions my therapist suggested, they're designed for helping anxiety based on jumping to conclusions. You may be familiar with them already, but I'm typing them below in case you haven't seen them. Please feel free to ignore if you aren't looking for tips. They've just been useful for me. Wishing you well.
1. How do I know for certain that ___ will happen?
2. Am I 100% sure that these awful consequences will occur?
3. What evidence do I have for this fear or belief?
4. What has happened in this past with this situation?
5. Am I psychic? How can I be so sure about the answer?
6. Could there be any other explanation?
7. How much does it feel like ___ will happen? What is the true chance that ___ will happen?
8. Is my negative prediction being driven by the intense emotions that I am experiencing?
Thank you for this. I think this may actually help me be more rational.
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I'm so so sorry you are dealing with so much stress! I'm glad it sounds like you have a supportive OB and home life. Even in the best of circumstances pregnancy is tough. L&D is especially hard!
Have you considered finding a doula? Having someone to support you during pregnancy and labor and have your back when things get tough and crazy could be a big help. Just one option to look into!
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SuperNerd42 wrote: »I'm so so sorry you are dealing with so much stress! I'm glad it sounds like you have a supportive OB and home life. Even in the best of circumstances pregnancy is tough. L&D is especially hard!
Have you considered finding a doula? Having someone to support you during pregnancy and labor and have your back when things get tough and crazy could be a big help. Just one option to look into!
No I haven't and really don't know much about them. Will look into it though. Thank you.0 -
tcunbeliever wrote: »You didn't specify how far along in your pregnancy you are, but I'm going to assume 3rd trimester if you are having contractions...I have 3 children, it's been a long time since I was pregnant, but I do remember what it's like and I had 3 pretty easy pregnancies even though I pretty much wanted to die or kill someone most of the last month for each of them.
hospitals - good for you standing up for yourself, OB/GYN doctors can be very invasive and completely insensitive and far too often treat pregnancy like some kind of disease instead of the normal life process it really is...definitely don't agree to anything that makes you uncomfortable, and definitely insist on a female doctor if that will make you more comfortable...anything that stresses you out is going to stress out the baby...
work - you are in the USA, which means your job is protected for at least 12 weeks assuming you have worked there at least 1 year and have not maxed out your FMLA. It is very common for pregnant women to miss time during their pregnancy, this is not something you should worry about particularly if you are having pain and contractions...rest, hydrate, eat healthy, your body is doing a lot of work even when you are not doing anything.
home - it sounds like you have a supportive home life, of course they aren't going to abandon you when you are dealing with huge hormone issues and what sounds like a challenging pregnancy...everything you are feeling sounds pretty normal, melting down over nothing, being totally stressed out all the time, particularly since you are sleep deprived and in pain, these are normal reactions to the situation, even if they aren't fun to deal with, just know that this is totally normal and not out of the ordinary.
Things you can do - you need to get some rest and destress and try to remain calm, which I know is easier said than done. Try to do whatever will relax or comfort you.
have some chammomile or licorice tea
have a hot shower
watch a favorite show/movie
yoga or walking or breathing exercises
cuddling and/or talking with anyone who is supportive
eating favorite foods (I know it's generally bad advice to use food for comfort, but seriously you are already dealing with so much, humans are hard wired to take comfort in food, it's ok once in a while)
Very good advice here. Except chamomile tea is actually on the "unsafe" list - so maybe a different tea.
Other ideas could be to take bath. I find it relaxing to turn on the shower, plug the drain, cover my face (except nose) with cloth and lay there as the tub fills. Perhaps you could get a pregnancy massage (either professional or from a partner) and see if you can get those muscles to relax a little. However, definitely watch your hydration levels!
Agreed don't worry about your SOs. Try to be kind, but also realize they DO know that you're in a stage of life where its not easy to control your emotions and will accept you for that. You could even talk to them about your worries if you're feeling up for it, just so they know what's going on with you.
And it does sound like your actual OB is very understanding, so try to put your trust in her. Do you have access to a midwife or a doula who could also offer support? Can you find a midwife or doula if you don't have one? Or even a friend who has used one. They may recall some of the good things that they were told during their pregnancies.1
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