Spouse commenting on what I eat
kimothy38
Posts: 840 Member
Its been an ongoing issue with husband because he feels the need to comment on what I eat. Seriously, I'm a grown woman and don't require permission to eat whatever I dang well choose. I already know eating junk after dinner isn't good for me ya know. I didn't get overweight because I didn't know that junk makes me fat.
Know matter how many times and in different ways I've told him how much it annoys and upsets me my hubby feels the need to comment on what I eat. He's overweight too so isn't a healthy eating guru.
In the past 6 months I've gained strength, stamina and a new lease on life. I have deep seated issues with food and refuse to diet. I've started intermittent fasting and 10kg so far. I'm proud of my achievements and effort.
This morning I took the opportunity to have a coffee and muffin for breakfast after a heavy gym workout. A friend saw and commented to my husband about it. I was so angry when he brought it up I nearly burst into tears with frustration.
I didnt hide the fact that I went to a cafe (as I brought a coffee home for hubby). Im not counting calories, it didn't kick off a binge, no food is 'bad', so why should I be made to feel bad about it? Does working out mean you can't have a treat & undo your efforts. Makes me so mad that he feels he has the right to comment.
Know matter how many times and in different ways I've told him how much it annoys and upsets me my hubby feels the need to comment on what I eat. He's overweight too so isn't a healthy eating guru.
In the past 6 months I've gained strength, stamina and a new lease on life. I have deep seated issues with food and refuse to diet. I've started intermittent fasting and 10kg so far. I'm proud of my achievements and effort.
This morning I took the opportunity to have a coffee and muffin for breakfast after a heavy gym workout. A friend saw and commented to my husband about it. I was so angry when he brought it up I nearly burst into tears with frustration.
I didnt hide the fact that I went to a cafe (as I brought a coffee home for hubby). Im not counting calories, it didn't kick off a binge, no food is 'bad', so why should I be made to feel bad about it? Does working out mean you can't have a treat & undo your efforts. Makes me so mad that he feels he has the right to comment.
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Replies
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you need to say this to him...6
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Men sometimes have no tact. Is there any chance he thinks he is helping or motivating you?3
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I have told him multiple times how it makes me feel but nothing changes. I'm not sure if he thinks he's being motivating but he should know by my hostile response that its not how it comes across.0
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I have told him multiple times how it makes me feel but nothing changes. I'm not sure if he thinks he's being motivating but he should know by my hostile response that its not how it comes across.
then a short sharp 'eff off' response may be needed until he stops saying stuff.
or start commenting on everything he eats...12 -
throw it right on back!1
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Yeah, I'd start being less than polite. Maybe keep a newspaper rolled up and smack him over the nose any time he says something like that.2
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Sometimes spouse's just don't understand.0
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This' common when a SO becomes afraid that, it's plausible that their partner'll leave them for someone better if; they lose the weight & thus he's most, likely trying to get you to; cease trying to! I'd mention, that you; suspect this & that if, you do decide to; divorce him it'll be because of his ill treatment of, you instead of; your weight loss!0
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I'm no shrink, but I play one on the internet.
Do you think it's possible he's not really comfortable with your efforts to become healthy and fit because he isn't? He might not be motivating you, unconsciously resents your effort? 2 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »This' common when a SO becomes afraid that, it's plausible that their partner'll leave them for someone better if; they lose the weight & thus he's most, likely trying to get you to; cease trying to! I'd mention, that you; suspect this & that if, you do decide to; divorce him it'll be because of his ill treatment of, you instead of; your weight loss!
this is so extreme. From your reasoning to the action.3 -
The friend and hubby coincidentally had coffee together later in the day. Nothing sinister about him telling on me though he made the comment to my hubby about undoing my gym efforts. I hadn't thought about it but he was in fact judging me as well. There's obviously a gender difference here with the relationship with food and effort exerted at the gym. Now I think about it even my trainer, also male, made a comment. You'd think I'd committed a crime or something. Maybe I should get a spray bottle & squirt hubby like you do when training a dog.6
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SpotLighttt wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »This' common when a SO becomes afraid that, it's plausible that their partner'll leave them for someone better if; they lose the weight & thus he's most, likely trying to get you to; cease trying to! I'd mention, that you; suspect this & that if, you do decide to; divorce him it'll be because of his ill treatment of, you instead of; your weight loss!
this is so extreme. From your reasoning to the action.
I've seen countless stories in, which someone left; their SO because they, became thinner/healthier & thus were attracting others that, they considered more attractive than; whom they're with! So the, fear's legit but his actions're an inappropriate avenue to, dealing with; this possibility!1 -
The friend and hubby coincidentally had coffee together later in the day. Nothing sinister about him telling on me though he made the comment to my hubby about undoing my gym efforts. I hadn't thought about it but he was in fact judging me as well. There's obviously a gender difference here with the relationship with food and effort exerted at the gym. Now I think about it even my trainer, also male, made a comment. You'd think I'd committed a crime or something. Maybe I should get a spray bottle & squirt hubby like you do when training a dog.
If gender bias' the culprit to your Husband's judgement then, he'd be bias pertaining to other facets of life within; which women'd be considered inferior to men. Typically friends share, many of; the same views & trainers tend to, be clean eating fanatics which; isn't usually gender bias.0 -
Just reiterate to him that you've lost 10kg so far (well done btw), the way you are managing your diet works for you and you don't need a running commentary giving you a complex. If you weren't making any progress (either losing inches or pounds) you'd understand his "concern". But his comments are unnecessary and hurtful whilst you are doing your best and succeeding and he's in danger of derailing you if he doesn't stop criticising and start recognising and complimenting your achievements.2
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Kick him in the nuts. Or divorce him.3
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The friend and hubby coincidentally had coffee together later in the day. Nothing sinister about him telling on me though he made the comment to my hubby about undoing my gym efforts. I hadn't thought about it but he was in fact judging me as well. There's obviously a gender difference here with the relationship with food and effort exerted at the gym. Now I think about it even my trainer, also male, made a comment. You'd think I'd committed a crime or something. Maybe I should get a spray bottle & squirt hubby like you do when training a dog.
sounds like you need to stop talking about your weight loss efforts, so that people dont feel the need to comment. post on here instead!2 -
he needs to be reminded that you are succeeding with your weight loss and that maybe he needs to be more concerned about what HE eats instead of what you eat since you are the one losing weight while he isnt motivated to do anything at all about his own weight. And the friend .... oh, I would tell him the same thing and that he needs to keep his comments on your weight loss to himself and his nose out of your marriage. Wow. Some ppl never cease to amaze me!0
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Yeah, tell him to mind his own beeswax. If he and his sewing circle want to gossip about you, they can do it on their time and can leave you out of it.2
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We all need accountability. If you've expressed to him that you want to eat better, then he's trying to help you achieve that. A good friend or spouse will tell you the truth, even if you don't like it. A fake friend or poor spouse will lie to you and let you hear what you want.
Every day cannot be a cheat day or you'll never get where you want to be. I get it if a stranger or co-worker or acquaintance is commenting on what you eat, that's out of line, but your husband or a good friend, ABSOLUTELY within the realm of good spouse/friend behavior.3 -
We all need accountability. If you've expressed to him that you want to eat better, then he's trying to help you achieve that. A good friend or spouse will tell you the truth, even if you don't like it. A fake friend or poor spouse will lie to you and let you hear what you want.
Every day cannot be a cheat day or you'll never get where you want to be. I get it if a stranger or co-worker or acquaintance is commenting on what you eat, that's out of line, but your husband or a good friend, ABSOLUTELY within the realm of good spouse/friend behavior.
I have to agree.
It irks me to high heavens when my SO comments on what I eat. He has even gone as far to say "You shouldn't eat those chips before dinner, how about you wait until after dinner and see if you still want them?". That in itself set me on fire. But he meant the best. He has seen how much hard work I have been putting in, and doesn't want it to unravel. He knows me well enough to know that one "treat" will turn into a daily "treat" which turns into a daily cheat meal.. After I had dinner, I didn't want the chips, and was well under my calorie budget for the day. All thanks to him. I was very thankful for his recommendation later on. Sometimes we need someone there for moral support, and to swat our hands when we reach for the junk. To remind us of the journey we are on, and let us know we arent alone. There have been multiple days now that I would have sat on the couch with a big bag of junk and then felt miserable, if my SO hadnt recommended something else. He knows me well enough.
Perhaps this is the same for your hubby. Maybe hes not jealous or suffering from low self esteem like others have mentioned. Maybe he is genuinely proud of how far you have come, seen how happy it has made you, and wants to continue on? As any good husband would want, maybe he wants to see you become happier and happier?
Perhaps ask him for a recommendation instead? "If you don't want me to eat ____, what should I grab?" Maybe involving him will help with your journey, and may just be the start of his!
Long story short, try not to see him as the enemy, and try to remember he's a friend. A loving spouse who you married for a reason, not a person that is intentionally trying to bring you down. Perhaps he just wants the best for you. 3 -
My husband did this the other night. Saw the empty ice cream tub in the trash and said, "Did you eat ALL the ice cream?" I went from zero to pissed instantly. One - there wasn't much ice cream left in the container. Two - it fit in my day. Three- Nunya damn business.
I don't have an answer, just sympathizing. I hope you find something that works for both of you.2 -
We all need accountability. If you've expressed to him that you want to eat better, then he's trying to help you achieve that. A good friend or spouse will tell you the truth, even if you don't like it. A fake friend or poor spouse will lie to you and let you hear what you want.
Every day cannot be a cheat day or you'll never get where you want to be. I get it if a stranger or co-worker or acquaintance is commenting on what you eat, that's out of line, but your husband or a good friend, ABSOLUTELY within the realm of good spouse/friend behavior.
I have to agree.
It irks me to high heavens when my SO comments on what I eat. He has even gone as far to say "You shouldn't eat those chips before dinner, how about you wait until after dinner and see if you still want them?". That in itself set me on fire. But he meant the best. He has seen how much hard work I have been putting in, and doesn't want it to unravel. He knows me well enough to know that one "treat" will turn into a daily "treat" which turns into a daily cheat meal.. After I had dinner, I didn't want the chips, and was well under my calorie budget for the day. All thanks to him. I was very thankful for his recommendation later on. Sometimes we need someone there for moral support, and to swat our hands when we reach for the junk. To remind us of the journey we are on, and let us know we arent alone. There have been multiple days now that I would have sat on the couch with a big bag of junk and then felt miserable, if my SO hadnt recommended something else. He knows me well enough.
Perhaps this is the same for your hubby. Maybe hes not jealous or suffering from low self esteem like others have mentioned. Maybe he is genuinely proud of how far you have come, seen how happy it has made you, and wants to continue on? As any good husband would want, maybe he wants to see you become happier and happier?
Perhaps ask him for a recommendation instead? "If you don't want me to eat ____, what should I grab?" Maybe involving him will help with your journey, and may just be the start of his!
Long story short, try not to see him as the enemy, and try to remember he's a friend. A loving spouse who you married for a reason, not a person that is intentionally trying to bring you down. Perhaps he just wants the best for you.
i would agree with this, if you had had a conversation about wanting your husband to support you and tell you if he thought you were doing something wrong in your diet...2 -
Its been an ongoing issue with husband because he feels the need to comment on what I eat. Seriously, I'm a grown woman and don't require permission to eat whatever I dang well choose. I already know eating junk after dinner isn't good for me ya know. I didn't get overweight because I didn't know that junk makes me fat.
Know matter how many times and in different ways I've told him how much it annoys and upsets me my hubby feels the need to comment on what I eat. He's overweight too so isn't a healthy eating guru.
In the past 6 months I've gained strength, stamina and a new lease on life. I have deep seated issues with food and refuse to diet. I've started intermittent fasting and 10kg so far. I'm proud of my achievements and effort.
This morning I took the opportunity to have a coffee and muffin for breakfast after a heavy gym workout. A friend saw and commented to my husband about it. I was so angry when he brought it up I nearly burst into tears with frustration.
I didnt hide the fact that I went to a cafe (as I brought a coffee home for hubby). Im not counting calories, it didn't kick off a binge, no food is 'bad', so why should I be made to feel bad about it? Does working out mean you can't have a treat & undo your efforts. Makes me so mad that he feels he has the right to comment.
I have a similar situation, but with my mother. She comments all the time about something I'm eating not being on my diet. I point out to her that I'm not on a diet and that I can eat whatever I want as long as I stay within my calorie limit for the day. I know for a fact that I'm getting healthier and fitter and smarter about my food choices, so I suspect that her comments...and likely your husband's as well...are expressions of displaced guilt over her own failure to do anything about getting healthier, fitter, and smarter about food choices.1 -
Tell him it's starting to piss you off and that he needs to stop commenting. Let him know that it's not helpful and you want him to STOP. If he cares about how you feel he will.
My husband has probably made one or two comments since we've been together, but he was actually being helpful.0 -
I have told him multiple times how it makes me feel but nothing changes. I'm not sure if he thinks he's being motivating but he should know by my hostile response that its not how it comes across.
1. "Hey, I've asked you repeatedly to stop this and nothing changes. It makes me feel like you don't respect me enough to stop doing something when I tell you it bothers me a lot. That's really not a trivial thing in a relationship.
Comments about my eating are off-limits, and please don't talk about my eating habits with friends either."
2. "Remember I laid down some boundaries about you being disrespectful toward me by constantly commenting on my eating even though I told you those comments were off-limits? I've decided to start talking to a counselor about what my options are when I'm in a marriage with someone who can't respect requests this important to me. Just an FYI."6 -
Glad the marriage counselors are here..
Is divorce just the standard answer people have nowadays to any marital frustrations?
Don't listen to that advice, its rubbish.
Unless you are doing this weight loss journey 100% behind closed doors, and 100% on your own, I don't see where a husband isn't allowed to make comments. Its not totally about the comments he makes(unless its rude, insults or fat shaming), its also about your reaction to them. Words only hold the strength of power you give them. Have a sit down talk. Find out if these comments are based from his personal guilt, his way of encouraging you, or down right malicious intent. I think you already know the intent, but are frustrated. That's okay too. I totally understand how un-motivating those comments are. But the less power you give them, the less they will matter.
As you know, marriage is a joint effort. Perhaps try to come to a meeting point. Less comments from him, less emotional reactions on your end. That's what worked best for me, I had to stop being so fragile in regards to the topic. Hopefully you can find a happy medium.
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Its been an ongoing issue with husband because he feels the need to comment on what I eat. Seriously, I'm a grown woman and don't require permission to eat whatever I dang well choose. I already know eating junk after dinner isn't good for me ya know. I didn't get overweight because I didn't know that junk makes me fat.
Know matter how many times and in different ways I've told him how much it annoys and upsets me my hubby feels the need to comment on what I eat. He's overweight too so isn't a healthy eating guru.
In the past 6 months I've gained strength, stamina and a new lease on life. I have deep seated issues with food and refuse to diet. I've started intermittent fasting and 10kg so far. I'm proud of my achievements and effort.
This morning I took the opportunity to have a coffee and muffin for breakfast after a heavy gym workout. A friend saw and commented to my husband about it. I was so angry when he brought it up I nearly burst into tears with frustration.
I didnt hide the fact that I went to a cafe (as I brought a coffee home for hubby). Im not counting calories, it didn't kick off a binge, no food is 'bad', so why should I be made to feel bad about it? Does working out mean you can't have a treat & undo your efforts. Makes me so mad that he feels he has the right to comment.
I have similar issues with my boyfriend, but maybe not as bad. I try to explain to him that I have had an extremely unhealthy relationship with food in the past, and it doesn't help when he tries to tell me I'm "cheating" if I have ice cream for dessert, because he doesn't know what I ate the rest of the day and he doesn't know that I planned for it. However, he believes he is an expert on this sort of thing since he used to be very athletic and read a lot of fitness magazines and believes you should eat plain chicken and rice to obtain your goals.
I try to avoid these conversations as much as possible.1
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