Kids weight issue?

Char231023 wrote: »

Thanks Relser but they have moved away about six months ago. I guess the answers or opinions I was looking for (I didn't make it clear in the OP) is what do you think causes eating disorders or an unhealthy relationship with food?

It starts with how a person view THEMSELVES. Lots of people who have disorders with food usually feel inferior to others. This usually leads to eating disorders to try to compensate for how they feel or what they may they think they are trying to achieve for acceptance, or just to feel good about themselves.

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The way I see this is a bit more simple in todays age. Many PARENTS are lazy in the kitchen and will feed their children with take away or unhealthy food as it is easier to do. Children then accept this as normal eating and their bodies become conditioned to wanting this type of food.

Having said that there are far too many psychological causes that can start in children as well. Again this comes from parents with strange ideas about eating and body image. There are of course many other causes as well, but I feel that the role of the parents is often over looked.

This is also not a slight or insult to all you parents out there either.It is just an unfortunate side product of today's society and the desire for immediate gratification, and time constraints. It is also just my opinion.

In the example you gave, maybe the mother hadn't talked to her child about it, but she had definitely exhibited behaviors that gave her child ideas about "good" and "bad." She could have said things like "I really shouldn't have had that second cookie" or "I look so fat in this dress," or she could have said "No, you can't have any more" in an angry or disdainful tone. Children pick up on these cues. Her daughter probably knew it was "bad" to eat too much, so she ate in secret so people wouldn't judge her for it. Because her mom hadn't really talked to her about it, she didn't understand WHY it was bad, just that it was.

I think parents fight an uphill battle in teaching their children to be healthy these days. First, a lot of parents don't have any idea themselves, and kids mimic their parents' behaviors. A lot of parents are trying to lose weight themselves, so kids grow up around diet culture, which can impart unhealthy ideas about food. Food is readily available, and some kids are better than others at self-regulating. Then add on family dysfunction, unexpected trauma or death, instability due to financial situations, etc. and food can turn into a coping mechanism for a child very easily. I don't think there's simple things to we can pinpoint, but generally a combination of parental habits and attitudes toward food plus the child's environment can lead to eating disorders.

Definitely talk to the mom. I can see your concern but some moms have these unspoken boundaries that they may not appreciate being crossed, especially that this is about their eating habits. Good luck!

Childhood obesity is not a simple matter...as for the kid sneaking food in your house, a simple, "If you would like a snack, please ask. I promised your mother you would have only one of those. If you are still hungry, I can offer you some (healthy snack)."

My mother had issues with weight and projected it on to me and my sisters. She would also buy snack cakes, chips and pop and wouldn't let us have any. We had to ask if we wanted anything between meals. So as we got older, we started to sneak food. We would find where she hid the candy/snacks and take one, sneak pop, etc because we weren't allowed to have any. This caused big issues for all 3 of us as we got older.

I think a better approach is to have a few choices, and let your kids have a snack either after school or after dinner, so they know they will get to have something. It can't be all or nothing.

As someone who did develop an eating disorder for a decade largely in part to a parents' criticism, I can say that at least she was dedicated to not passing that disorder along to her daughter. I am endlessly grateful that I have a son and my body image issues will statistically be less likely to influence his relationship with his own body.

SingRunTing wrote: »

I was definitely a secret eater from middle school onward. I would grab something from the pantry and eat it in the bathroom. If I had an extra dollar on me, I would buy a candy bar and eat it on the bus on the way home.

I don't really know why I did it, to be honest. I knew I would be told to stop because dinner was coming up or I just had a snack, but my parents wouldn't shame me. I did feel ashamed of myself, but it was self inflicted and I can't pinpoint an external source that made me feel that way.

I still struggle sometimes. I definitely snack more when I'm home alone than if my husband is home. I don't really understand it, but I stick to my calorie goal and that had helped.

I do this too and always have. I also had a relatively normal healthy childhood and was never overweight as a child because I played sports etc. but it has definitely caught up with me.

Even w/healthy food, I still "sneak" extra. For instance, I binge eat a bag of almonds in our walk-in pantry and then go buy another bag before my husband gets home. Then, sometimes, I'll feel bad about it and tell him about it framed as a quirky story "I just had to have those nuts!" Etc. I have no idea why I do this, and feel even sillier now that I'm writing it out and can see how dumb it is.

I go between feeling shame about eating unhealthy food and even about eating food in general, sometimes. And then I go to the other extreme and play up the "I'm the girl who eats a whole plate of supreme nachos with a pitcher of beer." As if that is a fun, good thing to be. I hate both.

Trying to fall somewhere in the middle of these two extremes has been my goal basically my whole life (and ideally, getting to a weight that falls between overweight and underweight, which are extremes I flip-flop between ). I hope my son doesn't pick up these habits/traits.

I had a very traumatic early childhood. This led to my refusal to eat, often. I think it was the only thing I felt that I had control over.

It's sad parents do this to their children, intentionally or not. My mom was always starving herself because she struggled with obesity and even ended up in the hospital once. She was always popping pills to help speed the starving up (and back then they were ephedrine based).. and my sister and I ended up getting into them once and eating them like candy. She never new. However, she was shoving junk food down my siblings and my throat. We were over weight but not obese. Bad day? Let's have McDonald's! Good day? Let's have candy! A day? Cake! Pie! Ice cream! And ALWAYS a desert after dinner. And she piled our plates high demanding we ate it all. Ironically she would comment on my weight often and tell me I needed to exercise.

Because of how I grew up, I forbid junk with my own kids, perfectly portioned their meals, and there was no reward for eating ones dinner. Sweets were only on special occasions and holidays. Left over candy was tossed two days after the holiday. I pushed water and the very occasional juice. I talked about healthy diet and we walked a LOT. (Now here I am at 300lbs..) My son is almost 18 and my daughter is 15. Neither suffered from my limiting them. Now they are limiting me and encouraging me to exercise. My awesome support group!

I think it's important kids learn to eat right starting early in life and limited on junk food. They should think fruit is a special treat, not sugar. My nephew was never limited and now fights when told to eat his veggies. He wants junk. Chips, French fries, fried chicken.. nothing natural.. and will argue that these things are healthy. He is 8, overweight, and when I make him walk a mile with me, he is more winded than I am. My kids? They dance 2 miles..

I wad always a secret eater. Was a big guy in high school untill i burned it off. Now my daughter is like me. She loves to eat and often so i focus on making sure she has good choices to eat as well as portion control and try to get her active in sports.

To me this doesn't sound untypical for a kid and doesn't necessarily mean she's a secret eater. She may just be used to being told not to have "more than one" or to treats not being available.
My granddaughter is a bit like this. She loves her food but her mum (my daughter)does have strange random views about when and what and how much she should eat . When my granddaughter comes to stay with us I'm aware she sometimes takes another biscuit or sweet if she thinks no one is looking. I ignore it because I think you need to pick your battles with kids,and food shouldn't be one of them!