Furious! Off topic...just need to vent somewhere
kschwab0203
Posts: 610 Member
in Chit-Chat
My son loves an idolized his father who is a total piece of *kitten*. He is pretty much and absentee father who is not active in their lives. He makes all these promises to him and never follows through. He gets back in their "good graces" by buying them things, taking them on trips, eating at fancy restaurants, and staying in nice hotels.
I have a fiance of 3.5 year that lives with us and has stepped in an filled a lot of the dad role...going to football games, playing games with him, being the male role model, etc. Great! Except that I believe he resents my son for the way he idolizes his father. He is constantly harping on him and riding his *kitten* about something. I have two girls and he does not act like that towards them. He is always saying my son is just like his father and is a cry baby and that I don't discipline them. Which is very far from the truth. My son is a straight A student, he never gets in trouble at home or at school, he is very disciplined and is excellent at football and other sports. He is well mannered and one of the sweetest most gentle souls I have ever met.
Lately, he has been jumping on him and me because he thinks instead of playing football games on the tablet that he should be outside doing "boy" things. Even though his own son who is a teenager does nothing but play xbox if he is not at work...I guess that's ok because it's his kid.
So now that I've given the back story, here is why I'm pissed...
He stole my son's tablet yesterday so he could not play it and lied to me repeatedly about. He watched us tear up the house looking for it and at one point even told me that maybe I had lost my mind since I was the last one to move it. Who the *kitten* does that?!?!?! I truly do not understand why an adult would be this mean to kid. When I asked him why he did this he said "just to *kitten* with him"...ummm what?!?!? He is an 8 year old little boy and you are 37 year old man *kitten* with a child.
This has me questioning everything. I'm afraid that if we get married things will only get worse. I do not want my child to grow up feeling shameful and inadequate because he can't get over himself!
I have a fiance of 3.5 year that lives with us and has stepped in an filled a lot of the dad role...going to football games, playing games with him, being the male role model, etc. Great! Except that I believe he resents my son for the way he idolizes his father. He is constantly harping on him and riding his *kitten* about something. I have two girls and he does not act like that towards them. He is always saying my son is just like his father and is a cry baby and that I don't discipline them. Which is very far from the truth. My son is a straight A student, he never gets in trouble at home or at school, he is very disciplined and is excellent at football and other sports. He is well mannered and one of the sweetest most gentle souls I have ever met.
Lately, he has been jumping on him and me because he thinks instead of playing football games on the tablet that he should be outside doing "boy" things. Even though his own son who is a teenager does nothing but play xbox if he is not at work...I guess that's ok because it's his kid.
So now that I've given the back story, here is why I'm pissed...
He stole my son's tablet yesterday so he could not play it and lied to me repeatedly about. He watched us tear up the house looking for it and at one point even told me that maybe I had lost my mind since I was the last one to move it. Who the *kitten* does that?!?!?! I truly do not understand why an adult would be this mean to kid. When I asked him why he did this he said "just to *kitten* with him"...ummm what?!?!? He is an 8 year old little boy and you are 37 year old man *kitten* with a child.
This has me questioning everything. I'm afraid that if we get married things will only get worse. I do not want my child to grow up feeling shameful and inadequate because he can't get over himself!
1
Replies
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^ agreed. I know it's easy to say just get rid of him but I would seriously get rid of him. That is a horrible thing to do and I don't think the way he treats your son is going to change.4
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IMO, you need to have a serious talk with your fiance7
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Ok throw him out.. I mean.. who does *kitten* like that? If that guy stays in your sons life he is going to scar him for life. You're son deserves better.
Trust me on that.6 -
Sounds like you've got two jerk dads in your life. Get them in check. Go hide his sons Xbox, better yet accidentally break it when cleaning.8
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That would be a total deal breaker for me. "Just to *kitten* with him."???? NO!!! Do notfuck with my son. You're out. No man on earth should be more important than your children. Not a single one.7
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I just told him the following:
My children come first and I would put everything on the line for them. I will not allow you to determine how I raise my children. I really don't care much about what you think of my son anymore. After that disgusting display yesterday, I'm not even sure you are capable of having an opinion worth listening to. We need to put everything on hold (trying to buy a house/ marriage plans).33 -
kschwab0203 wrote: »My son loves an idolized his father who is a total piece of *kitten*. He is pretty much and absentee father who is not active in their lives. He makes all these promises to him and never follows through. He gets back in their "good graces" by buying them things, taking them on trips, eating at fancy restaurants, and staying in nice hotels.
I have a fiance of 3.5 year that lives with us and has stepped in an filled a lot of the dad role...going to football games, playing games with him, being the male role model, etc. Great! Except that I believe he resents my son for the way he idolizes his father. He is constantly harping on him and riding his *kitten* about something. I have two girls and he does not act like that towards them. He is always saying my son is just like his father and is a cry baby and that I don't discipline them. Which is very far from the truth. My son is a straight A student, he never gets in trouble at home or at school, he is very disciplined and is excellent at football and other sports. He is well mannered and one of the sweetest most gentle souls I have ever met.
Lately, he has been jumping on him and me because he thinks instead of playing football games on the tablet that he should be outside doing "boy" things. Even though his own son who is a teenager does nothing but play xbox if he is not at work...I guess that's ok because it's his kid.
So now that I've given the back story, here is why I'm pissed...
He stole my son's tablet yesterday so he could not play it and lied to me repeatedly about. He watched us tear up the house looking for it and at one point even told me that maybe I had lost my mind since I was the last one to move it. Who the *kitten* does that?!?!?! I truly do not understand why an adult would be this mean to kid. When I asked him why he did this he said "just to *kitten* with him"...ummm what?!?!? He is an 8 year old little boy and you are 37 year old man *kitten* with a child.
This has me questioning everything. I'm afraid that if we get married things will only get worse. I do not want my child to grow up feeling shameful and inadequate because he can't get over himself!
Who does this to an 8 year old?? Whats next? He is also being a dick to you by pretending YOU lost it. Dump him!! Dump him now!1 -
Tell the douche bag he better start treating your son right or he can pack up his crap and leave. Your kids should come first before any man4
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No way in hell I'd let some man treat my child like that. Seems like a precursor of things to come later.
Nope.3 -
littlemissbgiff wrote: »Thank him for showing himself to you BEFORE you got married. If you think this kind of petty bullshrimp is going to magically go away after the marriage, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
Go away? Hell, he's probably still on his best behavior and it will get worse when married.
8 -
Sounds like finance needs a serious sit down chat about this, put him in his rightful place and make sure he knows the boundaries.. Set them now.. Fiance can accept them or move on..
My dear this is truly a no brainer.4 -
So you have been together 3.5 years. How long have you been engaged? This behavior is new or has been ongoing for the whole time he has known your son?
Get him to counseling and work through whatever his issue is before getting married or break up with him today.
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kschwab0203 wrote: »I just told him the following:
My children come first and I would put everything on the line for them. I will not allow you to determine how I raise my children. I really don't care much about what you think of my son anymore. After that disgusting display yesterday, I'm not even sure you are capable of having an opinion worth listening to. We need to put everything on hold (trying to buy a house/ marriage plans).
Good for you, OP.
I don't know all the ins and outs of your interactions with this man or all the ins and outs of the interactions with this man and your children, but I would use this time to evaluate whether this man is really worth marrying or this relationship is worth continuing.
You need someone in your life who can love you as well as your children.1 -
That feeling in the pit of your stomach is telling you to take flight, do not stay and fight. to test this theory, even after you converse with him- you will still feel that something is not right or off. Gaslighting is only the sign of far more sinister things to come.7
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We have 4 kids. 3 are step children to me. Any of my MFP friends and most people in general would probably say "oh I thought they were yours". I don't treat any of them different. They are my kids. Their dad is a *kitten* and I said from the beginning that I would not be "that stepdad" to them. Wife and I have had our moments, especially last couple years BUT I would never act different to the kids or change anything.
I speak as a step parent when saying you need to have a sit down with him. Depending on the outcome, you may need to help him pack.8 -
That would be a total deal breaker for me. "Just to *kitten* with him."???? NO!!! Do notfuck with my son. You're out. No man on earth should be more important than your children. Not a single one.
I'm surprised at how many people don't follow this philosophy. You don't mess with a bear cub or momma will be all over you and then some.3 -
Constant_Nova wrote: »That feeling in the pit of your stomach is telling you to take flight, do not stay and fight. to test this theory, even after you converse with him- you will still feel that something is not right or off. Gaslighting is only the sign of far more sinister things to come.
Agree...I'm glad you stood your ground..but if he had any respect for you or your son that garbage would've never taken place. Listen to that little voice. Besides...eff with my kid...and you're going to be sorry you did.
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Just break up.5
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Please understand, the man loves his own son and despises the son of another man. It's a biological tendency.
It's also a component of much woe in blended families.
I d hope you're not desperate enough for marriage to walk into that hell.3
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