Please help? (Non weight related relationship post but making me wanna eat!)
So this is stressing me out, and when I'm stressed I eat.
I'm a 31 year old RN. Two years ago I met a 32 year old doctor. Handsome, tall, intelligent, sophisticated. I fell for him hard. A few months in he told me I was too heavy. And too dark...that he only really liked blue eyed blondes. I was so in love with him that I kept sleeping with him. But lately I decided I deserve more.
I joined a gym. Reduced my intake of junk. Lost 8lbs. Felt good. Got asked out by another handsome doctor and have the date planned. But I still love the first doctor and probably always will.
So he found out I'm going on the date. At first blocked me on whatsapp then unblocked me and apologised. Chatted for a bit and then asked if I'd like to go out for a drink. I told him no as I have a date. He said leave me alone then so I said I will.
Problem is I adore this man. If I thought for a second he liked me I would go to him. But this has happened before. He told me he loved me once asked me to be his girlfriend (after interrupting a date I hate and threatening the guy).....the next day he acted like it hadn't happened. Went back to ignoring me.
What should I do? I feel like eating a huge pizza! Don't want this to derail me :-(
I'm a 31 year old RN. Two years ago I met a 32 year old doctor. Handsome, tall, intelligent, sophisticated. I fell for him hard. A few months in he told me I was too heavy. And too dark...that he only really liked blue eyed blondes. I was so in love with him that I kept sleeping with him. But lately I decided I deserve more.
I joined a gym. Reduced my intake of junk. Lost 8lbs. Felt good. Got asked out by another handsome doctor and have the date planned. But I still love the first doctor and probably always will.
So he found out I'm going on the date. At first blocked me on whatsapp then unblocked me and apologised. Chatted for a bit and then asked if I'd like to go out for a drink. I told him no as I have a date. He said leave me alone then so I said I will.
Problem is I adore this man. If I thought for a second he liked me I would go to him. But this has happened before. He told me he loved me once asked me to be his girlfriend (after interrupting a date I hate and threatening the guy).....the next day he acted like it hadn't happened. Went back to ignoring me.
What should I do? I feel like eating a huge pizza! Don't want this to derail me :-(
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Replies
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He's a controlling £(×%$tick and doesn't respect you; be done with him.13
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What he said ^^1
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agreed, that's full on abusinator material there.3
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Classic "I want you or no one else can have you.. But when I get you I'll lose interest because the challenge is over". I'll bet my left arm he'll do the same thing again if you go back to him. He doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a girl - friend (a pseudo girlfriend) who he basically uses as a real girlfriend when his in the mood but still wants his room enough to not have to deal with you round the clock. Just being blunt here Miss. My advice, you deserve better. However with matters of the heart.. well, only you can decided if this guys worth another shot.5
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_unsteady_ wrote: »So this is stressing me out, and when I'm stressed I eat.
I'm a 31 year old RN. Two years ago I met a 32 year old doctor. Handsome, tall, intelligent, sophisticated. I fell for him hard. A few months in he told me I was too heavy. And too dark ...that he only really liked blue eyed blondes. I was so in love with him that I kept sleeping with him. But lately I decided I deserve more.
I joined a gym. Reduced my intake of junk. Lost 8lbs. Felt good. Got asked out by another handsome doctor and have the date planned. But I still love the first doctor and probably always will.
So he found out I'm going on the date. At first blocked me on whatsapp then unblocked me and apologised. Chatted for a bit and then asked if I'd like to go out for a drink. I told him no as I have a date. He said leave me alone then so I said I will.
Problem is I adore this man. If I thought for a second he liked me I would go to him. But this has happened before. He told me he loved me once asked me to be his girlfriend (after interrupting a date I hate and threatening the guy).....the next day he acted like it hadn't happened. Went back to ignoring me.
What should I do? I feel like eating a huge pizza! Don't want this to derail me :-(
How the hell do you lighten up?
I must admit that also had me scratching my head. This dude's hilarious.0 -
_unsteady_ wrote: »So this is stressing me out, and when I'm stressed I eat.
I'm a 31 year old RN. Two years ago I met a 32 year old doctor. Handsome, tall, intelligent, sophisticated. I fell for him hard. A few months in he told me I was too heavy. And too dark ...that he only really liked blue eyed blondes. I was so in love with him that I kept sleeping with him. But lately I decided I deserve more.
I joined a gym. Reduced my intake of junk. Lost 8lbs. Felt good. Got asked out by another handsome doctor and have the date planned. But I still love the first doctor and probably always will.
So he found out I'm going on the date. At first blocked me on whatsapp then unblocked me and apologised. Chatted for a bit and then asked if I'd like to go out for a drink. I told him no as I have a date. He said leave me alone then so I said I will.
Problem is I adore this man. If I thought for a second he liked me I would go to him. But this has happened before. He told me he loved me once asked me to be his girlfriend (after interrupting a date I hate and threatening the guy).....the next day he acted like it hadn't happened. Went back to ignoring me.
What should I do? I feel like eating a huge pizza! Don't want this to derail me :-(
How the hell do you lighten up?
I was thinking the same thing. You can't change your skin or eye color (with the exception of colored contacts). He's always going to pick at what's "wrong" with you. It's awesome that you are taking those first steps by knowing that you deserve better. You have to ditch him. It will suck now, but you will be so much happier in the long run.2 -
Move on.
And the too dark comment. Wtf2 -
So this is stressing me out, and when I'm stressed I eat.
I'm a 31 year old RN. Two years ago I met a 32 year old doctor. Handsome, tall, intelligent, sophisticated. I fell for him hard. A few months in he told me I was too heavy. And too dark...that he only really liked blue eyed blondes. I was so in love with him that I kept sleeping with him. But lately I decided I deserve more.
I joined a gym. Reduced my intake of junk. Lost 8lbs. Felt good. Got asked out by another handsome doctor and have the date planned. But I still love the first doctor and probably always will.
So he found out I'm going on the date. At first blocked me on whatsapp then unblocked me and apologised. Chatted for a bit and then asked if I'd like to go out for a drink. I told him no as I have a date. He said leave me alone then so I said I will.
Problem is I adore this man. If I thought for a second he liked me I would go to him. But this has happened before. He told me he loved me once asked me to be his girlfriend (after interrupting a date I hate and threatening the guy).....the next day he acted like it hadn't happened. Went back to ignoring me.
What should I do? I feel like eating a huge pizza! Don't want this to derail me :-(
So, what is lovable about someone who tells you that you are too heavy, with the wrong skin, hair and eye color and acts like a jerk? Nothing you described makes him sound nice or like someone lovable.
You move on to someone healthier and nicer. Maybe get therapy to help deal with your emotional issues that cause you to abuse food and put up with crappy treatment.3 -
tl:dr sounds childish and immature.. who has time for games?2
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »OP, is the doctor Indian? The story sounds too familiar esp with the blue eyed blonde obsession.
Anyway, just tell him the carpets don't always match the drapes and he is an idiot (despite his doctoral degree) because only 10% of white women may be naturally blonde. 90% of what we see out there is definitely fake. I wonder what the naturally natural blondes feel when they see these impostors running around.... opinions sought!!
We're flattered others want to look like us?
But then I'm a freckly skinned blonde with brown eyes so imma weirdo1 -
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »OP, is the doctor Indian? The story sounds too familiar esp with the blue eyed blonde obsession.
Anyway, just tell him the carpets don't always match the drapes and he is an idiot (despite his doctoral degree) because only 10% of white women may be naturally blonde. 90% of what we see out there is definitely fake. I wonder what the naturally natural blondes feel when they see these impostors running around.... opinions sought!!
Haha no, he's Scottish. I'm half Indian but can pass for white. But my Indian dad always laments the fact I'm not 6ft blonde and blue eyed. But this guy is white, and said he thinks racial mixing is wrong :-/.
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Will reply to posts individually in the morning but just wanted to say thanks for everyone that posted. My colour has always been an issue to him, as I'm half Indian half white I have dark hair and eyes and olive skin. He also said he finds my very large bust "embarrassing". Yet one time I caught him looking at pawn and guess what hed searched for? "Busty curvy latinas". Not the tiny blue eyed blondes he supposedly lusts after.
I adore him, would have done anything for him, but taking care of me made me realise my happiness matters too1 -
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Will reply to posts individually in the morning but just wanted to say thanks for everyone that posted. My colour has always been an issue to him, as I'm half Indian half white I have dark hair and eyes and olive skin. He also said he finds my very large bust "embarrassing". Yet one time I caught him looking at pawn and guess what hed searched for? "Busty curvy latinas". Not the tiny blue eyed blondes he supposedly lusts after.
I adore him, would have done anything for him, but taking care of me made me realise my happiness matters too
What constitutes as very large bust? I'm a stickler for specifics.0 -
After
He chased me at the beginning. And initially said I was beautiful. A few months down the line he said he didn't find me attractive0 -
Apparently he is racist. But also a hypocrite.
With his porn search history I would say he sees "curvy ethnic girls" as sexual objects. Fun to use, but not acceptable to bring home to mom.
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
That's terrifying. I thought we had a monopoly in medicine and IT. This is the first Scotsman who isn't a bagpiper and while I'm happy for Scotland, it's looking like the end of the world as I know it.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »OP, is the doctor Indian? The story sounds too familiar esp with the blue eyed blonde obsession.
Anyway, just tell him the carpets don't always match the drapes and he is an idiot (despite his doctoral degree) because only 10% of white women may be naturally blonde. 90% of what we see out there is definitely fake. I wonder what the naturally natural blondes feel when they see these impostors running around.... opinions sought!!
Haha no, he's Scottish. I'm half Indian but can pass for white. But my Indian dad always laments the fact I'm not 6ft blonde and blue eyed. You're right, Indians are terrible for shadism. But this guy is white, and said he thinks racial mixing is wrong :-/.
You work in the kind of professional world where most men can be the weirdest of creeps. My wife briefly worked in a hospital before going into other domains and the kinds of stories I have heard are bizarre.... like corpse rapes, moving on unsuspecting patients.....
You should consider dating a banker or the friendly neighborhood fedex guy. Your Dad sounds like a wonderful man. I'd love to take him to the Norwegian spa in NYC and wait outside..... just kidding.
Seriously, you need to forget the Scot. Let him face his fate with a carpet some day that is dark and thick like a coir forest.
Hahahaha1 -
He's a douche. He will always be a douche. De-douche your life.3
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1.Manipulators suck.
2.Don't believe anything he says to you.
3.Drop it and don't look back.2 -
This guy sounds like a total zero. You deserve better.0
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Re: Cutaway_Collar "I would think Augustus would qualify for it. Just like scottish doctors like it, white like marble."
Bravo, sir. You've won this thread, and a fan.
I love good wit.1 -
1.Manipulators suck.
2.Don't believe anything he says to you.
3.Drop it and don't look back.
Thanks. I just had this fear that maybe he did actually like me. I mean it's been two years, who sleeps with someone for two years that they don't find attractive? Albeit on and off.
The weird thing is I only started losing weight when I accepted it was over. I could never lose weight before, even though that's what he wanted. I hated myself. I couldn't stand my reflection. I'd jealously gaze at blonde haired blue eyed white girls and wish I could be like them. Although I've been fat for a while my body shape (hourglass) means that I've never struggled for attention. I joined a dating site and at one point got over 1000 messages a day. I started dating a junior doctor that went crazy over me and said I was gorgeous and also a very senior doctor that always told me I was "such a beautiful woman". But nothing mattered. No one else's opinion mattered, only his. Only in the last week (since I discovered he had been dating someone while seeing me....a blonde blue eyed girl that didn't want to see him again) did I finally think this has to stop and as if by magic I lost weight. Because the self hatred and twisted knot in my stomach eased a little. Part of me is now angry at myself because I think why didn't I lose weight before? And part of me wants to see what happens.
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Sorry you have had to live through this.
You sound lovely - that guy has really missed out in life.
Thankfully you have seen through his nasty and controlling ways -you've written it all down and you know what he is.
You don't want pizza - and you don't want this man. Both look good and seem tempting...but both will leave you feeling bad. They are not what you need. You know this.
What you don't know: you will not always love this man.
That is certain.
You are a strong woman - and you will not feed this affection for him... so it will slowly shrivel and fall away.
One day you will hardly even remember him.
It is most likely that right now someone much better and much closer to deserving you is out there. You need to get free of this one and be ready for your real future. -One where you will be loved as you love.
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1.Manipulators suck.
2.Don't believe anything he says to you.
3.Drop it and don't look back.
Thanks. I just had this fear that maybe he did actually like me. I mean it's been two years, who sleeps with someone for two years that they don't find attractive? Albeit on and off.
The weird thing is I only started losing weight when I accepted it was over. I could never lose weight before, even though that's what he wanted. I hated myself. I couldn't stand my reflection. I'd jealously gaze at blonde haired blue eyed white girls and wish I could be like them. Although I've been fat for a while my body shape (hourglass) means that I've never struggled for attention. I joined a dating site and at one point got over 1000 messages a day. I started dating a junior doctor that went crazy over me and said I was gorgeous and also a very senior doctor that always told me I was "such a beautiful woman". But nothing mattered. No one else's opinion mattered, only his. Only in the last week (since I discovered he had been dating someone while seeing me....a blonde blue eyed girl that didn't want to see him again) did I finally think this has to stop and as if by magic I lost weight. Because the self hatred and twisted knot in my stomach eased a little. Part of me is now angry at myself because I think why didn't I lose weight before? And part of me wants to see what happens.
Wow. The mind of a female. Never ceases to amaze.1 -
1.Manipulators suck.
2.Don't believe anything he says to you.
3.Drop it and don't look back.
Thanks. I just had this fear that maybe he did actually like me. I mean it's been two years, who sleeps with someone for two years that they don't find attractive? Albeit on and off.
The weird thing is I only started losing weight when I accepted it was over. I could never lose weight before, even though that's what he wanted. I hated myself. I couldn't stand my reflection. I'd jealously gaze at blonde haired blue eyed white girls and wish I could be like them. Although I've been fat for a while my body shape (hourglass) means that I've never struggled for attention. I joined a dating site and at one point got over 1000 messages a day. I started dating a junior doctor that went crazy over me and said I was gorgeous and also a very senior doctor that always told me I was "such a beautiful woman". But nothing mattered. No one else's opinion mattered, only his. Only in the last week (since I discovered he had been dating someone while seeing me....a blonde blue eyed girl that didn't want to see him again) did I finally think this has to stop and as if by magic I lost weight. Because the self hatred and twisted knot in my stomach eased a little. Part of me is now angry at myself because I think why didn't I lose weight before? And part of me wants to see what happens.
I think you're being awfully hard on yourself. People like him prey on insecurities in others, and everyone has insecurities at one level or another.
One other thing - and I'm saying this gently, you keep mentioning over and over what others think of you. Well, your opinion of yourself is much more important.
Try being good to yourself, one day/moment at a time, for an extended period. You might surprise yourself.
One other thing, anecdotal. All 3 of my daughters (all adult now) went though periods where they claimed they just didn't feel complete without a guy in their lives. You do not need one to be complete. You're complete all by yourself, so get that cemented first. I bet you'll be glad you did.2 -
I grew up wishing I had straight hair, lighter skin, shorter, whatever. Until my sophomore year, there was a small percentage of minorities, and I was made fun of a lot for my looks. I didn't hate myself or where I came from. In fact, I loved having an Egyptian community outside of school and being able to tell stories of visiting extended family. I was annoyed of my looks though until one day I realized I could embrace it. I like towering over people when I hug, and Curly hair gives a lot of personality! It made me feel so sad when my friends did the long term straightner - it was always about "white" appropriation. My point is that what I am reading in your posts goes beyond the weight. The fact that you are willing to be with a guy who is obviously racist is a reflection of your self hatred culture/look wise. I really hope that I am wrong, but either way, keep working on self love and respect. You deserve it!0
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Odd though. I'm a nurse and work with doctors too. The male doctors are almost never single. And even if they are, which again is so rare, they definitely don't toilet where they eat. I've never known an unmarried doctor to fornicate with the underlings at work. I suppose it happened from time to time but if it did, it was kept very secret.Odd though. I'm a nurse and work with doctors too. The male doctors are almost never single. And even if they are, which again is so rare, they definitely don't toilet where they eat. I've never known an unmarried doctor to fornicate with the underlings at work. I suppose it happened from time to time but if it did, it was kept very secret.
Haha, this made me laugh. The underlings lol. I have only met one male doctor through work that has asked me out. A locum SHO whom I didn't fancy so politely declined. Rest of the doctors where I work are female, or male but like 100. Actually two registrars have asked me out. And one married reg that was my best friend until his wife found out...but was strictly platonic.
Aside from that I meet doctors at clubs and on tinder etc. Or through other doctors. For example one guy I met online but didn't fancy him, we became best friends though. Then his best friend tried hitting on me but I didn't like him, and he was sleeping with lots of nurses and hca's that he worked with. Then a friend of the best friend, a junior doctor, asked me out and we dated. Mostly meet then because we have these parties for health service staff. I have just realised something terrible. In the last three years I have dated a medical reg, an ED reg, 3 SHO's, a surgical reg, a consultant cardiologist, a consultant anaesthetist, a regular anaesthetist, an emergency med consultant, a surgeon, actually two surgeons, and a consultant gastro. Then a police sergeant, a lawyer, a managing director, and a carpenter that also taught karate. So 13 doctors to every 4 non doctors. I think I need to stop dating doctors. Only 4 were like regular human beings the rest were weird.0
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