When you live with people who never gain weight and eat all the stuff you cannot touch.

rouhnaz
rouhnaz Posts: 62 Member
edited March 2017 in Health and Weight Loss
Hello.
I'm just stressed a tad here. I live with my boyfriend who cooks amazing food, orders fatty deep rich pizza from restaurants, devours as much as he pleases and can never seem to synchronize meal time with me.

It's so exhausting watching him inhale all the delicious bottomless meals all day, while I am 35lbs overweight and cannot lose for the life of me.

He never gains anything. Naturally lean and fit.

Life ain't fair, that's for d@!$ sure.

What do you do when you are trying to stay at your calorie limit every day while the person/people you live with eat everything you can't in front of you?

If nothing else, vent with me! Gah!
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Replies

  • ElizabethHanrahan
    ElizabethHanrahan Posts: 102 Member
    I grew up this way. My dad ate 3 sandwiches, bags of chips, and dessert for lunch every day. For dinner he would eat 3 helpings of everything. He only got UP to 150 lbs(5'10") when he broke his leg and was on bed rest for 4 weeks and in a cast for 8 more. I was 150 a 12. You just have to watch what you eat and let him eat what he wants/needs. He may not be happy that he has to eat so much to stay the same weight, My Dad wasn't.
  • rouhnaz
    rouhnaz Posts: 62 Member
    I guess this all means, I just have to deal with it and suck it up.
    Sigh
  • rouhnaz
    rouhnaz Posts: 62 Member
    Yes, I adjusted my goal so that it's a bit higher. Still, it's hard for me to just moderate and have a thin slice of pizza or a small helping of pancakes.. especially when I can make myself a more diet-friendly alternative.
  • SusanMFindlay
    SusanMFindlay Posts: 1,804 Member
    amymoreorless wrote: »
    TimothyFish wrote: »
    What many people don't realize about people who are "naturally lean and fit" is they are either eating less at other times or their activity level is higher than most people's.

    While this seems to make sense -- I live with someone who defies this logic. My husband can't keep weight on. He is rail thin and looses weight at the drop of a hat. He has seen many doctors and has had numerous tests. He drinks ensure plus between meals just to maintain his weight. He will even wake up at night just to down an ensure and go back to bed!

    The doctors have concluded that he just has a naturally crazy high metabolism. Part of me is bitter - I have to fight for every pound i take off. However, i watch him struggle too. It sucks at both ends of the spectrum.

    He likely fidgets all the time. Gets up to do something constantly (grab a snack, go to the bathroom, get something he forgot in the bedroom, etc.) And/or he's tall. And, yes, he's probably also a metabolic outlier on the "fast" end of the distribution.

    For the OP: I can somewhat relate. My husband weighs about 60 pounds more than me and is 9 inches taller. He's also really muscular. His maintenance calories are ~1000 calories/day higher than mine if we're comparably active. Usually, I'm more active, and his maintenance calories are still ~500/day higher than mine.

    My calorie allowance is high enough that I can have some of the calorie-rich foods he enjoys, and we eat the same basic foods for meals - but he gets larger portions of all the calorie-dense stuff and I get equal/bigger portions of the salad and veggies. (I also take my salad before the croutons go in.)

    But, yeah, sometimes it sucks. All I can suggest is "move more" to get your calorie allowance up a bit.

  • SCoil123
    SCoil123 Posts: 2,110 Member
    amymoreorless wrote: »
    TimothyFish wrote: »
    What many people don't realize about people who are "naturally lean and fit" is they are either eating less at other times or their activity level is higher than most people's.

    While this seems to make sense -- I live with someone who defies this logic. My husband can't keep weight on. He is rail thin and looses weight at the drop of a hat. He has seen many doctors and has had numerous tests. He drinks ensure plus between meals just to maintain his weight. He will even wake up at night just to down an ensure and go back to bed!

    The doctors have concluded that he just has a naturally crazy high metabolism. Part of me is bitter - I have to fight for every pound i take off. However, i watch him struggle too. It sucks at both ends of the spectrum.

    I have a friend like that. We lived together when we first moved out on our own at 19/20. I used to be very jealous but finally realized our bodies were just different. I can add muscle easier than she can. There are definitely struggles for all of us even if they aren't the same ones.

  • bee_bee8
    bee_bee8 Posts: 96 Member
    Oh, I sure identify with this... Eating like my boyfriend was the main cause of my weight problem. Not his fault at all, but he's the same - he can eat whatever he wants and doesn't gain a pound. Luckily for me he doesn't really cook, so at least I don't have to smell delicious food for an hour while he prepares it... But it still kinda sucks having to watch him down 3 slices of pizza with a cup of ranch and not worry about gaining weight.

    What kinds of food do you eat during the day? The only thing that helps me not be too jealous is eating meals that I still enjoy. Sure, they're not as yummy as his, but I don't feel like I'm eating cardboard at least. I recommend looking up some low calorie recipes that actually look appealing to you... they're out there, I promise. This situation requires a lot of will power, but you can do it!
  • rouhnaz
    rouhnaz Posts: 62 Member
    I value all the feedback. At least we're not alone!
    And yes, having a super high metabolism is a challenge that I will never truly know.
    (Of course, it sounds like a good problem to have from where I'm standing!)

    As for cooking meals for us-- that usually goes south. He can really cook tasty rich foods. I don't have the culinary pizzazz that he inherited from his father (French chef). At least I can have my diet ice cream and peanut butter.
  • ccsernica
    ccsernica Posts: 1,040 Member
    amymoreorless wrote: »
    TimothyFish wrote: »
    What many people don't realize about people who are "naturally lean and fit" is they are either eating less at other times or their activity level is higher than most people's.

    While this seems to make sense -- I live with someone who defies this logic. My husband can't keep weight on. He is rail thin and looses weight at the drop of a hat. He has seen many doctors and has had numerous tests. He drinks ensure plus between meals just to maintain his weight. He will even wake up at night just to down an ensure and go back to bed!

    The doctors have concluded that he just has a naturally crazy high metabolism. Part of me is bitter - I have to fight for every pound i take off. However, i watch him struggle too. It sucks at both ends of the spectrum.

    This can happen, but it's rare. I even know of a sumo wrestler who spent 10 years in the sport unable to put on any fat. But it's rare enough that you can't assume of anyone who just looks as if they can eat anything and not gain, unless you have a medical opinion.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
    It doesn't bother me. He's naturally slim and he eats his food. I eat mine. Happy life.
  • Tania_181
    Tania_181 Posts: 100 Member
    I can relate here. My partner needs double the amount of calories just to maintain his weight. I'm in charge of cooking dinner during the week so I can track what goes into my meals. I always load up his plate with much larger portions, particularly of carbs. He's also been kindly trying to snack on foods I don't like but he does, like cream cakes instead of chocolate biscuits.
  • DustinAllgood
    DustinAllgood Posts: 7 Member
    Just because he is slim doesn't mean he is healthy. It can be really hard but try cutting sugar from your diet. Its in everything and it can cause you to have cravings through out the day.
  • ellefox70
    ellefox70 Posts: 58 Member
    My husband runs marathons and when he is a couple of weeks away from one (like now) will just inhale food and still lose weight. We have the same meals I just adapt mine (and have a fraction of the portion size!) but it's the constant snacking in the evening which I find trickiest. No real tips but I sympathise.
  • whiskey5jda2008
    whiskey5jda2008 Posts: 115 Member
    amymoreorless wrote: »
    TimothyFish wrote: »
    What many people don't realize about people who are "naturally lean and fit" is they are either eating less at other times or their activity level is higher than most people's.

    While this seems to make sense -- I live with someone who defies this logic. My husband can't keep weight on. He is rail thin and looses weight at the drop of a hat. He has seen many doctors and has had numerous tests. He drinks ensure plus between meals just to maintain his weight. He will even wake up at night just to down an ensure and go back to bed!

    The doctors have concluded that he just has a naturally crazy high metabolism. Part of me is bitter - I have to fight for every pound i take off. However, i watch him struggle too. It sucks at both ends of the spectrum.

    I have a friend like that. She eats and eats and eat (usually garbage too) and never gains a pound. She actually had to get a Rx to slow down her metabolism so she could gain weight. I used to joke with her about trading metabolisms so she could gain and I could lose.

    My hunger fix is Veggies! You can eat a boatload of veggies and if you get hungry again, eat another boatload.

    Veggies are very versatile too. you can make soup, casseroles, salads, sandwiches.......just about anything with veggies - except hot dogs. Veggie dogs are nasty IMHO

    good luck losing weight
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    edited March 2017
    My take on your situation, after years of observation and analysis of similar situations, is that your boyfriend eats as much as he pleases of any food he likes, while you try to adhere to a restrictive regimen that makes you physically and emotionally wanting. You are hungry, hangry, envious, resentful. This triggers you to overeat, in an attempt to fill your needs.

    My suggestion is - allow yourself to eat what you want. Pay attention to how that makes you feel. Aim to eat in a way that makes you feel good.

    You may experience that what and how you like to eat, changes a bit, or a lot, when you do that.

    Truly eating what and how you want will most likely lead to normal weight, just like is does for your boyfriend.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,148 Member
    DustinAllgood wrote: »
    Just because he is slim doesn't mean he is healthy. It can be really hard but try cutting sugar from your diet. Its in everything and it can cause you to have cravings through out the day.

    A diet of protein and fat is pretty poor.
  • brdnw
    brdnw Posts: 565 Member
    edited March 2017
    rouhnaz wrote: »
    Yes, I adjusted my goal so that it's a bit higher. Still, it's hard for me to just moderate and have a thin slice of pizza or a small helping of pancakes.. especially when I can make myself a more diet-friendly alternative.

    I lost a bit of weight and I used to eat fast food all the time. The less and less I ate it though the easier it was to avoid. I think you're better off as you said to eat diet-friendly alternatives instead. Once i focused on my diet and really ate well I lost weight pretty quickly.
  • rouhnaz
    rouhnaz Posts: 62 Member
    Wow this was a wonderful thread of support to wake up to!
    Thanks everyone.

    I'm just gonna stick to my diet and deal with it. He certainly means well. I guess in the long run, I'd feel bad if he stopped enjoying foods and all the stuff he craves for me.

    I did try to eat what I wanted and have foods like his -- this resulted in 10lbs of weight gain over 3 months. That's back when I though maybe I could eat whatever I like, too! Ha. Now I have 30lbs to lose instead of 20lbs.

    So I just have to get used to this. Diets suck, that's the truth for me. But I have to do it if I want to make a change.

    Thanks for all your support! This was really helpful.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
    DustinAllgood wrote: »
    Just because he is slim doesn't mean he is healthy. It can be really hard but try cutting sugar from your diet. Its in everything and it can cause you to have cravings through out the day.

    Nope. Wrong.

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