Do you compare yourself to others?
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thesunmoonandstars wrote: »Avocado_AS5 wrote: »Question for the ladies mostly but I guess guys do it to. Why do we compare ourselves so much to each other? Is this just insecurity? I've struggled for years to not do it but it's hard not to check out a hot chick and compare my butt to hers or wish I was pretty like her, had better hair etc.
I know you're not putting this out here for compliments, but I just want to tell you how I view you.
You seem very strong, there's something about you that exudes inner strength. You have skin that I envy and every single time I see you post in the selfie thread, I think you're confident and flawless. I don't have that kind of courage to post there. Your posts are quick witted too and I admire that.
What a kind and genuine compliment! Thank you!
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Not as much as other people do
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I think we all want to be the best we can be, and that's normal... Good even. But the problem is that when we're figuring out what a "better me" entails, we look at the attributes of those around us. The beauty we find in other people (beit physical, intellectual, emotional, etc.) is what we use to formulate our standard. There's nothing wrong with recognizing the beauty/strengths in others! But we HAVE to understand that our identities simply aren't found in other people. You were made to be you, made to look like you, made to sound like you, made to shine like you... Not anyone else. There truly is only one you. You have SO much purpose and SO much to offer and you cannot fulfill your purpose or give what you've got to offer when you're trying to be anything other than you! I used to look at my brother and think, "I wish I were funny and outgoing like him." People would flock to him because he was just so great to be around. I tried to be like him and I'd push myself to put myself out there. But it was exhausting! And while I was able to create this sense of acceptance for myself, I wasn't happy. Thing is, I'm an introvert! I'm not a super outgoing, life-of-the-party, make everyone laugh all the time kind of woman... But let me tell you what I AM! I am very intuitive and discerning. I am extremely sensitive and I don't just see the needs of others- I can feel it. I am an incredible listener and I've been gifted with wisdom. I'm quiet... Not because I'm a mouse or because I have no backbone, but because I think carefully before I speak. I care deeply, I feel deeply, I love deeply. I don't have the great numbers of friends my brother has and I don't make people fall over from laughter. And that's okay! Those are just a couple of the beautiful attributes I see and love in my brother. My hair is thin, my nose is wide, my boobs aren't huge, my complexion is really light. But I wouldn't want it any other way... My appearance makes me, well... Me! I've just learned to recognize that all the comparisons I could make are really just me seeing what I find beautiful in others. I guess I find thick hair, narrower noses, larger breasts and darker complexions beautiful. But that doesn't mean I am not beautiful too. So your butt might not look like the girl next to you and your hair might be different, but just remember that she is not the only kind of beautiful. Who you are may be different, but it's beautiful too and has so very much to offer.
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cabronlobos wrote: »I am supremely confident. So no I don't feel the need to compare myself to anybody. But I'm almost 47 yrs old and it definitely wasn't always this way. I'm on my 3rd bucket list of things I want to accomplish. My first one was weak and I didn't realize it until I completed it. My next one I thought would be the last one because I made it harder and thought it would take a lifetime to achieve, I was happy to be wrong. I think that's what has changed me into the confident person I like being instead of the person I wasn't all that fond of.
I like this. I know when I get out of my comfort zone or do new things or something that scares me, I feel super empowered and confident when I accomplish it. Even if it's something stupid like fixing a broken toilet myself instead of calling my ex to help me.
I need to make some bucket lists.
Also just to clarify, I'm not jealous of others. More like observant of them. Then I internalize things. Sometimes they motivate me, on bad days they make me feel insecure.2 -
I think that any of us who say that we don't admire others qualities and wish that they had those longer legs, flatter stomach, prettier face, etc... are exaggerating! I think it's human nature!0
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FabulousFantasticFifty wrote: »I think that any of us who say that we don't admire others qualities and wish that they had those longer legs, flatter stomach, prettier face, etc... are exaggerating! I think it's human nature!
There's a difference in admiration and comparison.1 -
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I compare myself to the Sun, a leaf in the wind, a glass of water. It's deep, bro.
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compare yourself to yesterday. That is all.5
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mattfieller wrote: »All the time...I suffer from anxiety. It's hard to go out to places. I always feel like I'm small or don't look good enough. But I'm 6 foot 3 and 260 pounds. All mental but still holds me back. That's also why I don't go to the gym and rather work out at home. Lifetime battle
^^ This. Someone else knows what it's like. I have dealt with social anxiety my entire life, so the insecurities that most people deal with are usually twice as bad for me. I constantly feel as though other people are judging me, thinking in their minds "wow, what a fatass/ugly cow/insert whatever derogatory thing you want here". I know they aren't, I know that most of the time, most people are just minding their own business and aren't even noticing me, but that doesn't help any in dealing with my mind.
So knowing that, I really try to go out of my way not to compare myself to others. It has gone a ways to helping me accept myself as I am (forever overweight so far) and to move forward. I know I could not embark on this journey of losing weight/fat and getting into a healthy weight range if I didn't move forward mentally.
If I do find myself comparing to others, it's usually from a place of admiration for something they can do that I cannot. Very rarely do I find myself being unhappy because I don't look like "x". That's quite a ways from where I started. I used to be that bitter and resentful person because so many people had mentally beaten me (including my mother) and I had no self-worth.0 -
Not as frequently as I did in high school, thank god...but still yes, much too often still
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Avocado_AS5 wrote: »Question for the ladies mostly but I guess guys do it to. Why do we compare ourselves so much to each other? Is this just insecurity? I've struggled for years to not do it but it's hard not to check out a hot chick and compare my butt to hers or wish I was pretty like her, had better hair etc.
Something I just thought of, and it is in your question, but I didn't even think about it.
I only compare myself to other women, never to men.
For example I know a woman who is a single mother of 3, owns a business, runs the business, works full time, drives the children around to all of their various activities and still gets up every morning and flat irons her hair. I am amazed at her efforts and accomplishments and feel lazy in comparison.
But I never compare myself to her ex husband, who does all the same except for the flat ironing of the hair.2 -
I do it once in a while. Yes.0
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I use to all the time I am not doing so much now tough to get out of the habit and find the reason why you do it and work on it for yourself0
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Yes but more of in an inspiring way not in the self deprecating way. I have decent self esteem so it doesn't get to me toooooo much.2
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I compare myself to other women literally *all* the time. I have forever... and I'm aware it's unhealthy and a result of low self esteem. But since I've been the fat chick and never the pretty girl all my life, it's hard to shake that. I'm trying to focus on "If I work hard enough, I could look fantastic like that, too!" instead of "I'll never look that good, why bother." I'm doing better with it, but I've still got lots of work to do... mentally and physically.1
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Definitely insecurities, but I think it's something we do as humans. It doesn't have to always be looks either, as a girl I longed to have mama's and daddies like the other kids. As a teen I wanted to be taller, and drive a pretty car like the rich kids. As a heavy woman I envied the grace and attention all the pretty girls got. As a thinner chic I strive to be stronger like the lifters. I don't know that who I am now is insecure anymore, just more competitive with myself. I watch others to see and learn what and how they are lifting or running or sometimes eating, but the score for me to beat is my own. I worry much more about what people will remember about me as a person, vs who was checking out the goods cause I'm so hawt.
Hope that all makes sense...3 -
No what's the point?0
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Honestly, I used to. I had self-esteem issues early in life due to bullying. I used to compare myself to others and strive to be like them.
Then one day, I had an eye opening revelation. I figured out that there were people who were comparing themselves to me (not physically, not too many people strive to be as big as I am) and striving to be where I was in life.
At that point, I might compare myself to others but mainly in a physical way and not in a self deprecating way. I might look at a guy on MFP and say, I should work to have arms like that or to have pecs as big as his. I use others as positive inspiration now. If I work hard, I might be ripped like him!!!4 -
No. I would be judging myself and other people with some unnecessary expectation. This wouldn't be good imo.0
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Nope. I'm unique. Others compare themselves to me.3
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Other women are your allies, not your competition. Just stop it! Comparison is the thief of joy!1
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I do. I think it's useful/inspirational. If somebody else can lose weight, for example, then so can you. People aren't magic, and can copy the behavior of others to improve themselves if they have similar goals.
I don't necessarily think it's a good idea to derive your goals from the goals of other people.
You have to figure those out for yourself.
After comparing yourself to an ideal you can fall way short...I know I do. That creates frustration and cognitive dissonance, but you can resolve that by developing a plan of action to reach your goal. If you do nothing about it, then I think it leads to despair as you'll always know that your goal will never be obtained. Even if you can never obtain your goals, I think there is a lot of satisfaction in trying to go after them.0 -
annieberical wrote: »Other women are your allies, not your competition. Just stop it! Comparison is the thief of joy!
Comparison isn't competition.
But I do love that quote, I tell myself that often!0 -
I think it's just kinda something everyone does and it's super hard not to. Try to just compete with yourself instead of others though.
Then you get into a habit of pushing your boundaries to make yourself happy instead of doing it because you feel like you owe it to whoever/whatever else which just endlessly makes you feel like crap.0
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