husband sabotaging my efforts!

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  • vikinglander
    vikinglander Posts: 1,547 Member
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    AnAbsoluteDiva wrote: »
    I ignore all the stupid stuff my husband does. It's why we're still married.

    THIS!!! THIS!!! THIS!!! The key to asuccessful marriage, sooooo YES!!! AND....it goes BOTH ways!!!
  • flatlndr
    flatlndr Posts: 713 Member
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    AnAbsoluteDiva wrote: »
    I ignore all the stupid stuff my husband does. It's why we're still married.

    @AnAbsoluteDiva - Your wisdom - and possibly your patience - equals my wife's!
  • mitch16
    mitch16 Posts: 2,113 Member
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    Use your words--have you told him that you are dieting and that you find it difficult to resist cookies (or whatever)? If, after that, he still continues, then that kind of makes him a jerk, but are you really going to end your marriage over that? Above everything else, you really can't control the situation, you can only control your reaction to the situation--willpower over cookies, that is...
  • CatchMom11
    CatchMom11 Posts: 462 Member
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    Keep in mind that this is something that YOU are doing, not him. It took me a while to realize that just because I needed and wanted to do this for me, I can't expect everyone in my house to play along as well. As someone else said, this is the real world that's happening in your home. Just like outside your home, you cannot control what others do, just how you react to it.

    Also, pointing out that "He has about 10 lbs to lose himself but really can't be bothered with it" doesn't make you look good. It makes you come across as a petty child who, when they aren't getting their way, you start pointing out what the other is doing wrong. It's something that my children do. I'm certain that that's not who you are or how you normally act, but it is how it appears.

    I know this sucks because I was where you are once, but I realized that this is MY journey, and no one else's.
  • Commander_Keen
    Commander_Keen Posts: 1,179 Member
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    flatlndr wrote: »
    Commander_Keen wrote: »
    So he has no right to bake food, or have food that he likes, in the house just because his wife is on a diet? Sounds like a pretty crappy way to have a marriage.

    And you would be the person, who would drink a keg, in front of the friend who trying to quite drinking.. Great friendship you would have.[/quote]

    I sat in a pub yesterday with two friends for two hours ... they had beer, I had water. My problem, not theirs. [/quote]

    And your in AA? If not, then who cares
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
    edited January 2017
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    jemhh wrote: »
    Give the guy a break.

    This is something brand new you are doing. It will take him time to adjust, especially if you have a history of going on and off diets. Take responsibility for yourself instead of accusing your husband of sabotage.

    This 100%. You are doing this for you. My wife is super skinny and can eat straight lard if she wants and not gain a pound. It's not her job to change her life to make my life easy. If I'm going to do this, I'm going to claw, scrape and most importantly learn to pull my big boy pants up and eat right. I also know that one cookie isn't going to kill my diet, the biggest thing is to learn portion control and just self control. Life isn't going to bend to your diet, you have to have the willpower to do it.

    You got this, now continue to dominate, and if you by chance did have one of those cookies then just walk a little further or a little harder and continue!
  • TorrizzleWillSizzle
    TorrizzleWillSizzle Posts: 119 Member
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    As most other people have said, you have to have the will power to make the change. My husband still gets his snacking and junk food and I just leave the room :) I know that my walking away from his junk food is better for me. He does support me though which is nice. Your husband may not realize that its upsetting you. Talk to him about it.
  • AnAbsoluteDiva
    AnAbsoluteDiva Posts: 166 Member
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    melto1989 wrote: »
    If you have kids, there's no avoiding the junk food in the house. Grandmas always buying all sorts of treats I need to resist. You just need to say No in any circumstances.
    Just yesterday my kids were given a giant box of malteasers and my son kept offering them to me I had to resist

    Say what???? Please don't let my kids or grandkids know.
  • RachelElser
    RachelElser Posts: 1,049 Member
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    This is something a lot of people who make any lifestyle change deal with. You have to remember YOU decided to change, HE did not. He isn't sabotaging you, he's living his life exactly as he was before. Sure, it's a lot easier when two people decide to change together, but that's not what happened.
    As for the cookies, did you expect him to ready your mind? You couldn't speak up and say "actually, if you don't mind I'd prefer we take X instead?" And I assume those cookies weren't the only unhealthy thing at the pot luck.
    You will be a lot less frustrated if you remember that you can't control other people's actions, just how you react to those actions.
  • aflane
    aflane Posts: 625 Member
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    It's not your husband's job to police your food or to restrict what is being made for a potluck -- it's your job to stand strong.

    My husband does the opposite... he tries to help me monitor allergy foods when we go out to eat. I must constantly remind him that my allergy foods are MY PROBLEM, not his... and not the waiter's. If I'm going to break out in hives from some jambalaya, then I can't complain about it. The same goes for calorie counting/watching -- MY PROBLEM, not his.
  • SkinnyGirlCarrie
    SkinnyGirlCarrie Posts: 259 Member
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    A couple of things here that others have touched on -
    He was making the cookies to take to pot luck, not to feed you with.
    Did you tell him it would be too hard for you to resist and therefore could not chop the nuts?
    Sounds like you may not be fully communicating to him. BTW, sabotage would really be that he made your favorite cookies and followed you around with them and picked at you until you ate them. Then he spoke meanly about what you were trying to accomplish and keeps shoving food you are trying not to eat at you. Unless you left out a lot, it sounds like he is just living life as normal. Maybe you need to talk to him a bit more, but you may need to level set in your head first.
    If you are choosing a specific diet to meet your needs, that's great, you do you, but he can still do him.
  • moesis
    moesis Posts: 874 Member
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    Here's the deal, your husband is not responsible for what you eat. If you would like him to be more supportive you need to help him understand why and how he can be more supportive. Don't expect him to magically have all kinds of knowledge on what you are trying to do without informing him first. Bottom line, your body = your choices.
  • Gamliela
    Gamliela Posts: 2,468 Member
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    Welcome!

    I find all the people in my family are mostly thinking of themselves most of the time. Everybody is mostly thinking of themselves and their stuff in their heads most of the time. You just have to work around it and be happy in yourself.
    Eat what you need to and they won't even notice until you drop a lot of weight and suddenly they will start commenting and take it out of you! Trust me, just stay on your path, look neither left nor right and all will be well.

    There is a lot of support here on mfp, mostly its good. You can do this!
  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
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    Communication is key! Have you actually had a conversation with him about this and asked for his support for the next 3 weeks of hormone reset and then the months to follow doing myfitnesspal to lose the rest of the weight?

    It sounds like you haven't let him know what you need or expect from him. You also have the power- you could have refused to chop the nuts, or told him before he started making the cookies that you want him to make/bring something healthier.

    Stand up for yourself and also give him a chance- I'm sure he will try to be supportive if you let him know what you need and give him some guidance.
  • DancesWithDogz
    DancesWithDogz Posts: 107 Member
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    You need to explain to him what you are trying to do. Mine is really bad..he'll go grocery shopping and bring home the crappiest food ever (fries, pizza pops, muffin mixes, chips, pepsi...) I'll come home from work, and the house reeks of grease.. he's made fish and chips "hey honey, I made dinner...!" UGH... now, I appreciate the gesture, but I have to tell him... I'm choosing not to eat grease, my dear...thanks anyway - and I make some chicken and rice, or whatever. I have heard... now I don't know how true this is...but I've witnessed it.. some men, bring home crap, and order pizza's, and bake cookies in order to keep their wives a little heavy, to be sure no other men find them attractive. I know it sounds insane, but it makes a lot of sense in some cases. They bring home pizza, or chinese, and turn it into a romantic evening.. (look how nice I am...you don't have to cook tonight honey).... just a little too often... Just kindly put your foot down, and make sure you are doing most of the cooking, and baking - and dont order out...may not seem fair...but keep in mind it's for YOU. and YOUR success.
    PS - mine is improving...he usually asks now "i'm making myself a pizza pop...do you want one?" I just politely say, "no thanks"..end of story
  • faramelee
    faramelee Posts: 163 Member
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    xRezin wrote: »
    My wife makes it very very difficult for me to watch my weight as well. And I got all the way up to 285 pounds, and then very very careful over the course of the next two years and got down on the 180ish.

    She slowly introduced junk food and stuff back, and I climbed back up to about 235. Managed to stop and get down to 190 again.

    But here we are same crap again. Nothing but junk food coming into the house and I'm back up to 203 already.

    Many of you can have support, but take it from me... Weight loss journey is when you are truly alone on. Even if they TRY to be with you, you are still alone.

    @xRezin Be accountable for yourself - don't blame your wife. See how @gcibsthom deals with the same thing in an earlier comment here.

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