My parents are obsessed with trying to stop my weight loss
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I'm 34 & 5ft 0 & depending on bone structure I don't think it's unreasonable to lose more...people that are 5 ft with a small bone structure can look really healthy at around 100lbs. My goal for now is 105-115 (haven't been that weight as an adult) and when I told my mom that she was very adamant that I looked good when I got down to 125 abt 4 yrs ago. When I had gotten down to 125 I wasn't happy with how my body looked...I still had quite a bit of belly fat (always been a place I hold weight) and saddlebags (got those during/after pregnancy:/ ) so I know I definitely would've wanted to drop anywhere from 10-20more lbs at that point. On the other hand, when I look in the mirror I see the same stomach and thighs that I started with @ my high weight and only in a side by side picture can I see the real difference that has taken place. Maybe you should give your head a chance to catch up with your body, eat at maintenance for a little while, and work on tightening up the areas you're still unhappy with. Good luck...overly concerned parents can be hard, but being a parent myself I promise it's equally hard if not harder- it's been mom's job to keep you safe for a long long time putting you before herself over and over throughout the years. So, I know it's hard but until you worry about your own children it's hard to know what kind of responsibility you feel for your children and their wellbeing;)2
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LaauraLoses wrote: »If I do a recomp thing can I do my weight loss both together so I can be lighter and reducing body fat at the same time because I would like to do that and I don't really want to lie to my parents because they would just know anyway and it is just more arguments and comments if I do even if it's not a bad thing I am doing
The point of a recomp is to become thinner (and stronger) *not* lighter. At your weight, the number on the scale shouldn't matter; it doesn't need to go down. You don't need to get lighter; you want to lose fat. Which is probably fine - but if you can lose fat without getting lighter, that ought to be okay with you. If it isn't, you have to ask yourself why not.14 -
cassandrarodriguez89 wrote: »I had these issues with my step mother. She is morbidly obese, to the point her doctor begs her to stop eating just so she does not kill herself. She absolutely HATES me for being skinny. She brings it up a hundred times every time I visit. My father says he jealously obsesses about my weight.
Family is weird. I think I'd get sick of it and bring her some funeral planning materials, attached to an article like this one: https://www.boston.com/culture/health/2014/07/09/obesity-cuts-life-expectancy-by-up-to-14-years-study-shows0 -
A BMI of 22 sort of puts you in the normal category but it wouldn't be out of the ordinary for you to lose another 10 or 20 lbs depending on your height and weight. I'd take your mother with you to your health professional and get a check up and have the doctor speak with her. The worst thing you can do is fight with and get upset with your mother over this. She's only concerned about you but isn't very skilled at showing it in a productive, compassionate way. Maybe a health professional telling her you are doing ok and that it's ok to lose another 10 or 15 lbs will help to calm her down a bit.1
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Dang. Maybe get your mom into your meal plan. LOL That's what I did and she's always interested in what I cook when she visits. My dad on the other hand wants me to do weight training with him.. hehehhe1
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fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »So everyone that exercises alone is "grimly exercising"???
No, my child grimly exercising in isolation would be concerning to me. My child cheerfully exercising independently would not be.
I suspect you can tell when your kid is independent vs isolated, and when your kid is grim vs cheerful. None of us know for sure which of those the OP's mom is seeing.
Where did the OP talk about exercising behind closed doors, anyway? Guess I missed that.0 -
My mum doesn't want to join with me she is not really friendly like that she just says comments like I am too thin or I look bad or I need to stop because off my weight loss etc maybe she is trying to control I think that she definitely wants to tell me what things I have to do and if I don't agree she doesn't listen or talk to my opinion and explaining at all and my dad just always agrees with her always even if she is wrong and he just says that I have to listen to her but it is really frustrating because when she is wrong she just doesn't listen to me only what she thinks is true..
I don't understand why I should be okay not to lose fat and be lighter even though that is what I need to be happy with my body at the moment? I need to lose fat but why is it bad that I need to be lighter to? some people comment that it is good but some that I should be okay not to? I can do both off them to have my goal.0 -
Why is it important for you to be lighter to be happy? Why wouldn't having less fat and looking trim and toned, while at the same weight, make you happy?
To be honest, OP, I am wondering if you have an eating disorder. Maybe your mom is jealous or controlling, or maybe she is worried for totally justifiable reasons.13 -
fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »So everyone that exercises alone is "grimly exercising"???
No, my child grimly exercising in isolation would be concerning to me. My child cheerfully exercising independently would not be.
I suspect you can tell when your kid is independent vs isolated, and when your kid is grim vs cheerful. None of us know for sure which of those the OP's mom is seeing.
Where did the OP talk about exercising behind closed doors, anyway? Guess I missed that.
She didn't. But even if she did, it's not like being an introvert is a character flaw.
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As a Mom of 3, worry is what we do, it is who we are... as a person who has been working with a nutritionist for the past 5 months to make a lifestyle change I have learned that just because you lost weight it does not necessarily equate to Healthy. I have a friend who lost weight and she is no where close to being healthy, hair falling out, she looks pale, her nails are a mess and she is constantly fatigue. She is at her goal weight but no where near healthy. Best advice to you is to see a professional. Speak with your Dr. talk to a nutritionist, then you can tell your Mom what they said and how they gave you the thumbs up on being healthy. It may not stop your parents from "parenting" but in the end you will know where you are and if in fact you still need to lose weight, start maintenance and are indeed healthy. Good luck to you!3
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JohnnyPenso wrote: »A BMI of 22 sort of puts you in the normal category but it wouldn't be out of the ordinary for you to lose another 10 or 20 lbs depending on your height and weight. I'd take your mother with you to your health professional and get a check up and have the doctor speak with her. The worst thing you can do is fight with and get upset with your mother over this. She's only concerned about you but isn't very skilled at showing it in a productive, compassionate way. Maybe a health professional telling her you are doing ok and that it's ok to lose another 10 or 15 lbs will help to calm her down a bit.
Sort of? It's a quarter point above the middle of the normal range.2 -
fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »So everyone that exercises alone is "grimly exercising"???
No, my child grimly exercising in isolation would be concerning to me. My child cheerfully exercising independently would not be.
I suspect you can tell when your kid is independent vs isolated, and when your kid is grim vs cheerful. None of us know for sure which of those the OP's mom is seeing.
Where did the OP talk about exercising behind closed doors, anyway? Guess I missed that.
She didn't. As I explained upthread, it was a comment that @allyphoe made about a possible way to differentiate between a healthy mindset about weight loss and potentially disordered thinking about weight loss. It wasn't a suggestion that anyone who exercises alone has disordered thinking. It was a suggestion that there may be some warning signs that someone close to the OP may be seeing that don't come across in the information she is sharing here.
I'm not sure why you and others are trying to turn this into something it's not. It was a casual comment related to the OP and concern for her overall well being - both physical and emotional. Not a negative judgement against others, so I'm not sure why the attempt to suggest otherwise.
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WinoGelato wrote: »fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »So everyone that exercises alone is "grimly exercising"???
No, my child grimly exercising in isolation would be concerning to me. My child cheerfully exercising independently would not be.
I suspect you can tell when your kid is independent vs isolated, and when your kid is grim vs cheerful. None of us know for sure which of those the OP's mom is seeing.
Where did the OP talk about exercising behind closed doors, anyway? Guess I missed that.
She didn't. As I explained upthread, it was a comment that @allyphoe made about a possible way to differentiate between a healthy mindset about weight loss and potentially disordered thinking about weight loss. It wasn't a suggestion that anyone who exercises alone has disordered thinking. It was a suggestion that there may be some warning signs that someone close to the OP may be seeing that don't come across in the information she is sharing here.
I'm not sure why you and others are trying to turn this into something it's not. It was a casual comment related to the OP and concern for her overall well being - both physical and emotional. Not a negative judgement against others, so I'm not sure why the attempt to suggest otherwise.
Because a closed door in and of itself is not a warning sign, it's a personal preference.1 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »So everyone that exercises alone is "grimly exercising"???
No, my child grimly exercising in isolation would be concerning to me. My child cheerfully exercising independently would not be.
I suspect you can tell when your kid is independent vs isolated, and when your kid is grim vs cheerful. None of us know for sure which of those the OP's mom is seeing.
Where did the OP talk about exercising behind closed doors, anyway? Guess I missed that.
She didn't. As I explained upthread, it was a comment that @allyphoe made about a possible way to differentiate between a healthy mindset about weight loss and potentially disordered thinking about weight loss. It wasn't a suggestion that anyone who exercises alone has disordered thinking. It was a suggestion that there may be some warning signs that someone close to the OP may be seeing that don't come across in the information she is sharing here.
I'm not sure why you and others are trying to turn this into something it's not. It was a casual comment related to the OP and concern for her overall well being - both physical and emotional. Not a negative judgement against others, so I'm not sure why the attempt to suggest otherwise.
Because a closed door in and of itself is not a warning sign, it's a personal preference.
And no one said that it was. It was the "grimly" adverb that is something to focus on, not the closed door. The person who made the comment didn't even mention a door. It's about a frame of mind, not a physical environment.8 -
Sort of, yes. There is no single number that is "normal" and the OP might feel more normal at a BMI of 20 or 21 or some other figure. I know when I was losing weight and hit the normal range I wasn't satisfied with my progress at that point and knew I could do better and would feel and look better at a lower BMI. I was right.heiliskrimsli wrote: »JohnnyPenso wrote: »A BMI of 22 sort of puts you in the normal category but it wouldn't be out of the ordinary for you to lose another 10 or 20 lbs depending on your height and weight. I'd take your mother with you to your health professional and get a check up and have the doctor speak with her. The worst thing you can do is fight with and get upset with your mother over this. She's only concerned about you but isn't very skilled at showing it in a productive, compassionate way. Maybe a health professional telling her you are doing ok and that it's ok to lose another 10 or 15 lbs will help to calm her down a bit.
Sort of? It's a quarter point above the middle of the normal range.
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WinoGelato wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »So everyone that exercises alone is "grimly exercising"???
No, my child grimly exercising in isolation would be concerning to me. My child cheerfully exercising independently would not be.
I suspect you can tell when your kid is independent vs isolated, and when your kid is grim vs cheerful. None of us know for sure which of those the OP's mom is seeing.
Where did the OP talk about exercising behind closed doors, anyway? Guess I missed that.
She didn't. As I explained upthread, it was a comment that @allyphoe made about a possible way to differentiate between a healthy mindset about weight loss and potentially disordered thinking about weight loss. It wasn't a suggestion that anyone who exercises alone has disordered thinking. It was a suggestion that there may be some warning signs that someone close to the OP may be seeing that don't come across in the information she is sharing here.
I'm not sure why you and others are trying to turn this into something it's not. It was a casual comment related to the OP and concern for her overall well being - both physical and emotional. Not a negative judgement against others, so I'm not sure why the attempt to suggest otherwise.
Because a closed door in and of itself is not a warning sign, it's a personal preference.
And no one said that it was. It was the "grimly" adverb that is something to focus on, not the closed door. The person who made the comment didn't even mention a door. It's about a frame of mind, not a physical environment.
That person combined grim and alone and cheerful and with a group as if those are the two possibilities. You wanna see me grimly exercise? Drag me to a damn Zumba class.8 -
LaauraLoses wrote: »My parents are obsessed with my weight at the moment and it's making me so frustrated my mum constantly says I am too thin and I need to stop losing weight and things like that and my dad just always agrees with whatever she says. I lost a lot of weight since last january about 22kg so I know it's a big change but she has been saying these things since I was BMI 27 and it's gotten a lot worse now I am just about BMI 22.
I am at a more healthy weight now than I have ever been and I have a small frame so I still think I want to lose a little more to be really happy with my size. How can I make her listen to me and understand and know it is my decision and that I am healthy and to stop constantly telling me what my body looks best like when it's not even hers?
Just gonna leave this right here.
I wonder if your mom is more concerned with your weight loss behaviors, but maybe isn't a great communicator and it sounds to you like she's telling you she doesn't like how you look.
Is that out of the question?
As a parent of a child who recovered from an ED, there are some spidey senses we have, but we love and care for you so much that sometimes how we express our concerns comes out wonky.
You could have a normal weight/BMI and still have problems with disordered eating.
If THAT'S what this is really all about, I would strongly recommend working with your parents to seek professional help.16 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »So everyone that exercises alone is "grimly exercising"???
No, my child grimly exercising in isolation would be concerning to me. My child cheerfully exercising independently would not be.
I suspect you can tell when your kid is independent vs isolated, and when your kid is grim vs cheerful. None of us know for sure which of those the OP's mom is seeing.
Where did the OP talk about exercising behind closed doors, anyway? Guess I missed that.
She didn't. As I explained upthread, it was a comment that @allyphoe made about a possible way to differentiate between a healthy mindset about weight loss and potentially disordered thinking about weight loss. It wasn't a suggestion that anyone who exercises alone has disordered thinking. It was a suggestion that there may be some warning signs that someone close to the OP may be seeing that don't come across in the information she is sharing here.
I'm not sure why you and others are trying to turn this into something it's not. It was a casual comment related to the OP and concern for her overall well being - both physical and emotional. Not a negative judgement against others, so I'm not sure why the attempt to suggest otherwise.
Because a closed door in and of itself is not a warning sign, it's a personal preference.
And no one said that it was. It was the "grimly" adverb that is something to focus on, not the closed door. The person who made the comment didn't even mention a door. It's about a frame of mind, not a physical environment.
That person combined grim and alone and cheerful and with a group as if those are the two possibilities. You wanna see me grimly exercise? Drag me to a damn Zumba class.
This was the original quote that set you off. You misinterpreted her comment and chose to focus on the "isolation" piece rather than the grimly piece. It was a hypothetical comment about some ways to assess the motivation of a teenager. I'm not sure why you are so against the idea that a parent might have concerns about the mindset of their child when it comes to weight loss, and that there may be warning signs to watch out for in a young adult.You have about the same BMI as my kid, who has probably achieved her adult height and who unsurprisingly looks entirely weight-height appropriate to me. A BMI of 22 is right about 50th percentile for 18yos. So I have no complaint with that size. My concern has more to do with mental state than physical size.
"I want to lose a little more to be really happy with my size" is an enormous red flag for me. There's no size that causes happiness.
Additionally, I would be less concerned with weight that fell off due to cutting back sugar, increasing vegetables, and picking up an active hobby than I would be with weight that fell off due to skipping breakfast and lunch, cutting out as much fat as possible, and grimly exercising in isolation.
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