Sometimes I don't know why I'm pushing so hard. Losing 130+lbs solved nothing.
Options
Replies
-
snickerscharlie wrote: »
Welcome to life! Not sure how you expected this to be any different?Geocitiesuser wrote: »VintageFeline wrote: »I'm 35 and single, have always been for the most part. 99.9% of the time I couldn't care less. I'm happy with me, both when I was obese and now I'm not. I like myself for the most part aware of the not so great bits.
People aren't attracted to people who don't like themselves.
In the words of the great philosopher Ru Paul - If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else. Can I get an amen up in here.
I have always loved myself. Regardless of weight or situation. Just because you want to have a partner or had dreams of having a family, does not mean you do not love yourself. If my frustration is weakness, so be it, but not a day has ever gone by where I did not love myself. It's the unchangable situation I do not like. I do not have control over other people.
Not sure I ever alluded to it being any different0 -
I'm sorry that you feel invisible but to be honest, when I read the thread title I intended to pass it by thinking it was a self-pity party or whatever. However, I recognized you from your other comments around the forum and recalled liking your posts so decided to give it a read. So, you AREN'T invisible.
Good advice has already been given and I think you're just feeling down, which is normal. Just keep doing what you're doing and life will take you where you're meant to be.6 -
OnthatStuff wrote: »Geocitiesuser wrote: »So much potential lost on the vain attempts to find approval from people who are uninterested.
I know the feeling, man -- like you're in a party surrounded by people, and yet overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness and cravings for donuts and Chik Fil-a sauce. At least, that's how my story goes.
Still ... what's awesome is that, you, along with the many others here, have achieved goals that many only dream about. For that, I think you're pretty awesome, @Geocitiesuser.
Together? Like dipping the donuts in the sauce?
(Sorry for the hi-jack, but I had to ask.) 2 -
It's all in the attitude brother7
-
I was once where you were, my friend. I thought many of the same thoughts, although I certainly didn't express them as eloquently.
Then one day Miss Right walked in, and everything changed. I had to grow a pair and call her. And I had to pursue her - it didn't come easily.
But it can and does happen. Take heart!10 -
I read the second part of the title, and thought what other things was 'losing 130+ pounds' supposed to do or fix other than lose 130+ pounds, make you healthier and add longevity to your life. ?
My take, is being invisible can happen fat or skinny or in between. You can certainly be and feel invisible in a crowded room almost anywhere you go, because that's your mindset.
Refocus your efforts now into making strides for better emotional and mental health and climb out any darkness you may still live in. So you worked on weight first, now work on the inside, everyday is an opportunity to keep making better version of ourselves.1 -
What actions are you taking to get what you actually want?
- Are you actively working on your conversation skills?
- Are you signed up for websites that could put you in contact with possible mates? Going to singles events? Asking your friends for setups?
- Are you working on being happy with who you are so you can also find happiness with who you meet?
- Are you taking chances on people you meet in person - asking the other out, or trying to find common interests?
Love doesn't just fall into our laps. If you want it, you have to work to find it, like anything else. And you have to identify when you're not finding it. And you have to know WHY you're not finding it. Are you looking in the right spots? Are you looking for the right people? Are your standards so high no one could ever live up? Are you making time to achieve your goals (or are you spending all your time alone in a gym not meeting anyone)? Do you ACTUALLY want what you think you want or are you just convincing yourself you want it even though you don't (I have a friend in this situation. She is unwilling to change anything about her life, a life that has no time for a significant other and yet she *thinks* she wants to find someone because he sister has told her she needs someone).
Losing weight doesn't help you achieve your goals if you're not doing anything else to get yourself to them. If you think it's an unchangeable situation, it IS. But you're the one making it so.5 -
I think you had an earlier post lamenting excess skin related to weight loss and how this and other elements prevent you from building a relationship with the type of woman that you are attracted to.
To this I say:
1. Are you so picky that you are turning away potential partners? I never expected to end up with my husband. He wasn't my type in many different ways. But when he approached me, I figured I'd give it a go and be open minded. I'm so thankful that I did. Now, I'm not saying you should go out with people that you have no connection with or or she flat out not attracted to, but sometimes small details that seem like a deal breakers are really just excuses that we give ourselves to not put ourselves out there.
2. Are you actively pursuing women that you are interested in? There may be someone out there who would be interested in you, but isn't aware that you are also interested in them. It's sort of a gradeschool concept, but I find that holds true in adulthood. Often we don't pursue someone because we don't think they're interested in us and they do exactly the same thing -- which Just ends in a missed opportunity.
3. Are your concerns about how you look and/or your physical ability causing you to come across negatively? For instance, are you coming off as insecure, standoffish, or disinterested? As many others have already mentioned, confidence is attractive. focus on your positive attributes and do things that make you feel good about yourself.
4. Are you looking in the right places? Are you going to locations where similarly-minded individuals socialize? Are you frequenting places with other singles? It can be easy to fall into the trap of hanging out with couples, which limits your ability to meet other singles.
This is clearly a very important goal and desire for you. I think it is one that you will be able to satisfy if you approach it with the same determination that you use in your fitness etc.
Chin up, suit up and get out there.10 -
I'm sorry you feel this way! You've worked hard and achieved great results, and I can understand that it would be nice to have someone to share that with - the "cherry on top", as you put it.
I really like @newmeadow 's advice. Think hard about what kind of women you could see yourself spending your life with - draw up a sort of checklist of the qualities and attributes you value - and then figure out how to meet women like that. It might take some time, but it could give you the result you want so don't feel that it would be a waste of time to date several different women. If nothing else, you might end up with a few new friends or new hobbies/activities even if no romance develops.
You could try dating sites and so on too, if that appeals to you. We were much younger, but my hubby and I met on a blind date after I responded to his personal ad in a magazine. That was nearly 30 years ago, but I'm sure the modern versions of those ads can work too. And yes, ask your friends! I'm sure they'd like to see you happy in that area of your life, and if they can have a hand in introducing you to Miss Right they'll feel good about themselves too.
I wish you luck in finding what you want, and I hope you do find it... but as someone else said, make your life as good as you can while you wait, in case love doesn't happen.1 -
Hey don't give up yet. You seem to be quick witted and have a good sense of humor. You've proven you can set a goal and stick with it. Find someone you can have fun with. Maybe someone who isn't perfect. As an old married lady I'm just trying to give you the benefit of my years of experience. I know alot of single guys who never met "the one" because they thought she should be a perfect 10. Many women like that expect the guy to be like a male model with the money of Donald Trump. Very few human beings can live up to that standard. Find someone who is kind and loving and likes the things you do. Go out see how it works. As a guy it sucks that you have to always be the one that asks but nothing ventured, nothing gained. Congrats on your awesome loss by the way. Great job!2
-
You're likely very intrinsic and haven't found anyone that deals well with that yet. You also have to realize that there are many people who desire things (like a family) that you don't and that those type of people who have the same view are you about it, are harder to find. It's gonna take more effort to locate them.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
3 -
Keep at it! Try some new stuff, meet some new friends. It sounds like you need a complete overhaul of new stimulus from the inside to the outside. You may be in a rutt...I've been in one before and I'm not sure if I'm not out of the one I think I was previously in? Hard to tell, but I just try to stay positive and challenge myself. I want to add you as a friend to keep up with you. If you need to wrap, hit the inbox!0
-
You're likely very intrinsic and haven't found anyone that deals well with that yet.
I don't doubt that at all.
Thing is, while I've never been a "pimp", I've had plenty of dating and relationships growing up. Even being married at one point. Ever since I hit 30 it's been radio silence. No amount of social activities gets me introduced to anyone even remotely compatible or interested. No hundreds of emails on the personals work anymore. To be honest, I got more play at 300lbs. I'm the leanest I've been since college, and the response I get from approaching women is that I'm so homely I should be ashamed to leave my house. Being treated like a monster... is not so fun. Especially when you've been working to do everything in your power to change that.
But yeah, while I'm definitely a bit of a unique person (don't drink, don't smoke, software developer) that isn't compatible with "everyone", I used to be compatible with "some people". But now the past 6 years has been me hitting my head against the wall trying to figure out how to get someone to even speak to me long enough to find out what language I speak. Getting a hello back is like pulling teeth.... it's difficult to have things you want in a partner, when you're forced to drop your standards almost completely and still get rejected at every turn.
But, deep breath. It's sparring tonight. I'm going to spend a couple of hours trying to kick people in the head. If not for my hobbies I'd go insane, because I have no family or home life beyond them. Some guys think it would be a blessing. Ever since I got divorced almost a decade ago its felt like nothing but hell... I never got a second chance at normalcy. Just rejection.
I have ranted WAY too much, and have exposed WAY too much information at this point. I'm pretty sure this thread is going to come back and haunt me one day. :shrug:
Basically, I'm really frustrated trying so hard to lose the last 15lbs, and finding out that all of this effort is not helping to solve the only thing I really hoped it would.0 -
like I said dude, get out of your box!2
-
You are cute. I had noticed your picture as cute prior to this thread on the forum. However, the way to get a relationship is not weight or looks it is getting out there and meeting people and truly believing that someone would be lucky to date you. So go out be social meet people have fun flirt.
Then again I am a 41 year old single lady .
That said despite having dated a bunch and wanting a relationship I am glad I am not married to any of my ex boyfriends.1 -
Yes, losing 130lbs is worth it! That's amazing. You are investing in yourself and that's the most important investment anyone can make! You're not invisible, I feel that way a lot more than I'd like to admit. Making adult friends is hard, ugh.0
-
It's a tired, tired phrase, but lose weight for yourself, not to earn others' attention.
Do you have any hobbies that are female-dominated?1 -
I really don't know why you're having such poor luck dating, but whatever the reason, I will lay decent odds that it's not because women are looking at you and thinking, "he needs to have a lower body fat percentage".
You sound and look like you are well out of the zone where your appearance would be having a negative impact on social interactions, even subconsciously. It has to be something else.7 -
...0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.7K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 395 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 960 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions