uncaring spouse
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I am very sorry that this is what you are dealing with. Having had my rounds with people who were physically, mentally and emotionally abusive I know how bad it can feel.
I also know when you get to the point where it no longer hurts that is major. It takes a lot to push a person to numbness. I know you have your reasons for staying with him. Whatever those reasons are is not for anyone to judge. But know that you are likely sexy enough as you are and even when you set fitness and health goals that you will meet at some point he will still likely tell you how hideous he thinks you are. I do hope you find your way out of this situation and move on to much better things.
Also, make sure the pie you hit him with is fresh from the oven.6 -
Thankyou all so much. It will be a red hot pie. And hopfully he will just meet someone else and leave me to it. That's how little I feel for him. If I saw him with someone else it wouldn't hurt in the slightest.5
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I never thought of that.. I'll do that now.1
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Do you have a job?
Do you have money saved up, if not?
You need to prepare before leaving.
What is your current support system like?
Good points to make here. I once left a very abusive and controlling guy. I prepared in advance because I was afraid of what he would do once he knew I was leaving. I gathered my things in an inconspicuous manner slowly and over the course of about a month. That way I could have it all ready and I could pretty much just run out the door when the time came and I had my chance to escape.11 -
ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Do you have a job?
Do you have money saved up, if not?
You need to prepare before leaving.
What is your current support system like?
Good points to make here. I once left a very abusive and controlling guy. I prepared in advance because I was afraid of what he would do once he knew I was leaving. I gathered my things in an inconspicuous manner slowly and over the course of about a month. That way I could have it all ready and I could pretty much just run out the door when the time came and I had my chance to escape.
sage advice.
maybe start moving some items to a friend or family member's place
move some favorite photos, kids' gear and necessities of life too7 -
your name says it all ! , Its not that hard , just get your plan in place first1
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What a jerk. Tell'em he can love it or leave it
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Life is too short to be miserable. Do what you think is best for you and your kids. Whether that means slowly saving up money to leave him or asking him to see a relationship counselor. Your instincts will tell you what is right.0
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EricNewark wrote: »I understand it is hard when kids are involved but I agree as above also the example he is showing in front of the kids alone is worth leaving. You can't let him display that behavior with them.
I wish you the best. No woman (or man..) deserves to be treated that way. Period.
What he said ^^^ Sadly my daughter did not have a good example of what a healthy marriage would look like due to the fact that for 15 years I simply co-existed with her father, there was no love in the marriage shortly after my daughter was born. I have apologized to her, because it is having an effect on her relationships with boyfriends now that she is an adult. But she is learning.5 -
thats horrible. Tell him to go F himself and find a real man who loves all of you.2
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dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.10 -
EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!3 -
Have the two of you tried counseling?0
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DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
I didn't but I am not, sure whom; got that or if, it was sold & the, profits split but since she did indicate that she sold "my" horses she, most likely herself pocketed all of those profits since; the horses were solely hers!0 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
That must be so easy right. No.DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
It is more difficult to leave when financial assets are involved. It's actually a nightmare. To be honest, it may be easier if you don't have much. As long as you can line up a temp job and pack the things in haste, the logistics are much smaller.
But to be fair, it is difficult to leave the status quo in any situation. Takes a lot of courage and determination. Money and resources do not always translate towards higher resolve.
I agree but the poster that, she was responding to me concerning seemed to've this, holier than thou: "If I am able to, do it; you're also" as if she was entirely financially destitute when, clearly she wasn't especially; since the horses weren't a shared material asset! Which means, they were; quickly/easily sold!1 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
This is not true at all for the average horse, yeah you hear about those million dollar race horses and the fancy show horses in the media, but for your average backyard horse you'd be lucky to get $500 , most of the time they are being given away just to save someone the cost of feeding them. This is speaking from American standards, not sure if it is any different in Austrailia, but I find it very hard to believe she left with a nice chunk of change from selling horses. But to give you an idea, I have literally bought two perfectly sound horses for $1.00 before.3 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Duchess, I see the point. But it may not really be holier than thou. During my old social activist days, we'd assist women who are in strife, esp. domestic abuse and inner city single moms - and some of our co-activists who actually ran the organization full time (I was a partime volunteer) were women who once left the same things behind and they often exhibit attitudes of tough love and get visibly volatile when the victims wallow in self-pity and never muster up the courage - because it is not scaleable to provide financial assistance forever unless the person uses it and emancipates herself.DeficitDuchess wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
That must be so easy right. No.DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
It is more difficult to leave when financial assets are involved. It's actually a nightmare. To be honest, it may be easier if you don't have much. As long as you can line up a temp job and pack the things in haste, the logistics are much smaller.
But to be fair, it is difficult to leave the status quo in any situation. Takes a lot of courage and determination. Money and resources do not always translate towards higher resolve.
I agree but the poster that, she was responding to me concerning seemed to've this, holier than thou: "If I am able to, do it; you're also" as if she was entirely financially destitute when, clearly she wasn't especially; since the horses weren't a shared material asset! Which means, they were; quickly/easily sold!
A lot of people just stay because getting out of the status quo is scary to them.
Totally understandable but most of them leave with nothing she, seems to've at least left with; some finances!0
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