A Hurtful Comment.
Replies
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It sucks that this happened to you but remember, there are people out there like these guys that are simply *kitten*. You'll probably never see them again, so why let them ruin your day(s)? Overweight people have been targets of jokes and ridicule forever. Try not to let the comment impede your progress. Stay positive!! Negative thoughts have no place and should have no power over you. Dwelling on the harsh comment allows these two boys to have that power. They aren't worth it.
YOU, on the other hand, are beautiful and are doing amazing things. Kudos for going to the gym. Do you know how many overweight people won't go because they are afraid of being embarrassed? At my former gym, I once had a couple of the "gym rat bodybuilders" make a comment to me because I had to go into their area to use one of the machines. It hurt, but in my mind I flipped them the middle finger and moved on. Do the same if it ever happens to you again, which I sincerely hope does not.
I DREAD going to that side of the gym... Planet Fitness has a "no lunks" policy, but I still feel very intimidated. The guys over there probably aren't out to get me, but I just feel like it, you know? I'm sorry that happened to you, but I am glad you moved on.
and I hope it doesn't happen again either.. 0 -
goldthistime wrote: »I'm not glad that it happened, but I'm glad that it happened just before your gym session and that you were able to use it to get a good sweat on.
I had a wedding to attend some years ago, and it took me a while to find a dress that hid the pounds I'd recently put on (all in the abdominal area), but I eventually found something that I felt great in. So off I went to this wedding, feeling good, only to have an old friend congratulate me on my pregnancy. After a comment like that it's difficult to get on the dance floor and put your hands in the air like you just don't care.
I'd happily trade you experiences.
Aw no...!
( I am so sorry, that is very hurtful to assume that someone's pregnant because of their tummy. 
Does it still bother you? 0 -
how do you know they were talking about you? he may well have been talking about his wife...1
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Liftheavylovehard wrote: »I am sorry that happened to you. Unfortunately, there are a lot of "Bros" at the gym who don't have common sense or courtesy. Honestly, if that was me, I probably would have walked out of the gym and never went back. So good on you for sticking it out and working your *kitten* off. I have a lot of family members who are very negative about my appearance, so I can understand how much it hurts when you are trying to make an effort and people make fun of you. The Important thing to remember is to keep your chin up and be proud that you are taking the step of changing your life.
Thank you, ma'am. I am sorry that some of your family doesn't like your appearance.. I know how it feels, and it hurts. </3 0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »how do you know they were talking about you? he may well have been talking about his wife...
LOL, yeah. He probably was, or himself for that matter. He wasn't too fit, either.0 -
As a computer science professor who has been online since before there was really even an internet, I thought I had seen it all, but this thread has made my day. One hurtful offhand remark from a random jerk has turned into dozens of sweet, kind, inspirational remarks from other strangers. What an amazing community.7
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I hate hearing stuff like that...people can be so hurtful, I hate bullies. Don't let these a**holes get you down , keep smiling! love those beautiful eyes!0
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It has happened to me more than once in my life when I was asked when the baby is due... Now that I'm older it doesn't happen becuase it would have to be a miracle
Keep your head up! It will be in the back of your mind but it can turn into a positive as motivation. Soon they will be saying 'HUBBA HUBBA' and you can give them the look of death and tell them to go "kitten" themselves 0 -
So sorry that happened. Its happened to both myself and my daughter. She suffers from depression so instead of motivating her she ends up comforting herself with more food. It doesn't help that she is in her late 20's and has never gone to prom or even had a boyfriend because of the weight. Anyway we are both trying to do this now too. I'm doing it for me.1
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I actually had this happen to me in the gym. I was doing my normal routine with my husband and we had made it over to the weights. My husband went to get a thing of wipes to wipe down the equipment and a man leaned over and said "I have been doing this for about 6 months and on the other side of the gym (which houses the treadmills and such) I lost 30 pounds. You should probably go over there and lose something before you try to start lifting of any kind." I was mortified but smiled, congratulated him on his loss and then continued on with my husband. As soon as we hit the car I lost it and cried the whole way home. I never went to the gym without my husband again. It hurt my stride too cause I thought everyone there thought the same thing. Months later I know that's not true but not before I quit the gym. At least you worked through it and you did an amazing workout. You are stronger than you think.0
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rbelfiore0262 wrote: »It has happened to me more than once in my life when I was asked when the baby is due... Now that I'm older it doesn't happen becuase it would have to be a miracle Keep your head up! It will be in the back of your mind but it can turn into a positive as motivation. Soon they will be saying 'HUBBA HUBBA' and you can give them the look of death and tell them to go "kitten" themselves
why would you be rude if someone was paying you a compliment?0 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
It was definitely made towards her. If you have nothing encouraging to add, don't defend appalling behaviour.Joanna2012B wrote: »How do you even know that comment was made towards you. They could've been talking about themselves.
OP, turn the event into inspiring yourself. But it's not wrong to have a gut. Guts don't cause genocide or shoot people. Take your time to lose weight for health reasons but because two frog tosspots made a comment.
I am not defending appalling behaivour. I was merely asking a question...is that not allowed here.1 -
I haven't had that happen, and I am really sorry those clowns said such horrible things. I wanted to throat punch this "trainer," who thought it would be best to motivate this one guy he was working with in our gym. The guy was morbidly obese and there for his first workout. The guy who came with him to train him kept saying "motivational" things like, "You can lift a bag of chips to your mouth, you can lift this," and proceeded to put weights on the bar that were way too heavy for a beginner. He was such a jerk, and you could see his friend giving it all he had. The look of defeat broke my heart.
People need to keep their mouths shut about what other people look like. At least you're there, busting you butt. Just keep doing you. You're doing a fantastic job!1 -
I do think that most of the time overheard remarks are not directed at the person who takes offense and decide they were the intended recipient. I keep saying it but most people don't even notice other people, let alone take the time to comment on their gut. I'm not saying it never happens but I think it's rare. People are too caught up in themselves and their own conversations.
Either way OP, it's great that you used it to motivate your work out.0 -
Joanna2012B wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
It was definitely made towards her. If you have nothing encouraging to add, don't defend appalling behaviour.Joanna2012B wrote: »How do you even know that comment was made towards you. They could've been talking about themselves.
OP, turn the event into inspiring yourself. But it's not wrong to have a gut. Guts don't cause genocide or shoot people. Take your time to lose weight for health reasons but because two frog tosspots made a comment.
I am not defending appalling behaivour. I was merely asking a question...is that not allowed here.
The question was completely relevant. The OP even acknowledged that she had the same opinion. I didnt see anything wrong with it. Some people think that their opinion is the end all be all. Questioning someone's comments stifles free thought. Way to defend your actions as well.2 -
Liftheavylovehard wrote: »I am sorry that happened to you. Unfortunately, there are a lot of "Bros" at the gym who don't have common sense or courtesy. Honestly, if that was me, I probably would have walked out of the gym and never went back. So good on you for sticking it out and working your *kitten* off. I have a lot of family members who are very negative about my appearance, so I can understand how much it hurts when you are trying to make an effort and people make fun of you. The Important thing to remember is to keep your chin up and be proud that you are taking the step of changing your life.
Ever since I got into fitness I cant believe the amount of people who have negative feedback, comments or support from FAMILY! It's unreal. Friends I can udnerstand in a twisted way, as in any walk of life, doing something positive can often reflect back on others the areas they wish they could push as you are. Maybe im lucky that my direct family I am super close with but I really feel for you.0 -
F$&@ them
You showed to be superior to them because you hit the gym regardless on how you felt emotionally and physically while bia$&@ were shopping.
Don't give up on yourself let them talk.
One day you will rise and they will fall.
We believe in you! Stay strong and focused
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I'm sorry you heard that and it made you feel bad (we don't know it was about you, and people are just idiots and jerks sometimes), but the much more important thing is that you had such the right reaction in channeling it into the workout and letting it increase your motivation.
I also think sharing this should at least remind people (although likely the ones reading it aren't the ones who most need to be reminded) that things you say to be funny/stupid/meaningless can really hurt people -- don't forget that others have feeling just as much as you do (which is the kind of thing I think people joking around or going on about people sometimes forget or don't think of).
Anyway, I think you did great and showed that you are strong. That's the kind of thing that will help build your self esteem!0 -
Lovelyby20 wrote: »goldthistime wrote: »I'm not glad that it happened, but I'm glad that it happened just before your gym session and that you were able to use it to get a good sweat on.
I had a wedding to attend some years ago, and it took me a while to find a dress that hid the pounds I'd recently put on (all in the abdominal area), but I eventually found something that I felt great in. So off I went to this wedding, feeling good, only to have an old friend congratulate me on my pregnancy. After a comment like that it's difficult to get on the dance floor and put your hands in the air like you just don't care.
I'd happily trade you experiences.
Aw no...!( I am so sorry, that is very hurtful to assume that someone's pregnant because of their tummy. Does it still bother you?
Does the comment still bother me (no, it was a long time ago), or the fact that I'm an apple unless I'm at a very low BF%? I get profusely complimented on my legs, that helps. I use Spanx on occasion and generally dress to camouflage the tummy. Maybe 2017 will be the year I see it disappear again. Wishing the same for you OP.
I also want to weigh in on the "Bros" comments. I see some mean spirited stuff in the bodybuilding forums so perhaps it exists in the gym, but I've personally never seen it. In fact, every single one of my interactions with people at the gym has been positive. A couple weeks ago while I was waiting for an abs machine to open up I found an interesting twisting abs machine to try, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to switch over to the other side. Right away there was a guy there showing me what to do. I've had many experiences like that over the years.
I make the comment because I don't like to see gyms characterized as places that are not welcoming for all but the "beautiful people". OP, I'm in no way questioning you or denigrating your experience but I want to believe that was extraordinarily unusual.1 -
I was very big to start with at 378 and so I had lost about 90 - 100 lbs by August and I was at the fairgrounds and walked by a couple guys that said, "Now that's disgusting." I refuse to let that kind of attitude derail me. I am stronger than I ever thought I could be and nobody's ignorance will change what I have accomplished. At the year mark of my journey into weight loss I had lost 160 Lbs. I started with 263 Lbs to lose and I am close to having less than 100 left to lose.
Don't lose heart and let this kind of thing fuel your motivation to go the distance! I wish all of you wonderful people great success in your endeavors!2 -
People are very quick to say things without thinking how it makes someone else feel.
I've been told:
A. I'm too skinny
B. You've put on some weight. Don't put on too much
C. I'm flat chested and yes people have said mean things about that too. Like I have any control over that.
I just try not to let the haters bother me too much. Feel free to add me as a friend if you want. Great job going to the gym and not letting haters change your plans.0 -
My husband just told me I look like a girl from the show "My 600 lb life". Not only did I cry but he laughed. I feel your pain....But at least you don't have to live with them on a daily1
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I had something similar happen to me so I feel your pain.
On one of the many times I worked on losing weight I went for my walk. My habit is to turn down my music when I approach people in case they say "hi" or something. Well one day I passed some college age kids and they said as I passed them "look at that fat *kitten*" thinking I couldn't hear them.
I turned around and said "why do you think I'm out here in 101 degree weather walking". I said it with a smile and was good natured about it, even though the truth hurt.
They apologized profusely and just maybe they learned their lesson. Who knows.
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How do you use kitten? I saw someone use it as well
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It sucks that that happened to you! Unfortunately, there's always people that want to drag others down instead of lifting them up. At times like those, the best thing that you can do is what you enjoy and what you know is good for you.
I've received comments through my journey and some of them hurt deeply, whether it was the neighbor who told me that I looked 'hilarious trying to run' or the couple who pointed, laughed, and flipped me off while I was power-walking last week. It helped me a lot to think about how far I've come and to focus on how good I feel when I do things I love. You mentioned that you weren't feeling your best and that you decided to work out anyway-- that's something to be proud of! Don't let two random jerks take that from you. You're amazing. 0 -
Some men make it so easy to know who isn't worth a mangy cat.0
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Wow that is absolutely [post edited by mods - please ensure all posts follow community guidelines]! This is the reason why I go a women's only gym! Keep going! Those guys are nothing but a pair of scumbags! Just keep heading in the direction you're in and you'll leave all that in the dust.0
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Lovelyby20 wrote: »Hello all, I figure I'd reach out to the threads because there's bound to be someone like me out there that this has happened to...
So yesterday, I was feeling like crap, my head hurts (getting over a very aggressive cold) and earlier in the day, I was contemplating skipping the gym and just catching up on some rest. I told myself no, and I was content with the feeling of me overcoming my procrastination. Anyhow, I got to the gym, needed to change out of my work clothes, so I changed into my gym clothes and returned to my car to leave my book bag (being I don't have a lock for the lockers). On my way back, I noticed these two men walking out of the mall, laughing and joking. Now, I know that wasn't about me, but the next thing I heard was:
"...needs to lose that gut. Baby got front!"
I turned briefly around to see if there was anyone behind me or so, on the side of me--hell even in front of me. There wasn't. It was me, in my gym clothes, feeling like complete *kitten* (in spandex no less), and taking those comments with me into the gym.
Needless to stay, I stayed on that treadmill for 65 minutes, the longest duration I've stayed on up to date. Incline a steady 3.0, adjusting the treadmill for vigorous walking and even spurts of jogging.
I am mortified to say it out loud, I wanted to cry in the gym, on the treadmill.
But then I realized that one day, that comment won't apply to me...
so I kept going.
**Sorry for being a complete sap, it's just that comments like those stay with me and they haunt me. My self-esteem is below 0, and it's hurtful to think that someone could say that about a complete stranger, especially one who's trying to better themselves**
Does anyone care to vent along with me...?
That comment was about them, their need to feel powerful or superior, plus they were a pack and probably showing off to each other.
It's hard. but try not to take it personally. You happened to walk by in an isolated area where they could make a rude comment -- they would not have done that if there were more witnesses. If you hadn't walked by, they would have done the same thing to somebody else. It was all about showing off to each other. They have no idea what kind of person you are, or your suffering, your intelligence, your achievements, or anything else about you. You were just an anonymous target.
I was robbed once at gunpoint in a bad area of a city where I was volunteering for a charity. It was terrifying, but it wasn't personal. When these things happen to us, we are like the zebra that walks in front of a lion at the waterhole.
Realize also that people like this might even hurt you physically, not just settle for mocking you. I hope you reported this to the mall management or gym management.
Keep doing what you are doing to improve your life. Don't ever let people like this discourage you or prevent you from doing what is rightfully yours to do, like take care of yourself and enjoy a gym session.1 -
I despise those that judge. Keep your head up, @Lovelyby20 because you are amazing for your dedication. People are cruel, and always will be. I'm sure they judge everyone they cross for some reason or another.0
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Even if they were talking about you, even if they aren't overweight, how is their health? They can make fun of people for having a "front" all day long but if they're able to manage their weight with chips and soda, you're still better off. At least you're making an effort and working on yourself. Plus, screw other people.1
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