This has nothing to do with food, exercise, or nutrition

1Corinthians13 · February 2009

But, I'm really just having a hard time right now.

Some of you know part of my story - the basics are simple. My husband had a 7 month affair (out of our 2 years of marriage). We'd been struggling for months, and I thought it was because he was depressed or because we were financially scared...anything except that it could possible be an affair. He travels a lot, and I believed that everytime he closed the door behind him, he was off to work...just in another state. I stood up for him no matter what anyone else suspected, no matter what other rumors circled throughout our end of the world.

Then on New Year's Eve, I found out the truth. And the truth became even worse when I did my own digging and found phone bills (with pages and pages of text messages to and from her...and the times he was home, often 2 hour conversations with her. He even texted her all day on our anniversary). I found hotel receipts (he took her to NYC the night he was supposed to be my date to my best friend's wedding (that i was in)...NYC at Christmas time which I had been begging him to come home and take me...I thought he was working). I found plane tickets bought in her name. I found proof of every lie he's ever told, any time he ever told me he was in one place but was actually in another.

I got an attorney, and as soon as I stood up for myself, he got nastier than I've ever seen him, acting as though what we had never, ever amounted to anything at all.

We go to court on the 13th to determine temporary support. I'm living in my own place. I'm filling my time with running, friends, and family. I'm finally eating 3 meals a day again. And I keep thinking I'm okay...

But then a day like yesterday hits where I have the worst stomach cramps that could only be stress-induced.

Or a day like today when I suddenly realize that I'm missing my ring and start crying b/c I think I've lost it...only to remember that I took it off over a month ago. When I tell one of my best friends, who's planning her wedding, not to hold back b/c I want to be there for her even though she's hesitant b/c of what Im going through...so she does tell me things, and I sit at my desk staring at my computer hoping she can't see the tears running down my cheeks.

I have my 3rd appt with my therapist tonight. I need to go even though I just wanna go home and curl up in a bawl of self-pity and depression. I'm not always like this. Sometimes it just hits me.

And I'm rambling. I just...need any support you have to offer even if all you can offer up right now are your prayers.

1Corinthians13 · February 2009

But, I'm really just having a hard time right now.

Some of you know part of my story - the basics are simple. My husband had a 7 month affair (out of our 2 years of marriage). We'd been struggling for months, and I thought it was because he was depressed or because we were financially scared...anything except that it could possible be an affair. He travels a lot, and I believed that everytime he closed the door behind him, he was off to work...just in another state. I stood up for him no matter what anyone else suspected, no matter what other rumors circled throughout our end of the world.

Then on New Year's Eve, I found out the truth. And the truth became even worse when I did my own digging and found phone bills (with pages and pages of text messages to and from her...and the times he was home, often 2 hour conversations with her. He even texted her all day on our anniversary). I found hotel receipts (he took her to NYC the night he was supposed to be my date to my best friend's wedding (that i was in)...NYC at Christmas time which I had been begging him to come home and take me...I thought he was working). I found plane tickets bought in her name. I found proof of every lie he's ever told, any time he ever told me he was in one place but was actually in another.

I got an attorney, and as soon as I stood up for myself, he got nastier than I've ever seen him, acting as though what we had never, ever amounted to anything at all.

We go to court on the 13th to determine temporary support. I'm living in my own place. I'm filling my time with running, friends, and family. I'm finally eating 3 meals a day again. And I keep thinking I'm okay...

But then a day like yesterday hits where I have the worst stomach cramps that could only be stress-induced.

Or a day like today when I suddenly realize that I'm missing my ring and start crying b/c I think I've lost it...only to remember that I took it off over a month ago. When I tell one of my best friends, who's planning her wedding, not to hold back b/c I want to be there for her even though she's hesitant b/c of what Im going through...so she does tell me things, and I sit at my desk staring at my computer hoping she can't see the tears running down my cheeks.

I have my 3rd appt with my therapist tonight. I need to go even though I just wanna go home and curl up in a bawl of self-pity and depression. I'm not always like this. Sometimes it just hits me.

And I'm rambling. I just...need any support you have to offer even if all you can offer up right now are your prayers.

tashjs21 · February 2009

I am so sorry you are going through this tough time but you really are going to be so much better off with out him.

Chin up buttercup! It'll all be okay! :flowerforyou:

mrhappy · February 2009

Hey sweetie.... Take a breath - everything really will be okay. I know; I've been there.

First, I am offering my prayers and hopes for you; what you're going through is tough, but remember; God doesn't throw anything at us that we can't handle. You WILL be fine, one day! :happy:

:drinker:

My expereince was similar, and no need to get into the details, but I can tell you this; the path to recovery & healing is a long one, but one that ultimately does result in a stronger, safer, saner, happier - YOU!

In the meantime there will be rough spots. Down days (and nights) when you wonder how all this happened; moment when you forget you were ever married; moments when you're ashamed you forgot. But through it all you get to make choices about life and lifestyle. Choices that will help or hurt you.

I urge you to do just what you're doing now. Take each day one at a time, and focus on your health - your sleep, exercise and eating right. Reach out to friends and family and don't be afraid to ASK for their support - if they love you they WILL offer it... :blushing:

And know, that God does love you, and you will be better, and one day your passing through this will no longer bring painful memories but gratitude for making you a better person. You are surrounded by love sweetie; let it iin and know you are not alone...

:glasses:

Renae_Nae · February 2009

((((hugs))))

kristie874 · February 2009

I'm sending you a big, giant hug! Find someone close to you and let them just hold you for a bit. You'll be okay. I promise. I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. Just take one day at a time and, after a while, you'll notice that you feel better and weeks, then months, then years will have passed! :flowerforyou:

memaw66 · February 2009

Wow, I am so sorry you are going through this. Just remember that everything happens for a reason and God never gives us more than we can handle. It may not seem so right now, but you will get through it and will be a better, stronger person for it. I just feel sorry for the next guy you are interested in because he is the one who will bear the brunt of it because it will be so hard for you to trust again.

Hang in there.

Memaw:flowerforyou:

ChubbyBunny · February 2009

Darling, you're fabulous!

I personally can't relate you the extreme betral that you've had to endure, along with the increase of the nastiness of your spouse (who's an idiot). I can relate a little to the heartache though.

Remember, affairs are a selfish decision, no matter why it happened, etc.
It's selfish and cowardly.

You can get through this, you are strong, smart, and brave.
Go to your therapy session, get some of this off your chest and see if they make suggestions.
I know what it's like to want to curl up and die... it's a very dark place.

You always have us! :flowerforyou:

bleem108 · February 2009

Im so sorry to hear you are going through this, its a really hard thing to know you have been so betrayed and lied too. Just be strong and don't let it get the best of you the best revenge is to pick yourself up off the ground and just move on. Its hard and may take a long time to heal, but it really will get better and some day you will look back and you really will see how much of a stronger person and better person the whole experience made you.

mamashrub · February 2009

ohhh that sucks *kitten* that you married a total toad.
Right now it might feel like your world is coming down around your feet, and in a way it is. But only so that you can build up a new world that will better then the one before. It will get better, just take baby steps. And keep your head up. You cant see where you are going if you are always looking at your feet.

mandersen16 · February 2009

My prayers are definitely with you.

Granted, I have never been divorced. But I did date someone for a VERY long time who ended up doing the same thing. And he got nasty when i tried to move out!

Anyway, it took me about 3 weeks to get to the point where I could function at all. I didn't eat-lost weight and only took multi vitamins so I wouldn't die-couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate at work. Everything made me think of him and what he did. I cried A LOT. Even wondered if I should call him and tell him I didn't care if he cheated.

During that time, I made sure I kept someone around. Even if you don't want them there, keep someone around. I watched a lot of movies and cried a lot. Find someone who doesn't mind crying with you. And I went to adoration a lot and prayed. I at least found some comfort in that. Go to the therapist, you can lay on the couch when you get home. Go to the gym too. You will feel better and take that anger out on the elliptical or whatever you like to do.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will get better and you are better off without him!

mandersen16 · February 2009

Wow, I am so sorry you are going through this. Just remember that everything happens for a reason and God never gives us more than we can handle. It may not seem so right now, but you will get through it and will be a better, stronger person for it. I just feel sorry for the next guy you are interested in because he is the one who will bear the brunt of it because it will be so hard for you to trust again.

Hang in there.

Memaw:flowerforyou:

Well said!

naugustyniak · February 2009

I feel your pain. I kind of had the same thing happen to me. I dated my first husband 3 years and we got married. I moved from my home town to his home town and left everyone I knew to be with him. He was a HUGE sports fan and played softball a couple of nights a week and coached some also. In short, he was never home. He didn't even remember my birthday our first married year together until 2 days later. Anyway, all of his friends and their wives all grew up together so I was the outsider. No matter what I did, the wives treated me like crap and never included me in anything so I stopped going to the softball games and such. One night I decided to surprise him (this is 6 months into the marriage) and show up at the game. There he was sitting in the bleachers with another woman all cuddly and close. SO....I waited until he went onto the field (he played short stop) then I DROVE the car out onto the field and confronted him. I stopped merely inches from him (he looked like he might wet himself) and asked him what the H*** he thought he was doing with her. Appearances were oh so important to him and my "little scene" as he put it was embarrassing to him and he said we would "talk about it when he got home". I told him he no longer had a home to go to, got in the car, drove past the other woman (I use that term loosely) stopped, (she looked terrified) and said "he's all yours now, good luck with that", went home, called a lock smith, had the locks changed and threw EVERYTHING he owned on the front lawn. He didn't even bother to be upset enough to come home until 2:00 a.m. He was pounding on the door to let him in. I left the lights off, didn't answer the door and he eventually left. The next day I filed for divorce. The day after the divorce was final he married her and she left him a couple of years later.

My advice...YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!! He chose to go outside your marriage and humiliate you. I know it is hard, but God will never give you more than you can handle. I truly believe He made me go through this by moving me to where I am so I could eventually meet the man I have been married to for 22 years and have 2 children with. There is a reason for everything.....HANG IN THERE.

keiko · February 2009

Hi Corin, I cannot say anything any better than Mr Happy has. His is the best that I could say. You know that you can always come here to vent. We are here for you. I've been praying that God will continue to strengthen you and give you peace and joy as you go through this time.

1Corinthians13 · February 2009

Thanks, all of you. I do have a wonderful network of friends and family. They have been truly amazing. And I'm eating again, mostly, which is good. I didn't for several weeks, and I lost a lot of weight really fast. then my hair began falling out due to stress and lack of nutrition...and I hated him even more for doing that to me.

I know I'll get through this. God, as well, as been amazing. I have just been...amazed at the way He's working through the people in my life. Those are the things I have to hang onto when I just feel like dying instead.

heal4444 · February 2009

Thanks for reaching out to others for help in your time of need. So sorry to hear of your story and how much you are hurting.

You have every right to feel hurt, betrayed, and wishing the pain would just all go away.

You also have every right to feel healing.

I offer you two books for your consideration.

1. Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours
by Daphne Rose Kingma

This one I've read many times in my breakups with my ex boyfriends. If you are shaken to the core, don't know when you'll ever stop crying, shocked it's all over, read this book. If you want to know why love ends, and why it hurts so much, read this book. If you are curious if you'll ever be whole again, if you'll ever heal, read this book.

2. Smart Divorce
by Deborah Moskovitch, www.thesmartdivorce.com

All articles in many newspapers on divorce for the last few months have quoted her and her book as the book on divorce.

Best to you in your search for not only closure, but for healing and meaning. Take good care.

Jennnnnnnny · February 2009

all i can say is i know eventually everything will be okay

Im here as we all are

*hugs*

1Corinthians13 · February 2009

I feel your pain. I kind of had the same thing happen to me. I dated my first husband 3 years and we got married. I moved from my home town to his home town and left everyone I knew to be with him. He was a HUGE sports fan and played softball a couple of nights a week and coached some also. In short, he was never home. He didn't even remember my birthday our first married year together until 2 days later. Anyway, all of his friends and their wives all grew up together so I was the outsider. No matter what I did, the wives treated me like crap and never included me in anything so I stopped going to the softball games and such. One night I decided to surprise him (this is 6 months into the marriage) and show up at the game. There he was sitting in the bleachers with another woman all cuddly and close. SO....I waited until he went onto the field (he played short stop) then I DROVE the car out onto the field and confronted him. I stopped merely inches from him (he looked like he might wet himself) and asked him what the H*** he thought he was doing with her. Appearances were oh so important to him and my "little scene" as he put it was embarrassing to him and he said we would "talk about it when he got home". I told him he no longer had a home to go to, got in the car, drove past the other woman (I use that term loosely) stopped, (she looked terrified) and said "he's all yours now, good luck with that", went home, called a lock smith, had the locks changed and threw EVERYTHING he owned on the front lawn. He didn't even bother to be upset enough to come home until 2:00 a.m. He was pounding on the door to let him in. I left the lights off, didn't answer the door and he eventually left. The next day I filed for divorce. The day after the divorce was final he married her and she left him a couple of years later.

My advice...YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!! He chose to go outside your marriage and humiliate you. I know it is hard, but God will never give you more than you can handle. I truly believe He made me go through this by moving me to where I am so I could eventually meet the man I have been married to for 22 years and have 2 children with. There is a reason for everything.....HANG IN THERE.

Wow, I admire your strength. I wish it had been as clean cut as all that...but it wasn't. But that's okay. I unfortunately need his financial support, so I'm also praying hard that the courts will grant me what I need and that we can negotiate something that will help. He used to say that no matter what happened to us, he would always take care of me...even if we both remarried....ha. Now he acts as though I was just a waste of time.

I can't believe your husband married that....THAT...the day after your divorce. But it doesn't surprise me. Before we married, my husband and I broke up for 7 months. (that should have been a sign). Within days, he was all ready seeing someone new - obviously he'd been seeing her before he broke up with me (over the phone, I might add)

Anna_Banana · February 2009

{{{{hugs}}}} just remember that you did nothing wrong, and some day you will find a companion that is worthy of your company that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Also remember time heals all wounds. Some day you will look back at this and it won't hurt so bad.

ChubbyBunny · February 2009

Thanks, all of you. I do have a wonderful network of friends and family. They have been truly amazing. And I'm eating again, mostly, which is good. I didn't for several weeks, and I lost a lot of weight really fast. then my hair began falling out due to stress and lack of nutrition...and I hated him even more for doing that to me.

I know I'll get through this. God, as well, as been amazing. I have just been...amazed at the way He's working through the people in my life. Those are the things I have to hang onto when I just feel like dying instead.

No dying and no losing more hair!
It's curly and dark.. I have envy!

Breathe.... in..... out.... in.... out....
I have a feeling, you are a tough cookie (Hello, you run!)

Also, don't mind his... pissiness... he's mad cause he was caught.
People let out the stupid once they get busted. It's tragic really.

1Corinthians13 · February 2009

Thanks for reaching out to others for help in your time of need. So sorry to hear of your story and how much you are hurting.

You have every right to feel hurt, betrayed, and wishing the pain would just all go away.

You also have every right to feel healing.

I offer you two books for your consideration.

1. Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours
by Daphne Rose Kingma

This one I've read many times in my breakups with my ex boyfriends. If you are shaken to the core, don't know when you'll ever stop crying, shocked it's all over, read this book. If you want to know why love ends, and why it hurts so much, read this book. If you are curious if you'll ever be whole again, if you'll ever heal, read this book.

2. Smart Divorce
by Deborah Moskovitch, www.thesmartdivorce.com

All articles in many newspapers on divorce for the last few months have quoted her and her book as the book on divorce.

Best to you in your search for not only closure, but for healing and meaning. Take good care.

Thank you. I will check both of those out. I've been thinking about buying a good book for all this...but I'm trying not to spend money right now. Perhaps, I'll check the library first.

1Corinthians13 · February 2009

Thanks, all of you. I do have a wonderful network of friends and family. They have been truly amazing. And I'm eating again, mostly, which is good. I didn't for several weeks, and I lost a lot of weight really fast. then my hair began falling out due to stress and lack of nutrition...and I hated him even more for doing that to me.

I know I'll get through this. God, as well, as been amazing. I have just been...amazed at the way He's working through the people in my life. Those are the things I have to hang onto when I just feel like dying instead.

No dying and no losing more hair!
It's curly and dark.. I have envy!

Breathe.... in..... out.... in.... out....
I have a feeling, you are a tough cookie (Hello, you run!)

Thank you. You made me smile. And yes, my hair is dark and curly and completely natural and crazy. You should see it today...haha...the curls are everywhere!!! It can be scary sometimes!!

ChubbyBunny · February 2009

Thanks, all of you. I do have a wonderful network of friends and family. They have been truly amazing. And I'm eating again, mostly, which is good. I didn't for several weeks, and I lost a lot of weight really fast. then my hair began falling out due to stress and lack of nutrition...and I hated him even more for doing that to me.

I know I'll get through this. God, as well, as been amazing. I have just been...amazed at the way He's working through the people in my life. Those are the things I have to hang onto when I just feel like dying instead.

No dying and no losing more hair!
It's curly and dark.. I have envy!

Breathe.... in..... out.... in.... out....
I have a feeling, you are a tough cookie (Hello, you run!)

Thank you. You made me smile. And yes, my hair is dark and curly and completely natural and crazy. You should see it today...haha...the curls are everywhere!!! It can be scary sometimes!!

:sad:
Mine's straight as a stick and light blonde!!!!
:sad:

1Corinthians13 · February 2009

Aw, but how many girls would love to have blond??? I was blond at one time...kind of a strawberry blond. I loved it...but the dark hair works better (and is easier to maintain, since it' s natural! haha)

naugustyniak · February 2009

I didn't feel strong just majorly PI**ED and humiliated. We have no alimony here and I had a better job than him AND I NEVER WANTED TO SEE HIM AGAIN so it was easier to be clean cut.

He doesn't deserve you. You'll be okay. Asking for help when you need it is the first sign of strength (in my opinion)

Juliebean_1027 · February 2009

While I have never been through this first-hand I can kind of relate because my mom went through the same thing with my dad. Twice. My dad was caught (actually his girlfriend called my mom and told her) after he had threatened to break off his affair. My parents ended up getting separated and going thru with everything except signing the divorce papers. My mom took him back and 3 years later he was caught again. My mom eventually divorced my dad and everyone is better off because of it. The only thing I can say is that it really will get better with time. I never believed that before but I'm finding that it really is true. If you ever need to talk or vent feel free to PM me. Keep your head up! You're an amazingly strong woman and can get through anything. :flowerforyou: You're in my thoughts and prayers.

1Corinthians13 · February 2009

Thanks. I just want that day when I'm okay to be here NOW. I know that I'm better off without him, for so many reasons. Despite the cheating (he's still with her, BTW, even took her to our house to move his things out), he's horrible with money. I won't go into details there, but I never had any savings when we were together because, despite his fantastic salary, we had no money. None. Ever. Now I know that it was partly because he was spending it on her, but I also know it's because he always maxed out his credit cards and paid everything as late as possible. His credit got worse while mine somehow managed to get better. But I need monthly support from him, or else I'll have to find a second job...which I will do if I have to. I've done it before. But the scary thing is there aren't many second jobs available out there anymore!

heather0mc · February 2009

aw, man! stoopid boy! :mad:

you will eventually feel better - sounds like you already are to a certain extent! you are so young and adorable and sweet! anyone who would hurt you like this is SO NOT worth your love.

when i was 28 i had my heart broken in a similar way. i am 33 now and totally past all that pain. lean on your friends and family ~ and of course MFP!

:flowerforyou:

:flowerforyou:

heal4444 · February 2009

1Corinthians13,

Both books are on Amazon with a special link that says, "click to check out the inside of the book."

There, you can read the front jacket, back cover, table of contents, and many many pages of exerpts"

The subtitle of Smart Divorce book: Save time, money, and sanity.

_______________________

The Coming Apart book.

The most amazing quote in this book is:

"Time does not heal all wounds. Insight does."

And it's insight what this book is all about.

http://books.google.ca/books?hl=en&id=OX9M0rOPArsC&dq=daphne+rose+kingma&printsec=frontcover&source=web&ots=nnvhVSf4ZQ&sig=LykFYAn0MpHvfH461pkd1AoN0eQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=9&ct=result#PPT1,M1

This would give you a preview of many many pages of this book from every chapter!!!

Not sure if above link would work or not. If not, pls copy and paste into your browser.

Thanks again for reaching out. You are not alone. Many have gone through what you've gone thru and made it to the other side. End of relationships is tough. The beginning of your journey to find inner strength and peace is even tougher but more rewarding.

rosered51 · February 2009

LOVE AND PRAYERS WINGING THEIR WAY TO YOU

I am so sorry for your pain...the best thing you can do is continue to STAY in therapy and keep coming here, to your friends, to your family...we will all lift you up.

When things seem at their worst it is then that it is the hardest to see the silver lining in every cloud, but look at the bright side, at least you found out now, not 5 or 10 years from now when you had several children in the mix also. You are still young and beautiful and some day God will bring you another man, the right man, into your life and you will forget all about the slime you once knew.

I am so :brokenheart: for you and :mad: at the "toad" as another member put it.

Good luck in making it through.

porka29 · February 2009

This makes my money woes seem less, thank you for putting thigs into perspective for me albiet from your own heartache. I agree to take it one day at a timr, (hugs)

This has nothing to do with food, exercise, or nutrition

Replies

Categories