When you live with people who never gain weight and eat all the stuff you cannot touch.

rouhnaz wrote: »

@jen_092 I appreciate your sincerity! Yeah it's tough when you live together. My boyfriend has seen me fit, overweight, and all the in between as well! But he loves me and isn't turned off by the ups and downs.
I wish you the best of luck when you move in together!

Thank you!

I have a similar situation with my sister, though we don't live together we spend a lot of time together.

She is very skinny and never restricts herself on anything. I think it comes down to her being a naturally active person. When she is home from work, she is often getting started with projects - DIYs around the house, painting a wall. She says she is being "lazy" a lot of the tim,e but my suspicion is that she gets up from the couch more than I do.

I do exercise regularly, and since I don't own a car I walk a lot - and fast. But when I am passive, I am passive. I like to curl up in the sofa with a book, and honestly I can sit there for a while.

She refuses to make "healthy versions" of anything. If I suggest a homemade tortilla pizza with vegetables, it's thumbs down.

I have adjusted by planning my days a little bit, and if I know I'll be eating at her place, I eat very healthy the rest of the day, and maybe throw in some exercise. But yes, it annoys me that she doesn't wiggle the other way around.

I know the feeling. Luckily my man has willingly shifted his intake to eat what I eat at home. And we've agreed that there are no snacks in the house - nothing that might tempt me. If we want ice cream or cake or whatever, we go out to eat it, with the result that it's probably just once per month. But what I have found most helpful to promote weight loss is: eating lower carb (for me at 130lbs and 5'4" I mean eating about 60-80g of carbs per day) and otherwise not worrying too much about how much I eat, but tracking it nonetheless, and incorporating a fast day each week rather than being too restrictive with my calories. On fast days I have bone broth, lots of herbal tea, and maybe miso soup. I feel great after those fast days! But then I'm not a person who gets hangry. My man absolutely can't do a fast day

@TimothyFish Hate to argue with you here but.... I am training for a marathon. He is training for the PlayStation Fallout 4 video game weekend napping olympics - LOL. I can barely get him to walk the dogs with me. AND he has a desk job.

He has gotten all kinds of tests - Thyroid to GI. He really is the exception to the rule. He has to eat over 3000 calories a day or his weight plummets to worrisome levels.

My husband is 6'3 200+; I'm 5'3, 130s. I eat more than he does most days. He has a "desk job" and is mostly sedentary other than 2 hours at the gym. I spend the same amt of time at the gym; we're on the same lifting program.

I'm much more active during the day.. AND I track my food and eat "better" during the day too. We've lived together 15 years; I haven't always been the most active or the leaner one. The difference comes down to behavior.

rouhnaz wrote: »

Let me say, he is the warmest most loving and considerate person I know!
I'm not saying he does it to torture me. He hates that I always struggle with my diet.

But this doesn't mean he needs to struggle.

"I even drive him to places where he can get food from different restaurants and bring it home to devour while I sit in a corner and play on my phone."

To be fair he could meet you half way and not get you to do this sort of thing which isn't super considerate. :P

I agree with another poster maybe you could ask him to help you out by eating a bigger lunch so you can share a healthier evening meal (he can still have a big portion) No harm in asking, I asked my husband if he's okay with not having junk and snacks at home and he's happy to just have that sort of stuff at work or out of the house, you could ask, if he says no fair enough and you'll just have to work around him. However I certainly wouldn't be driving him round to different restaurants so he can bring it all home and eat a pile of junk in front of you, thats borderline cruel, if you can do this sort of thing for him perhaps he can go out of his way to help you sometimes. :P

FreyasRebirth wrote: »

There was one study I was reading that some people, when given a calorie surplus, increase the number of calories they burn through non-exercise movement much more than other people. Fidgeting, pacing while on the phone, leg bouncing, ect. There's just an internal, toddler-like drive to never stop moving.

This reminds me of me on a surplus.. I become a jumping bean, full of energy.. my body fights so hard to gain sometimes... it comes to the point where I have to actually stop myself from moving too much.

animatorswearbras wrote: »

rouhnaz wrote: »

Let me say, he is the warmest most loving and considerate person I know!
I'm not saying he does it to torture me. He hates that I always struggle with my diet.

But this doesn't mean he needs to struggle.

"I even drive him to places where he can get food from different restaurants and bring it home to devour while I sit in a corner and play on my phone."

To be fair he could meet you half way and not get you to do this sort of thing which isn't super considerate. :P

I agree with another poster maybe you could ask him to help you out by eating a bigger lunch so you can share a healthier evening meal (he can still have a big portion) No harm in asking, I asked my husband if he's okay with not having junk and snacks at home and he's happy to just have that sort of stuff at work or out of the house, you could ask, if he says no fair enough and you'll just have to work around him. However I certainly wouldn't be driving him round to different restaurants so he can bring it all home and eat a pile of junk in front of you, thats borderline cruel, if you can do this sort of thing for him perhaps he can go out of his way to help you sometimes. :P

I like this suggestion and this is what happens in my house most days... BUT... I am the one meal planning, shopping, cooking. So my fam (DH, 2teens at home) knows about how big dinner generally is and they adjust accordingly (pre-training snack for the athlete or she asks for pasta with dinner, big lunch for DH, etc). There are many ways to make the same basic meal a little higher/lower cal, e.g. serving it on spinach vs. rice or pasta. If OP's BF is cooking, then it's probably more realistic for her to adjust, but agreed no harm in asking & sounds like he's receptive and a great guy. I do have an older petite friend who eats almost all her calories at dinner so she can share a meal with her hubby, almost like OMAD style of eating. Works for her. Snacks can be perilous. My family is finally on the same page with snacks, but for years I bought the kids what they requested which was really tempting to me and difficult for me to fit. Separate cabinets helped some. Best to you, OP!

rouhnaz wrote: »

Hello.
It's so exhausting watching him inhale all the delicious bottomless meals all day, while I am 35lbs overweight and cannot lose for the life of me.
Life ain't fair, that's for d@!$ sure.

Sorry it doesn't work that way. Life isn't supposed to be "fair".
Anyone who implies otherwise is a fool or selling something.

You cannot "lose" because you are not consistently eating less calories than you need to maintain your weight.
Eat less, use more discipline, track more accurately and get on a weight lifting program to build some muscle.

Venting, wishing and dreaming of it will not fix the problem.
Do not project this on your significant other lest you start resenting them for it.
The reality is that they might eat 3000 calories today but only 1500 calories tomorrow.
That is why almost all "thin" people eat "whatever they want but don't gain weight."
The thin person probably doesn't realize how inconsistent their "low" eating habits are - just like heavier people don't realize how many extra calories they took in.
Guys who are thin and trying to put on muscle get in the habit of calling themselves "hardgainers" for just this reason.

At the very least it comes across as you feeling sorry for yourself.
You are blaming your SO for your poor eating habits and are upset that you cannot eat the same things.

Up your protein intake; you are probably not getting enough.

If you do not lift to at least maintain your muscle mass then it will become harder and harder to keep the weight off and your body fat percentage will be higher every time you put any weight back on.
If you just "lose weight" you will lose fat and muscle in almost every case.

Heavy (for you) weight training adds attractive muscle all over, helps prevent osteoporosis in women and offsets losses due to sarcopenia.
Adding muscle also raises your BMR. Jogging / running does not do any of those things.
Hit the weight room and focus on barbell lifts if you want to keep the weight off.

"Thinner Leaner Stronger" or "StrongLifts5x5" are good choices to start with.
TLS has a lot of information on proper nutrition in it, while SL5x5 is free.

Do HIIT cardio on off-days or after lifting, instead of Steady State cardio.

40 minutes running or on the treadmill will not take the place of 10 minutes doing sprints. Period.
Efficiency-wise, the only reason for running or jogging is if you are training for something that requires it like marathons, PT tests, etc.
HIIT cardio is superior in every other case I can think of offhand.

This is probably not what you wanted to hear but it is almost certainly what you need to hear.

rouhnaz wrote: »

@Ck103084 I'm sorry to hear it's hard. They say cleaning out the kitchen makes a big difference and I realize that's near impossible to do when you share it with other people.

I wish the weight would just magically melt away! I ain't ashamed to say that either! Lol.

I know the struggle! The struggle is real! Lol.

But it can be defeated. You can do it!!

They brought home pizza. I planned to have one slice but with all the stress going on this month I caved and had more. I even yelled at myself as I was eating it. Believe it or not I lost 21 lbs last year. Gained almost all of it back. I'm an emotional eater and I haven't found a way to beat it. Back on the eating healthy train today.

Tania_181 wrote: »

I can relate here. My partner needs double the amount of calories just to maintain his weight. I'm in charge of cooking dinner during the week so I can track what goes into my meals. I always load up his plate with much larger portions, particularly of carbs. He's also been kindly trying to snack on foods I don't like but he does, like cream cakes instead of chocolate biscuits.

This is my DH and I as well. He gets double/triple portions of everything and I fill the remainder of my plate with salad or green veggies. That way we finish at around the same time.

And finding snack foods that I don't like has been so important. I am completely indifferent to both gummy bears and popcorn and DH loves them so that is what we keep in the house. I cannot stop eating granola bars so he keeps those at his office.

My husband has no fat on him anywhere. He eats what he wants when he wants as much as he wants. We went to Logan's Roadhouse for dinner last night and he ate two whole entrees. Our son is seven and he has his dad's metabolism. Eats constantly never gains a pound. There is always unhealthy food in our house. Nights are the worst for me. The candy and sweets seem to be calling my name.

fascha wrote: »

My bf cuts on my get fat af calories, that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Yeah, I was going to say that women really can't compare their calorie requirements to men...we generally need quite a bit more, so it seems like we're eating anything and everything...3,000 calories for a guy to maintain isn't really outlandish.