My parents are obsessed with trying to stop my weight loss
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Tell us your hieght, weight and a picture of your goal so people dont pass judgement. This way we know if your goal is healthy or not healthy and if you have a jealous family or not
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WinoGelato wrote: »This was the original quote that set you off.jessiferrrb wrote: »the poster didn't say that there were only two alternatives, i think that maybe you are reading too much into that. it's pretty common to use two things in a comparison, but it's not logical to assume that the person making the comparison thinks they are the only two things that exist.jessiferrrb wrote: »i stand corrected then, i thought i remembered some comparison, but it may have been a later post. i don't want to derail the thread any further.
It was "an active hobby" vs. "grimly in isolation". Yeah no false dichotomy there at all.Whether that concern would be justified, or not, remains subject to discussion...
She's 18 years old and it's her body, so no it's not justified.
What she wants to be happy for herself is not for you to judge, especially considering that it's not like she came here and asked how to hit a BMI of 17.
I'm getting a little sick of the thin shaming around here.7 -
cassandrarodriguez89 wrote: »Tell us your hieght, weight and a picture of your goal so people dont pass judgement. This way we know if your goal is healthy or not healthy and if you have a jealous family or not
They still will. If you target a BMI lower than 22 someone here will guaranteed have a problem with it.6 -
Thats true but I highly doubt anyone would defend her loosing weight if she was 5'8" and 90lbs
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Nowhere has OP indicated she's trying to hit a BMI of 14.
At 22, it's still above the middle of the normal range, but there are people here who act like anything lower than 24 is a sign of a problem.6 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »Nowhere has OP indicated she's trying to hit a BMI of 14.
At 22, it's still above the middle of the normal range, but there are people here who act like anything lower than 24 is a sign of a problem.
It's not the weight or the BMI that is concerning. It is potentially her mindset. She is very young, and has repeatedly made comments about being happy if she could just get to a certain weight. You don't think that is at all concerning, given the age she is and the potential for developing eating disorders? Tying happiness to a scale weight? Can you acknowledge that sometimes there is something to be concerned about, something lurking under the surface, and that adults should watch out for warning signs of this when it comes to young people on these boards?
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heiliskrimsli wrote: »Nowhere has OP indicated she's trying to hit a BMI of 14.
At 22, it's still above the middle of the normal range, but there are people here who act like anything lower than 24 is a sign of a problem.
And everything everyone writes anonymously on the internet can be taken at face value, right?
Something feels very off here, and I share in the concern others have expressed. I do hope it's unfounded, but we'll probably never know.8 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »I'm getting a little sick of the thin shaming around here.
There's no "thin shaming" happening here. What's happening is that some of us are pointing out that it is possible to get smaller without necessarily getting lighter. If someone in the OP's real life is concerned about her attitude toward weight loss, it's possible they're being paranoid. But it's also possible that they're seeing something we can't because we're not actually there. So, the questions are trying to get at the OP's actual goal - fat loss, getting thinner or getting lighter. They *can* go together, but they don't have to. But a lot of people think that they must go together and that there's no option to do one without the other.
*Nobody* has told the OP to gain weight.
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The beauty of opinions is that they are like *kittens*; everyone has one!heiliskrimsli wrote: »I'm getting a little sick of the thin shaming around here.6 -
WinoGelato wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »Nowhere has OP indicated she's trying to hit a BMI of 14.
At 22, it's still above the middle of the normal range, but there are people here who act like anything lower than 24 is a sign of a problem.
It's not the weight or the BMI that is concerning. It is potentially her mindset. She is very young, and has repeatedly made comments about being happy if she could just get to a certain weight. You don't think that is at all concerning, given the age she is and the potential for developing eating disorders? Tying happiness to a scale weight? Can you acknowledge that sometimes there is something to be concerned about, something lurking under the surface, and that adults should watch out for warning signs of this when it comes to young people on these boards?
No, I don't see anything concerning about that at all because I'm not desperately looking for reasons people shouldn't lose weight. As far as you "adults" watching out for young people on these boards, I think your need to mother everyone is the concerning thing. Why are you so stuck on controlling everyone else's weight loss to your liking?
It doesn't concern me to have someone else say they will be happy at a particular size, weight, or BMI. I don't see anything alarming about that. It seems like a completely normal way to describe a goal. I think you policing other people's happiness is a problem.heiliskrimsli wrote: »Nowhere has OP indicated she's trying to hit a BMI of 14.
At 22, it's still above the middle of the normal range, but there are people here who act like anything lower than 24 is a sign of a problem.
And everything everyone writes anonymously on the internet can be taken at face value, right?
Something feels very off here, and I share in the concern others have expressed. I do hope it's unfounded, but we'll probably never know.
I think you're finding what you're looking for precisely because you want to find it. Put down the divining rod.SusanMFindlay wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »I'm getting a little sick of the thin shaming around here.
There's no "thin shaming" happening here. What's happening is that some of us are pointing out that it is possible to get smaller without necessarily getting lighter. If someone in the OP's real life is concerned about her attitude toward weight loss, it's possible they're being paranoid. But it's also possible that they're seeing something we can't because we're not actually there. So, the questions are trying to get at the OP's actual goal - fat loss, getting thinner or getting lighter. They *can* go together, but they don't have to. But a lot of people think that they must go together and that there's no option to do one without the other.
*Nobody* has told the OP to gain weight.
They have told her to stop losing it although she's nowhere near being under weight, as if there's something wrong with being in the lower half of the normal range of BMI. The people in OP's life who are so concerned about her weight loss are overweight and obese themselves. What they're displaying seems like typical crabs-in-a-bucket jealousy, but a certain cadre of posters on here have seized on it to use as ammunition against OP's choice of a target weight that those posters here think is too low. People here have said that BMI 20 is underweight, although it is factually not. That's thin shaming.7 -
My dad too ! I lost 43 lbs and would like to loose 5-7more lbs and my dad gives me trouble on the phone and both my parents in law! Like its nice they care but YOU no the difference between healthy and unhealthy body. Just tell them that. Its there job to care. But worry about your health and what makes you happy as along as your doing it healthy you are good.0
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Seconding everyone who says that it's a parent's job to worry. My mum does it - whether the scales go up or down for me. And I'm 27, hahaha.3
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kristikitter wrote: »Seconding everyone who says that it's a parent's job to worry. My mum does it - whether the scales go up or down for me. And I'm 27, hahaha.
However once you're 18, it's no longer their say that matters, and it's perfectly within someone's rights to tell the parents to stop meddling.3 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »kristikitter wrote: »Seconding everyone who says that it's a parent's job to worry. My mum does it - whether the scales go up or down for me. And I'm 27, hahaha.
However once you're 18, it's no longer their say that matters, and it's perfectly within someone's rights to tell the parents to stop meddling.
Parenting doesn't stop at 18. Without knowing the full circumstances of the OP, I'd venture to guess at 18 there is quite a bit of financial dependence on parents. An 18 year old could still be in high school, where the dependence on a parent is even more.
The independence that comes from legally becoming an adult doesn't change the fact that an 18 year old brain isn't completely developed, and quality decision making skills aren't super solid until well into the 20's. Setting a seemingly borderline target weight goal for an 18 year old is very different than someone who is targeting a lean weight when they are older.
Regardless of how thin someone may want to be and whether or not how much their parent likes that goal, if there are suspected behaviors related to disordered eating, it's completely appropriate for a parent (or other loved one or friend) to step in. Like I said before, sometimes it's just our "spidey senses" that tell us something is not quite right. How well and effectively that gets communicated is probably up for debate.
I have no problem with anyone wanting to be lean, especially if they have struggled being overweight and finally "get it." I do have a problem with supporting behaviors that encourage unnecessary food restriction and 'thinspiration.'20 -
fitoverfortymom wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »kristikitter wrote: »Seconding everyone who says that it's a parent's job to worry. My mum does it - whether the scales go up or down for me. And I'm 27, hahaha.
However once you're 18, it's no longer their say that matters, and it's perfectly within someone's rights to tell the parents to stop meddling.
Parenting doesn't stop at 18. Without knowing the full circumstances of the OP, I'd venture to guess at 18 there is quite a bit of financial dependence on parents. An 18 year old could still be in high school, where the dependence on a parent is even more.
The independence that comes from legally becoming an adult doesn't change the fact that an 18 year old brain isn't completely developed, and quality decision making skills aren't super solid until well into the 20's. Setting a seemingly borderline target weight goal for an 18 year old is very different than someone who is targeting a lean weight when they are older.
Regardless of how thin someone may want to be and whether or not how much their parent likes that goal, if there are suspected behaviors related to disordered eating, it's completely appropriate for a parent (or other loved one or friend) to step in. Like I said before, sometimes it's just our "spidey senses" that tell us something is not quite right. How well and effectively that gets communicated is probably up for debate.
I have no problem with anyone wanting to be lean, especially if they have struggled being overweight and finally "get it." I do have a problem with supporting behaviors that encourage unnecessary food restriction and 'thinspiration.'
Where does this poster say things like "thinspiration"? I don't think her goal numbers even hit a BMI of 18.
I also think at 18 is when parents need to back off- legally they have no rights over her anymore. I've dealt with parents trying to control me far past 18, and it's not okay, and my parents aren't even helecopter parents, that would be even worse.4 -
Related here on my experience my mom is so worry about my weight loss goal that she said if I continue to lose weight i'll get a disease soon. From my fathers reaction on my weight loss he watch what amount i eat and commenting that it was too little, i might like to said how can i loss weight if i eat many? Because my father loves to cook for me when those time im not in a diet weight loss and now he dont love to cook at all for the reason that i dont eat it what he cook that i can nearly finish eat what he cooked.1
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LaauraLoses wrote: »My parents are obsessed with my weight at the moment and it's making me so frustrated my mum constantly says I am too thin and I need to stop losing weight and things like that and my dad just always agrees with whatever she says. I lost a lot of weight since last january about 22kg so I know it's a big change but she has been saying these things since I was BMI 27 and it's gotten a lot worse now I am just about BMI 22.
I am at a more healthy weight now than I have ever been and I have a small frame so I still think I want to lose a little more to be really happy with my size. How can I make her listen to me and understand and know it is my decision and that I am healthy and to stop constantly telling me what my body looks best like when it's not even hers?
A couple of questions:
1) What is your cultural background?
2) What is your ideal weight/BMI?
Personally, if you want to lose weight to be happier with your size, I don't see that as an issue. How many people on here want to lose weight so they can fit into non-plus sized clothes? So they look sexy or whatever? They aren't happy with their size for non-health related reasons. You want to feel more comfortable. Who doesn't want to feel comfortable? The problem is when it is your entire happiness, and when you end up underweight. If your ideal weight isn't underweight, then go for it. If you're constantly unhappy, exercising all the time, obsessing about food, then take a step back.
Also, while it might be a parent's job to worry, it doesn't mean that they have any cause for the worry or that their worry isn't actively hurting you.2 -
fitoverfortymom wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »kristikitter wrote: »Seconding everyone who says that it's a parent's job to worry. My mum does it - whether the scales go up or down for me. And I'm 27, hahaha.
However once you're 18, it's no longer their say that matters, and it's perfectly within someone's rights to tell the parents to stop meddling.
Parenting doesn't stop at 18. Without knowing the full circumstances of the OP, I'd venture to guess at 18 there is quite a bit of financial dependence on parents. An 18 year old could still be in high school, where the dependence on a parent is even more.
The independence that comes from legally becoming an adult doesn't change the fact that an 18 year old brain isn't completely developed, and quality decision making skills aren't super solid until well into the 20's. Setting a seemingly borderline target weight goal for an 18 year old is very different than someone who is targeting a lean weight when they are older.
Regardless of how thin someone may want to be and whether or not how much their parent likes that goal, if there are suspected behaviors related to disordered eating, it's completely appropriate for a parent (or other loved one or friend) to step in. Like I said before, sometimes it's just our "spidey senses" that tell us something is not quite right. How well and effectively that gets communicated is probably up for debate.
I have no problem with anyone wanting to be lean, especially if they have struggled being overweight and finally "get it." I do have a problem with supporting behaviors that encourage unnecessary food restriction and 'thinspiration.'
Or you could just be wrong and inserting your own biases where they're not needed. Have you even considered that possibility?2 -
If it wasn't the weight change, would she be nagging you about something else? Some people are like that - they always want to pick you apart for something. I recommend figuring out what you want to say and saying it every single time she brings this up.
Example:
"You're too thin."
"Blah-blah-blah, here we go."
"You've lost too much weight! I'm worried."
"Blah-blah-blah, here we go."
Other suggestions - "the subject of my weight is CLOSED." "Let's talk about you." Whatever you want to say. The trick is say it every single time. It will often derail the crazy.
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fitoverfortymom wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »kristikitter wrote: »Seconding everyone who says that it's a parent's job to worry. My mum does it - whether the scales go up or down for me. And I'm 27, hahaha.
However once you're 18, it's no longer their say that matters, and it's perfectly within someone's rights to tell the parents to stop meddling.
Parenting doesn't stop at 18. Without knowing the full circumstances of the OP, I'd venture to guess at 18 there is quite a bit of financial dependence on parents. An 18 year old could still be in high school, where the dependence on a parent is even more.
The independence that comes from legally becoming an adult doesn't change the fact that an 18 year old brain isn't completely developed, and quality decision making skills aren't super solid until well into the 20's. Setting a seemingly borderline target weight goal for an 18 year old is very different than someone who is targeting a lean weight when they are older.
Regardless of how thin someone may want to be and whether or not how much their parent likes that goal, if there are suspected behaviors related to disordered eating, it's completely appropriate for a parent (or other loved one or friend) to step in. Like I said before, sometimes it's just our "spidey senses" that tell us something is not quite right. How well and effectively that gets communicated is probably up for debate.
I have no problem with anyone wanting to be lean, especially if they have struggled being overweight and finally "get it." I do have a problem with supporting behaviors that encourage unnecessary food restriction and 'thinspiration.'
I also think at 18 is when parents need to back off- legally they have no rights over her anymore.
Any time you have your hand out, you subject yourself to someone else's rules.
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I'm getting the strong vibe from this thread that the OP is underage and displaying distorted body image problems. She may also be displaying disordered eating patterns at home, where it appears she lives with her parents.
I hope I'm wrong but at 18 I went from overweight to having an eating disorder, and she sounds a lot like me then.
I'm very thankful that so many people in my life persisted in their concern even when I wanted them to just shut the *kitten* up, because so many other people were reinforcing my unhealthy mindset.
I don't t see any skinny shaming going on here. I do see concern for a young woman.17 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »Or you could just be wrong and inserting your own biases where they're not needed. Have you even considered that possibility?
Tell me @heiliskrimsli, what has the potential to cause more harm:
a) Criticising the valid choice to be relatively thin made by a person without a body image perception issue, or eating disorder, or
b) Reinforcing the choice to pursue thinness made by a person with a body image perception issue or eating disorder?
What do you know about the OP?
Everything every one of us has written is based on incomplete information and conjecture.
When I am spouting on the internet I would rather err towards having less of a chance to cause harm.
Have you considered whether your own biases and perceptions are the ones that are getting inserted where they're not needed?20 -
Have you considered whether your own biases and perceptions are the ones that are getting inserted where they're not needed?
Since OP didn't ask whether people here thought she should lose more weight, I don't think my not having a predisposition to tell people that a BMI between 18.5 and 22 is a sign of a problem is a bias being inserted where it isn't needed.
Those of you who are jumping to the eating disorder conclusion are doling out a bunch of advice that wasn't asked for, and acting patronizing while you do it, which is exactly what OP came and said she was frustrated about with her family.5 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »Since OP didn't ask whether people here thought she should lose more weight, I don't think my not having a predisposition to tell people that a BMI between 18.5 and 22 is a sign of a problem is a bias being inserted where it isn't needed.
My memory and reading comprehension skills must be getting rusty with old age as I don't recall anyone so far in this thread telling people that a BMI of between 18.5 and 22 is a sign of a problem.
I DO recall people reacting to the OPs statement of preference for less weight as opposed to the same weight with less fat.
I DO recall people reacting to the OP stating that she would be "happier" at a lower weight.
Both statements are seen often enough around here.
More often than not they are associated to some degree of disordered thinking.
Whether you chose to potentially encourage or discourage disordered thinking is most certainly up to you.12 -
Ok, at the risk of seeming creepy, I am gonna try and introduce some perspective to the OP regarding recomp. You don't need to focus on lighter. What you want to focus on is fitter. I think we can all agree that Jennifer Lopez has an amazing body and her BMI is the same as yours. Also, someone saying they want to be lighter is a red flag. The goal should be about lean and fit, not light.5
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LaauraLoses wrote: »I lost the weight since last janurary so 2016 not this year and I started at I think 31 something BMI I just said 27 because that is when they started making comments and it got really bad more recent. I don't know how much weight I want to lose really I feel like I am getting to a more healthy body now and it's really just the last bit to really feel happy with myself. I am 18 so it is really hard because I am with my parents at the moment and I can't really avoid them and my mum just doesn't want to listen.
I might try and speak to the doctor and see if he can see her but she doesn't really ever trust doctors unless they agree with her she argues with them for her own things so I dont know if my ones different
It may seem rude, but is your mom overweight? It may not be the case, but often family members pursue this kind of route when they themselves aren't healthy and don't like that you're doing better than they are. Like coworkers, etc. Maybe not, just curious.3 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »Since OP didn't ask whether people here thought she should lose more weight, I don't think my not having a predisposition to tell people that a BMI between 18.5 and 22 is a sign of a problem is a bias being inserted where it isn't needed.
My memory and reading comprehension skills must be getting rusty with old age as I don't recall anyone so far in this thread telling people that a BMI of between 18.5 and 22 is a sign of a problem.
I DO recall people reacting to the OPs statement of preference for less weight as opposed to the same weight with less fat.
I DO recall people reacting to the OP stating that she would be "happier" at a lower weight.
Both statements are seen often enough around here.
More often than not they are associated to some degree of disordered thinking.
Whether you chose to potentially encourage or discourage disordered thinking is most certainly up to you.
Her BMI is 22.
There is nothing wrong with losing additional weight when you're still above the midpoint of the normal range. There's nothing wrong with losing weight if you're still above the bottom of the normal range. OP wants to lose weight. That is her business, not yours to tell her that she's wrong or that it's wrong to prefer to be a lower weight or to say that a lower weight would make her happier.
That's your baggage you're putting on that.4 -
LaauraLoses wrote: »No I want to be lighter and less fat for my body because it will be more normal and happy for my body I have a very small frame so it will be better at a lower BMI but still healthy. why would it be bad for me to need to do both of those things to be better for my body? It will make me happy for my body to be better and more healthy and normal why would that be a bad thing. I don't have an eating disorder I am healthy and always eat healthy foods and I lost lots of weight slowly and did exercise to have a lower body fat. I don't know why people comment that I exercise isolated I don't do that I only do exercise with walking and dancing nothing else.
Laura, I think you're not understanding what people are saying about recomp. Doing a recomp will result in less body fat (what you want), but not necessarily a lower scale weight. This is because muscle is denser than fat, it takes up less volumetric room than fat, but you look slimmer than at the same weight with more fat/less muscle. I totally get it, I was obsessed with the number on the scale when I was younger too, thinking lighter is better. Fact is, I have a better shape at the same weight now than I did when I was younger, because I have more muscle mass.
Have a look at the photo someone posted up thread. Would you rather have the body at the lower weight, or the one with the higher weight? I know which I'd choose.
What is being suggested is that you transition to maintenance now, and focus on strength training to reduce fat and build muscle.
Does that make sense?9 -
And on top of having more muscle mass and staying a higher weight, this has the added bonus that your needed calorie intake to maintain will be higher and strength training is brilliant for bone health.7
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heiliskrimsli wrote: »kristikitter wrote: »Seconding everyone who says that it's a parent's job to worry. My mum does it - whether the scales go up or down for me. And I'm 27, hahaha.
However once you're 18, it's no longer their say that matters, and it's perfectly within someone's rights to tell the parents to stop meddling.
Haha I'm 45 and my mum still worries about me and somewhat meddles, especially when it comes to weight loss and my health, but she is does it in a sweet, caring way that makes me love her even more, and makes me feel fortunate that i have a wonderful mum who gives a *kitten*. My daughter is 25 and i will never, ever stop being concerned for her, it's my job as her mother!
I won't be one of those overbearing, nasty meddling mums but if my motherly spidey senses tingle there is always a good reason for it.
ETA: Every time i go and visit her she cooks a pile of veggies as a side dish to whatever she's cooking and loads me up on them! She loves and cares for me and wants me to be healthy, simple as that.10
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