Unsupportive partners/spouses?
Replies
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Hey all,
my boyfriend is part supportive / part unsupportive and it's definitely weird for me. He is very thin and loves working out and we signed up to the local gym together which is great. He knows a lot about fitness and exercise and he is definitely a cheerleader for me in that department, complimenting me on my efforts etc and it really gives me a good feeling and a boost.
On the other hand he has no idea about food or eating healthy. He could eat pizza, burgers, chips everyday and probably not gain a pound. So when I weigh my food on the scale in the kitchen, he always looks at me like he thinks it's ridiculous. In his opinion you can eat anything you want as long as you're working out. He even said to me "We've been eating take-out and nice dinners and you haven't gained any weight since we've been together" - which is not true at all and almost made me laugh. I gained about 10kg in the last two years we've been together. He doesn't see it and he doesn't believe in healthy eating which is making it quite difficult for me sometimes
I cook separate meals for us now and just do my thing food-wise but his skepticism towards my approach is bothering me a little bit. 3 -
kittynieve wrote: »Hey all,
my boyfriend is part supportive / part unsupportive and it's definitely weird for me. He is very thin and loves working out and we signed up to the local gym together which is great. He knows a lot about fitness and exercise and he is definitely a cheerleader for me in that department, complimenting me on my efforts etc and it really gives me a good feeling and a boost.
On the other hand he has no idea about food or eating healthy. He could eat pizza, burgers, chips everyday and probably not gain a pound. So when I weigh my food on the scale in the kitchen, he always looks at me like he thinks it's ridiculous. In his opinion you can eat anything you want as long as you're working out. He even said to me "We've been eating take-out and nice dinners and you haven't gained any weight since we've been together" - which is not true at all and almost made me laugh. I gained about 10kg in the last two years we've been together. He doesn't see it and he doesn't believe in healthy eating which is making it quite difficult for me sometimes I cook separate meals for us now and just do my thing food-wise but his skepticism towards my approach is bothering me a little bit.
Trust me, it is so important to watch what you eat while working out. Your body needs the right fuel to perform and to recover. People who have fast metabolisms, think that they will burn off their food which is true to an extent. There is still the issue with salt, sugar and cholesterol to watch out for.
Stick to what you are doing. Knowledge is power.1 -
Dead_Darling wrote: »My fiancé is the worst. He loves winding me up. He constantly tells me that I'm putting on weight, then he orders pizza and it's a vicious cycle.
I'm great during the week, because we live separately, but the weekends are my biggest downfall because I go to his place. He smokes and eats a lot of junk food, but he's not concerned about his health. He doesn't want to exercise and tells me off on how I am eating and exercising
I have PCOS too, so I need to look after myself, but it seems he doesn't want me to do that.
I go to the gym near his place at the weekends, though he doesn't like it because we never spend time together.
It brings me down and this morning he says I look like a cat that's been dragged through the wind when I workout (Insanity + lifting).
*rant over...for now!!*
Did you say fiancé? So you can still run?38 -
I don't have an unsupportive spouse, but I do have one that loses weight easily. I am very blessed to have a health conscious husband (but he does splurge on treats sometimes so he's not too rigid). He's been eating less because we eat the same meals and since mine are lower calorie, his are too by default. Only difference is I jog about 12 miles a week, and he doesn't and he is still losing more weight than me!! Not mad at him at all for it, it's sometimes just a big "UGH why is it so easy for you and not me?!?!"4
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I think men tend to lose weight quicker than their female counterparts. It may have to do with hormones and more muscle vs. fat ratio.3
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Hi, mine is not supportive at all he laughs when I've told him I made my step goal and he acts like it is not an accomplishment losing weight, I'm currently at a healthy bmi but still would like to lose a bit more , never once have I heard a compliment from him, I don't get it4
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Dead_Darling wrote: »My fiancé is the worst. He loves winding me up. He constantly tells me that I'm putting on weight, then he orders pizza and it's a vicious cycle.
I'm great during the week, because we live separately, but the weekends are my biggest downfall because I go to his place. He smokes and eats a lot of junk food, but he's not concerned about his health. He doesn't want to exercise and tells me off on how I am eating and exercising
I have PCOS too, so I need to look after myself, but it seems he doesn't want me to do that.
I go to the gym near his place at the weekends, though he doesn't like it because we never spend time together.
It brings me down and this morning he says I look like a cat that's been dragged through the wind when I workout (Insanity + lifting).
*rant over...for now!!*
Did you say fiancé? So you can still run?
This, your fiance, boyfriend whatever is not nice to you. You deserve better.13 -
not Unsupportive as such but I she really likes eating out and takeaway and she gets frustrated now I wont go the other problem I have is the problem with your partner thinking you are doin it to somehow impress someone else rather than the truth which is I (like most I guess) am doin it because it makes me feel better about myself because I hated myself when I at my biggest and wouldn't even take my top off in front of my wife2
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luckyjen76 wrote: »Hi, mine is not supportive at all he laughs when I've told him I made my step goal and he acts like it is not an accomplishment losing weight, I'm currently at a healthy bmi but still would like to lose a bit more , never once have I heard a compliment from him, I don't get it
I am sorry to hear about your situation. Some partners can appear jealous or even resentful. They don't understand why you are trying to change and may even think you are doing it for someone else. Which is really silly and paranoid. Just keep your head up and take care of you.0 -
not Unsupportive as such but I she really likes eating out and takeaway and she gets frustrated now I wont go the other problem I have is the problem with your partner thinking you are doin it to somehow impress someone else rather than the truth which is I (like most I guess) am doin it because it makes me feel better about myself because I hated myself when I at my biggest and wouldn't even take my top off in front of my wife
Jealousy can often rear its ugly head during a transformation. I had this happen to me. I would hear the negative comments but whatever. If your partner wants to be silly and paranoid, then too bad for them. Just stick to what you are doing.1 -
My bf is half supportive. It's quite strange to be honest.
We are pretty active and do a lot of it together but he is slightly overweight because he simply eats too much. He decided to start 30 days shred and it motivated me to do it too. However, I am more consistent with it. Now he tries to make me shift my workouts to the next day so he doesn't feel guilty about not doing it but sometimes he only does it once a week which is not enough for me.
When I called him out on it he told me he doesn't want me to get all fit while he looks like a bag of potatoes next to me. I asked him if he wants us both to look like a bag of potatoes? His answer:"So you think I look like a bag of potatoes." 6 -
My ex would always tell me I am beautiful the way I looked and I didn't need to lose a pound, even though I'm far into the obese side of the scale. I loved that he was sweet to me but it didn't help my motivation at all. He was attracted to bigger women and me losing weight wasn't as good looking to him. Haha backwards then many people for sure!2
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kittynieve wrote: »Hey all,
my boyfriend is part supportive / part unsupportive and it's definitely weird for me. He is very thin and loves working out and we signed up to the local gym together which is great. He knows a lot about fitness and exercise and he is definitely a cheerleader for me in that department, complimenting me on my efforts etc and it really gives me a good feeling and a boost.
On the other hand he has no idea about food or eating healthy. He could eat pizza, burgers, chips everyday and probably not gain a pound. So when I weigh my food on the scale in the kitchen, he always looks at me like he thinks it's ridiculous. In his opinion you can eat anything you want as long as you're working out. He even said to me "We've been eating take-out and nice dinners and you haven't gained any weight since we've been together" - which is not true at all and almost made me laugh. I gained about 10kg in the last two years we've been together. He doesn't see it and he doesn't believe in healthy eating which is making it quite difficult for me sometimes I cook separate meals for us now and just do my thing food-wise but his skepticism towards my approach is bothering me a little bit.
He's the one being ridiculous not you- calories is the only thing that matters for weight loss and it's a lot easier to adjust your diet to be in a deficit than to try to use exercise alone. Your boyfriend is just blessed with a fast metabolism and is already lean so he has no trouble maintaining and burning off that little extra calorie intake from bad foods with his workouts. It is essential for you to keep measuring your food because you need to create a deficit to lose excess weight. He just doesn't understand because he's never had to watch his weight, but that doesn't mean you're doing something wrong, it means he is naive. Also I know from personal experience that exercise alone is not enough- 9 months of working out hard and no weight loss... 4 months of calorie counting (along with the same wirkouts) and I'm now down 17 pounds.1 -
Well its a thing with any new venture we all take. We tend to want to talk about it. Like when I first started working out I would tell my friends and family about what I was doing. They weren't interested. Why? Because they didn't have the same interest in what I was doing. Making friends who do have the same interests so you have someone to converse with about that type of stuff with can help. Luckily there is myfitnesspal. The thing I learned with that is to display the action over talking about it and when those uninterested friends/family see your results they will become interested.
Now with a spouse specifically. Not knocking you but talk to them. Tell them you feel like they aren't supportive. Communication should be a key factor in any relationship. They may even open up why they have been like it. It could be playful banter which you are taking wrong or like you said it could be a deeper issue. Like maybe the feel like you'll start getting attention from outside sources(not saying thats the issue). Without talking to THEM about it, you wont know.6 -
ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »My husband has never in the history of time been remotely supportive at all. I no longer share any thing with this man. If I am sad, angry, stressed, anxious, in a panic, needing love, affection, a listening ear etc... I know better than to approach him. It hurts to know that the one person I should be able to count on is the one person I definitely can't. However I support him in all that he does none the less. One day he will wish he would have done things differently.
This is somewhat my situation. My BF of 8 years can be so sweet and I know he loves me, but he has this way of acting like I'm taking something away from him if good things happen to me and acting put-upon if I share something stressful or sad. I moved to another state for my career 3 years ago so we have a long distance, fly back and forth every month, relationship. He gets all sarcastic when I talk to him about how great my job is going and claims to hate all of my new friends. He says he wants to help me with my weight loss goals, but I can tell he doesn't want to hear about my successes. Then when we are together, he wants to make such unhealthy food choices and makes excuses for not working out with me! Wow! That sounds horrible when I write it all down like that...8 -
S3r3knitty wrote: »My bf is half supportive. It's quite strange to be honest.
We are pretty active and do a lot of it together but he is slightly overweight because he simply eats too much. He decided to start 30 days shred and it motivated me to do it too. However, I am more consistent with it. Now he tries to make me shift my workouts to the next day so he doesn't feel guilty about not doing it but sometimes he only does it once a week which is not enough for me.
When I called him out on it he told me he doesn't want me to get all fit while he looks like a bag of potatoes next to me. I asked him if he wants us both to look like a bag of potatoes? His answer:"So you think I look like a bag of potatoes."
Wow! That sounds terrible. You have to love yourself enough to stick with your routine. Don't let him discourage you. Maybe in time he will get involved.1 -
My husband wasnt really on board at first, but now weighs out my stuff when he makes any food for us. He's come around.
His mother though...I'm 5'6 and 156lbs...i would like to lose more weight but I'm strength training right now so i've plateaued until my body figures out whats going on lol
Anyways, his mother makes comments like "your getting too skinny I'm concerned" well...you dont know my eating habbits so don't worry about it...is usually what i think.
The other day,we have visited his parents and we were all having breakfast, asked who wanted milk. I said no only because I need to measure out what I'm consuming so I stuck with my water. Anyways, she puts a HUGE glass of milk in front of me and said "i dont care what you say your drinking the milk"
Keep in mind I'm almost 30, married with a house...i looked at her and said "actually, no I'm not. Thanks anyways though"
Just because i dont drink a gallon of milk for breakfast doesnt mean I have an eating problem. I'm being aware!
Oh one more!
I usually have black coffee, I dont really care for milk or cream or sugar in it so i enjoy it black. Anyways the inlaw was making coffee and I said "oh can i have mine black please?" She said "no your getting cream and sugar"....i was like ok but not a lot please. She looks at me like I'm giving her a hard time and says in a snarky attitude "well how much then?!"
Uhm....none....your just making more work for yourself. Give it to me black please.
Rant over. Thanks all! Lol4 -
My boyfriend is the worst!
My boyfriend met me when i was 5 months pregnant so he never saw my "Pre-baby" body. So he loves me the way i am. I shouldn't complain right? Well i find it really hard because he always says "You're not fat" and it drives me nuts. I have to cook seperate meals from our kids than me because he cooks with meat and carbs and fat and i just recently became a vegetarian almost 3 weeks ago. I know it's great that he loves me the way i am, but i also want him to want me to improve my health.
And another side note..... he is an athlete and only weighs about 160 so he can eat anything he wants without gaining weight. So he doesn't understand the struggle of trying to loose weight and not being able to eat whatever he wants.1 -
CranstonJ2016 wrote: »My husband wasnt really on board at first, but now weighs out my stuff when he makes any food for us. He's come around.
His mother though...I'm 5'6 and 156lbs...i would like to lose more weight but I'm strength training right now so i've plateaued until my body figures out whats going on lol
Anyways, his mother makes comments like "your getting too skinny I'm concerned" well...you dont know my eating habbits so don't worry about it...is usually what i think.
The other day,we have visited his parents and we were all having breakfast, asked who wanted milk. I said no only because I need to measure out what I'm consuming so I stuck with my water. Anyways, she puts a HUGE glass of milk in front of me and said "i dont care what you say your drinking the milk"
Keep in mind I'm almost 30, married with a house...i looked at her and said "actually, no I'm not. Thanks anyways though"
Just because i dont drink a gallon of milk for breakfast doesnt mean I have an eating problem. I'm being aware!
Oh one more!
I usually have black coffee, I dont really care for milk or cream or sugar in it so i enjoy it black. Anyways the inlaw was making coffee and I said "oh can i have mine black please?" She said "no your getting cream and sugar"....i was like ok but not a lot please. She looks at me like I'm giving her a hard time and says in a snarky attitude "well how much then?!"
Uhm....none....your just making more work for yourself. Give it to me black please.
Rant over. Thanks all! Lol
Omg that's annoying!
I bet they are overweight too...1 -
[quote="courtneyfabulous;
Omg that's annoying!
I bet they are overweight too...[/quote]
Fluffy indeed..
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CranstonJ2016 wrote: »[quote="courtneyfabulous;
Omg that's annoying!
I bet they are overweight too...
Fluffy indeed..
[/quote]
How about next time they do something like that you can pull up a BMI calculator on your phone. You can enter your stats and show them that you are in a healthy weight range for your height. Then you can offer to run their numbers too and see what category they fall into... and based on that decide who should be giving advice on how much milk to drink or cream and sugar to have?10 -
courtneyfabulous wrote: »CranstonJ2016 wrote: »[quote="courtneyfabulous;
Omg that's annoying!
I bet they are overweight too...
Fluffy indeed..
How about next time they do something like that you can pull up a BMI calculator on your phone. You can enter your stats and show them that you are in a healthy weight range for your height. Then you can offer to run their numbers too and see what category they fall into... and based on that decide who should be giving advice on how much milk to drink or cream and sugar to have? [/quote]
Haha i wish i could, my balls arn't big enough to do that! Totally wish I could though!
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yes. a million times yes.
i'm supposed to put my life on hold while he is working at his career. i get it, we have 3 kids together and it's hectic but my goals are just as real as his.
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Wow so many similar stories. Mine is my partner is a body builder that likes craft beer and has a kegerater right in the house, he has chocolate chip cookies and milk every night. I cut out both for the most part. And I am back at the gym. He messes up this last week says sorry and brings me chocolates!!! First time in 5 years!!! Ugghgh!!!! How do you say no? I had some and took the rest to work!!! Lol we can do this! This is my journey and I will succeed!! So will you!!4
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DoubleTheLove wrote: »yes. a million times yes.
i'm supposed to put my life on hold while he is working at his career. i get it, we have 3 kids together and it's hectic but my goals are just as real as his.
You don't have to give up on your fitness goals though1 -
Sometimes spouses and partners are a wee bit insecure. The healthier you get, the more attractive you become to others. Just sayin.8
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After reading all of these I am truly shocked. After years of really bad relationships, I can say I learned something.
If your partner is not happy with you improving yourself, taking care of yourself and doesn't give you the support and understanding that you deserve, they aren't a loving partner. When you truly love someone you want them to be happy and healthy. Whether it's a spouse or a child or a parent. Irregardless of what you are doing with yourself, you want that person to be healthy and happy. That's a big part of what love is.
Anything less, isn't love. If they are truly trying to sabotage you, as in not just being dense, but truly trying to keep you in a place where you are unhealthy and unhappy - it's emotional abuse and it's not healthy. This goes for working out, eating healthy, pursuing education, pursuing hobbies and friends. Anything at all that makes you a happy and healthy person.
I love my husband so much that I want him to live forever. A day less with him would be a tragedy. Even if I wanted to live off of chocolate and never move from the couch, I'd celebrate him eating healthy and exercising all the way, just to know I'd see his face one more day. That's what love is. If he didn't want to do those things and I did, that would be fine too. He'd just be happy to see me so happy.
I used to accept less from people. But now I realize, those partners never loved me. If they did, they would have done anything, especially something as simple as being supportive, just to see me one day longer because I was healthy.
Love isn't just saying I love you. It's so much more than that. It's an action. And not supporting you to be healthy, is the opposite of a loving action.
Sorry if this offends anyone.18 -
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TGIF people! I hope everyone will have a good day.0
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Happy Valentine's Day!0
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