Does your significant other hold you back on diet needs?

brybatman
brybatman Posts: 7 Member
edited November 17 in Chit-Chat
I was in a relationship the last 3 & a half years, prior to that I would Fast periodically once a month or every couple months, eat clean light, lift & go on runs. Being in the relationship, as much as that person was an amazing person (at the time), she didnt like vegetables, did not excercise.

So to sacrifice my routines, when she'd cook dinner, of course heavy carbs, cheese, pastas, beer. My weight slowly began to rise & rise out of control. When I mentioned I would like a salad or maybe chicken breast & veggies, she'd look at me with a face of disdain & say, "Well you can eat that, Ill have something else" or my favorite "Well I guess I wont eat then". So I'd cave in to make her happy so we can eat together happily (well me not so happy)

It was weird, its like I felt this uneasyness bout eating so sinfully haha.

I ended the relationship for various reasons last Sat., in doing so I find myself so relieved, & finding myself back again, in eating the way I remember, having the energy back. Now Im on a journey to get back to my ideal weight goal.

Just curious if anyone went or knew anyone going through that?.
I know someone are gonna reply "thats the married life" or "life with a wifey" but I do see many
couples that motivate each other & go to the gym & eat good & stuff.
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Replies

  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • bigmuneymfp
    bigmuneymfp Posts: 2,235 Member
    Yes constant sabotage
  • brybatman
    brybatman Posts: 7 Member
    _har_T_Swallow wrote: »
    went through it myself years ago now. it sucks but it is what it is. if someone is so little that they truly can't support you when you're trying to better yourself (most likely in part for them too), then they're not really worth it.

    Yeah I should of saw that, not as a sign but maybe a breadcrumb that might lead to other situations.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    This is the only beer we keep in the house (seriously).

    It's a local hometown brew.

    Sex-Panther.png
  • lilawolf
    lilawolf Posts: 1,690 Member
    My ex started going to the gym but quit... I kept going and started running and starting doing martial arts. I did all of the cooking, so I did the choosing. He did eat pretty much anything which was nice. He was always free to make something else but was usually too lazy and did eat his veg... Probably helped that my diet included pizza once a week :p

    But... It was also one more thing that we stopped having in common. Yet one more reason that we grew apart and it didn't work out.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    I don't think I'd like plain chicken and veg either and I'd probably roll my eyes if my wife ever suggested it...healthy doesn't have to be bland and boring.
  • peaceout_aly
    peaceout_aly Posts: 2,018 Member
    I go to the gym daily, meal prep for myself (and my boyfriend) and live an ultimately healthy lifestyle. My boyfriend goes to the gym *occasionally* (before it was never, recently it's been 2 times x week) and eats what I meal prep but also eats out during the day since his job requires him to buy lunches for doctors, which are typically Chick Fil A or pizza. Clearly on different levels with the fitness thing. I'm obsessed, he's lenient. He will often times tell me that I can skip the gym just once, or make extra snack foods before bedtime for me, but I don't view that as him trying to sabotage me, he just thinks it will make me happy or less stressed. Very seldom do I give in to an extra treat or skipping the gym (I do two-a-days 6-7 x a week so if I already went for the day and he gets home late, I'll give in...gotta have quality time too) it's just about having that mental capability to not give in. In your situation, you said your girlfriend was making dinner and you gave in just to satisfy her. Personally, if my boyfriend did a different meal prep than me, or made a different dinner, I wouldn't be offended at all. You could still eat together, just eat what made you happy. Support and understanding are important when it comes to relationships.
  • brybatman
    brybatman Posts: 7 Member
    kitty_meow_meow_ wrote: »
    Ultimately you are responsible for yourself. It is unfortunate when a SO has no regard to your efforts, but if you are determined to reach your goals it is going to be up to you to do what it takes for yourself.

    Precisely. Although with a S.O that will not fully support you & keeping junk food around, it does ultimatly take a toll on you because you want them to be happy & avoid arguments. In conclusion, I couldnt agree more.
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    edited April 2017
    This is where I had to learn that not everyone will be dieting when I am.

    It looks like perhaps there were some other issues in the relationship that were not quite right, surely some compromise on either part and working to find a happy medium could be reached and if not then the best is to part ways..

    Good luck to you and much success in reaching your goals.
  • MoiAussi93
    MoiAussi93 Posts: 1,948 Member
    My boyfriend has very different eating habits than I do...but he has never tried to pressure me into eating something that I didn't want to. If he is going for fast food, he will offer to get me something, but he is totally cool with me saying no thanks. When I cook, if it is something he likes, he will eat it and be appreciative. But he has no problem with me eating something that he doesn't like.

    Your partner doesn't have to have the same habits, they just need to be accepting and understand that you will make some different choices. Your ex seems a little juvenile and selfish...sorry, I know you said she's a great person, but "I guess I won't eat then" is not something a mature, considerate partner would say, especially on a routine basis. Relationships are about compromise, or at least accommodation and tolerance. I'm glad you are back to habits that make you happy.
  • brybatman
    brybatman Posts: 7 Member
    lilawolf wrote: »
    My ex started going to the gym but quit... I kept going and started running and starting doing martial arts. I did all of the cooking, so I did the choosing. He did eat pretty much anything which was nice. He was always free to make something else but was usually too lazy and did eat his veg... Probably helped that my diet included pizza once a week :p

    But... It was also one more thing that we stopped having in common. Yet one more reason that we grew apart and it didn't work out.

    Thats pretty much along with other factors would lead to having distance in my case. I'd wake up Sunday morning, nice day, I'd want to go out for a run, or Hell see she'd want to join with a casual walk, she'd say shes not a morning person & wouldnt get up, or say "Your day off, & you dont even want to stay in bed & cuddle", so then im torn, I'd eventually leave though cause Im not big on sleeping in.
  • MoiAussi93
    MoiAussi93 Posts: 1,948 Member
    edited April 2017
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    This is the only beer we keep in the house (seriously).

    It's a local hometown brew.

    Sex-Panther.png

    I've had that beer...we live in the same area. I'm also a fan of their Moon Juice.
  • alida1walsh
    alida1walsh Posts: 72 Member
    My significant other gives me a bit of a hard time about my food choices but it's really a difference of opinion.

    ATM he doesn't approve of the unsweetened almond milk I have on my cereal or the high protein milk I use in my coffee. He'll insist on nothing but full cream milk as it's "all natural". He also shamed me out of eating low fat ice cream saying it "is ice cream with the ice cream taken out". He also gives me a hard time about having plain Chobani 0.5% fat yoghurt. But I'll stick with it for now.

    I give him a hard time about not eating enough vegetables. He used to call salad "rabbit food". But his vegetable consumption has improved a great deal since we've been together, especially given I do most of the cooking.

    We never work out together but only because I prefer to do resistance training and run whereas he does free weights and surfs. We've both tried each other's exercise regimes but it doesn't suit. Our arguments are more about who has to stay with the kids while we exercise.

    I guess what I'm saying is that relationships are about growing as people and compromise. If you're the only one willing to make a sacrifice then there is no compromise; only resentment. You cannot grow as people.

    Also, I think your girlfriend probably enjoyed cooking and hoped you would shower her in praise. Sometimes I've spent a considerable amount of time and effort coming up with what I've considered to be restaurant quality meals only to be told things like "I'm not a big fan of curries". It hurts! But I've also adapted and so has he.

    It's hard but I admire your stance. Stay strong!
  • take2spicy
    take2spicy Posts: 296 Member
    Mine has gotten upset before because he wants to go out to eat which is OK and I want my family happy. It's not that I won't go but I'm more limited as to what I choose to put on my plate. It's not hard for me to say no to food it's more I get a dirty look or "is that all you are eating" type of talk that frustrates me. I mean I'm there so he can enjoy it. & I don't complain I just try to be happy. I think ppl get used to it after awhile or it's not about food it's about some other issue like insecurity or anger about something unrelated.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    why does anyone care what someone else is eating?
  • FabulousFantasticFifty
    FabulousFantasticFifty Posts: 195,832 Member
    I sometimes feel Sabotaged by my entire Family! :anguished:
  • TonyB0588
    TonyB0588 Posts: 9,520 Member
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    I don't think I'd like plain chicken and veg either and I'd probably roll my eyes if my wife ever suggested it...healthy doesn't have to be bland and boring.

    Chicken in our house isn't bland, and the vegetables aren't boring either.
  • bathsheba_c
    bathsheba_c Posts: 1,873 Member
    I think I'm the saboteur in our family since I love baking. ;) I am pretty cognizant of what we buy in the first place, though, so our overall diet is fairly healthy. And my attitude is that, if you are consistently dissatisfied with the way your SO does a specific chore, you should either take over that chore or pay someone else to do it.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    OP, sounds like you are your ex just weren't compatible. Glad you're getting back to your old self. You can take this as a learning experience. Now you know what you DON'T want in a partner, and you can avoid the same thing happening again.

    My husband and I are on the same team and share similar goals and values. We compromise on the few differences that we do have. We know each other's strengths and weaknesses, so we are able to support and encourage one another when and where needed. Where I am weak, he provides strength, and vice versa. I'm not sure what is the point of being in a relationship if you aren't actively and enthusiastically supporting your partner's needs. That sounds pretty grim to me. I'd rather be alone that stuck with someone who holds me back in life or makes me feel like I'm always on the losing end. Ugh...

    Good luck! :)
  • DanieSwob
    DanieSwob Posts: 67 Member
    Yes, he is. Sometimes he will cook his own food because he isn't dieting he's thin and can eat what he wants. But when he cooks for us he will make two meals. We always cook fresh so if he's making himself some food he'll chose a healthier option for me. He loves white rice and a huge bowl full, he will do his and also put a small amount of brown rice on for me and so on.
    If I'm cooking he tells me not to bother cooking two meals and says he'll just eat whatever I'm eating whether that's veg and salad or just salad with a slice of chicken. He eats it without any problem or complaints. He likes to go out to eat sometimes too but I just chose the healthiest option I can find on the menu. If people have a problem what other people eat then there's obviously something wrong with them like some mental illness :smirk:
  • mwalle09
    mwalle09 Posts: 305 Member
    I think it requires a certain give and take. If you are with someone who is not as into eating the same foods or the lifestyle you have, that should not be a dealbreaker unless it is your occupation or something more intense then you just trying to stay healthy yourself. But I think that as time goes on in any relationship, people begin to notice or scrutinize a partner's habits more and more and that can lead to some trouble. I'd also say its good to try to influence a partner into getting more healthy, especially if they are as unhealthy as some people can be because even if they are at a healthy weight or look fine, there could be some long term effects from it. Still, its not worth always getting into it over.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    DanieSwob wrote: »
    ...If people have a problem what other people eat then there's obviously something wrong with them like some mental illness :smirk:

    Interesting diagnosis. :flushed:
  • meghanvanalstine
    meghanvanalstine Posts: 3 Member
    I just left a relationship where my partner was not motivated at all to exercise with me and had me buy all sorts of junk food for him when he knew i was trying very hard to be healthier and lose weight. It suck, but in the end you have to do whats best for you and your health. Just find someone who has the same goals and ideals is the lesson learned. U can love someone and not be able to be with that person. :) you're not alone for sure.
  • whatlunasaid
    whatlunasaid Posts: 173 Member
    I do most of the cooking, and boyfriend eats almost everything I make. He is good about getting me out of the house for exercise, too. But he only ever requests that I make sweets and bread. (I usually oblige because puppy dog eyes.) He loves to enable my junk food addictions, too.

    But he's overweight and knows that needs to change, so when I put my foot down he listens. I think we have a decent, if imperfect, system.
  • gcibsthom
    gcibsthom Posts: 30,145 Member
    Absolutely....I have been losing weight for almost 2 years....she still brings home donuts and *kitten* like that...I don't mind so much for me, but I have one son who seriously needs to lose weight, but she brings it home and he takes it and hides it in his room, if I don't find it and throw it away first
  • chantelp0508
    chantelp0508 Posts: 162 Member
    Mine won't eat "healthy food" because it's different and gets pissed when I spent money on food that only I will eat.
  • take2spicy
    take2spicy Posts: 296 Member
    chantelp0508 wrote: »
    Mine won't eat "healthy food" because it's different and gets pissed when I spent money on food that only I will eat.


    That sucks...I've been there..hugs
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