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Kids weight issue?

Char231023
Char231023 Posts: 702 Member
I am putting this in the debate section because I would like to hear everybody's differing opinion on this subject.

A few year ago I had a neighbor who's 9 year old had a weight problems (maybe a candidate for childhood obesity but I can't be 100% sure as I didn't know her actual weight). The mother had suffered from anorexia when she was younger so she didn't want to talk to her daughter about her issue at the risk of her daughter developing an eating disorder (her words not mine). So she would limit her food when she could instead of talking to her about it. So when the daughter came over to play with my son she would ask for a rice crispy treat. I would give it to her knowing her mom would say yes but to only one. But then I would catch her sneaking another one when I was in another room. To me if she is already hiding the food when she eats, that is a problem.

What would you do in that situation?

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Replies

  • RachelElser
    RachelElser Posts: 1,049 Member
    You could talk to the mom about taking her daughter to a pediatrician so the child could have a healthy relationship with food, but that's about it.
  • Char231023
    Char231023 Posts: 702 Member
    Thanks Relser but they have moved away about six months ago. I guess the answers or opinions I was looking for (I didn't make it clear in the OP) is what do you think causes eating disorders or an unhealthy relationship with food?
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,454 Member
    Char231023 wrote: »
    Thanks Relser but they have moved away about six months ago. I guess the answers or opinions I was looking for (I didn't make it clear in the OP) is what do you think causes eating disorders or an unhealthy relationship with food?
    It starts with how a person view THEMSELVES. Lots of people who have disorders with food usually feel inferior to others. This usually leads to eating disorders to try to compensate for how they feel or what they may they think they are trying to achieve for acceptance, or just to feel good about themselves.

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  • mommarnurse
    mommarnurse Posts: 515 Member
    Anorexia in children is almost always caused by an extremely strict mother who doesn't allow personal choices or control over anything for the child. That ones been figured out. As for childhood obesity, I think it's much more complicated.
  • banpluak
    banpluak Posts: 11 Member
    The way I see this is a bit more simple in todays age. Many PARENTS are lazy in the kitchen and will feed their children with take away or unhealthy food as it is easier to do. Children then accept this as normal eating and their bodies become conditioned to wanting this type of food.

    Having said that there are far too many psychological causes that can start in children as well. Again this comes from parents with strange ideas about eating and body image. There are of course many other causes as well, but I feel that the role of the parents is often over looked.

    This is also not a slight or insult to all you parents out there either.It is just an unfortunate side product of today's society and the desire for immediate gratification, and time constraints. It is also just my opinion.
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    In the example you gave, maybe the mother hadn't talked to her child about it, but she had definitely exhibited behaviors that gave her child ideas about "good" and "bad." She could have said things like "I really shouldn't have had that second cookie" or "I look so fat in this dress," or she could have said "No, you can't have any more" in an angry or disdainful tone. Children pick up on these cues. Her daughter probably knew it was "bad" to eat too much, so she ate in secret so people wouldn't judge her for it. Because her mom hadn't really talked to her about it, she didn't understand WHY it was bad, just that it was.

    I think parents fight an uphill battle in teaching their children to be healthy these days. First, a lot of parents don't have any idea themselves, and kids mimic their parents' behaviors. A lot of parents are trying to lose weight themselves, so kids grow up around diet culture, which can impart unhealthy ideas about food. Food is readily available, and some kids are better than others at self-regulating. Then add on family dysfunction, unexpected trauma or death, instability due to financial situations, etc. and food can turn into a coping mechanism for a child very easily. I don't think there's simple things to we can pinpoint, but generally a combination of parental habits and attitudes toward food plus the child's environment can lead to eating disorders.
  • deputy_randolph
    deputy_randolph Posts: 940 Member
    I only allow my kids to have 1 treat a day. They have to make a choice about what that treat will be. Sometimes, they will pick the sugary cereal at school; sometimes they will pick a dessert at home. I feel that this approach does limit the amount of treats, but allows the kids to exercise some autonomy.

    My kids always fess up when they've had cereal and won't have a dessert. It's just not a big deal, b/c I don't make a big deal about it. On a couple of occasions, I've caught a kid sneaking a second treat (my kids are not very good at being sneaky). Again, I just haven't made a big deal about it and reminded them about the 1 treat "rule." In reality, I don't always have 1 cookie...sometimes I have 3.

    Kids' attitudes towards food are influenced heavily by their parents and parents' attitudes towards food.
  • leeannek1
    leeannek1 Posts: 16 Member
    Definitely talk to the mom. I can see your concern but some moms have these unspoken boundaries that they may not appreciate being crossed, especially that this is about their eating habits. Good luck!
  • RachelElser
    RachelElser Posts: 1,049 Member
    Char231023 wrote: »
    Thanks Relser but they have moved away about six months ago. I guess the answers or opinions I was looking for (I didn't make it clear in the OP) is what do you think causes eating disorders or an unhealthy relationship with food?

    ahhhhhhh, sorry I misunderstood. I think a variety of things can cause eating disorders- social pressure, peer pressure, family issues, how involved kids are in school and other activities. Some kids/people are more susceptible to outside pressures. What bounces off of one kid really sticks in the mind of another.
  • kenyonhaff
    kenyonhaff Posts: 1,377 Member
    Childhood obesity is not a simple matter...as for the kid sneaking food in your house, a simple, "If you would like a snack, please ask. I promised your mother you would have only one of those. If you are still hungry, I can offer you some (healthy snack)."
  • BrandiAnn66
    BrandiAnn66 Posts: 15 Member
    I was definitely a secret eater from middle school onward. I would grab something from the pantry and eat it in the bathroom. If I had an extra dollar on me, I would buy a candy bar and eat it on the bus on the way home.

    I don't really know why I did it, to be honest. I knew I would be told to stop because dinner was coming up or I just had a snack, but my parents wouldn't shame me. I did feel ashamed of myself, but it was self inflicted and I can't pinpoint an external source that made me feel that way.

    I still struggle sometimes. I definitely snack more when I'm home alone than if my husband is home. I don't really understand it, but I stick to my calorie goal and that had helped.

    This sounds a lot like my story, except that I know now that I had all kinds of anxiety issues from about age 3 on. I was relentlessly shamed by my dad and made to feel inferior to my cousins, who all look like Barbie dolls. I would sneak and eat anything and everything- even packs of barbecue sauce from McDonalds ( not on anything, I would drink it out of the cup). I still catch myself sneaking food. It has gotten so bad since my mom died that I can't go grocery shopping all at one time- I have to go every day or I'm going to eat it all!
    It sounds like the child op is talking about may have some sort of anxiety or suffered some form of abuse related to her weight. If the opportunity ever arises, op should talk to the mom about her sneaking and stealing food. Who knows- the child's mom may have been unintentionally been severely restricting food to the child.
  • mom22dogs
    mom22dogs Posts: 470 Member
    My mother had issues with weight and projected it on to me and my sisters. She would also buy snack cakes, chips and pop and wouldn't let us have any. We had to ask if we wanted anything between meals. So as we got older, we started to sneak food. We would find where she hid the candy/snacks and take one, sneak pop, etc because we weren't allowed to have any. This caused big issues for all 3 of us as we got older.

    I think a better approach is to have a few choices, and let your kids have a snack either after school or after dinner, so they know they will get to have something. It can't be all or nothing.
  • Elise4270
    Elise4270 Posts: 8,375 Member
    All of my kids snuck food. My oldest son at 2 would hide under the table to eat popcorn. My daughter ate cheese sticks in her room.

    They weren't forbidden from eating anything, or limited on the portions. I think some kids just like to be sneaky, or take advantage of being outside the home to eat.
  • __TMac__
    __TMac__ Posts: 1,665 Member
    I do worry about this because my husband and I are both obese. Our kids (20, 13, and 11, all living at home) are all at healthy weights. We've tried to focus on healthy bodies, with no discussion of appearances. They do know that I'm trying to eat healthy types and portions of food, and that I like to exercise, but I haven't framed it as "weight loss."

    They choose their own breakfast, lunch, and snacks (what and when) at home, but we don't keep junk around so they don't have many unhealthy things to choose from. I have a drawer in the fridge of snack baggies (fruit, cheese, guac, carrots, etc.). They can all cook at varying levels of expertise, so I'll sometimes walk in to find them happily noshing on homemade granola, quesadillas, or grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. They are never required to clean their plates, but do have to try everything.

    Friday is take-out and dessert day and there is always much discussion and pleasurable anticipation. We have a little sneaking at Halloween time, so I'm still not sure how to handle that.

    Who knows what will happen in the future, but we hope that by giving them the tools they need to make good decisions, and the opportunity to practice, they'll do that more often than not.
  • khaleesikhaleesi
    khaleesikhaleesi Posts: 213 Member
    As someone who did develop an eating disorder for a decade largely in part to a parents' criticism, I can say that at least she was dedicated to not passing that disorder along to her daughter. I am endlessly grateful that I have a son and my body image issues will statistically be less likely to influence his relationship with his own body.