For those of you who aren't SUPER FIT-yep they are judging us.
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So people judge others as they have since the dawn of time? Shocking information!2
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ValleyHooper wrote: »One reason I refuse to go to a gym. I would rather workout at home and not deal with other people's crap. Some people are so rude. I am sorry you had to deal with that.
That, and your snakes would probably freak them out.
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The irony is that this is now the OP''s third thread created to complain about the other patrons of her gym.14
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »OP, that behaviour is unacceptable. You need to talk to the gym mgmt. And then, whether they act on it or not:
1. Leave a very negative yelp review
2. Leave a very negative FB review
And in both cases, highlight that the management turns a blind eye to bad behaviour.
And that would force them to send newsletters, and run tickers on the big flat screens.
I reported and raised a scene with gym management one time and now they run a ppt slide on the big screen as to how courtesy matters and violators will be punished.
Even if the gym management acted on your complaint you would leave negative feedback on yelp and Facebook highlighting management turns a blind eye?
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amyinthetardis1231 wrote: »The irony is that this is now the OP''s third thread created to complain about the other patrons of her gym.
Yep yep. Checking post histories often can change one's reading of a post.9 -
If it makes you feel any better, I'm guessing Mr. Shineyhead has small nuts!!3
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Someone who looks like a new member (for example, has not been at the gym for a while and no one recognizes him/her) does something that looks dangerous and also has a kid there. I cannot understand why it is rude for another member (the girl in this case) to point out that this is a situation where an accident could happen (bar too high). It has happened to me to be told I was doing something wrong, and no matter if the person commenting is 20 years younger or 20 years older, there are three things to reply, depending on the situation: "thank you" (general polite reply, no need to engage in further conversation or get into details) or "yeah I know, trying to fix this" (and then you can explain if you feel in the mood) or even "hmm, can you show me what you mean?" (in case you thing this person might actually have noticed something you have missed, which can happen, even if you have been lifting for 50 years).
The girl telling the OP she had the bar too high, I cannot see why it was a nasty comment, it sounds like a reasonable concern. On the other hand, OP seeing this as an opportunity to discuss the girl's body (and in a way that could easily mean "if you wanted a toned body, you might get there by the time you are 20 years older") could be easily interpreted as nasty.
OP, how people react to you, it often is a matter of how you perceive the initial situation. Perhaps you not feeling confident in your body, or feeling judged in front of your kid, made you own attitude seem bad or your tone weird, hence the conversation about you. Perhaps, had you replied in the beginning, "thanks for pointing this out, I had already noticed, weird how tall my child is now" and left it at that, things would have proceeded in a different way?
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Someone who looks like a new member (for example, has not been at the gym for a while and no one recognizes him/her) does something that looks dangerous and also has a kid there. I cannot understand why it is rude for another member (the girl in this case) to point out that this is a situation where an accident could happen (bar too high). It has happened to me to be told I was doing something wrong, and no matter if the person commenting is 20 years younger or 20 years older, there are three things to reply, depending on the situation: "thank you" (general polite reply, no need to engage in further conversation or get into details) or "yeah I know, trying to fix this" (and then you can explain if you feel in the mood) or even "hmm, can you show me what you mean?" (in case you thing this person might actually have noticed something you have missed, which can happen, even if you have been lifting for 50 years).
The girl telling the OP she had the bar too high, I cannot see why it was a nasty comment, it sounds like a reasonable concern. On the other hand, OP seeing this as an opportunity to discuss the girl's body (and in a way that could easily mean "if you wanted a toned body, you might get there by the time you are 20 years older") could be easily interpreted as nasty.
OP, how people react to you, it often is a matter of how you perceive the initial situation. Perhaps you not feeling confident in your body, or feeling judged in front of your kid, made you own attitude seem bad or your tone weird, hence the conversation about you. Perhaps, had you replied in the beginning, "thanks for pointing this out, I had already noticed, weird how tall my child is now" and left it at that, things would have proceeded in a different way?
This is pretty much what I thought when I read the OP. I always find it amazing that some people seem to meet all the arseholes where ever they go and they never seem to realise that maybe the arsehole isn't the people they are meeting...18 -
JoRocka, agree to disagree. She didn't say he randomly walked up and started yelling. She said she caught them talking about how stupid she was, and when she called them out on it, dude started screaming.
As far as being an adult and figuring out "if" you "let" that affect you or not . . . different people with different personalities are affected differently by events in their lives (good or bad). I wish it was just as simple as deciding. Granted, I am older now, and I don't let people slide on their rudeness. That helps, no regrets of wishing I had said something.
Well, we only know her side of the story too. Maybe she was super confrontational both times. From her paragraph, you can tell she had preconceived notions about the other people. Since she had already stereotyped them, they may have been doomed from the start in an interaction with her, regardless of their actual demeanor.6 -
Wow. Another lucky person who has never been treated like crap by a total stranger and so assumes that the OP must have been the offender. While I can see your point as to how the 20 year old might have taken OP's comment the wrong way, I disagree with your assertion about how some people (me being one of them) seem to meet all the arseholes and never seem to realize . . . . Go back and read my examples. And explain to me how I was the arsehole in those situations. On second thought, don't. Too many people on this thread have already all but called OP an out and out liar. I'm sure the same is in store for me.0
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JoRocka, agree to disagree. She didn't say he randomly walked up and started yelling. She said she caught them talking about how stupid she was, and when she called them out on it, dude started screaming.
As far as being an adult and figuring out "if" you "let" that affect you or not . . . different people with different personalities are affected differently by events in their lives (good or bad). I wish it was just as simple as deciding. Granted, I am older now, and I don't let people slide on their rudeness. That helps, no regrets of wishing I had said something.
Well, we only know her side of the story too. Maybe she was super confrontational both times. From her paragraph, you can tell she had preconceived notions about the other people. Since she had already stereotyped them, they may have been doomed from the start in an interaction with her, regardless of their actual demeanor.
You have a valid point.0 -
Wow. Another lucky person who has never been treated like crap by a total stranger and so assumes that the OP must have been the offender. While I can see your point as to how the 20 year old might have taken OP's comment the wrong way, I disagree with your assertion about how some people (me being one of them) seem to meet all the arseholes and never seem to realize . . . . Go back and read my examples. And explain to me how I was the arsehole in those situations. On second thought, don't. Too many people on this thread have already all but called OP an out and out liar. I'm sure the same is in store for me.
I'm assuming nothing about the OP being the offender. Reading her post I personally feel that how she responded to lady who pointed out that the bar was too high was quite possibly rude and offensive. She already had a full on pre-conceived opinion of the bloke before he even spoke to her.
People drop weights when they are lifting, but she has taken this as actually a insult against her personally and the only reason he was doing this was because she was doing squats in his rack.
So far there appears to be nothing reasonable in her view of her fellow gym members and I don't doubt that this came across in how she spoke to the women who offered her some help and quite possibly in the way she replied to the bloke when he asked if she was done in the rack.
You then may have 2 people who both know each other, who have been rudely spoken to by someone having a vent about they way she spoke to them, who then goes over and has a go about what she has heard. Of course she will feel she no doubt spoke perfectly calmly and politely to them but somehow, I doubt it because of what she has already written about her view of these people.
So he responds in kind to the way she has spoken, explaining that the only reason someone said anything to her was because they worried she might hurt herself.
As for the note about always meeting the arseholes...read up, someone posted that this is the 3rd post she has made complaining about other people at the gym. So it was a direct comment to that note. She appears to keep on meeting arseholes....12 -
FatMoojor, fair enough. You have made valid points. One question, though. How do you go back and look at someone else' post history? I agree that this could color one's reading of a current post.1
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Wow. Another lucky person who has never been treated like crap by a total stranger and so assumes that the OP must have been the offender. While I can see your point as to how the 20 year old might have taken OP's comment the wrong way, I disagree with your assertion about how some people (me being one of them) seem to meet all the arseholes and never seem to realize . . . . Go back and read my examples. And explain to me how I was the arsehole in those situations. On second thought, don't. Too many people on this thread have already all but called OP an out and out liar. I'm sure the same is in store for me.
Either way, generalizing a whole group of people as judgmental because of one personal incident isn't exactly non confrontational.3 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »Wow. Another lucky person who has never been treated like crap by a total stranger and so assumes that the OP must have been the offender. While I can see your point as to how the 20 year old might have taken OP's comment the wrong way, I disagree with your assertion about how some people (me being one of them) seem to meet all the arseholes and never seem to realize . . . . Go back and read my examples. And explain to me how I was the arsehole in those situations. On second thought, don't. Too many people on this thread have already all but called OP an out and out liar. I'm sure the same is in store for me.
Either way, generalizing a whole group of people as judgmental because of one personal incident isn't exactly non confrontational.
True.0 -
FatMoojor, fair enough. You have made valid points. One question, though. How do you go back and look at someone else' post history? I agree that this could color one's reading of a current post.
If you use the search function, you can select one of the filters to be author. You can then put a users name in that field and find all posts by them.2 -
LiveLoveFitFab wrote: »I always thought, no one is judging you because you aren't super fit. But I was always super fit looking at the gym. Now this shows me I was wrong. Just because I'm silently cheering on people who are new or who are looking to get back into things, doesn't mean anything. I'm the exception, not the rule.
I think this is a great sentence that highlights the difference between "fit" and "healthy". What I've come to learn is that the two are not synonyms. Some (not all) of the most fit people I know are some of the unhealthiest I know, because they've chosen not to work on their emotional well being with the same discipline they give to their bodies. A healthy brain is compassionate and as you said, silently (or loudly) cheering for the people around them. Giving value to others so they can have the same type of healthy experience. When someone chooses to make a snide comment around me, I just simply remember that their comments are more about them and their state of mind... not about me.1 -
Wow. Another lucky person who has never been treated like crap by a total stranger and so assumes that the OP must have been the offender. While I can see your point as to how the 20 year old might have taken OP's comment the wrong way, I disagree with your assertion about how some people (me being one of them) seem to meet all the arseholes and never seem to realize . . . . Go back and read my examples. And explain to me how I was the arsehole in those situations. On second thought, don't. Too many people on this thread have already all but called OP an out and out liar. I'm sure the same is in store for me.
I was actually going to respond to your earlier post but the day happened as it is wont to. Regarding calling out people for rude behavior, note that that's what the dog owner thought he was doing!! He was calling out your husband because he thought he'd said vile things about his dog. You may not have been the offender, but thinking that you were was enough to ruin this man's day and lead him to start a verbal altercation. Not saying I've never reacted poorly, but when given a chance to think about it, I just don't see the upside to proving myself to any kind of stranger. Which leads me to something I've noticed in your and the OPs stories have in common...
I'm starting to really agree with many of the earlier comments. You felt timid, and the OP feels insecure. When not in that situation there's minimal need to prove yourself to someone who matters little to nothing in the grand scheme of things. So they might think I'm some kind of moron. Yeah, uh okay. So what?2 -
Is there a message in this for the rest of us?
That we who share the gym with others need to keep an eye out for rude, bullying behavior and be ready to try to help intervene -- in a manner supports common courtesy but tries to be non-confrontational?
I think I would be really pumped to see a mom working out with her kid.1 -
It sounds like you just ran into some not nice people. I'm not super fit-looking and have never had anything like this happen to me even once.0
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GiddyupTim wrote: »Is there a message in this for the rest of us?
That we who share the gym with others need to keep an eye out for rude, bullying behavior and be ready to try to help intervene -- in a manner supports common courtesy but tries to be non-confrontational?
I think I would be really pumped to see a mom working out with her kid.
I'd like to think that if I saw someone being an asshat to anyone at the gym that I'd intervene, at the least by getting management. I've never seen it, though. Not even in the gym I used to use as a teenager that catered to bodybuilders and power lifters (I wasn't one or trying to be one, but my PT worked there).
The biggest problems I've seen at the gym are people not putting equipment back, or leaving their stuff sitting on equipment while they go gab it up somewhere else. The most 'rudeness' I've experienced has been unsolicited advice - and it was well meant, just misplaced, and one goofball that thought tapping me on the shoulder and saying 'great job' while I was in the middle of doing heavy bench press was a good idea.
Oh, an in case there's a question. I don't look super-fit.1 -
Wow. Another lucky person who has never been treated like crap by a total stranger and so assumes that the OP must have been the offender. While I can see your point as to how the 20 year old might have taken OP's comment the wrong way, I disagree with your assertion about how some people (me being one of them) seem to meet all the arseholes and never seem to realize . . . . Go back and read my examples. And explain to me how I was the arsehole in those situations. On second thought, don't. Too many people on this thread have already all but called OP an out and out liar. I'm sure the same is in store for me.
I was actually going to respond to your earlier post but the day happened as it is wont to. Regarding calling out people for rude behavior, note that that's what the dog owner thought he was doing!! He was calling out your husband because he thought he'd said vile things about his dog. You may not have been the offender, but thinking that you were was enough to ruin this man's day and lead him to start a verbal altercation. Not saying I've never reacted poorly, but when given a chance to think about it, I just don't see the upside to proving myself to any kind of stranger. Which leads me to something I've noticed in your and the OPs stories have in common...
I'm starting to really agree with many of the earlier comments. You felt timid, and the OP feels insecure. When not in that situation there's minimal need to prove yourself to someone who matters little to nothing in the grand scheme of things. So they might think I'm some kind of moron. Yeah, uh okay. So what?
I am also starting to agree with many earlier comments. But . . . you and I will definitely have to agree to disagree with what you apparently have concluded about me. Allow me to clarify a few things: Dog owner did NOT call my husband out for rude behavior, real or perceived. Husband was rude to no one. The dog owner eavesdropped and misheard a conversation that had nothing to do with him. I do NOT believe the dog owner thought hubby was specifically referring to his dog. In fact, it was probably the only dog at the place the child didn't touch, and that was simply because he didn't see it. Actually, the explanation we were given implied dog owner thought we were maligning "dogs" in general. Not at all true by the way. We also have a dog, a breed that is considered agressive. I simply mentioned, IMHO, the dog owner was sensitive to criticism of dogs as dangerous because his was a very specific, very much maligned, but also potentially aggressive, breed. The rudeness in that situation started when dog owner eavesdropped on a private, QUIET conversation. He had to be listening pretty intently to hear any of it, and that is also why he misheard it. Perhaps if he had not been eavesdropping, his day wouldn't have been ruined by his own misperception. I will NOT take responsibility for ruining someone else' day with my private conversation unless I am talking specifically about that person. The rudeness became known and escalated when dog owner decided to call my husband a very offensive expletive. Note that calling people vicious names with zero context, zero prior interaction or knowledge is very different from calling someone out for perceived rudeness. Had the dog owner said something about how he didn't appreciate husband's comment about XYZ (this is what I mean about calling someone out for rudeness), there might still have been some hard feelings (you know, for the eavesdropping and getting involved in a stranger's child rearing choices). But the misunderstanding would more than likely have been cleared up immediately and certainly with less animosity. As to my feeling timid: That was 20 plus years ago that rude people made me feel timid or intimidated. I am no longer intimidated by the rude. And the reason that I call out the rudeness isn't because I think rude @hats will think I'm a moron if I don't, and it's not about proving myself to them. It's simply about standing up for myself. And, I want the rude @hats to think twice before their next assumption, eavesdrop, or outburst against a total stranger. As you alluded to in an earlier comment, they really have way too much confidence in the mental stability of strangers.0 -
Aside from the part about your autistic child, it's actually a pretty funny incident. The guy was off his rocker. Honestly, I don't think we can afford to let strangers' stupidity ruin our day. What they are "thinking" or even saying to each other doesn't matter one whit. You just keep doing your thing!
@lorrpb How is that funny???
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Not true. I have also never run into an as* . . . . at the gym. No sarcasm intended. Seriously. Never have.0 -
I'm lucky my gym has no issues like that its open 24/7 365 days a year and no attitudes1
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Watching some big guy slamming weights around because he's annoyed by another member. Ridiculous behavior! It's humorous that he would let another person get to him like that.squatsanddeadlift wrote: »Aside from the part about your autistic child, it's actually a pretty funny incident. The guy was off his rocker. Honestly, I don't think we can afford to let strangers' stupidity ruin our day. What they are "thinking" or even saying to each other doesn't matter one whit. You just keep doing your thing!
@lorrpb How is that funny???
I also find it more than a bit ironic that said member makes the comments she did to others when there was absolutely no reason for her to say anything, then gets outraged by their responses.
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Watching some big guy slamming weights around because he's annoyed by another member. Ridiculous behavior! It's humorous that he would let another person get to him like that.squatsanddeadlift wrote: »Aside from the part about your autistic child, it's actually a pretty funny incident. The guy was off his rocker. Honestly, I don't think we can afford to let strangers' stupidity ruin our day. What they are "thinking" or even saying to each other doesn't matter one whit. You just keep doing your thing!
@lorrpb How is that funny???
I also find it more than a bit ironic that said member makes the comments she did to others when there was absolutely no reason for her to say anything, then gets outraged by their responses.
But you weren't there and it did not happen to you so how can you possibly say if some meathead twice your size getting up in your face is funny or intimidating?
I will be honest. I don't find that kind of behaviour funny at all. Meh maybe I have a different view as to what constitutes humour? - I am actually quite glad of that to be honest.
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squatsanddeadlift wrote: »
Watching some big guy slamming weights around because he's annoyed by another member. Ridiculous behavior! It's humorous that he would let another person get to him like that.squatsanddeadlift wrote: »Aside from the part about your autistic child, it's actually a pretty funny incident. The guy was off his rocker. Honestly, I don't think we can afford to let strangers' stupidity ruin our day. What they are "thinking" or even saying to each other doesn't matter one whit. You just keep doing your thing!
@lorrpb How is that funny???
I also find it more than a bit ironic that said member makes the comments she did to others when there was absolutely no reason for her to say anything, then gets outraged by their responses.
But you weren't there and it did not happen to you so how can you possibly say if some meathead twice your size getting up in your face is funny or intimidating?
I will be honest. I don't find that kind of behaviour funny at all. Meh maybe I have a different view as to what constitutes humour? - I am actually quite glad of that to be honest.
I can say whether it sounds funny to me when reading about it. That's all. I don't condone or justify ignorant behavior, but sometimes stupidity can strike people as humorous.4 -
squatsanddeadlift wrote: »
Watching some big guy slamming weights around because he's annoyed by another member. Ridiculous behavior! It's humorous that he would let another person get to him like that.squatsanddeadlift wrote: »Aside from the part about your autistic child, it's actually a pretty funny incident. The guy was off his rocker. Honestly, I don't think we can afford to let strangers' stupidity ruin our day. What they are "thinking" or even saying to each other doesn't matter one whit. You just keep doing your thing!
@lorrpb How is that funny???
I also find it more than a bit ironic that said member makes the comments she did to others when there was absolutely no reason for her to say anything, then gets outraged by their responses.
But you weren't there and it did not happen to you so how can you possibly say if some meathead twice your size getting up in your face is funny or intimidating?
I will be honest. I don't find that kind of behaviour funny at all. Meh maybe I have a different view as to what constitutes humour? - I am actually quite glad of that to be honest.
people losing their *kitten* is generally quite funny- and the more trivial the REASON for losing said bag of poop- the more amusing the tantrum is.
not everyone has the same humor- but lots of people are amused by someone elses melt down. that's not new. I can absolutely see how a giant man flipping out over a squat rack is funny. it's like those political characters.9
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