What's your best comeback?
Replies
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Christine_72 wrote: »JeromeBarry1 wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »Please don't go running to the boss or HR. I'd rather get the talk about soda and find a way to shut him down, then be forever known as the untrustworthy office snitch.
I'll call this the "Don't be a snitch culture", DBASC for short. DBASC is precisely why men can continue to be a-holes in diverse workplaces. The system is structured to destroy men if only women would pull the HR trigger. Do it. End a-hole culture.
If i was being sexually harassed or something serious like that, then yeah that deserves reporting, but i'd give him fair warning of what was to come if he didn't stop! But for petty little arguments, or if someone is getting on my nerves, then no, i'll deal with that myself.
I was partnered up with this guy at work for a few months, he wouldn't sneeze without asking our boss for permission first, he was just irritating. I found out out he was was a snitchy mcsnitch (sorry to use those words, it is the most politest term i can use here on the boards) when my boss told me.
His exact words to me were "watch what you say and do in front of him, because he comes running to me with everything", my boss had zero respect for him because of this.
My young daughter works in a male dominated field, and some of the things they said to her when she first started were revolting. But she gave them back as good as she got, and they eventually stopped and now she's a respected member of the team. It's sad and annoying that she had to go through this in the beginning, but she held her ground and didn't put up with any of their crap and stomped on their attitude from day one!. Had she gone running to HR, she would have been that lonely employee sitting in the corner in the lunchroom all by herself, after being ostracised by her whole crew.
I wish she didn't have to go through it to begin with and these dicks should have acted like gentlemen, not neanderthals, but her strength, take no BS and wittiness got her through.
This approach basically supports allowing people who mistreat you to get away with, to do it to other people, and to benefit from doing it.
Obviously everyone has to make judgment calls about what behavior they feel crosses the line, and when the risks of retribution are too great, even if the retribution itself is illegal. But there's a difference between, on the one hand, someone making the judgment call about whether to risk compounding the injury they've already suffered by speaking up, and, on the other hand, perpetuating what @JeromeBarry1 so accurately calls the "don't be a snitch" culture, which implies that you shouldn't report bad behavior because it's (morally) wrong to ask "outside" authority to resolve a problem, rather than merely recognizing that there may be times when reporting bad behavior may expose you to additional negative repercussions beyond what you're willing to put up with for doing the right thing.
ETA: edited to add "on the one hand/on the other hand," because that sentence is just way too long to be clear without.3 -
Christine_72 wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »My young daughter works in a male dominated field, and some of the things they said to her when she first started were revolting. But she gave them back as good as she got, and they eventually stopped and now she's a respected member of the team. It's sad and annoying that she had to go through this in the beginning, but she held her ground and didn't put up with any of their crap and stomped on their attitude from day one!. Had she gone running to HR, she would have been that lonely employee sitting in the corner in the lunchroom all by herself, after being ostracised by her whole crew.
Lesson of the day, folks! Tolerate and even participate in sexual harassment so that one day, you'll get to be one of the cool chicks in the only place on the planet you can work.
Yeah it's a shame she had to put up with it to begin with, but it is what it is unfortunately
And no, she's not going to leave an $1,100 per week job because of a few idiots that she is well equipped to handle!
You're using this and I assume similar experiences to denounce the "office snitch" when this story just makes me feel slimy. She may not have had the courage or circumstances to go to HR, but that doesn't make that action wrong. Do you really think this? I'm legit a bit worried.
I ended up having to go to HR for something. Coworkers supported me and hopefully it stops others from having the experience I did. I'm not going to go into specifics.
That's good to hear, regardless. Also if an employee has been participating in the shenanigans, I imagine it would make their case that much weaker when/if they do decide to escalate.1 -
Rebecca0224 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »@Tacklewasher glad your amused she makes me want to rage cry every damn week. Lately weve both had to work sundays so we only get 2-3 hours with grampa, Shed rather spend the time eating her huge gluttonous meal and then sitting i na food coma for an hour thn go 2 minutes out of the way to help me get pet food. She says "we dont have time we have to visit with grampa" then she goes and takes a 45 minute nap in his living room. I had to carry a 50 pound bag of cat litter home by myself last week....those bags dont last...4 miles with it and i was dieing and then JUST as i got home it broke in the hallway and got everywhere. I sat and cried LOL. Im now looking at finding a friend whose willing to take me to see grampa, Im super done dealing with her *kitten* XD
Uber! Just a suggestion but I love Uber and it has saved me so much stress and the cost isn't as bad as expected.
lives in a dif city 0 -
JaydedMiss wrote: »Rebecca0224 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »@Tacklewasher glad your amused she makes me want to rage cry every damn week. Lately weve both had to work sundays so we only get 2-3 hours with grampa, Shed rather spend the time eating her huge gluttonous meal and then sitting i na food coma for an hour thn go 2 minutes out of the way to help me get pet food. She says "we dont have time we have to visit with grampa" then she goes and takes a 45 minute nap in his living room. I had to carry a 50 pound bag of cat litter home by myself last week....those bags dont last...4 miles with it and i was dieing and then JUST as i got home it broke in the hallway and got everywhere. I sat and cried LOL. Im now looking at finding a friend whose willing to take me to see grampa, Im super done dealing with her *kitten* XD
Uber! Just a suggestion but I love Uber and it has saved me so much stress and the cost isn't as bad as expected.
lives in a dif city
Can you come up with ways to occupy your time and entertain you both when you are together? Discussion topics, activities, talk about people you both care about, etc. Annoying as it may be, this could be the only way she knows to interact with you, since you both appear to have a "healthy" diet in common. The execution is obviously lacking, so maybe you could be the one who fixes it.0 -
Someone at work is picking on me for having a diet soda today. He was going on and on about how drinking that crap is SOOO bad for you etc etc. To stop the conversation I told him 'well everyone is entitled to their own opinion' to which he replied 'and you're entitled to be wrong' It took every fiber of my being to turn and walk away. I would REALLY like a politically correct comeback to lay on him the next time I get a hankering for a diet soda.
PS I drink diet soda about 1x a month at work and only drink water, tea or coffee otherwise.
"Thank you for your concern about my health. Unfortunately for you, I am a grown a** adult and I consume what I want."0 -
Christine_72 wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »My young daughter works in a male dominated field, and some of the things they said to her when she first started were revolting. But she gave them back as good as she got, and they eventually stopped and now she's a respected member of the team. It's sad and annoying that she had to go through this in the beginning, but she held her ground and didn't put up with any of their crap and stomped on their attitude from day one!. Had she gone running to HR, she would have been that lonely employee sitting in the corner in the lunchroom all by herself, after being ostracised by her whole crew.
Lesson of the day, folks! Tolerate and even participate in sexual harassment so that one day, you'll get to be one of the cool chicks in the only place on the planet you can work.
Yeah it's a shame she had to put up with it to begin with, but it is what it is unfortunately And no, she's not going to leave an $1,100 per week job because of a few idiots that she is well equipped to handle!
You're using this and I assume similar experiences to denounce the "office snitch" when this story just makes me feel slimy. She may not have had the courage or circumstances to go to HR, but that doesn't make that action wrong. Do you really think this? I'm legit a bit worried.
I don't think she was saying she just let them get away with it. She stuck up for herself until it stopped. I think it takes more courage to make the behavior stop yourself than it does to go ask someone else to handle it.
In my experience, standing up for yourself against bad behavior and earning others' respect goes much farther in changing office culture than going to hr and having someone get lectured and written up. Obviously it depends on the type of issue you're talking about. If you feel unsafe you don't mess around with that.
Anyway, OP if it happens again, make sure you let us know what you did and how it worked!
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Just tell him to put his gavel away because he's not a judge!1
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JaydedMiss wrote: »Rebecca0224 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »@Tacklewasher glad your amused she makes me want to rage cry every damn week. Lately weve both had to work sundays so we only get 2-3 hours with grampa, Shed rather spend the time eating her huge gluttonous meal and then sitting i na food coma for an hour thn go 2 minutes out of the way to help me get pet food. She says "we dont have time we have to visit with grampa" then she goes and takes a 45 minute nap in his living room. I had to carry a 50 pound bag of cat litter home by myself last week....those bags dont last...4 miles with it and i was dieing and then JUST as i got home it broke in the hallway and got everywhere. I sat and cried LOL. Im now looking at finding a friend whose willing to take me to see grampa, Im super done dealing with her *kitten* XD
Uber! Just a suggestion but I love Uber and it has saved me so much stress and the cost isn't as bad as expected.
lives in a dif city
Can you come up with ways to occupy your time and entertain you both when you are together? Discussion topics, activities, talk about people you both care about, etc. Annoying as it may be, this could be the only way she knows to interact with you, since you both appear to have a "healthy" diet in common. The execution is obviously lacking, so maybe you could be the one who fixes it.
This is a great idea, try doing a crossword puzzle together maybe a hard one so she is reminded she doesn't know everything.0 -
JaydedMiss wrote: »Rebecca0224 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »@Tacklewasher glad your amused she makes me want to rage cry every damn week. Lately weve both had to work sundays so we only get 2-3 hours with grampa, Shed rather spend the time eating her huge gluttonous meal and then sitting i na food coma for an hour thn go 2 minutes out of the way to help me get pet food. She says "we dont have time we have to visit with grampa" then she goes and takes a 45 minute nap in his living room. I had to carry a 50 pound bag of cat litter home by myself last week....those bags dont last...4 miles with it and i was dieing and then JUST as i got home it broke in the hallway and got everywhere. I sat and cried LOL. Im now looking at finding a friend whose willing to take me to see grampa, Im super done dealing with her *kitten* XD
Uber! Just a suggestion but I love Uber and it has saved me so much stress and the cost isn't as bad as expected.
lives in a dif city
I was think for the trip home with cat litter lol.0 -
Rebecca0224 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »Rebecca0224 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »@Tacklewasher glad your amused she makes me want to rage cry every damn week. Lately weve both had to work sundays so we only get 2-3 hours with grampa, Shed rather spend the time eating her huge gluttonous meal and then sitting i na food coma for an hour thn go 2 minutes out of the way to help me get pet food. She says "we dont have time we have to visit with grampa" then she goes and takes a 45 minute nap in his living room. I had to carry a 50 pound bag of cat litter home by myself last week....those bags dont last...4 miles with it and i was dieing and then JUST as i got home it broke in the hallway and got everywhere. I sat and cried LOL. Im now looking at finding a friend whose willing to take me to see grampa, Im super done dealing with her *kitten* XD
Uber! Just a suggestion but I love Uber and it has saved me so much stress and the cost isn't as bad as expected.
lives in a dif city
I was think for the trip home with cat litter lol.
touche...yeah im broke XD ill look into it0 -
Christine_72 wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »My young daughter works in a male dominated field, and some of the things they said to her when she first started were revolting. But she gave them back as good as she got, and they eventually stopped and now she's a respected member of the team. It's sad and annoying that she had to go through this in the beginning, but she held her ground and didn't put up with any of their crap and stomped on their attitude from day one!. Had she gone running to HR, she would have been that lonely employee sitting in the corner in the lunchroom all by herself, after being ostracised by her whole crew.
Lesson of the day, folks! Tolerate and even participate in sexual harassment so that one day, you'll get to be one of the cool chicks in the only place on the planet you can work.
Yeah it's a shame she had to put up with it to begin with, but it is what it is unfortunately And no, she's not going to leave an $1,100 per week job because of a few idiots that she is well equipped to handle!
You're using this and I assume similar experiences to denounce the "office snitch" when this story just makes me feel slimy. She may not have had the courage or circumstances to go to HR, but that doesn't make that action wrong. Do you really think this? I'm legit a bit worried.
I don't think she was saying she just let them get away with it. She stuck up for herself until it stopped. I think it takes more courage to make the behavior stop yourself than it does to go ask someone else to handle it.
In my experience, standing up for yourself against bad behavior and earning others' respect goes much farther in changing office culture than going to hr and having someone get lectured and written up. Obviously it depends on the type of issue you're talking about. If you feel unsafe you don't mess around with that.
Anyway, OP if it happens again, make sure you let us know what you did and how it worked!
I don't necessarily see what's so great about being "respected" by disgusting, revolting people, but hey that's just me.
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Christine_72 wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »My young daughter works in a male dominated field, and some of the things they said to her when she first started were revolting. But she gave them back as good as she got, and they eventually stopped and now she's a respected member of the team. It's sad and annoying that she had to go through this in the beginning, but she held her ground and didn't put up with any of their crap and stomped on their attitude from day one!. Had she gone running to HR, she would have been that lonely employee sitting in the corner in the lunchroom all by herself, after being ostracised by her whole crew.
Lesson of the day, folks! Tolerate and even participate in sexual harassment so that one day, you'll get to be one of the cool chicks in the only place on the planet you can work.
Yeah it's a shame she had to put up with it to begin with, but it is what it is unfortunately And no, she's not going to leave an $1,100 per week job because of a few idiots that she is well equipped to handle!
You're using this and I assume similar experiences to denounce the "office snitch" when this story just makes me feel slimy. She may not have had the courage or circumstances to go to HR, but that doesn't make that action wrong. Do you really think this? I'm legit a bit worried.
I don't think she was saying she just let them get away with it. She stuck up for herself until it stopped. I think it takes more courage to make the behavior stop yourself than it does to go ask someone else to handle it.
In my experience, standing up for yourself against bad behavior and earning others' respect goes much farther in changing office culture than going to hr and having someone get lectured and written up. Obviously it depends on the type of issue you're talking about. If you feel unsafe you don't mess around with that.
Anyway, OP if it happens again, make sure you let us know what you did and how it worked!
I don't necessarily see what's so great about being "respected" by disgusting, revolting people, but hey that's just me.
Sometimes people say disgusting stuff because they have biases and misconceptions, and dealing with them directly with courage and grace can change the way they treat other people in the future.
Just my opinion based on my personal experience. I agree that the snitch label is a problem, people shouldn't be put down for asking for help or for the rules to be enforced. I just believe sometimes people are too fast to run and report something when it can more effectively be handled between the affected parties.2 -
Christine_72 wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »My young daughter works in a male dominated field, and some of the things they said to her when she first started were revolting. But she gave them back as good as she got, and they eventually stopped and now she's a respected member of the team. It's sad and annoying that she had to go through this in the beginning, but she held her ground and didn't put up with any of their crap and stomped on their attitude from day one!. Had she gone running to HR, she would have been that lonely employee sitting in the corner in the lunchroom all by herself, after being ostracised by her whole crew.
Lesson of the day, folks! Tolerate and even participate in sexual harassment so that one day, you'll get to be one of the cool chicks in the only place on the planet you can work.
Yeah it's a shame she had to put up with it to begin with, but it is what it is unfortunately And no, she's not going to leave an $1,100 per week job because of a few idiots that she is well equipped to handle!
You're using this and I assume similar experiences to denounce the "office snitch" when this story just makes me feel slimy. She may not have had the courage or circumstances to go to HR, but that doesn't make that action wrong. Do you really think this? I'm legit a bit worried.
I don't think she was saying she just let them get away with it. She stuck up for herself until it stopped. I think it takes more courage to make the behavior stop yourself than it does to go ask someone else to handle it.
In my experience, standing up for yourself against bad behavior and earning others' respect goes much farther in changing office culture than going to hr and having someone get lectured and written up. Obviously it depends on the type of issue you're talking about. If you feel unsafe you don't mess around with that.
Anyway, OP if it happens again, make sure you let us know what you did and how it worked!
I don't necessarily see what's so great about being "respected" by disgusting, revolting people, but hey that's just me.
Sometimes people say disgusting stuff because they have biases and misconceptions, and dealing with them directly with courage and grace can change the way they treat other people in the future.
Just my opinion based on my personal experience. I agree that the snitch label is a problem, people shouldn't be put down for asking for help or for the rules to be enforced. I just believe sometimes people are too fast to run and report something when it can more effectively be handled between the affected parties.
Then we're on the same page. I have no issues with handling problems on your own. To me, that's basically called anytime you *don't* involve HR or management. Viewing people who report extremely inappropriate and possibly illegal behavior to HR as uncool snitches just seems strange to me. I'm not saying I wouldn't be too chicken *kitten* to do the reporting, but then I'd understand why they chose that route and absolutely view them as courageous.1
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