Unmotivated Spouse
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CattOfTheGarage wrote: »christinecoffeebean wrote: »It sucks he is being a drag. I have recently got my previously sedentary and junk food loving husband on board the fitness bandwagon. He's now losing weight and exercising with me at the gym three times a week.
Do not be discouraged, but it took awhile to get here and it will for you guys too no doubt. Here are the things that worked for us
1. Compromise
I understand my husband has different tastes and whilst I try to cater to him there is no WAY I am making a separate meal. So I compromise: he doesn't like sweet potato or kale, so his side dish might be a jacket potato and broccoli, cauliflower, corn or carrots which he likes. He only enjoys one type of lettuce, iceberg, so that is the lettuce I buy and he will eat it without complaint.
2. If I'm eating salmon (which he hates) he will have crumbed fish. Not the healthiest option, but we are both eating fish that night
3. Keep it simple. Some men like my husband like meat and three veg. Mix it up a bit; steak one night, home made rissoles the next with tonnes of side veggies that you both enjoy. The grater is your friend! Hubby hates zucchini, guess who grates zucchini into spaghetti mince, meatballs, rissoles even burgers??? But keep it simple when it comes to food, don't stray to different textures and tastes that are too much e.g I will never incorporate feta, avocado, eggplant or tofu into our meals. It's too foreign for him
5. They can adapt quite easy when you take away choice from simple everyday items where taste is not compromised. Hubby now drinks skim milk in his coffee and has learned to like multigrain bread (still likes white, so some weeks we buy white and that's ok)
6. You will have a huge impact if you pack his lunch for work every day. My husband liked to buy his lunch every day and had zero self control: burgers, chips and gravy, schnitzel subs, Chinese, you name it! He now has two sandwiches with ham cheese and salami on multigrain, a small container of nuts to snack on and some fruit. Not earth shattering superfoods but nonetheless healthier enough that it's significantly decreased his calorie intake plus he's usually hungrier at dinner now and therefore less picky.
I hope this helps. It took 8 year of watching him take advantage of his high metabolism and abuse his body. He now eats a lot healthier, works out and seems to have better energy. You won't overhaul his lifestyle in a week a month or even a year. Compromise, sneak veggies in and pack his lunch where possible
Is this a husband or a toddler you are feeding?
I realise different couples work in different ways, but when it comes to grown human beings I would always recommend having an honest conversation rather than sneaking, hiding or "taking away choice".
Can only imagine how MFPers of the male persuasion feel when reading a post like that. I'd be humiliated if it were me.
It smacks of manipulation to me. Not all of it, but things like you mentioned, hiding, removing choice, and making it such that he'll be hungry for dinner. Personally, I'd find it very disrespectful if my partner did that to me without discussing it with me first.
Also, there is a significant difference in taste between skim milk and whole milk. After drinking skim milk for years, I tried whole milk, and wow is there a difference. Not everyone might notice it, though.SierraFatToSkinny wrote: »To be fair to the guys, a lot of women let their husbands be their "daddy".
Oil changes and adding gas to the vehicle and letting him drive them. Men are more likely to stand in the cold to deice the car windshield or to do labor intensive work around the house.
Basic things women are perfectly capable of doing. But gets shuffled off into "his" job.
Men also tend to work more often and longer hours.
That being said... not married! So I don't really know what it's like. However... my last boyfriend seemed to be a hypochondriac compared to me. And I currently live with a guy (housemate) who never even considered cleaning a toilet. And he leaves his beard clippings all over the sink. He's just generally messy and low key gross.... This is cathartic. (But he's a real mensch... in all honesty I don't have much to complain about regarding him.)
Yep
I never understood the whole toilet seat thing. Are women so incapable of putting the seat down when it's up? My partner leaves it down but that's only because it is painful for me to put it down. And the few times he forgets, it's no hardship other than the pain which most women wouldn't experience.
With regards to the OP:
I'm so glad you talked and managed to reach a good solution! Communication really is the key.2 -
So sorry for your health situation, OP. It's wonderful that you recognize the importance of doing what you can to help manage it.
I agree with some of the other posters that with such a recent diagnosis, you are both dealing with some difficult emotions. I wouldn't be quick to judge anyone's behavior right now.
But the main thought I had about your post is that we *all* pretty much have to do this alone. No one else shares our particular calorie goals, dietary needs, or health situation. It's up to us to make the choices we need to make for ourselves alone. My hubby is on MFP and we are both actively trying to lose weight at the moment, so in that sense, we are on the same page. But he is a very active, healthy, strong man who lifts weights and I am a rather sedentary woman with a variety of health issues. His calorie allowance is over 1000 calories more than mine. It's not reasonable to think we're going to make the same choices. I make a healthy dinner for the family based on my basic needs, and he supplements with lots of other things, some of it "junk". This past weekend, he ate his way through an XL supreme take-out pizza & a couple of bowls of ice cream, in addition to the asparagus, lean meats, & veg soup we ate at other times. I don't find that to be a threat to my well-being or a lack of support... I just have to make my own choices with my own limitations in mind. While I hope your husband will offer you his full support moving forward, I don't think that necessarily would entail eating the exact same diet.
Wish both of you the best as you tackle these challenges!3 -
Everyone will have their own rate of change they want to take on. Don't concern yourself with the things you have no control over. He will adapt as he can, just as will as you can.
There are just as many posts on here with partners frustrated that their significant others are losing faster than they are.0 -
This is seriously off topic. (Sorry OP!)
But everyone I've ever lived with has put the toilet seat down. Including the lid.
It keeps the toilet water in the bowl when you flush.... Instead of in the air and on your toothbrush.3 -
SierraFatToSkinny wrote: »This is seriously off topic. (Sorry OP!)
But everyone I've ever lived with has put the toilet seat down. Including the lid.
It keeps the toilet water in the bowl when you flush.... Instead of in the air and on your toothbrush.
Well, there is that, of course.0 -
My wife and I have different eating habits... it sounds like it's a you thing and you're having trouble watching him eat something different. Don't be so dependent upon him and take this on, on your own.2
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SierraFatToSkinny wrote: »This is seriously off topic. (Sorry OP!)
But everyone I've ever lived with has put the toilet seat down. Including the lid.
It keeps the toilet water in the bowl when you flush.... Instead of in the air and on your toothbrush.
This.
But the other answer is that when you go to pee half asleep at 3am, the consequence of a man failing to notice that the seat is down is (maybe) a little mess that's easily wiped up. The consequence of a woman failing to notice that the seat is up is a very rude awakening as she sits in the toilet water.
But, yeah, solve the inequality by making *everyone* put seat and lid down every time, and the 3am issue disappears because everyone will have the right muscle memory to get the toilet how they need it without thinking.4 -
He's not into it then it's hard to push it. It's the same situation with my wife. fast forward after 6 years. then this get better, she gets into it but should i push it too hard then it might break our relationship... be patient0
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SusanMFindlay wrote: »The consequence of a woman failing to notice that the seat is up is a very rude awakening as she sits in the toilet water.
Your behind is clearly smaller than mine. I get wedged before I reach the actual water. This is a hazard of weight loss that I had not previously considered.3 -
CattOfTheGarage wrote: »christinecoffeebean wrote: »It sucks he is being a drag. I have recently got my previously sedentary and junk food loving husband on board the fitness bandwagon. He's now losing weight and exercising with me at the gym three times a week.
Do not be discouraged, but it took awhile to get here and it will for you guys too no doubt. Here are the things that worked for us
1. Compromise
I understand my husband has different tastes and whilst I try to cater to him there is no WAY I am making a separate meal. So I compromise: he doesn't like sweet potato or kale, so his side dish might be a jacket potato and broccoli, cauliflower, corn or carrots which he likes. He only enjoys one type of lettuce, iceberg, so that is the lettuce I buy and he will eat it without complaint.
2. If I'm eating salmon (which he hates) he will have crumbed fish. Not the healthiest option, but we are both eating fish that night
3. Keep it simple. Some men like my husband like meat and three veg. Mix it up a bit; steak one night, home made rissoles the next with tonnes of side veggies that you both enjoy. The grater is your friend! Hubby hates zucchini, guess who grates zucchini into spaghetti mince, meatballs, rissoles even burgers??? But keep it simple when it comes to food, don't stray to different textures and tastes that are too much e.g I will never incorporate feta, avocado, eggplant or tofu into our meals. It's too foreign for him
5. They can adapt quite easy when you take away choice from simple everyday items where taste is not compromised. Hubby now drinks skim milk in his coffee and has learned to like multigrain bread (still likes white, so some weeks we buy white and that's ok)
6. You will have a huge impact if you pack his lunch for work every day. My husband liked to buy his lunch every day and had zero self control: burgers, chips and gravy, schnitzel subs, Chinese, you name it! He now has two sandwiches with ham cheese and salami on multigrain, a small container of nuts to snack on and some fruit. Not earth shattering superfoods but nonetheless healthier enough that it's significantly decreased his calorie intake plus he's usually hungrier at dinner now and therefore less picky.
I hope this helps. It took 8 year of watching him take advantage of his high metabolism and abuse his body. He now eats a lot healthier, works out and seems to have better energy. You won't overhaul his lifestyle in a week a month or even a year. Compromise, sneak veggies in and pack his lunch where possible
Is this a husband or a toddler you are feeding?
I realise different couples work in different ways, but when it comes to grown human beings I would always recommend having an honest conversation rather than sneaking, hiding or "taking away choice".
Can only imagine how MFPers of the male persuasion feel when reading a post like that. I'd be humiliated if it were me.
Thank you.
Can he not cook for himself if he doesn't like it?0 -
SierraFatToSkinny wrote: »This is seriously off topic. (Sorry OP!)
But everyone I've ever lived with has put the toilet seat down. Including the lid.
It keeps the toilet water in the bowl when you flush.... Instead of in the air and on your toothbrush.
It also keeps the dog and cat - yes, I had a cat that liked to drink from the bowl - out of it.1 -
SierraFatToSkinny wrote: »This is seriously off topic. (Sorry OP!)
But everyone I've ever lived with has put the toilet seat down. Including the lid.
It keeps the toilet water in the bowl when you flush.... Instead of in the air and on your toothbrush.
This is our house, too. And, IMO, the most reasonable solution. Then everyone must operate the toilet seat every time they use it - fair for everyone.0
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