Any 'child-free by choice' people out there?

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  • boog_hudson
    boog_hudson Posts: 9 Member
    I love this topic because I've never seen a post that promotes not having kids. I started saying I wasn't having kids when I was in high school and nobody took me seriously. Now I'm 33, married (to a husband who also doesn't want kids), and my family has come to terms with the fact that it's not going to happen. Fortunately my parents are great and my mom even calls our two dogs her "grandpups." I also enjoy spending time with my nieces and nephews. Then I enjoy sending them home! :laugh:
  • quixoticmantis
    quixoticmantis Posts: 297 Member
    Me too! It's great to know that there are others out there, I'm 27 and I hate the awkward questions.... Sometimes I feel like you arent really considered a woman unless you have a baby

    Nice to meet you!

    I could go on and on about the fact that society makes you feel like you're not 'truly a woman' unless you have children sometimes.

    There's a LOT of things that make me a VERY strong, independent, kick - butt woman and having a kid isn't one of them! Kudos to those who choose to do so, but I'm just sayin!
  • quixoticmantis
    quixoticmantis Posts: 297 Member
    Yes, and I agree with you that people look at you like you've got three heads in the south if you're unmarried and like you've got five heads if you don't have kids. Much less of that in the north. ;) I couldn't get out of Atlanta fast enough!

    It's almost like it's expected to follow the 'norm' in the south......grow up, get married, have 2.5 kids, be a housewife.....all that :)
  • quixoticmantis
    quixoticmantis Posts: 297 Member
    I am married and have kids, so obviously I can't join your group...But I wanted to tell you about a woman I used to work with. She and her husband also decided not to have kids and they started a wine club in their area to meet others who were child-free by choice. They had so much fun! Anyway, you can find other who are like minded, just keep trying.

    That is SUCH a good idea!!! Thanks!! Nice to meet you, btw! :flowerforyou:
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    ME! Hubby and I are definitely child-free by choice. When we first got married, we assumed we'd have kids. I limited that to one b/c I didn't want more. But after a couple of years of sometimes saying to each other, "Aren't you glad we don't have kids yet?" We started dropping the word "yet." Then we started asking ourselves if we really wanted children. Was there a rule somewhere that said we had to? No. So we decided not to. We gave it a lot of thought. Heck, I wish some parents would give their decision half as much thought. We are also in the "south." Most people seem OK with it. Every so often, we find someone who thinks it's weird or selfish of us. How is it selfish to NOT have kids when we don't want them in the first place? Wouldn't it be selfish to go ahead and have kids when we don't want them?
  • Kimbie500
    Kimbie500 Posts: 388 Member
    We don't, either. I always assumed I'd have kids and wanted several - lived in the country growing up and was very lonely. Hubby and I married young and put off procreation until we were both out of school. Then until we could afford them. (Yes, I know the whole "You'll never be able to afford them" thing - but it just didn't seem like the responsible thing to do when we could barely feed and clothe ourselves...) Then we had a "lifestyle" - I have a horse and would have to take time off from riding, DH was into golf and other time consuming hobbies, etc. The next thing you know, we've been married for 15 years and are in our mid-30's and still have no kids. I'm 40 now and can't see myself running after a toddler or getting up multiple times in the night for feedings, so I guess we've decided. Plus, my niece is about to make me a great aunt! One of my fears is that I'll regret it when I'm too old to do anything about it, but at this point, I'm happy that life can be all about me....
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
    oh and to top it off I am the only person on my team at work with no kids and most of theirs I could care less about so we are very limited on the small talk at work.
  • suzycreamcheese
    suzycreamcheese Posts: 1,766 Member
    ive got some, but i can totally understand why people wouldnt want them. Ive got a lot of friends who are child free.

    i think its a perfectly valid lifestyle choice, and as much as i love my kids, i cant say im not jealous of the childless sometimes
  • SarahofTwins
    SarahofTwins Posts: 1,169 Member
    I am married and have kids, so obviously I can't join your group...But I wanted to tell you about a woman I used to work with. She and her husband also decided not to have kids and they started a wine club in their area to meet others who were child-free by choice. They had so much fun! Anyway, you can find other who are like minded, just keep trying.

    Same here, cant join the group but wanted to say where ive been on both sides of the spectrum. I use to be against having kids till i met my hubby but that changed. Not everyone should have kids just because its the "norm" or the way society views it. Overall though as long as you are happy with your current situation thats all that matters :flowerforyou:
  • NoWeighJose74
    NoWeighJose74 Posts: 581 Member
    I'm 36 and married going on 9 years. We have no kids by choice.
    Our "kids" are our pets! :smile:

    I'm still too much of a kid myself to contemplate being charged with the care of one of my own.
    Besides, the world isn't ready for one of my devil-spawn.
  • nhgirl30
    nhgirl30 Posts: 52 Member
    My husband and I don't want kids either, in our home state of New Hampshire that choice was respected. Since we moved to Arkansas people judge me as abnormal for this. Am I abnormal because I know I don't have the money or desire to raise a child therefore take percautions to ensure I don't have one? I think more people should think about child rearing before they lie down, there are so many unwanted unprovided for children out there who deserve better.
  • mikki3
    mikki3 Posts: 63
    Me! I'm 41 and have been with my husband for almost 21 years, who also didn't want kids. Every once in a while one of us would ask the other "are you sure?" Neither of us ever said no. I love other people's kids, especially my fabulous niece and nephew, but never had the urge to have one of my own.

    It can be very difficult when meeting new people. It seems the first rule of small talk is to ask about the other's kids. I've been called selfish and told it was my "duty" to have children by complete strangers. Huh? Wouldn't it be selfish to have a child just to fit into society's norms? I've learned to answer the question with "I haven't been blessed with children. How about you?" spend the next few minutes listening and then try to steer the conversation to other topics.

    Feel free to add me!

    Cheers!
    Michelle
  • pumpkinmoccasin
    pumpkinmoccasin Posts: 316
    I'm 21 but my husband(28) and I have been married for 3 years and neither of us have ever had any desire for children. I can handle children in small doses but much prefer babying my dogs and my man. I'm also bipolar and the thought of having children when I can barely handle myself at times bothers me.

    I get a lot of pressure from my family and my in-laws to have children... My motto is "never say never" but neither of us can see ourselves wanting children within the next 10+ years
  • Athena413
    Athena413 Posts: 1,709 Member
    One more thought I had; How many people have children who shouldn't? When I look around, I would say clearly, 30% of parents should have been sterilized before they brought children into this world. Just think; you need a license to drive, own a business, cut hair, be a manicurist, a pharmacist, and just about any other profession, but any ill equipped, irresponsible, loser can have a kid. Maybe a license should be required for child bearing. Which to me is a the biggest responsibilty that there is. Just a thought.

    Amen!!

    I've been married almost 5 years, don't have kids, and don't really care for them.
  • frostiegurl
    frostiegurl Posts: 708 Member
    *raises hand* 40 years old and no children either. Granted, my boyfriend has three (one is out of the house and the other two are 15 and 18) but I don't want kids and he doesn't want anymore. Perfect. I do have some absolutely gorgeous and delightful fur babies, though. Sophie, Apollo and Luna (our kitties), Ambi (our dog) and Elric (my rat).

    I spend plenty of time mothering my fur babies and to be honest it's challenging enough to get a pet sitter we can trust when we want to get away for a period of time, I can't even imagine being limited as to what we can do if we had little ones.
  • Pierced
    Pierced Posts: 36 Member
    45 here and childless by choice. Had a few relationships end due to the fact they wanted kids and I did not. In my early 30's dated a man 6 years younger then myself that had 2 daughters every other weekend. That was ok but he wanted to add more too it, and I felt he need to take care of the 2 he already had. (call me crazy) :laugh:

    I travel allot with my work, so when meeting new people I get the question allot. And getting tired of strangers questioning my choices to be child free. When they ask why , I now reply I am not a fan. That shuts them up pretty fast, they are not sure how to respond.

    Been in the most productive relationship of my life for the past 8 years. He has a 14 year old son, when it's there weekend , that is there time to bond. We may have dinner or go to his sporting event. But I feel it's there time to be father and son. ( and my time to hang out with the girls:drinker: )
  • maryloo2011
    maryloo2011 Posts: 446
    Child free by choice (that I know of...) so far. Love babies, love kids and would love to experience being pregnant BUT do not have the desire to raise kid(s) on a daily basis. I love my lifestyle just that tiny bit more.

    I am close to 30, married 5 years now.
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
    I suppose I'm part of this group. I plan on tying my tubes if I'm not in love and married by 30 and I don't believe in marrying someone until at least 4 years together (for me personally) so it's pretty much a guarantee I won't have kids since I'll be 30 in 3 years.

    To be honest, I still like being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I'm also still a bit at the selfish stage of my life and would not be willing to put my needs second to my child.
  • catwrangler
    catwrangler Posts: 918 Member
    There are very few kids I like of any age, I'm sure I would have raised one I loved but didn't like. That's scary to me.

    I have 4 sibs, 2 with kids, 2 without. Guess which ones are happier?
  • elsham
    elsham Posts: 549 Member
    This is my kind of topic! I blogged about this about a year ago, and my opinion still stands:

    http://leylash.wordpress.com/2010/08/06/why-ill-pass-on-motherhood/
  • MedievalFreak
    MedievalFreak Posts: 55
    Me! My husband and I have been married for 3 years now, and still no desire for children. I'm a travel freak, and he's in the military, so with the constant moving, and deployments and what now, I think our lifestyle is perfect for us. And besides, when he's away for long periods of time, I LOVE the me time I get. I cant imagine how I would care for a child. I guess it's selfish of me, but you know what, I'm ok with that.

    I also am mature enough to admit that I'm still young, and my priorities may change over time, and who knows, I could decide to have a dozen of them. But at this point, I find that unlikely.

    On the flip side, I do like kids, and volunteer a lot of my time teaching at risk children art. It's all just a perfect fit for me.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    I just realized I'm wearing my Albert Fish "I like children. They are tasty." t-shirt. :embarassed:
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
    Not me but i have to say I have 2 awesome kids BUT I TOTALLY GET WHAT YOU ARE SAYING! Enjoy your lives.

    Children are a huge sacrifice. No one can EVER prepare you for it. Its an *kitten* whooping sometimes. I do not regret my children at all. Its just information people with kids dont ever want to say! Its the truth.
  • rob_base
    rob_base Posts: 97
    No kids here either, I have too much trouble taking care of myself and a dog....
  • katschi
    katschi Posts: 689 Member
    I'm child free and I've never been married so I deal with a double dose of being inferior in other people's eyes. :tongue:
    I knew from a very early age that I didn't want kids and I've never had a moment's doubt about it.

    I resent being called selfish for this choice as well. I think it was a very adult decision to not give in to societal pressure to have kids when I knew I wouldn't be up for the job.

    I'm told by quite a few married, male co-workers than I am envied for my lifestyle decisions. :happy:

    I hear this from almost everyone with kids ... "I love my kids but if I had to do it again, I wouldn't."

    I do regret not ever having found a life partner though. That part haunts me.
  • lizzil0
    lizzil0 Posts: 181 Member
    Another child-free one here!
    I'm 37 and have been with my man 10 years, we're not married and are not going to have kids. We own a restaurant and a dog and cat together, I feel like some people don't take our relationship seriously because we decided not to marry and have kids. I've got plenty of stuff going on in my life and love my free time (and money, and how I choose to spend it). There are enough people in the world as it is.
  • wlddove
    wlddove Posts: 85 Member
    I'm pretty sure I don't want to have any kids. Well, at least, I don't want to birth any kids. I'm still toying with the idea of adopting a couple older kids sometime. Lots of people tell me I'd be a great mom. I like babies. But I've worked in Child Protective Services and with kids who have been sexually abused...........and that's pretty much ruined me as far as being a mom. I'd like to at least be a wife though! Where's my freaking husband?! ;o)
  • erinkeely4
    erinkeely4 Posts: 408 Member
    I love kids! I'm a piano teacher, and I have 36 little students (and two adult students), and it's so much fun!

    However, I have no desire to have kids of my own. Maybe this desire will kick in a few years down the road... My mother and older sister both had no desire to have kids AT ALL, but then once they turned 28 the desire kicked in.
    I turn 27 this November, and 28 seems way to soon for me to want kids, if I end up wanting to have any at all. It's funny, because my mom always thought I'd be the first of her three daughters to have kids, since when I was a young teenager I used to say I wanted to have tons of kids (my imagined goal was 8 boys! Hahah!).

    My boyfriend and I both feel the same way, thankfully. We've been together for 3 and a half years. We both don't want kids, but also aren't ruling it out completely for later on.
  • Pink_turnip
    Pink_turnip Posts: 280 Member
    I'm still young, only 22, but neither I nor my boyfriend have any desire to have children. We both know we might change our minds one day, but that day is nowhere near.

    I have friends that not only think I'm crazy for not wanting children, but think that because I don't want children of my own (nor do I ooh and awww over a strangers child), I must hate every single child in the world.

    I am apparently a baby hater.
  • erinkeely4
    erinkeely4 Posts: 408 Member
    Another child-free one here!
    I'm 37 and have been with my man 10 years, we're not married and are not going to have kids. We own a restaurant and a dog and cat together, I feel like some people don't take our relationship seriously because we decided not to marry and have kids. I've got plenty of stuff going on in my life and love my free time (and money, and how I choose to spend it). There are enough people in the world as it is.

    Oh man. I relate to and agree with this so much!
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