"I want to get in shape, unless it requires effort..."
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I think one important thing to keep in mind is that a lot of people become overweight over a long period of time. It's often the result of increasing responsibilities in their lives getting in the way, and sometimes medical issues as well. They don't realize how small changes have added up over time, they simply go through a sudden "wow, I've really gained weight" moment.
When you already feel overwhelmed by everything you have going on, the idea of having to take on one more daily task (counting calories) and one more thing to organize (planning meals/macros) can seem like too much. It's especially overwhelming to people who know they aren't making the best choices, but also know they are making those choices because they can't find the time to make better choices (think eating out/take out vs cooking at home).
The process of weight loss is a learning endeavor for everyone. And like any other skill you learn, you need to have the time to practice to get good at it. That means having time to learn about food tracking, figuring out what approach to food works best for you, figuring out how much activity you need, what activity you prefer, scheduling time to do it....a lot those things can be obstacles for people.
I think those actually tend to be the real stumbling blocks for people which derail them. The "eat less, move more" is great in theory, what many people are looking for is someone to help them look at their individual situation and figure out how to implement it. Unfortunately, I think that often gets read as "they don't want it badly enough." It takes some people longer to process everything and be able to see it in a way that is possible in their lives. I figure if people are asking questions, it's because they are trying to learn more and make a change, and that's a good thing.23 -
Assuming this guy is going to the gym and actually working out, he is putting effort into fitness. Also, on the same assumption, he is probably somewhat fit, what he is not, I am guessing, is thin. There is a difference between thin and fit, and one is not required for the other. I agree it's weird he keeps asking though.1
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I get this too. It does get old. People ask what I do....then say they cant eat like me, they need real food. Apparently donuts and nachos are real food and salad is not! LOL6
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I remember when I was on the other side of this and I didn't want to change.
It seemed too hard and when I'd lost weight before I restricted myself terribly and the idea of doing that again for however long was depressing.
Eventually, I realized losing weight doesn't have to be this horrible thing. I think a lot of overweight/obese people live under this false assumption that in order to lose the weight they have to eat 'clean'.
Actually the guy who asked me isn't really in bad shape, he lifts and does cardio regularly. He is just nearing 50 and has lost his "edge" (as he put it) - he said his wife misses his 6 pack, lol. It really wouldn't take a lot of effort for him to drop 10-15 lbs if he was willing to do it gradually between now and the spring/summer, just a small caloric deficit every day.0 -
Well I'd guess that's the answer right there. His wife misses the 6-pack...he doesn't! Maybe seeing your 6 pack (assuming you have one) reminds him of some comment she made and spurs the question. I hope he doesn't ask next year, maybe his wife will be nicer in 2017!5
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I think those actually tend to be the real stumbling blocks for people which derail them. The "eat less, move more" is great in theory, what many people are looking for is someone to help them look at their individual situation and figure out how to implement it. Unfortunately, I think that often gets read as "they don't want it badly enough." It takes some people longer to process everything and be able to see it in a way that is possible in their lives. I figure if people are asking questions, it's because they are trying to learn more and make a change, and that's a good thing.
I felt like he lost interest when my solution required him to do something different. He wasn’t like “how do you track calories?”, “how big of a deficit do I need to have each day/week?”, “how long do you think it would take me to lose X pounds?”, there was no real follow up. He disengaged after I told him my “secret”, it was almost like he felt he had committed to making an effort to reach out to me, heard something that he didn’t feel was worth attempting, and then moved on. He is an extremely bright guy (I have had work dealings with him over the years) and could easily crunch the numbers if he decided that was what he wanted to do.
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The 'I don't have time thing' resonated with me. It doesn't take time to eat in deficit, certainly much less time than working out endlessly.
As simple as 'losing weight mostly happens in the kitchen', people just don't buy in and want to spend money on something 'easy'.
Its a vicious cycle and I don't see things changing any time soon. The new generation is being bombarded by all sorts of ridiculous information.8 -
GottaBurnEmAll wrote: »CharlieBeansmomTracey wrote: »my sister is the same way,she tells me" I cant do what you do" I said what count calories,weigh your food and get exercise in? she thinks Im on some restrictive diet when I tell her I still eat things I like,I just dont overdo it, she says" I just love food too much".yet she is always crying and whining about being fat(her words not mine). she will also do whatever it is she does to lose some weight then she goes right back to gaining it back and then some. I told her it gets easier once you do it for awhile and its not as hard as it sounds. I guess she just isnt ready.
My sister said those exact words to me. She used to be a Weight Watchers leader. She understands how weight loss works, but I guess deep down, she's just not willing to eat less and is convinced that there's some way to hack her body now.
She's doing some weird food combining thing that tries to make you think you can eat as much as you want as long as you eat it in the right combination.
the funny thing is she will ask me time and time again how to lose it. i tell her and its like" I cant do that I dont have time" if you have time to run the roads you have time to workout lol.for her though she would start losing weight and not see the results(mainly her belly fat) she wanted and give up. her issue is she needs surgery because she has muscle separation where she had kids but hers goes both ways(up and down and side to side separation). drs told her its bad enough she would need surgery. so she just decided if she cant lose the belly then its not worth it.0 -
How many of us were that person at one point though?
It took me 15 years of trying to lose weight to just start counting calories. I was resistant and confused. I tried lots of other things. I did think it would be too annoying or time consuming probably because so many diets and programs promise big quick results. I was wrong. Calorie counting is the easiest, safest thing I've done for weight loss and the most effective. I even prelog my whole day of meals every morning in under 15 minutes.
Hopefully that guy will actually give it a try someday. I'm sure glad I did.
I was not really that other person though. the last few times I lost weight I didnt even try,but I always gained it back and that was before I understood why. Then I became proactive about losing the weight,I got tired of being out of breath,no stamina,etc. so I said enough is enough.I am not a person who would "diet" to lose weight. this is the first time I really have "dieted" to lose the weight.This time I am really making the effort. before I didnt really have to think about it or even log/weigh food.I never did WW/NS/etc or any fad diet out there.0 -
Sounds like how I used to be. I'd admit to being lazy all day long (still am) but you could never convince me that I was overeating. It was my metabolism, genetics, lack of time to work out, anything except overeating that was causing my problem. When I started counting calories and saw immediate results, it was like I stumbled onto some black magic or something because there was just no way EATING LESS could help me lose weight, and it was SO MUCH EASIER AND FASTER than beating the hell out of myself at the gym for no results.
That was my brain as a fat person. I don't know how I rembered to put on pants every day with that kind of thought process.9 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »A secretary in my office is the same. She's asked me three or four different times what I'm doing. I've given her the exact same answer every single time. She's made minor changes for a short amount of time, then goes back to her old ways. Not sure why she keeps asking.
She keeps hoping you'll say something like "I learned this one weird trick to burn belly fat"9 -
I understand completely. My little sister packed on the Freshmen 15+, and she talks of eating dark chocolate and drinking apple cider vinegar and other unnecessary weight loss stuff that she's heard about. I told her that I am proof of CICO and that having lost and kept off 60ish lbs, I do have some idea of what I'm talking about. On top of that, I told her that as her sister, she can trust that I'm not out to sell her anything based on woo. Still, my words go in one ear and out the other.
She also makes weird assumptions about my weight loss based on her beliefs of what weight loss and management requires. For instance, she mentioned possibly cutting more meat out of her diet for ethical/health reasons and showed some surprise when I expressed no interest. Apparently, I eat like a bird??? She's not the only one. Many people assume I cut out stuff to stay the weight I am.
It takes effort and knowledge, not random woo or tricks, to reach *any* goal in life.6 -
I simply ask people "what's stopping you?" when they say they cannot do what I do. Like I am doing something special? I log my food, I exercise, I eat donuts ... apparently, it's the donuts that does it! They don't understand how I can eat donuts and yet maintain my weight loss. Their eyes glaze over when I mention logging food and heaven forbid - exercise!2
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I work in a staff canteen and am presently listening to all the Jan/Feb weight loss resolutions re: fad diets and woo. They are telling me how they are cutting out cheese/cake/sugar/carbs/fat. They are all looking for validation that their diet is right.
When I tell them I lost 30 pounds with MFP by CICO and a little extra exercise they look at me like this...
http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6132/6004089788_66e4a11248_z.jpg
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I've learned that there are a lot of people out there who would rather make excuses than actually follow through with what they "want." I see it about losing weight, career advancement, learning a new skill etc etc. I wish people would say "it's not a priority to me right now" instead of "I don't have time." I gained back my weight but I was very aware that my diet and workout routine weren't a priority to me at the time- I was hyper focused on my career and getting my financial life in order. Now it's a priority again so I make time for it.
It just makes me so so so sad. There are so many people out there who you can tell really want something but for whatever reason don't feel empowered to go for it. Most of the time it's well within their grasp but again, it's easier to make excuses and blame external factors than actually go for it.3 -
My flatmate, my flatmate does this constantly. My bf works training Olympians and future Olympians and even he couldn't get through to my flatmate.0
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all of these reasons is why I stopped answering the question, how did you do it a few months back. I am pretty sure most adults with a few working brain cells can figure out how to lose weight. When someone asks now I just look at them and smile. If they really want to know the answer they will ask sincerely and actually listen. Otherwise, I think it is just something that people say after they see that you have lost weight. Most do not really want to hear that I exercise and monitor what I eat.3
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I'd love to have co ed locker rooms.Bry_Lander wrote: »The other day I had the same early January conversation in our workplace gym locker room with the same person, regarding the same topic, for probably the third time in the last 5 years.
Him: “Hey, what do you do to stay in shape?”
Me: “It is mostly through my diet, I try to eat a set amount of calories and a minimal amount of protein each day”.
Him: Blank stare. “I don’t see how I can do that every day, I don’t have the time.” (As if I am just some free-spirit who is unburdened by a full time job, kids, etc.).
Me: “It doesn’t really take that long once you get used to it, you can probably do it in 15 minutes a day”
Silence.
Apparently it is too much of a bother to track calories, so this guy just goes on year after year working out consistently every week and never sees any changes. I don’t understand how he can have the discipline to regularly go to the gym and exercise but not to attempt to get his diet under control. The gym is full of them. I have a feeling we will have the same brief, awkward conversation in January 2018 or 2019, lol…
People look for the easiest and minimal effort in most things. Unless it's something they are really interested in achieving, they look for advice that will give them the easy way.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Bry_Lander wrote: »I think those actually tend to be the real stumbling blocks for people which derail them. The "eat less, move more" is great in theory, what many people are looking for is someone to help them look at their individual situation and figure out how to implement it. Unfortunately, I think that often gets read as "they don't want it badly enough." It takes some people longer to process everything and be able to see it in a way that is possible in their lives. I figure if people are asking questions, it's because they are trying to learn more and make a change, and that's a good thing.
I felt like he lost interest when my solution required him to do something different. He wasn’t like “how do you track calories?”, “how big of a deficit do I need to have each day/week?”, “how long do you think it would take me to lose X pounds?”, there was no real follow up. He disengaged after I told him my “secret”, it was almost like he felt he had committed to making an effort to reach out to me, heard something that he didn’t feel was worth attempting, and then moved on. He is an extremely bright guy (I have had work dealings with him over the years) and could easily crunch the numbers if he decided that was what he wanted to do.
I wonder though what his idea of counting calories is? Years ago 1200cals was the number touted whenever you heard counting calories (this was a thing with me which I did and lost weight). I didn't understand tdee - now, I'm almost embarrassed to say that because that part of the equation was always there, I just didn't "get" it plus back then I had to flick through a little book to get calorie counts of foods - tedious (although I find these days the technological simplicity of an app tedious too - spoilt brat I am when is the diary going to mind read?). I find, even this many years later people still assume calorie counting is some form of VLCD. Understanding I had a range to fall within whereby I could lose weight on cake eating or not cake eating days was a game changer among other things...4 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »“I don’t see how I can do that every day, I don’t have the time.”
i get a fair bit of that over bike commuting. i just keep the neutral face and agree that it doesn't fit in with everyone's life. because it doesn't. and because bottom line, it really doesn't matter to me if anyone else does or doesn't, so they're talking back to the wrong choir anyway. ain't me they're 'arguing' with, whatever they think.
what i used to notice in myself, back in the day, was that their defensiveness somehow put me on the defensive too, because it made me feel like they were dismissing/belittling me in some way by telling me all about how they couldn't [fill in the blank] like i do. now that's a loop, and a really dumb one.
now i'm just, meh. way too many of these kinds of discussion seem like they're more just arguments between the respective voices in everyone's head.7 -
Rachel0778 wrote: »She invited me over for dinner tonight. She said she made boneless/skinless chicken breast, brown rice and steamed broccoli "just for you!" Ummm.... OK. But I hope to hell you don't think I've eaten like that every day for the last 2 1/2 years. I prefer chicken thighs with extra crispy skin, white rice pilaf and broccoli with a little butter or cheese sauce.
*Gag* Please tell me she added spices/seasonings at least? I'm all for healthy food, but I hate it when people equate healthy food with bland food.
I won't be eating there until later tonight. But things aren't promising. When I went there for a cookout this summer the grilled chicken was cremated and the asparagus cooked to mush. I loathe overcooked foods. Boneless skinless chicken takes a bit of skill to cook properly and there is a general tendency in the midwest to cook things into oblivion, then cook 5 more minutes "just in case."
This reminds me so much of my mother. She brought me up on boneless, skinless, chicken tenders charred black on both sides by our gas grill "to kill the worms". I cooked her and my father a perfect medium-rare leg of lamb for dinner last night and she promptly put her portion into the microwave and turned it into shoe leather. Old habits die hard, I guess.3 -
It seems to me (based on observation and conversations with the many serial dieters I know) that many people actually seem to WANT it to be more complicated than it really is. Gives them a good excuse to not do it if it's really taxing and they can reason their way out of having to change. It's also a way to save face if/when they fail to stick with it. When you set yourself up to do something really difficult or even near impossible, it's easier to excuse failure, but if you fail at something simple, it's embarrassing. Many people have asked me what my "secret" is, and they look at me with blank stares when I tell them the straightforward concepts of eating less, moving more. They are convinced that I'm special or lucky. I hear that a lot - I'm lucky.
Many people are comfortable with the status quo, even if the status quo is kinda crappy. Even if they aren't happy with it, it's what they know, and it's somehow safer than change. I don't think people actually succeed at this kind of thing until they are fully ready. A dedicated mindset is the most important part. You either see it as a priority and make time and effort for it, or you don't. Most of the "dieting" I see people doing is so gimmicky and really looks like fooling around to me. It's amazing how much thought, research, energy and effort people will devote to various other aspects of their lives, but they just can't/don't/won't carry it over to health/fitness. Oh well.
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I think of calorie counting as a super useful tool. But there are lots of people who lose weight and are healthy without calorie counting. I expect in my journey I'll be intermittently returning to logging, and I think of it as a lifelong effort. But I also expect there to be periods i between where I just maintain and live healthy and listen to my body.
Last fall I sort of gave up with the weight loss. I decided to just eat whatever I want for a few months. When I checked in again after that, I had managed to lose a pound. Now i'm back on the wagon with the logging. I think the calorie counting is super useful, but what's more useful to me is seeing *patterns* when I log.
For example, my Starbucks order is 267 calories. I didn't think that was so bad if I decided to just have that and a small bit of food for breakfast, since it kept me at a reasonable calorie count. But when I started logging religiously, I discovered that on the days I had Starbucks in the morning instead of my normal mug of coffee at home, I was STARVING at lunch (because of the sugar cash) and struggled to remain under my allotted calories for the rest of the day. When I had my mug of coffee at home with no sugar and whole milk, it was only a few calories less, but I felt stable for the rest of the day.
Anyway, I'm always noticing new patterns like this, and it's making it easier to reform my habits. But again, I thin of calorie counting as a useful tool - not the end all solution.
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I was at one of my good (overweight) friends house eating potatoe chips and she says to me (word for word)
"God, I wish I had your metabolism"
Me: actually, I saved some calories this week so I could eat more tonight so I could enjoy hanging out with you and not worrying about what i ate.
Friend: seriously? You had to do that all week? I'd rather be fat!8 -
Asher_Ethan wrote: »I was at one of my good (overweight) friends house eating potatoe chips and she says to me (word for word)
"God, I wish I had your metabolism"
Me: actually, I saved some calories this week so I could eat more tonight so I could enjoy hanging out with you and not worrying about what i ate.
Friend: seriously? You had to do that all week? I'd rather be fat!
My favorite is "you're lucky that you're skinny" (seriously, "skinny"? Not "fit" or "in shape"? Awful). Lol, let me get some family albums and let's take a walk through my family tree, and I will share all of the stories of obesity, hypertension, type 2 diabetes, cancer, heart disease, etc. I'm not "skinny" because I won the genetic lottery or because I have an amazing metabolism and can eat everything in sight without consequences, it is because I methodically plan to be this way and work hard.5 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »He also asked me if I eat things that are "fattening". I told him I do all of the time, I either allow for them by eating less of other things, exercising, or just accepting that I am going to exceed my caloric limitations that day and move on with life. Then he asked about eating late in the evening. I told him it didn't matter, as long as he ate within his limits it really doesn't matter when he eats.
He looked really unenthused about all of this, I think he just wanted me to pull a bottle of magic pills out of my gym bag and say "I take one of these each day and they magically make me fit!"
I swear we work together and you're talking about one of my co-worker/good friends.
I've got nothing to add to the conversation because what you're saying is copy and pasted right out of my buddies playbook and our conversations.2 -
KatzeDerNacht22 wrote: »Awww I'm sad people find brown rice and steamed broccoli dull... I do enjoy that stuff.
They're not doing it right!
I love em myself 
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One of the things that always gets me is that after having kept a lot of weight off for a few years, heavier members of the family kind of ignores the fact that I had the highest bmi for years.
They've never tried cutting down portions because "they love food" too much, never tried eating more veggies in different ways because "they're gross", and think you have to "eat clean" all the time to have the best body you can. I was in that position until I started counting. They seem to think it all came naturally.
This thanksgiving season, one of them honestly asked me what I thought "those super healthy Instagram fitness people" are for Thanksgiving. I said they would basically eat the same thing, got a dirty look and a no way.1 -
I don't count calories I'm not fat - it called actually sweating at the gym, increasing your heart rate and muscle failure. People have no idea what it really means to work out.4
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KatzeDerNacht22 wrote: »Awww I'm sad people find brown rice and steamed broccoli dull... I do enjoy that stuff.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all of those things. I just also enjoy them well seasoned and prepared (and not dull and dry) 4
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