Treated differently after weightloss

Geocitiesuser · July 2017

When I was much younger I lost 100lbs, and treatment from others was like night and day. Girls liked me, guys would ask me for weight lifting advice, and I felt like I got a good deal more respect in general from others.

I'm a lot older now, and have lost a lot of weight again (I'm in even better shape now than I was back then, but with more loose skin) and the results are a bit different. Women don't really like me any different, men really don't give a poop. But I will say that I still command more respect as someone who is fit vs when I was obese. It's hard to be taken seriously when you're obese because it comes across as an outward lack of self control and lack of self respect. Where as being fit you automatically dress nicer (because clothes fit), your jawline is sharper/more defined, and you project an outward appearance of self control and being an active person that cares for themself. Those little cues go a long way in social interactions. At least in the business world. As for the opposite gender, well, suppose my day is over.

tracyj1247 · July 2017

I have lost weight before and when I was smaller people treated me better they were more attentive to me. I was attracting alot of men as soon as I gained weight all the attention stopped it was like I didn't exist. Doors were no longer open for me. It does make a difference if you're not obese because your not treated the same.

MsHarryWinston · July 2017

Hmmmm. I've been all over the scale and have never felt treated any differently no matter my weight. But I also act the same no matter my weight so maybe that helps? Outgoing, bubbly, flirty, and confident even after I gained 100lbs. Guys still flirt and hold doors open for me or offer to buy me drinks. Women weren't mean to me when I was smaller. When I went out dancing they usually just wanted to know if my boobs were real (yes) and poke at them a bit lol.

It makes me so mad to hear about how people have been treated differently with their weight changes and I just want to backhand all the superficial people that made you guys feel bad.

Hungry_Shopgirl · July 2017

One thing I found painful was when I mentioned a person to someone and they asked: "Who? The fat one?" No one would have ever said something like that to me when I was also overweight, but now that I'm the "normal" club people aren't as careful anymore I guess. The reason it hurt was because "the fat one" is an awesome person, a great human being, being singled out by this one feature. And it makes me wonder how many times people in the past have referred to me as 'the fat one'?

ek0513 · July 2017

Hungry_Shopgirl wrote: »

One thing I found painful was when I mentioned a person to someone and they asked: "Who? The fat one?" No one would have ever said something like that to me when I was also overweight, but now that I'm the "normal" club people aren't as careful anymore I guess. The reason it hurt was because "the fat one" is an awesome person, a great human being, being singled out by this one feature. And it makes me wonder how many times people in the past have referred to me as 'the fat one'?

This has happened to me too, and when they were describing someone who is smaller than I used to be. I think the problem with this might not just be about being overweight though, but more so just people not looking past the surface. Because 100% if there was someone who was noticeably underweight, they would equally try to describe them as "the really skinny one".. it is still hurtful none the less when people call other people fat in front of you.

Slimmingdownthisyear · July 2017

tiffaninghs wrote: »

reverse for me... more attention at over 300lbs.. nw that im in the 170's to 180's i get no attention at all. i guess cause theirs nothing remarkable about me now.. im just a regular fish in the sea.. and I no longer have a big butt or large breasts so no one is paying any attention.. lol

love your profile pic! What a transformation!!!! Well Done

cheryldumais · July 2017

Love this thread. I've gone from 251 to 148. At 60 years old I find women are friendlier now that I have lost weight. Many people who never even said hello at work before are striking up conversations with me. I agree I am more confident but I've always smiled and tried to be friendly. At my age men aren't hitting on me but they definately speak to me more. I'm no longer invisable.

emmieems · July 2017

I'm in college now, but I lost the weight in high school. Some people thought I was snotty or rude when I chose to eat healthier, I did get included in certain things and left out of some. People that would've never befriended me before became my friends, I got hit on more, it was all a very strange change for me.

Pablosammy · July 2017

I wonder how much of it is the way you behave after you've lost weight, rather than the weight loss itself? Confidence breeds confidence, and happiness is contagious. I can imagine people change their behaviours towards others at the very extremes of the weight spectrum, but the rest is probably down to people being happier and more confident in themselves.

Geocitiesuser · July 2017

Pablosammy wrote: »

I wonder how much of it is the way you behave after you've lost weight, rather than the weight loss itself? Confidence breeds confidence, and happiness is contagious. I can imagine people change their behaviours towards others at the very extremes of the weight spectrum, but the rest is probably down to people being happier and more confident in themselves.

Everyone judges everyone physically within a fraction of a second the first time seeing them. Those subconscious notions have a big effect on social interactions. It is why someone in a suit will almost always command more immediate rapport than someone in dirty poor fitting clothing during an initial interaction with a stranger.

2y2k · July 2017

So far, I've lost a total of 147 lbs. Before, at nearly 300 lbs, people were nice... sort of. Men definitely didn't look in my direction, at all. And girls were fairly nice to me. I was just sort of... there. It's the total opposite now– Night & day, haha. Men are... very interested, haha. And women. Holy *kitten*. I never realized the kind of animosity from total strangers I would receive once I dropped over 100 lbs.

Girls literally loose their *kitten* over me, no lie.

I, honestly, just want to get along with everyone. But in the last couple months, once I really started to lose weight, women glare at me, openly. It's kind of amazing, really. & incredibly disconcerting. It often gives me severe social anxiety (which I already had, being an introvert, haha). Now, I have to pump myself up in order to leave the house & prepare myself, mentally, for the nasty looks (and often words) that women will inevitably throw my way. It's gotten so bad, in some ways, that I honestly want so badly to conduct a study as to WHY it is that women are so awful to each other, especially women who perceive other women to be "threats", simply because they're physically attractive.

Maybe it's because I'm bisexual, but I honestly don't feel threatened by other women. I admire them. I want to be a light in the world, so I smile at people, am kind to them. Strong women don't bring each other down. That's a sign of weakness, I've realized. If another individual feels the need to tear another human being down, in order to feel better about themselves, that is because they're weak. Strong people don't need to feed off of other people's pain in order to feel good.

But, yeah. I'm TRULY so happy to be on this journey. I feel like I'm LIVING my life now, rather than just existing. But the struggle is SO. REAL. when it comes to the sheer toxic animosity I receive on a daily basis from other women. I honestly thought it was a myth, to some degree. But, no. It's definitely, absolutely, very, very real, haha. I live it every day.

brookielaw · July 2017

I think a lot depends on the context of the contact. When I was closer to 400 lbs and very obviously super morbidly obese (and even on the way down) I HATED flying---the dirty looks, the huffing, the general attitude I felt from those around me, but in other situations my massive size didn't hurt me. I no longer try cases but back when I was a trial attorney I noticed a difference in juries--the fatter I was, the more jolly and lovable I was. Outside of being able to make a self-deprecating fat joke to a jury, though, I was generally treated poorly. I now weigh in the 150's and can't help but notice how much friendlier everyone is. I will say in fairness though that it may have to do with the fact that I walk with a spring in my step and my head held high versus trying to become as small as possible. Your view of yourself often shapes those around you. I'm still adjusting to the changes I have made. Walking into a Victoria Secret because I no longer fit into the plus sizes I expected to be treated like crap, but was pleasantly surprised. They wouldn't have had any idea that I had never shopped for myself there before if I hadn't sucked it up and asked questions. The former fat lady alarm wasn't working that day apparently.

Outside of superficial interactions things are different too. I stopped being the "safe friend of the opposite sex" for my buddies' wives or girlfriends until I got married. Then there's the fact that my husband and I were just friends 17 years ago when I was a good 200 lbs over where I am today. We didn't start dating until 14 years later when I was on my way to becoming healthy. It will occasionally pop into my mind and bother me, but then I realize that 17 years ago neither of us was in the mature place we are now so I have to let it go.

The fact remains that I am happier now, and it shows.

everher · July 2017

Personally, I haven't been treated differently. Only thing I could note is I am flirted with more, but I don't know if that falls into the category of being 'treated differently'.

Can't say I've ever had a woman give me a dirty look. I would say I'm reasonably attractive and I've had women compliment me on my looks or my outfit, but never had a woman give me the evil eye.

Grimmerick · July 2017

I didn't really notice a difference except the guys I dated got hotter

I was never more than 40lbs overweight, don't know if that makes a difference.

amandaeve · July 2017

I lost 75 lbs. in 2006.

family/friends: When I was fat, they said (often unsolicited), "OH you are not fat!/Have you lost weight?" Now they say, "You look really great!"

men/dating: I noticed bigger differences with different hair styles. Men who knew the fatter me gave me a lot of praise, but the flirting didn't change. Inadvertently, the thinner me did end up in a long-term relationship with a guy who has a lot of expectations about how women should look. The men the fatter me ended up in relationships with men who were more open-minded.

me: I didn't gain confidence, and was sad about that. But the thinner me feels more energetic, more comfortable in clothes, and has a better time shopping. The thinner me misses "breaking stereotypes" but the thinner me also has a healthier relationship with body image and food.

work: This was the worst. Most of my life I've done male-dominated work that involves lifting, carrying, use of manual and powered tools, and driving. The heavier me "fit in", and felt like "one of the team". The thinner me struggled with men arguing that I wasn't strong enough, smart enough, or however able to do whatever it is I've been doing for 15 years. They also need to open doors for me more, which is awkward when you are moving equipment or something.

cwolfman13 · July 2017

I don't really get treated any better...I was never treated poorly. I catch ladies checking me out more and some are more flirtatious...

tabletop_joe · July 2017

Visage999 wrote: »

Maybe it's because I'm bisexual, but I honestly don't feel threatened by other women. I admire them. I want to be a light in the world, so I smile at people, am kind to them. Strong women don't bring each other down. That's a sign of weakness, I've realized. If another individual feels the need to tear another human being down, in order to feel better about themselves, that is because they're weak. Strong people don't need to feed off of other people's pain in order to feel good.

But, yeah. I'm TRULY so happy to be on this journey. I feel like I'm LIVING my life now, rather than just existing. But the struggle is SO. REAL. when it comes to the sheer toxic animosity I receive on a daily basis from other women. I honestly thought it was a myth, to some degree. But, no. It's definitely, absolutely, very, very real, haha. I live it every day.

You keep doing what you're doing; you're doing wonderfully and I think your grasp of the situation is exactly right. Keep talking about it, too! It's the only way we can work against this deeply-ingrained women-hating-women nonsense. Women need to support other women, or at least not serve as yet another hindrance. It's tough enough without us tearing each other to shreds for no appreciable reason.

I was treated horrendously by a co-worker for years. She was abusive about my weight, my spouse, my work, my income level, my background... really whatever she could. Weight was her favorite because I suspect she was insecure about hers--though she didn't have a noticeable weight problem. I'm sure if I'd lost the weight while we were still working together, she would have either always talked about weight with me to shame me or she would have found something else to be cruel about. It only ever bothered me because it seemed unfair that she hated me for no real reason and went out of her way to be viscous. I liked her aside from her senseless rage towards me, if that makes any sense!

Has anyone read the new Roxanne Gay book, Hunger?

grinning_chick · July 2017

I must be the most oblivious person on the face of the planet. Obese, overweight, or within a normal BMI range, I have never noticed another woman (besides my mother) being rude/catty/whatever due specifically to my weight. Or anything else, for that matter.

Maybe it's because I primarily interact with other women either in a customer service (them) manner or as an authority figure (me). When in a social setting, as far as I am aware they run the gambit from friendly to reserved that I always assumed was due to their own psychological makeup (where personally sat on the ambivert spectrum/scale).

OT: I absolutely get more sexualized attention from men when I'm not obese. The overweight/obese cut off per BMI is a very real line in my life as far as that is concerned. Although the men hitting on me are more my type if I am in the normal BMI range vs. overweight. Nor do I blame them for the differential treatment, really. To paraphrase Buffalo Bill, I wouldn't *tapir* me either when I am obese, so why expect them to? And that opinion is fully on me, just for me and not where it should be for everyone, as I don't personally find myself attractive when clinically obese. On top of that pathology, I have for all intents and purposes no libido then either. I blame the estrogen dominance secondary to the increased adiposity.

Treated differently after weightloss

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