My parents are obsessed with trying to stop my weight loss
LaauraLoses
Posts: 29 Member
My parents are obsessed with my weight at the moment and it's making me so frustrated my mum constantly says I am too thin and I need to stop losing weight and things like that and my dad just always agrees with whatever she says. I lost a lot of weight since last january about 22kg so I know it's a big change but she has been saying these things since I was BMI 27 and it's gotten a lot worse now I am just about BMI 22.
I am at a more healthy weight now than I have ever been and I have a small frame so I still think I want to lose a little more to be really happy with my size. How can I make her listen to me and understand and know it is my decision and that I am healthy and to stop constantly telling me what my body looks best like when it's not even hers?
I am at a more healthy weight now than I have ever been and I have a small frame so I still think I want to lose a little more to be really happy with my size. How can I make her listen to me and understand and know it is my decision and that I am healthy and to stop constantly telling me what my body looks best like when it's not even hers?
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Replies
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I don't know what to say except: moms can be like that and there's often nothing you can do to change how perfect you are/were in their eyes. I would just avoid the topic altogether.11
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Do you live with or work with your parents? In general, I'd say to tell them it is not up for discussion and that you will hang up/leave if they start in on it. Then follow through.7
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Whenever my parents piss me off, I always take a step back and think "they won't be here forever" and I get over it pretty quickly. Kind of morbid but I know I'll miss their concern when they're gone.49
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Yeah I live with my parents so it's constant at the moment it's so frustrating if I say I don't want to talk about it she acuses me of not listening and she is only concerned and she doesn't want me to have an eating disorder and I probably already do because I don't want to talk to her and do what she says and I've tried telling her I am healthy and showing her my BMI and explaining what I eat and do and she just doesn't care she thinks that she has control off my body and not me and that if she thinks something looks better or I am too thin I just should do what she wants.2
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get your dr to say you are healthy. . sometimes moms have to hear it from a professional to get them to see that their child is ok.37
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"Honey, I'm concerned about your weight."
"I love you too, mom.
"
She might give it up eventually.39 -
So this may be extreme but when I was losing weight last time and my mother told me I was too thin, I asked my doctor (in front of her) whether I appeared healthy and if losing more weight was reasonable. To be fair though, my mom works for my doctor and I had just popped into the office to give her something. A sit down appointment might feel intense haha. Would be a great way to know for sure though and if you've been losing weight for a while checking in with a medical professional isn't really a bad idea anyway.10
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How quickly did you lose the weight OP? Sometimes, even though you are at a healthy weight for your height, if you got there very rapidly - the process may seem extreme or unhealthy to your mom. What is your plan now? Are you looking to lose more, or ready to move to maintenance? I see now that you want to lose a little more. How much is a little? What calorie deficit are you set at in MFP? Are you exercising - particularly strength training? That might also help with ensuring that you are not just losing weight to achieve a number on a scale, but that you are focused on health and fitness too.7
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How old are you, and did you lose the 22kg since January 2017 (~15 pounds a month) or since January 2016 (~3 pounds a month).
As a mom, I would be concerned if my teenage daughter had lost nearly 50 pounds in a little more than 3 months. I would not be nearly as concerned if my 30yo daughter had lost nearly 50 pounds over 15 months.
Also, are you sure you're doing the BMI math right? You have to be quite tall for a 22kg loss to only be a 5 point change in BMI.24 -
I am always reluctant about these threads, because I remember one where the OP was complaining about everyone in her life trying to get her to stop, and people giving all kinds of advice, and then when the OP's stats were finally cajoled out of her, it turned out she was already underweight and striving to be dangerously underweight. In other words, her parents and the people in her life were right, but she was deep in the throes of her eating disorder and couldn't see it.55
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I am always reluctant about these threads, because I remember one where the OP was complaining about everyone in her life trying to get her to stop, and people giving all kinds of advice, and then when the OP's stats were finally cajoled out of her, it turned out she was already underweight and striving to be dangerously underweight. In other words, her parents and the people in her life were right, but she was deep in the throes of her eating disorder and couldn't see it.
This is exactly my concern.21 -
OP how old are you?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Im assuming you're still in high school?
If so she is probably more worried that your peers are the ones pressuring you to lose weight.
Like others said your parents only push you on this cause they care about you.
Go get a physical done at your physicians office. Worst case scenario your mom is able to say "see you're at a healthy weight" but that would also be best case scenario.
You'd rather your doctor say you're healthy than not.3 -
You seem to be quite young, and your BMI is in a healthy place - there's no rush to loose weight unless you're pursuing something like ballet or gymnastics that requires you to be lean. Your parents probably have your best interests in mind; the growing prevalence of eating disorders is very concerning to parents these days. Just remember that you have your entire life ahead of you to pursue fitness goals. You could explain your goals and your reasons for them to your parents and they might be a little more supportive of you.6
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Honestly, you're probably not going to change their mind without some kind of notarized medical slip that says "I'm healthy", especially if they're overweight themselves. For them to accept that you're healthy would mean that they'd also have to accept that they're probably not, and some crabs would just rather pull you back into the bucket.2
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I lost the weight since last janurary so 2016 not this year and I started at I think 31 something BMI I just said 27 because that is when they started making comments and it got really bad more recent. I don't know how much weight I want to lose really I feel like I am getting to a more healthy body now and it's really just the last bit to really feel happy with myself. I am 18 so it is really hard because I am with my parents at the moment and I can't really avoid them and my mum just doesn't want to listen.
I might try and speak to the doctor and see if he can see her but she doesn't really ever trust doctors unless they agree with her she argues with them for her own things so I dont know if my ones different6 -
Is last January 2017 or 2016?How old are you, and did you lose the 22kg since January 2017 (~15 pounds a month) or since January 2016 (~3 pounds a month).
As a mom, I would be concerned if my teenage daughter had lost nearly 50 pounds in a little more than 3 months. I would not be nearly as concerned if my 30yo daughter had lost nearly 50 pounds over 15 months.
Also, are you sure you're doing the BMI math right? You have to be quite tall for a 22kg loss to only be a 5 point change in BMI.
What if your teenage daughter lost 22 kg in 1 year 3 months and still had a BMI around the midpoint of the normal range?4 -
Maybe your mom will be willing to go see a nutritionist with you, if she doesn't trust doctors? Sometimes change is hard for people and your weight loss may be bringing up stuff that your mom is dealing with - it may have nothing to do with you at all. You've been at this for over a year and it sounds like you've have some stead success. Keep up the good work and maybe try re-directing the comments about your weight to comments about the health benefits. For example, if your mom says that you're losing too much weight, tell her how much easier running that 5k is going to be on your knees or heart!3
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Sweetheart.. it sounds like your mom is just a stubborn woman. Not necessarily a bad thing. You're 18 and have the right to make changes to your body. I think as long as you aren't starving yourself and you're making natural changes then you are fine.4
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You have about the same BMI as my kid, who has probably achieved her adult height and who unsurprisingly looks entirely weight-height appropriate to me. A BMI of 22 is right about 50th percentile for 18yos. So I have no complaint with that size. My concern has more to do with mental state than physical size.
"I want to lose a little more to be really happy with my size" is an enormous red flag for me. There's no size that causes happiness.
Additionally, I would be less concerned with weight that fell off due to cutting back sugar, increasing vegetables, and picking up an active hobby than I would be with weight that fell off due to skipping breakfast and lunch, cutting out as much fat as possible, and grimly exercising in isolation.18 -
I am always reluctant about these threads, because I remember one where the OP was complaining about everyone in her life trying to get her to stop, and people giving all kinds of advice, and then when the OP's stats were finally cajoled out of her, it turned out she was already underweight and striving to be dangerously underweight. In other words, her parents and the people in her life were right, but she was deep in the throes of her eating disorder and couldn't see it.
So much this... Plus a lot of under aged people pose as adults here.7 -
I remember one like that too.I am always reluctant about these threads, because I remember one where the OP was complaining about everyone in her life trying to get her to stop, and people giving all kinds of advice, and then when the OP's stats were finally cajoled out of her, it turned out she was already underweight and striving to be dangerously underweight. In other words, her parents and the people in her life were right, but she was deep in the throes of her eating disorder and couldn't see it.
Or underage.
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I'm not I am losing weight in a healthy way and not really fast or too much and I'm not underage either. I wasn't happy when I was obese so I lost weight to be happy it is just the same now but a lot less weight I am already a lot happier with how I look and my body is a lot better I know size doesn't cause happiness but it helps me be more comfortable with my body.
I'll try telling her about the health benefits whenever she critises me but it's really hard when it is constant and she doesn't really care about any of that it's just how I look she just tells me I look too thin and then tries to make me feel guilty for not wanting to talk to her about it and she is only concerned. But she doesn't ever get less concerned when I explain or talk about the health benefits off being a healthier weight either7 -
So move out and limit contact with mom if it bothers you.16
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As annoying as it is, it is a mom's job to worry. She may be wrong but given all of the eating disorder information we have today, I don't think she nuts for being concerned.
As long as you are truly losing weight in a healthy way, staying within a healthy BMI range, and you aren't basing your happiness on the number on the scale, there might not be much you can do other than try your best to ignore her.
You can present the facts to her until you're blue in the face and she may never accept it or believe you.4 -
Question OP, is your Mom overweight or obese?7
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Concentrate on distraction, if you can get her interested in something else it may help, good luck0
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You have about the same BMI as my kid, who has probably achieved her adult height and who unsurprisingly looks entirely weight-height appropriate to me. A BMI of 22 is right about 50th percentile for 18yos. So I have no complaint with that size. My concern has more to do with mental state than physical size.
"I want to lose a little more to be really happy with my size" is an enormous red flag for me. There's no size that causes happiness.
Additionally, I would be less concerned with weight that fell off due to cutting back sugar, increasing vegetables, and picking up an active hobby than I would be with weight that fell off due to skipping breakfast and lunch, cutting out as much fat as possible, and grimly exercising in isolation.
You're rather judgmental about people who prefer solo exercise, and there are a lot of people who do. Exercising solo does not make exercise "grim".
As far as there not being a size that makes someone happy, that is also something that may not apply to you but does to others, like everyone who is trying to lose weight or gain it, because if they were happy with their current size they wouldn't be trying to change it.23 -
You are logging here so I am presuming you truely are 18 with a BMI of 22. If not, ignore this post and talk to your health professional.
If you only want to lose a few vanity pounds either. -
Start doing a recomp- maintain weight but do resistence/strength training to improve your body's composition.
Or set a healthy .5 lbs a week goal, log your food, eat a mainly nutritious diet and share the info in your diary with your mum so she knows you are acting responsibly.
My mum worries about my thinner face- I am 63 and she is 90. A mother never stops worrying- find a way to reassure here that you are approaching your goal in a responsible adult manner.
Cheers, h.26 -
Parents worry. That's their job. Maybe give weight loss a break for a while to give your skin time to tighten up, so they won't worry as much.2
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