Spouse commenting on what I eat

kimothy38
kimothy38 Posts: 840 Member
in Motivation and Support
Its been an ongoing issue with husband because he feels the need to comment on what I eat. Seriously, I'm a grown woman and don't require permission to eat whatever I dang well choose. I already know eating junk after dinner isn't good for me ya know. I didn't get overweight because I didn't know that junk makes me fat.
Know matter how many times and in different ways I've told him how much it annoys and upsets me my hubby feels the need to comment on what I eat. He's overweight too so isn't a healthy eating guru.
In the past 6 months I've gained strength, stamina and a new lease on life. I have deep seated issues with food and refuse to diet. I've started intermittent fasting and 10kg so far. I'm proud of my achievements and effort.
This morning I took the opportunity to have a coffee and muffin for breakfast after a heavy gym workout. A friend saw and commented to my husband about it. I was so angry when he brought it up I nearly burst into tears with frustration.
I didnt hide the fact that I went to a cafe (as I brought a coffee home for hubby). Im not counting calories, it didn't kick off a binge, no food is 'bad', so why should I be made to feel bad about it? Does working out mean you can't have a treat & undo your efforts. Makes me so mad that he feels he has the right to comment.
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Replies

  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
    Men sometimes have no tact. Is there any chance he thinks he is helping or motivating you?
  • kimothy38
    kimothy38 Posts: 840 Member
    I have told him multiple times how it makes me feel but nothing changes. I'm not sure if he thinks he's being motivating but he should know by my hostile response that its not how it comes across.
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,472 Member
    throw it right on back!
  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
    kimothy38 wrote: »
    I have told him multiple times how it makes me feel but nothing changes. I'm not sure if he thinks he's being motivating but he should know by my hostile response that its not how it comes across.

    Maybe a reminder of how uncomfortable sleeping on the sofa is in order.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,956 Member
    Yeah, I'd start being less than polite. Maybe keep a newspaper rolled up and smack him over the nose any time he says something like that.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,956 Member
    jenilla1 wrote: »
    kimothy38 wrote: »
    ...A friend saw and commented to my husband about it...

    Your friend is tattling on you? What an odd thing to do. :o

    actually, yeah OP - what's with the friend dobbing on you??
  • kaizaku
    kaizaku Posts: 1,039 Member
    Sometimes spouse's just don't understand.
  • DeficitDuchess
    DeficitDuchess Posts: 3,099 Member
    This' common when a SO becomes afraid that, it's plausible that their partner'll leave them for someone better if; they lose the weight & thus he's most, likely trying to get you to; cease trying to! I'd mention, that you; suspect this & that if, you do decide to; divorce him it'll be because of his ill treatment of, you instead of; your weight loss!
  • cnurenasue
    cnurenasue Posts: 22 Member
    I'm no shrink, but I play one on the internet. :smile: Do you think it's possible he's not really comfortable with your efforts to become healthy and fit because he isn't? He might not be motivating you, unconsciously resents your effort?
  • SpotLighttt
    SpotLighttt Posts: 174 Member
    DeficitDuchess wrote: »
    This' common when a SO becomes afraid that, it's plausible that their partner'll leave them for someone better if; they lose the weight & thus he's most, likely trying to get you to; cease trying to! I'd mention, that you; suspect this & that if, you do decide to; divorce him it'll be because of his ill treatment of, you instead of; your weight loss!


    this is so extreme. From your reasoning to the action.
  • DeficitDuchess
    DeficitDuchess Posts: 3,099 Member
    SpotLighttt wrote: »
    DeficitDuchess wrote: »
    This' common when a SO becomes afraid that, it's plausible that their partner'll leave them for someone better if; they lose the weight & thus he's most, likely trying to get you to; cease trying to! I'd mention, that you; suspect this & that if, you do decide to; divorce him it'll be because of his ill treatment of, you instead of; your weight loss!


    this is so extreme. From your reasoning to the action.

    I've seen countless stories in, which someone left; their SO because they, became thinner/healthier & thus were attracting others that, they considered more attractive than; whom they're with! So the, fear's legit but his actions're an inappropriate avenue to, dealing with; this possibility!
  • DeficitDuchess
    DeficitDuchess Posts: 3,099 Member
    kimothy38 wrote: »
    The friend and hubby coincidentally had coffee together later in the day. Nothing sinister about him telling on me though he made the comment to my hubby about undoing my gym efforts. I hadn't thought about it but he was in fact judging me as well. There's obviously a gender difference here with the relationship with food and effort exerted at the gym. Now I think about it even my trainer, also male, made a comment. You'd think I'd committed a crime or something. Maybe I should get a spray bottle & squirt hubby like you do when training a dog.

    If gender bias' the culprit to your Husband's judgement then, he'd be bias pertaining to other facets of life within; which women'd be considered inferior to men. Typically friends share, many of; the same views & trainers tend to, be clean eating fanatics which; isn't usually gender bias.
  • animatorswearbras
    animatorswearbras Posts: 1,001 Member
    Just reiterate to him that you've lost 10kg so far (well done btw), the way you are managing your diet works for you and you don't need a running commentary giving you a complex. If you weren't making any progress (either losing inches or pounds) you'd understand his "concern". But his comments are unnecessary and hurtful whilst you are doing your best and succeeding and he's in danger of derailing you if he doesn't stop criticising and start recognising and complimenting your achievements.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,646 Member
    Kick him in the nuts. Or divorce him.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    kimothy38 wrote: »
    The friend and hubby coincidentally had coffee together later in the day. Nothing sinister about him telling on me though he made the comment to my hubby about undoing my gym efforts. I hadn't thought about it but he was in fact judging me as well. There's obviously a gender difference here with the relationship with food and effort exerted at the gym. Now I think about it even my trainer, also male, made a comment. You'd think I'd committed a crime or something. Maybe I should get a spray bottle & squirt hubby like you do when training a dog.

    sounds like you need to stop talking about your weight loss efforts, so that people dont feel the need to comment. post on here instead!
  • l911jnt
    l911jnt Posts: 164 Member
    he needs to be reminded that you are succeeding with your weight loss and that maybe he needs to be more concerned about what HE eats instead of what you eat since you are the one losing weight while he isnt motivated to do anything at all about his own weight. And the friend .... oh, I would tell him the same thing and that he needs to keep his comments on your weight loss to himself and his nose out of your marriage. Wow. Some ppl never cease to amaze me!

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