The diet sabatogers

When I was single, I was living with a roommate who became disabled and depressed. She also had a narcissistic streak and our relationship became co-dependent. I didn't realize how thoroughly I was being manipulated (into giving up my life and basically becoming her unpaid caregiver, bookkeeper, benefactor, etc) at the time, but I honestly think that any time she saw me taking some sort of control over my life, she saw it as a threat. I started dieting and suddenly she'd tell me that I "just HAD to have a piece of the cake her mother sent over." If I told her I didn't want any, thanks (her mom was a great baker and I didn't trust myself to stop at a small amount), she'd give me that strawman: "You mean you're NEVER going to have cake again?" And she'd carry on about how I was going to develop a ED, that it wasn't 'normal' not to have cake once in a while, that it was going to be wasted because her meds made her lose her appetite, etc etc. And I lived with her and I usually gave in. Which made me feel guilty for 'blowing my diet' which had me eat more which... you get the picture.

I realize that she had her issues and it wasn't a healthy situation for either of us. And she's been out of my life for years. But whether she was projecting HER unhealthy ideas about food (she'd had some mental health issues and told me she was borderline anorexic), whether it was a control thing, whether she genuinely meant well... I don't know anymore. I'm just glad it's no longer an issue.

Before I started dieting, people offered me food. They were trying to communicate that they care, and I appreciated it, plus sometimes it's delicious. When I started dieting, people kept offering me food. I really doubt their intentions have changed, and the food is still sometimes delicious. Just because I decided to change something about my food habits, it doesn't mean other people would also be changing how they have always handled food around me. Assuming malicious intent is counterproductive and is often far removed from what is really happening (except in very few cases). When we are doing something that we perceive as a challenge and other people are making it even more of a challenge, it inflates that inward sense of everything being against us, but that's all it is, just an inflated sense that may have no basis in reality.

How I personally handle it? I either say no thank you, take the food and eat it, or take it and keep it for later. As for "diet advice" I smile and nod then go home and continue doing my own thing. In most cases people are doing these things with kind intentions, and on the off chance they aren't, I'm not going to give them the satisfaction of a reaction.

I am forced to admit I have been a bit of what you might call a saboteur this weekend, inviting my parents and siblings round and feeding them lardy food (there was chocolate pudding involved. Also home made cookies).

But here's the thing: we all know the score. We're all on mfp, and we encourage each other in good choices more often than we collude in "bad" ones. They don't have to eat any of it if they don't want to, just like I don't have to eat the fried clootie dumpling and bacon when I go round their house. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. And sometimes, you just want to feed people nice things and they want to eat them, and blame doesn't really have any part in it.

But then I'm not secretly rubbing butter on their food