Friends suddenly unsupportive after losing a lot of weight?

I think the problem is so many are overweight so when someone starts losing weight others are not accustomed to it and think your too thin. Also, most people think it's okay to call someone skinny. But in reality to many it's like calling someone fat. My husband has gastroparesis and has lost some weight. His dad called him skinny and it was really upsetting bcuz it's not like he's trying to lose weight. Some people are just unaware of how rude their words are.

Losing weight is tough. Sometimes I have to talk to myself. I still have 23 lbs to go to my doctor's goal for me. When people tell me I'm getting anorexic (with a 28 BMI!) I remember how hard it is to lose weight. Eventually they will get used so seeing me thinner and stop thin shaming and offering me sweets.

The truth is you can never win. You're either too fat or too skinny because people love the power boost that comes with criticizing others. Do what you want for yourself, give them all a line, and carry on.

prattiger65 wrote: »

I usually say something like, " I got tired of being fat, you may get tired of it too one day." But I'm an old *kitten*.

Interesting you should mention that. The only 2 people in my life who expressed 'concern' over my healthy weight loss (75 lbs) and said they were worried that I was now too skinny (@5'11 175 lbs, lol) were both in the mid-to-upper range of the obese category.

I could see that happening if they hadn't seen me in person while I lost the weight and so it came as a big surprise the first time they saw my new-and-improved version, but these were both people I saw pretty much every day.

fat people are no different than drug addicts. Similarly, a drug addict will chastise a friend that decides to get clean. When you are in the gutter , it is sometimes easier to bring people down than to climb out. Just accept that they have issues and that they are most likely saying things out of spite.

Loss of social relationships is one of the things they talk about in bariatric surgery classes... While I have had surgery now, I lost 115lbs on my own before doing the surgery, and I experienced the loss of friends during both processes.

Now, it is true that some are expressing their real concern or they are struggling with seeing someone they love change. This is a normal situation, and usually, if their concern is genuine, it mitigates over time as they see you continue to be healthy and maintain relationships. Unfortunately, I think that it is also true that sometimes people find comfort in not being "the fattest person in the room" so when they see others making progress, ones that they saw in a way like "at least I'm not as big as XYZ," it becomes a threat and an alarm to their shaky self-worth.

In my situation, people handled the slower weight loss I had prior to surgery much more easily than the weight loss I've seen after surgery. I lost a dear friend of over 5 years because she couldn't handle supporting the transition after surgery. It was as if the fact that I no longer could have days where I "slipped" on my diet or something made her feel so convicted that she created conflicts to hold over my head. When she "broke up" with me, it came completely out of the blue for me... I was sad for maybe a day before I accepted that her body image issues were not mine to control.

Transitioning from a weight perspective can be rough on everyone involved, and rouse up insecurities that people either didn't know they had or were actively denying. I know for me, my obvious changes are holding others accountable. Some rise to the challenge and get healthy alongside you... Others take it personally and feel hurt. I think from an individual perspective, however, it's also important to acknowledge that the body change also coincides with changes to your passions, personality and choices... You are literally transitioning to being a different person, or should be, if you are going to maintain weight loss. Your choices are different, your stature is different, the way you feel about yourself and the exuded confidence level has likely changed too. Getting healthy isn't just about the body, it's about the mind and spirit, and sometimes we really do become very different people that no longer connect to those we used to be connected to.

Recognizing how much you have changed in all the ways that you do could help you mend fences or communicate more effectively with those that express concern... Usually they comment about the body because it's more obvious than the internal changes... The correlation between changes to who you are at the core and the changes to your physical body leave others to comment on the only thing they can actively see. Sometimes, you just need patience. Other times, you need honesty enough to decide that these people are no longer the people you need in your life.