My parents are obsessed with trying to stop my weight loss
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You can't change your mom. You can only change the way you react to your mom. The two of you can't have an argument if you're not holding up your end. So you respond, "thanks, mom, I appreciate your concern, but I've explained to you that I'm at a healthy weight, and I don't see what can be accomplished by talking about it anymore." If she continues, you have a choice of just not responding at all, responding by talking about something else, or leaving the room.3
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heiliskrimsli wrote: »You have about the same BMI as my kid, who has probably achieved her adult height and who unsurprisingly looks entirely weight-height appropriate to me. A BMI of 22 is right about 50th percentile for 18yos. So I have no complaint with that size. My concern has more to do with mental state than physical size.
"I want to lose a little more to be really happy with my size" is an enormous red flag for me. There's no size that causes happiness.
Additionally, I would be less concerned with weight that fell off due to cutting back sugar, increasing vegetables, and picking up an active hobby than I would be with weight that fell off due to skipping breakfast and lunch, cutting out as much fat as possible, and grimly exercising in isolation.
You're rather judgmental about people who prefer solo exercise, and there are a lot of people who do. Exercising solo does not make exercise "grim".
Yeah I didn't really get that at all. So everyone that exercises alone is "grimly exercising"??? My goodness. I guess I have been "grimly exercising" all my life.
I don't enjoy working out or running with a partner. Never have.heiliskrimsli wrote: »As far as there not being a size that makes someone happy, that is also something that may not apply to you but does to others, like everyone who is trying to lose weight or gain it, because if they were happy with their current size they wouldn't be trying to change it.
So much this^^.7 -
I'm 45 and my mum voiced her concerns when i was 20lbs into my 30lb loss. I was only overweight for a few years, i weighed less than i do now in my 20's and 30's, how quickly they forget...
I fibbed and just told her i had stopped trying to lose weight and am maintaining when ever she started in on the weight loss talk.3 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »Exercising solo does not make exercise "grim".
I don't disagree with that! "I would be concerned about my kid grimly exercising in isolation" is not the same as "everyone who prefers solo exercise is doing it wrong." If I said I would be concerned about my kid excessively drinking alcohol, that would not imply that drinking alcohol makes drinking excessive. Same grammatical construction in both cases.
I personally am happy with my size and body, and I was happy with my size and body 50 pounds heavier. What I wasn't happy with was my health, by which I mean blood pressure, cholesterol, and ability to enjoy moderate physical activity. The times in my life I have been most unhappy with my size and body were the times I had the most disordered eating; they were not the times I had the highest BMI.
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fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »So everyone that exercises alone is "grimly exercising"???
No, my child grimly exercising in isolation would be concerning to me. My child cheerfully exercising independently would not be.
I suspect you can tell when your kid is independent vs isolated, and when your kid is grim vs cheerful. None of us know for sure which of those the OP's mom is seeing.13 -
fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »So everyone that exercises alone is "grimly exercising"???
No, my child grimly exercising in isolation would be concerning to me. My child cheerfully exercising independently would not be.
I suspect you can tell when your kid is independent vs isolated, and when your kid is grim vs cheerful. None of us know for sure which of those the OP's mom is seeing.
Like when you hear the treadmill banging for hours behind the closed door because they're desperately trying to burn off that jelly bean they ate. There's definitely a difference between independent v isolation.
I prefer to exercise by myself, because people annoy me 28 -
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Christine_72 wrote: »I prefer to exercise by myself, because people annoy me
My current exercise of choice is swimming. Sometimes I get really lucky and have the whole lap pool to myself. The other day, the warm pool was closed and I had to share a lane and it was so much harder to relax and do my thing.
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Congratulations on your achievements. You have done really well to get to where you are without the support of your parents and as it has been gradual weight loss it would mean that you have done so at a healthy rate.
I'd suggest transitioning into maintenance now. If you gradually inccrease your calorie intake once a week you will still lose a bit more. On top of this do strength training if you aren't already. As muscle is much denser than fat you can keep the weight you are, gain muscle, lose fat and still lose a few more centimetres here and there. The end result will be a much more toned body. That way you can honestly tell your mom that you are no longer losing weight which will keep her happy and off your back but you will like what you see in the mirror more. Also remember that your mom is doing this out of genuine concern and love.6 -
Christine_72 wrote: »I prefer to exercise by myself, because people annoy me
My current exercise of choice is swimming. Sometimes I get really lucky and have the whole lap pool to myself. The other day, the warm pool was closed and I had to share a lane and it was so much harder to relax and do my thing.
Ugh, I hate it when people are in my pool! (Okay, it's the city's pool, but still).
OP, the bickering with my mom stopped when I moved out (well, not stopped, but much easier to distance from it). If that's not something you can do, then as others have said, change your response to her. That's the only control you have in the situation... yourself.5 -
I'm 30 and my mum still commented on me being too skinny and was worried that I wanted to lose more weight still. Then I explained it's not weight I want to lose anymore so much as I wanted to build muscle and lose the last of my stomach fat. She seems to have calmed down since. Maybe you could try something similar?2
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Get an annual check up and bring her along. If your BMI is as stated, the DR will back you up.4
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Considering the OP has been unreliable in BMI reporting, I think we need more info.
Are you prepared to post your stats, OP? Height/weight?1 -
Is it culturally more acceptable for you to be heavy than thin? I don't know where you live, but for some cultures, even a healthy BMI can be considered too thin and being overweight is often associated with health. In any case, it's helpful to understand why your mom is worrying, then excuse and forgive her. Moms will always worry and will always voice their worries. My mom keeps nagging me nonstop that I shouldn't be running and wrecking my knees and back. It can get annoying sometimes, but I just try to be extra loving to comfort and distract her from the topic. I understand how frustrating it can be to have to keep explaining the same point over and over, but I guarantee that your mom is even more frustrated (even if her fears are unfounded).
What is your goal, by the way? Did you know that, in general, people under 20 BMI have increased health risks? Since you are already at a healthy weight, have you considered "recomping"? It's the act of gradually reducing your body fat without reducing your weight (even gaining a little bit in some cases). If this is getting too much for you to handle, this may be a good middle ground where you get to fine tune your appearance, and your mom gets to see that you aren't losing any more weight, comforting her "eating disorder" fears some.
ETA: this is the kind of thing I'm talking about
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Get an annual check up and bring her along. If your BMI is as stated, the DR will back you up.
No she hasn't. Reread what she has written and you will realise that it is your comprehension skills that are unreliable. She stated that her mom has been commenting from when her BMI was 27 and not that she started her weight loss with a BMI of 27.6 -
I already have been doing different exercises and doing lower body fat whilst I was losing weight because I didn't want to be skinny fat but I think I can only get extra muscles when I am not losing weight I think? I do want to do that more but I definitely want to lose a bit extra weight so I can be happy and more comfortable with my body totally. I feel bad about telling my parents that I stopped my weight loss when I didn't because she will be able to tell anyway and she already keeps saying she wants to weigh me to make sure even though I'm 18?? I don't want to lie to her but I do want to lose weight too as well as get more muscles.
My mum is overweight or obese but my dad is always a normal weight or a bit higher maybe? My height is 153 cm and my weight is 50.8 kg I am pretty sure I did my BMI right I used more than one site to check it0 -
I suggested doing a recomp up thread, after reading your stats I think it would be a reasonable plan.
You would maintain the weight you are and follow a good weight lifting programme. This will, over time, drop your extra fat. You will also increase your strength and achieve some muscle gain.
Recomp is a slow process, but after 6 months you will be able to tell if it is giving you the body shape you are looking for.
If over time you still feel you have some fat to lose, you could then decide to lose those extra vanity pounds revealing a better sculpted body than you would have if you lost the pounds now.
Here is the recomp thread.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10177803/recomposition-maintaining-weight-while-losing-fat/p1
Here is a list of effective programmes some are bodyweight, some you can do at home, some you need a gym for. All can probably be adapted to fit in with your goal and equipment.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10332083/which-lifting-program-is-the-best-for-you/p1
Cheers, h.
PS I am 155cm and 46kg and wish I had been given the advice I have just given you. I would have a much better lbm to fat ratio and a more, personally, pleasing physique.3 -
Lillymoo01 wrote: »Get an annual check up and bring her along. If your BMI is as stated, the DR will back you up.
No she hasn't. Reread what she has written and you will realise that it is your comprehension skills that are unreliable. She stated that her mom has been commenting from when her BMI was 27 and not that she started her weight loss with a BMI of 27.
Maybe you missed the part where I had the DOCTOR confirming her weight was OK, to her mother.
Khan Academy can help you with your comprehension.
Referencing a qualified expert is standard practice in refuting a bad argument2 -
Maybe your mother would be willing to go to a nutritionist with you if you are willing. If you are adult, out living your own life, tell your mom something like "mom, this is the last time I am going to tell you. My weight loss is not dangerous, and my doctor approves (hopefully you consulted with your dr about your weight loss plan) and if you start to harp on it again I am going to stop talking or leave"
And then do so, if you're on the phone hang up. If you are in person, get up and leave. Boundaries are hard to set with parents but it's healthy to have respectful boundaries in all your relationships.
If you are a minor, then ask her to take you to your doctor, keep her in the room and talk with your dr about your weight loss: how you are doing it, what you eat per day, how often you exercise, etc. Then listen to the Doc, if you are doing it safely he/she should back you up.1 -
Lillymoo01 wrote: »Get an annual check up and bring her along. If your BMI is as stated, the DR will back you up.
No she hasn't. Reread what she has written and you will realise that it is your comprehension skills that are unreliable. She stated that her mom has been commenting from when her BMI was 27 and not that she started her weight loss with a BMI of 27.
Maybe you missed the part where I had the DOCTOR confirming her weight was OK, to her mother.
Khan Academy can help you with your comprehension.
Referencing a qualified expert is standard practice in refuting a bad argument
I believe she meant to quote the post below yours where this comment was made
: "Considering the OP has been unreliable in BMI reporting, I think we need more info."
Because OP hasn't been "unreliable" in reporting her BMI, the poster just missed her clarification that a BMI of 27 is when the comments began.3 -
Lillymoo01 wrote: »Get an annual check up and bring her along. If your BMI is as stated, the DR will back you up.
No she hasn't. Reread what she has written and you will realise that it is your comprehension skills that are unreliable. She stated that her mom has been commenting from when her BMI was 27 and not that she started her weight loss with a BMI of 27.
Maybe you missed the part where I had the DOCTOR confirming her weight was OK, to her mother.
Khan Academy can help you with your comprehension.
Referencing a qualified expert is standard practice in refuting a bad argument
I believe she meant to quote the post below yours where this comment was made : "Considering the OP has been unreliable in BMI reporting, I think we need more info."
Because OP hasn't been "unreliable" in reporting her BMI, the poster just missed her clarification that a BMI of 27 is when the comments began.
I apologise Theo, I did quote the wrong post. Nothing wrong with your advise in the slightest. In fact it is recommended.4 -
Christine_72 wrote: »fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »So everyone that exercises alone is "grimly exercising"???
No, my child grimly exercising in isolation would be concerning to me. My child cheerfully exercising independently would not be.
I suspect you can tell when your kid is independent vs isolated, and when your kid is grim vs cheerful. None of us know for sure which of those the OP's mom is seeing.
Like when you hear the treadmill banging for hours behind the closed door because they're desperately trying to burn off that jelly bean they ate. There's definitely a difference between independent v isolation.
I prefer to exercise by myself, because people annoy me
What does the door have to do with it? And if the weather's bad and I need to do a 10 mile run the treadmill is going to make noise for a while.
I guess a lot of people have a hard time understanding a need to be alone.1 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »fitmom4lifemfp wrote: »So everyone that exercises alone is "grimly exercising"???
No, my child grimly exercising in isolation would be concerning to me. My child cheerfully exercising independently would not be.
I suspect you can tell when your kid is independent vs isolated, and when your kid is grim vs cheerful. None of us know for sure which of those the OP's mom is seeing.
Like when you hear the treadmill banging for hours behind the closed door because they're desperately trying to burn off that jelly bean they ate. There's definitely a difference between independent v isolation.
I prefer to exercise by myself, because people annoy me
What does the door have to do with it? And if the weather's bad and I need to do a 10 mile run the treadmill is going to make noise for a while.
I guess a lot of people have a hard time understanding a need to be alone.
You have taken a completely innocent, hypothetical example that @allyphoe and others have been discussing, how to differentiate between a mindset that might be cause for concern, compared to one that is healthy regarding weight loss, and turned it into a reason to argue about solo exercise. Do you understand that some people suffer from disordered thinking about food, exercise and weight loss - and that there are some warning signs that people like OP's mother may or may not be observing? That's all. It's not a judgement against everyone who exercises alone.24 -
I had these issues with my step mother. She is morbidly obese, to the point her doctor begs her to stop eating just so she does not kill herself. She absolutely HATES me for being skinny. She brings it up a hundred times every time I visit. My father says he jealously obsesses about my weight. My mother in law is also obese, she gets VERY angry with me being skinny with a baby. She constantly rags on me for being healthy. Jealousy effects everyone, especially family. EVEN my sister is obsessed with my body. She is always making it a competition because she was always a heavier child than me. Unfortunately she looks too thin and Im worried she has an eating disorder. My father is the only one who see's this. Of course he is a man and could care less about what they care about. He has told me numerous times to hide the fact I am fit to prevent my family from having a jealous melt down. After I gave birth I posted up a picture of my abs and proudly claimed I achieved my goal in bouncing back after the baby, my sister, mother in law and step mother FREAKED OUT. The only people proud of me were my husband, dad, grandma, little sister and my mom. I received a huge backlash. Keep in mind, I carefully word things to be as nice as possible to prevent triggering them. You may need to stop using terms that could be deemed offensive. Never EVER call yourself fat infront of a heavier person, it DOES hurt their feelings. Use terms that are more pleasant like for example, I would really like to get more muscle mass. This is a truth so your not lying but it does not refer to fat. Its just referring to gaining muscle.8
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cassandrarodriguez89 wrote: »I had these issues with my step mother. She is morbidly obese, to the point her doctor begs her to stop eating just so she does not kill herself. She absolutely HATES me for being skinny. She brings it up a hundred times every time I visit. My father says he jealously obsesses about my weight. My mother in law is also obese, she gets VERY angry with me being skinny with a baby. She constantly rags on me for being healthy. Jealousy effects everyone, especially family. EVEN my sister is obsessed with my body. She is always making it a competition because she was always a heavier child than me. Unfortunately she looks too thin and Im worried she has an eating disorder. My father is the only one who see's this. Of course he is a man and could care less about what they care about. He has told me numerous times to hide the fact I am fit to prevent my family from having a jealous melt down. After I gave birth I posted up a picture of my abs and proudly claimed I achieved my goal in bouncing back after the baby, my sister, mother in law and step mother FREAKED OUT. The only people proud of me were my husband, dad, grandma, little sister and my mom. I received a huge backlash. Keep in mind, I carefully word things to be as nice as possible to prevent triggering them. You may need to stop using terms that could be deemed offensive. Never EVER call yourself fat infront of a heavier person, it DOES hurt their feelings. Use terms that are more pleasant like for example, I would really like to get more muscle mass. This is a truth so your not lying but it does not refer to fat. Its just referring to gaining muscle.
Yikes! I am so sorry you've had to deal with that. After I lost about 60 pounds, my dad freaked out and started dieting, all the while making comments like "he was going to win" and "you'll never be thinner than me." I told him, point blank, to get stuffed. The only person I'm competing with in this race is me. I'm happy that he's losing weight(he's lost 30 pounds) but he's not going to use me as negative motivation. Sometimes you just have to tell it as it is. No one, not even family, has the right to project their insecurities and fears on to you. We should be uplifting each other.5 -
SiegfriedXXL wrote: »cassandrarodriguez89 wrote: »I had these issues with my step mother. She is morbidly obese, to the point her doctor begs her to stop eating just so she does not kill herself. She absolutely HATES me for being skinny. She brings it up a hundred times every time I visit. My father says he jealously obsesses about my weight. My mother in law is also obese, she gets VERY angry with me being skinny with a baby. She constantly rags on me for being healthy. Jealousy effects everyone, especially family. EVEN my sister is obsessed with my body. She is always making it a competition because she was always a heavier child than me. Unfortunately she looks too thin and Im worried she has an eating disorder. My father is the only one who see's this. Of course he is a man and could care less about what they care about. He has told me numerous times to hide the fact I am fit to prevent my family from having a jealous melt down. After I gave birth I posted up a picture of my abs and proudly claimed I achieved my goal in bouncing back after the baby, my sister, mother in law and step mother FREAKED OUT. The only people proud of me were my husband, dad, grandma, little sister and my mom. I received a huge backlash. Keep in mind, I carefully word things to be as nice as possible to prevent triggering them. You may need to stop using terms that could be deemed offensive. Never EVER call yourself fat infront of a heavier person, it DOES hurt their feelings. Use terms that are more pleasant like for example, I would really like to get more muscle mass. This is a truth so your not lying but it does not refer to fat. Its just referring to gaining muscle.
Yikes! I am so sorry you've had to deal with that. After I lost about 60 pounds, my dad freaked out and started dieting, all the while making comments like "he was going to win" and "you'll never be thinner than me." I told him, point blank, to get stuffed. The only person I'm competing with in this race is me. I'm happy that he's losing weight(he's lost 30 pounds) but he's not going to use me as negative motivation. Sometimes you just have to tell it as it is. No one, not even family, has the right to project their insecurities and fears on to you. We should be uplifting each other.
Family are the worst! Except in your case it had a positive impact. I tried long ago to influence my family to be healthier and I FAILED. They make excuses. I did impact my grandma, who got a gym membership, started eating healthy and now she has lost 50lbs AND my sister who was a chubbier child and now she is skinny (but maybe too skinny
) Now, my aunt hired a fitness trainer and suddenly my mom started going to the gym and lifting weights trying to compete with her, I LOVE IT! Hahahaha! If you can get your family healthy then SCORE!!! Now if only I could get my husband healthy, he see's me lifting heavier weights then him and running laps around him and he just quites -_- wtf.
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If I do a recomp thing can I do my weight loss both together so I can be lighter and reducing body fat at the same time because I would like to do that and I don't really want to lie to my parents because they would just know anyway and it is just more arguments and comments if I do even if it's not a bad thing I am doing,
I don't know if my mum is jealous but she does make a lot of comments and constantly says things like I am too thin and I need to stop weight loss the same and I do feel that she hates me a lot of the time with the things she says to me and the comments she makes and doesn't really care about what I want or when I explain things to her it doesn't make any difference unless it's the thing that she wants and I agree to her.
I don't really understand the treadmill thing and isolation v independent but I don't reallydo that I think? I mostly do walking and dancing exercises.2 -
Sometimes it's not the message, but the way it's delivered. Sometimes people can come across as thinking "I'm better than you" or constantly bragging to anyone who has the patience to listen to them how awesome they are and "look,look at me" and what i can do...1
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Do you live with or work with your parents? In general, I'd say to tell them it is not up for discussion and that you will hang up/leave if they start in on it. Then follow through.
I agree with this.
I would tell them your weight is a personal matter between you and your doctor, it is not their decision to make, and the topic is off limits, period.
If you still live with them, I hope you can find your own place.
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My dad has a really hard time with me being an adult and out of his control. It feels like hate when it comes to a head. I'm not sure what it is, but it is abusive. It got really bad a few years ago after I had a surgery on one body part and he kept trying to get me to do the things he was told to do after injuring a different body part and I wouldn't do it because it could do more damage while I was healing. He started saying other nasty things when my mom wasn't around. It could just be that she sees that she no longer has control of you and is grasping to change that. It doesn't make it right or easy, but it can help to see it for what it is.LaauraLoses wrote: »If I do a recomp thing can I do my weight loss both together so I can be lighter and reducing body fat at the same time because I would like to do that and I don't really want to lie to my parents because they would just know anyway and it is just more arguments and comments if I do even if it's not a bad thing I am doing,
I don't know if my mum is jealous but she does make a lot of comments and constantly says things like I am too thin and I need to stop weight loss the same and I do feel that she hates me a lot of the time with the things she says to me and the comments she makes and doesn't really care about what I want or when I explain things to her it doesn't make any difference unless it's the thing that she wants and I agree to her.
I don't really understand the treadmill thing and isolation v independent but I don't reallydo that I think? I mostly do walking and dancing exercises.
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