When you live with people who never gain weight and eat all the stuff you cannot touch.
rouhnaz
Posts: 62 Member
Hello.
I'm just stressed a tad here. I live with my boyfriend who cooks amazing food, orders fatty deep rich pizza from restaurants, devours as much as he pleases and can never seem to synchronize meal time with me.
It's so exhausting watching him inhale all the delicious bottomless meals all day, while I am 35lbs overweight and cannot lose for the life of me.
He never gains anything. Naturally lean and fit.
Life ain't fair, that's for d@!$ sure.
What do you do when you are trying to stay at your calorie limit every day while the person/people you live with eat everything you can't in front of you?
If nothing else, vent with me! Gah!
I'm just stressed a tad here. I live with my boyfriend who cooks amazing food, orders fatty deep rich pizza from restaurants, devours as much as he pleases and can never seem to synchronize meal time with me.
It's so exhausting watching him inhale all the delicious bottomless meals all day, while I am 35lbs overweight and cannot lose for the life of me.
He never gains anything. Naturally lean and fit.
Life ain't fair, that's for d@!$ sure.
What do you do when you are trying to stay at your calorie limit every day while the person/people you live with eat everything you can't in front of you?
If nothing else, vent with me! Gah!
7
Replies
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I'm lucky in that my partner has always tried to support me by eating the same/similar meals together. When we were not eating together (like during the day at work) he could eat what he liked....
I don't think I could have coped, especially at first, with him eating that type of food.
Can you talk to him and let him know how you feel? It may be that he doesn't realise - perhaps he can get creative in the kitchen and cook more calorie friendly meals you can enjoy together and save his rich, indulgent foods for times you aren't around6 -
My partner is twice my size (me 5'1, 100lbs, he 6'3, 210lbs), and has a semi physical job so can eat my calories x 3 without gaining.
We eat the same foods - just appropriate portion sizes. Make it about what you can eat, not what you can't. He sits with a bowl of chips and dip, or whatever, I will take a small handful and savour it.
Find what works for you, but don't put pressure on him. It's not his journey.
Cheers, h.28 -
I don't understand. Why can't you eat those foods?5
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I grew up this way. My dad ate 3 sandwiches, bags of chips, and dessert for lunch every day. For dinner he would eat 3 helpings of everything. He only got UP to 150 lbs(5'10") when he broke his leg and was on bed rest for 4 weeks and in a cast for 8 more. I was 150 a 12. You just have to watch what you eat and let him eat what he wants/needs. He may not be happy that he has to eat so much to stay the same weight, My Dad wasn't.4
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Thanks for all your feedback.
He is very happy he can eat the way he does. He knows it sucks for me. However I wouldn't want him to suffer just because I have a problem.
Ultimately it's just life.
I can't eat the foods he does unless I have a small portion, and that usually leaves me wanting and unsatisfied.
I even drive him to places where he can get food from different restaurants and bring it home to devour while I sit in a corner and play on my phone.
Work days, he takes a long time prepping a nice dinner that he can enjoy, but I can't usually eat what he makes. Also, because I'm so hungry, waiting for him to finishing cooking his dinner is difficult.
It just sucks.6 -
Let me say, he is the warmest most loving and considerate person I know!
I'm not saying he does it to torture me. He hates that I always struggle with my diet.
But this doesn't mean he needs to struggle.6 -
I guess this all means, I just have to deal with it and suck it up.
Sigh2 -
It sounds like your goal, or food choices, may be a little too restrictive.
Have you looked at changing your calorie goal so you can eat more?
Moving more during the day so your NEAT is higher?
Adding in a a couple of extra exercise sessions a week?
If he is making something delicious have a suitable portion and add a load of veg, or salad, to make it a filling meal.
Cheers, h.16 -
What many people don't realize about people who are "naturally lean and fit" is they are either eating less at other times or their activity level is higher than most people's.29
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Yes, I adjusted my goal so that it's a bit higher. Still, it's hard for me to just moderate and have a thin slice of pizza or a small helping of pancakes.. especially when I can make myself a more diet-friendly alternative.
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TimothyFish wrote: »What many people don't realize about people who are "naturally lean and fit" is they are either eating less at other times or their activity level is higher than most people's.
While this seems to make sense -- I live with someone who defies this logic. My husband can't keep weight on. He is rail thin and looses weight at the drop of a hat. He has seen many doctors and has had numerous tests. He drinks ensure plus between meals just to maintain his weight. He will even wake up at night just to down an ensure and go back to bed!
The doctors have concluded that he just has a naturally crazy high metabolism. Part of me is bitter - I have to fight for every pound i take off. However, i watch him struggle too. It sucks at both ends of the spectrum.11 -
amymoreorless wrote: »TimothyFish wrote: »What many people don't realize about people who are "naturally lean and fit" is they are either eating less at other times or their activity level is higher than most people's.
While this seems to make sense -- I live with someone who defies this logic. My husband can't keep weight on. He is rail thin and looses weight at the drop of a hat. He has seen many doctors and has had numerous tests. He drinks ensure plus between meals just to maintain his weight. He will even wake up at night just to down an ensure and go back to bed!
The doctors have concluded that he just has a naturally crazy high metabolism. Part of me is bitter - I have to fight for every pound i take off. However, i watch him struggle too. It sucks at both ends of the spectrum.
He likely fidgets all the time. Gets up to do something constantly (grab a snack, go to the bathroom, get something he forgot in the bedroom, etc.) And/or he's tall. And, yes, he's probably also a metabolic outlier on the "fast" end of the distribution.
For the OP: I can somewhat relate. My husband weighs about 60 pounds more than me and is 9 inches taller. He's also really muscular. His maintenance calories are ~1000 calories/day higher than mine if we're comparably active. Usually, I'm more active, and his maintenance calories are still ~500/day higher than mine.
My calorie allowance is high enough that I can have some of the calorie-rich foods he enjoys, and we eat the same basic foods for meals - but he gets larger portions of all the calorie-dense stuff and I get equal/bigger portions of the salad and veggies. (I also take my salad before the croutons go in.)
But, yeah, sometimes it sucks. All I can suggest is "move more" to get your calorie allowance up a bit.
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amymoreorless wrote: »TimothyFish wrote: »What many people don't realize about people who are "naturally lean and fit" is they are either eating less at other times or their activity level is higher than most people's.
While this seems to make sense -- I live with someone who defies this logic. My husband can't keep weight on. He is rail thin and looses weight at the drop of a hat. He has seen many doctors and has had numerous tests. He drinks ensure plus between meals just to maintain his weight. He will even wake up at night just to down an ensure and go back to bed!
The doctors have concluded that he just has a naturally crazy high metabolism. Part of me is bitter - I have to fight for every pound i take off. However, i watch him struggle too. It sucks at both ends of the spectrum.
I have a friend like that. We lived together when we first moved out on our own at 19/20. I used to be very jealous but finally realized our bodies were just different. I can add muscle easier than she can. There are definitely struggles for all of us even if they aren't the same ones.
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Oh, I sure identify with this... Eating like my boyfriend was the main cause of my weight problem. Not his fault at all, but he's the same - he can eat whatever he wants and doesn't gain a pound. Luckily for me he doesn't really cook, so at least I don't have to smell delicious food for an hour while he prepares it... But it still kinda sucks having to watch him down 3 slices of pizza with a cup of ranch and not worry about gaining weight.
What kinds of food do you eat during the day? The only thing that helps me not be too jealous is eating meals that I still enjoy. Sure, they're not as yummy as his, but I don't feel like I'm eating cardboard at least. I recommend looking up some low calorie recipes that actually look appealing to you... they're out there, I promise. This situation requires a lot of will power, but you can do it!2 -
You have described my husband and brother...so I've been surrounded my whole life by naturally thin "no matter what they eat people" *insert eye roll here* so what I did.... I started cooking dinner...the only meal my husband and I share....it was hard at first because I had no idea what I was doing, but once I got a few low cal recipes under my belt I was good to go. It helps knowing I'm in control of dinner...could you possibly take over cooking a couple of nights a week? Then maybe bank a few extra calories for the nights he cooks and you can enjoy his meals too.6
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I value all the feedback. At least we're not alone!
And yes, having a super high metabolism is a challenge that I will never truly know.
(Of course, it sounds like a good problem to have from where I'm standing!)
As for cooking meals for us-- that usually goes south. He can really cook tasty rich foods. I don't have the culinary pizzazz that he inherited from his father (French chef). At least I can have my diet ice cream and peanut butter.0 -
amymoreorless wrote: »TimothyFish wrote: »What many people don't realize about people who are "naturally lean and fit" is they are either eating less at other times or their activity level is higher than most people's.
While this seems to make sense -- I live with someone who defies this logic. My husband can't keep weight on. He is rail thin and looses weight at the drop of a hat. He has seen many doctors and has had numerous tests. He drinks ensure plus between meals just to maintain his weight. He will even wake up at night just to down an ensure and go back to bed!
The doctors have concluded that he just has a naturally crazy high metabolism. Part of me is bitter - I have to fight for every pound i take off. However, i watch him struggle too. It sucks at both ends of the spectrum.
This can happen, but it's rare. I even know of a sumo wrestler who spent 10 years in the sport unable to put on any fat. But it's rare enough that you can't assume of anyone who just looks as if they can eat anything and not gain, unless you have a medical opinion.1 -
It doesn't bother me. He's naturally slim and he eats his food. I eat mine. Happy life.4
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I can relate here. My partner needs double the amount of calories just to maintain his weight. I'm in charge of cooking dinner during the week so I can track what goes into my meals. I always load up his plate with much larger portions, particularly of carbs. He's also been kindly trying to snack on foods I don't like but he does, like cream cakes instead of chocolate biscuits.3
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Just because he is slim doesn't mean he is healthy. It can be really hard but try cutting sugar from your diet. Its in everything and it can cause you to have cravings through out the day.2
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My husband runs marathons and when he is a couple of weeks away from one (like now) will just inhale food and still lose weight. We have the same meals I just adapt mine (and have a fraction of the portion size!) but it's the constant snacking in the evening which I find trickiest. No real tips but I sympathise.3
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My husband is much taller and heavier than me, and maintains in WAY more than I do! Things which help:
- He eats a large meal at lunch, so that we can have a light evening meal together
- I buy his favourite high calorie snacks instead of mine, so that I'm less tempted
- If he's eating something that I really want, but don't have enough calories for, I just have some of his! e.g. A third of his beer, a slice of his pizza, a piece of his chocolate. By doing it this way, I bank enough weekly calories to indulge along with him from time to time too.7 -
amymoreorless wrote: »TimothyFish wrote: »What many people don't realize about people who are "naturally lean and fit" is they are either eating less at other times or their activity level is higher than most people's.
While this seems to make sense -- I live with someone who defies this logic. My husband can't keep weight on. He is rail thin and looses weight at the drop of a hat. He has seen many doctors and has had numerous tests. He drinks ensure plus between meals just to maintain his weight. He will even wake up at night just to down an ensure and go back to bed!
The doctors have concluded that he just has a naturally crazy high metabolism. Part of me is bitter - I have to fight for every pound i take off. However, i watch him struggle too. It sucks at both ends of the spectrum.
I have a friend like that. She eats and eats and eat (usually garbage too) and never gains a pound. She actually had to get a Rx to slow down her metabolism so she could gain weight. I used to joke with her about trading metabolisms so she could gain and I could lose.
My hunger fix is Veggies! You can eat a boatload of veggies and if you get hungry again, eat another boatload.
Veggies are very versatile too. you can make soup, casseroles, salads, sandwiches.......just about anything with veggies - except hot dogs. Veggie dogs are nasty IMHO
good luck losing weight3 -
DustinAllgood wrote: »Just because he is slim doesn't mean he is healthy. It can be really hard but try cutting sugar from your diet. Its in everything and it can cause you to have cravings through out the day.
Nope.
Unless you have a medical issue (a GENUINE medical issue) with sugar, there's no need to cut it out.9 -
My take on your situation, after years of observation and analysis of similar situations, is that your boyfriend eats as much as he pleases of any food he likes, while you try to adhere to a restrictive regimen that makes you physically and emotionally wanting. You are hungry, hangry, envious, resentful. This triggers you to overeat, in an attempt to fill your needs.
My suggestion is - allow yourself to eat what you want. Pay attention to how that makes you feel. Aim to eat in a way that makes you feel good.
You may experience that what and how you like to eat, changes a bit, or a lot, when you do that.
Truly eating what and how you want will most likely lead to normal weight, just like is does for your boyfriend.4 -
DustinAllgood wrote: »Just because he is slim doesn't mean he is healthy. It can be really hard but try cutting sugar from your diet. Its in everything and it can cause you to have cravings through out the day.
A diet of protein and fat is pretty poor.4 -
I live with my dad. He's also overweight, but refuses to eat anything overtly 'healthy' for him and loves sweets. He also likes to cook. It's taken a lot of communication, but we've finally found compromises to help us become healthier.
Find out his favorite foods that he makes. For my dad, this is spaghetti. Spaghetti the way he used to make it would put me over my goals quick and having a salad on the side didn't help. Every spaghetti night, I felt miserable and would usually eat over my calorie allotment. After a lot of back and forth, we finally settled on adding bell peppers, diced tomatoes, onions, and mushrooms to the sauce. He also keeps the sauce and noodles separate and allows me to transfer the sauce to a bowl (so I can weigh it out)before serving. This hasn't hampered him making spaghetti in any way (and he likes the way it tastes), plus it's made spaghetti night enjoyable for me again.
I've had to compromise too. I love trying vegetarian and vegan recipes. I also like trying healthy re-mixes of family favorites. My dad doesn't like these at all So now I try to find recipes that are more like his version of normal but can fit into my calories. I've also included some high-calorie items that we have every other week, which I work around my allotment. While I still make my veggie recipes and re-mixes, those are general 'me' food that I can take to lunch each day and have made up for days when he wants something I can't fit into my calories.
This isn't your boyfriends' journey, but he is a part of your life and he loves you. Talk to him and figure out a way that you guys can make this food thing work, whether that's making homemade pizza, adding more veggies to his favorite dishes, or having some 'you' food set aside for when the going gets tough.
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Yes, I adjusted my goal so that it's a bit higher. Still, it's hard for me to just moderate and have a thin slice of pizza or a small helping of pancakes.. especially when I can make myself a more diet-friendly alternative.
I lost a bit of weight and I used to eat fast food all the time. The less and less I ate it though the easier it was to avoid. I think you're better off as you said to eat diet-friendly alternatives instead. Once i focused on my diet and really ate well I lost weight pretty quickly.1 -
Wow this was a wonderful thread of support to wake up to!
Thanks everyone.
I'm just gonna stick to my diet and deal with it. He certainly means well. I guess in the long run, I'd feel bad if he stopped enjoying foods and all the stuff he craves for me.
I did try to eat what I wanted and have foods like his -- this resulted in 10lbs of weight gain over 3 months. That's back when I though maybe I could eat whatever I like, too! Ha. Now I have 30lbs to lose instead of 20lbs.
So I just have to get used to this. Diets suck, that's the truth for me. But I have to do it if I want to make a change.
Thanks for all your support! This was really helpful.3 -
DustinAllgood wrote: »Just because he is slim doesn't mean he is healthy. It can be really hard but try cutting sugar from your diet. Its in everything and it can cause you to have cravings through out the day.
Nope. Wrong.1
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