Do you compare yourself to others?

Sometimes.

Here I feel like I am lacking in many areas, so I head over to Facebook and I am smart and pretty again.

I compare myself to others physically. When walking with my daughter if I see someone who I think is about my size I will ask her if she thinks we're the same size. I think it's more out of curiosity, I'm not sure I'm seeing myself as others see me. If I am fooling myself maybe?

Sometimes I wonder how someone can afford this or that. I think "How much are they making?" Reality is I don't have any credit card debt and my house is almost paid off and I have decent retirement savings. So I may not travel as much as I would like to or have the newest car but I know I have other things going for me.

I used to do it all the time. It took me a long time to realize I don't have to be like everyone else. I still slip into that way of thinking on occassions.

Allgaun wrote: »

I compare myself to others physically. When walking with my daughter if I see someone who I think is about my size I will ask her if she thinks we're the same size. I think it's more out of curiosity, I'm not sure I'm seeing myself as others see me. If I am fooling myself maybe?

Sometimes I wonder how someone can afford this or that. I think "How much are they making?" Reality is I don't have any credit card debt and my house is almost paid off and I have decent retirement savings. So I may not travel as much as I would like to or have the newest car but I know I have other things going for me.

^ What??? You mean, strangers? How do they react to that?

I would be a little taken aback if someone on the street approached me to ask whether I thought we were the same size. If the person was obviously bigger, I'd never say so, as it would hurt her feelings, so I'd probably nod and agree; and if I thought we were the same I'd just nod and agree. So either way I'd probably just nod, agree (or, maybe just breezily say "Oh, I don't know...nice to meet you though!") and the person would not necessarily have gotten any closer to the truth. It's IMO an odd and uncomfortable thing to ask anybody, but especially a stranger. You won't be getting real answers, again IMO.

Also, as for how people see you - you can't change that, so...? When I was about 80 lbs. overweight and my husband was at least 100 lbs. overweight, he totally saw me as fat and him as just a little big or whatever. In fact, he saw us this way - him okay, me fat - when I weighed 130 in early pregnancy and he was already a good 60+ pounds overweight. I could not have changed his self-assessment or his criticisms of others (in this case, me) for anything. People see what they want to see, are conditioned to see, or are fooling themselves into seeing so you're just never going to get what you want out of people by asking them questions like that...and...it's a little intrusive. Sorry.

If I see a gorgeous girl I don't think bad of her just wonder what it's like being that gorgeous.
When I do compare myself it's never with the thoughts of "I'm so gross, I wish I looked like that, she so much better" I think that's a little pathetic.
It's more along the lines of "I'd wear this and that if I had her boobs" or "man I need to work on my arms, her arms are so cute"
But I rarely do that. Everyone is different.

OK I guess I wasn't clear. My daughter is 27, not a young child. I do not approach strangers. It is not to be critical of others. I am sorry if my post was confusing.

I do not ask her to be critical of others, more to get an idea about how I look to others. I also sometimes take a picture of myself in a new outfit in the fitting room. Not because I can't see myself in the mirror but because I think we all have some form of body dysmorphia. Seeing myself on the phone gives me a better idea of how I look.

Allgaun wrote: »

OK I guess I wasn't clear. My daughter is 27, not a young child. I do not approach strangers. It is not to be critical of others. I am sorry if my post was confusing.

I do not ask her to be critical of others, more to get an idea about how I look to others. I also sometimes take a picture of myself in a new outfit in the fitting room. Not because I can't see myself in the mirror but because I think we all have some form of body dysmorphia. Seeing myself on the phone gives me a better idea of how I look.

My Mum used to ask/probably still would ask me this when she would see a stranger. I never took it as her being critical or comparing but yes it's difficult sometimes to get the whole picture of how you look. If I'm looking in the mirror it's still different than "what do I really look like when I'm crossing the street or sitting on a bench or dancing."

Oddly enough my Mum would only ask me about women who were much bigger than her. Not because she was fishing for compliments but because she ACTUALLY thought she must be that big. Then again she also taught me that nothing comes freely or easily. If someone's got a nice figure, they watch what they eat. If someone's got a fantastic job, they've likely earned it through hard work, etc.


In regards to OPs question---

It can definitely be insecurity if you're feeling bad after making the comparison as opposed to looking admiringly as inspiration for yourself as a few have mentioned. That being said, it depends on your headspace. If you're in the middle of a huge unhealthy meal in a restaurant and you're overweight and not taking care of yourself regularly and then a slim gorgeous woman walks in, you might feel bad that you're not taking as good care of yourself as she is. OR, if you're eating clean and working out and you see her you might think "Yesssss I'm gonna look as good as her soon!!!!"

Lastly not to sound like a terrible person but.. when I first lost 50lbs it came off relatively quickly and easily. I was 26-27 and working a flexible job where I could take as many food and water bottle fill up breaks as I needed to. But we always had cake and chocolates and cookies in the office. Retirements, birthdays, every holiday, any excuse. It was awkward always saying no but I didn't miss it and the odd time I was tempted, I would see the older ladies with bellies and health problems running towards the cake and polishing off their slices within seconds. Every time. I made comparisons then too. I said man, if I eat cake and chocolates every time it's around, I'm gonna look like that in 30 years. It kept me motivated. I kept Quest bars with me if I was tempted for something sweet. Kale chips instead if the salty food showed up. And again, it wasn't from a mean or judgemental place but it helped me to learn about my relationship with food. That just because it's available doesn't mean I have to always eat it for no reason. It translated to how I saw food at home. Just cos someone ordered a pizza or bought ice cream doesn't mean I have to eat it. Just cos my friends are all ordering cocktails doesn't mean I have to as well. It helped me to be prepared. To get my salty or sweet fix too if everyone else was eating something yummy I might want just cos. Again it's not meant to be mean or judgey but eating healthy is the easy part. It's trying to reframe your mindset to understand when and what to eat and the effects it can have on your health and appearance which is super hard. And if you can get a reality check or motivation from someone else, as long as you are kind to them and yourself in the process, and your head is in the right place then I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

i hate to admit, but unfortunately yes. All the time.

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