I'm frustrated, tired, and hangry. [rant]

Geocitiesuser
Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm so hangry I feel like I could rip someone's face off with my fingers. "Just eat more" "increase your calories" "You need to eat more xyz" "drink more water" blah blah, I don't care. After 130lbs I've been trapped in a quagmire of gaining and losing the same 10lbs over and over, always staying around 15lbs away from my goal weight for about four months now. The lower my weight goes, the hangrier I get, and the more likely I am to wig out, eat a bunch of food, and repeat the process of gaining and losing the same 10lbs.

The "real" answer is only that it will take another year or two to get to where I want to be in terms of bodyfat percentage. This is a marathon and not a sprint. I don't need anyone's advice because I already know what I'm doing. It's just not "comfortable". Two years of calorie deficit doesn't "feel nice". If it was so "easy" everyone would have already done it.

When the changes I hoped to see weight loss bring about don't materialize, I feel defeated. Especially when I have to read threads from people who did get those changes from weight loss. I just have to suck it up and keep going. I'm already in vastly better shape than a good portion of the population. It's just not enough. Every month at inadvertent maintenance, on the bright side, is a month of inadvertent body recomp. I'll get there. If I don't lose my mind first.
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Replies

  • CoueCoue
    CoueCoue Posts: 69 Member
    I hear you.

    Sometimes it's a b**ch of a journey. Nothing people say will help. Regardless of the resources and support at your disposal, ultimately, you're on your own with this and that can totally suck.

    All the best to you and gritting your way through this.
  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
    Thanks friend!
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    Besides the scale, what other changes have you enjoyed from the stupendous 130 pound loss?
  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
    I'm swole. I'm almost into a 30" waist at 6' 185lbs. wearing large cut smalls and small cut medium shirts comfortably. If not for the loose skin I'd look a lot better naked than I do now, but it will come with time. All of my fitness markers are great now. The goal has always been aesthetics and outside validation though. Whether people want to shame me for that or not I'm beyond caring about. Other than that I'm just hungry/hangry. lol. I like what I see in the mirror, but it's still not enough for other people. So the grind continues.
  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
    Ever since the day I hit "normal" BMI it's like my body has been completely rebelling against the idea of becoming lighter. My long term goal is to stay under 184lbs for eternity, my theoretical goal weight for very low body fat is somewhere between 170 and 175, but all I do is bounce between 180 and 190 over and over. I get down close to the 170s and the hunger gets so ravenous I can't think straight. All it takes is one pizza to myself eaten in a blind fury of hunger to make the scale jump up 6-8lbs over night and it always takes a few days for the hunger to subside.

    When I was very overweight my issue was emotional eating. Now that I'm very close to being "Fit", my over eating stems from raw ravenous hunger like I never experienced before.

    I'm entering the cycle again. I'm going on vacation soon to the beach. I've been great on my diet, and the hanger. OMFG the hanger. I lay in bed at night telling myself that it's okay to feel hungry. I went a little over my calories the other day and ate close to 2400 calories and was stricken with shame and guilt. I'll get to where I need to be, but it's a tight rope walk of sanity.
  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
    I worked on "other areas of my life" my entire life, and I've benefited greatly from it in various ways. That time is over. Now we focus on the physical.
  • everher
    everher Posts: 909 Member
    buggleuh749 wrote: »
    The truth is you could look perfect and still not ever have other people's approval. Maybe you oughta work on building up your character/interests. When I was anorexic, I could never be thin enough. It took a lot of time and damage to my health (physically and mentally) before I realized that while it's nice to have other's approve of my body it meant literally nothing because I wasn't accepting of myself the way I was. I'm not saying this relates to your situation exactly, I just want to encourage you to look at your situation from another perspective. There are plenty of overweight, out of shape people who are funnier, more charming and interesting than I am. Being fit might make us feel better but it doesn't change who we are necessarily. That takes more work I think. My point is, keep working on your body but don't let it make you miserable. Take your time and work on other areas of your life you'd like to improve as well. :)

    I think this is great advice.

    I always wonder at posts like yours, OP, if when the person finally makes it to goal will the hunger be any better since they will be switching to maintenance and will have a few more calories. I have an arbitrary number in my head I would like to reach as well, but I'm not going to lie to you if I get too hungry all bets are off.

    I would be interested in an update once you reach goal and whether or not the hunger is any better.
  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
    edited July 2017
    I'm curious about that too (the hunger thing). I assume my hunger levels will be much more managable when I'm eating at maintenance or slowly bulking consistently. I think the hunger stems from multiple days of calorie deficit, so even though I end up "eating at maintenance" it's like 7 days deficit and 3 days surplus, so I still get the hunger pangs.

    This is also partly my fault for having my calories so low, but if I don't keep them low the scale just doesn't want to budge. I average roughly 1800-1900 calories and 190-200g of protein every day.

    It's mentally tough to go from consistently losing 2lbs a week to the screeching halt that it has otherwise become.

    There's a lot of frustration in this chart towards the end.

    cZXu3eV.png

    90 days of the binge purge yo yo etc visualized. The blank spots are usually fasting days of about 500 calories that I don't log.

    ZKeihjB.png
  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
    So your plan is to beat your body in to shape until all the naysayers fall at your feet in awe.

    Correct. It doesn't have to be in awe. But being treated like a human being worthy of a bit of affection from time to time by someone I'm attracted to would be nice. I'm really not sorry that this seems to offend so many people.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    It just occurred to me that Schwarzenegger figured it all out. He started with his body but he achieved in so many other forums. I wonder how many days he stressed about the scale?
  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
    I'm not schwarzenegger nor will I ever be. He made a career out of obsessing over the scale, bodyfat %, and aesthetics....
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    It's the body beating part that worries me. Life's too short. It's the only body you've got.
  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
    Hence the frustration of trying to beat it into shape while I'm still young enough to enjoy it. I think I look great. I'd love to wake up next to me in the morning, in fact I do! But it's not up to me. I know what I want, it's shallow and vain but I don't care. One life to live, one chance to make it happen.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Eat at maintenance for a couple of weeks.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    Eat at maintenance for a couple of weeks.

    This. Have you ever taken a diet break?
  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
    jgnatca wrote: »
    Hah, but I'm a old grandma. Tell me how effective this is, "The beatings will continue until morale improves." You get multiple chances, and the woman of your dreams should be generous enough to offer you many. But if you can't even forgive yourself? Who wants to hang out with a hangry fella? Be generous with yourself, find a generous woman.

    lol I would not want to be anyone around me right now lol. Believe me there is no intention to try to hang out with anyone right now until I'm a little further a long and I can find some firmer ground to stand on diet wise.
  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
    AliceDark wrote: »
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    Eat at maintenance for a couple of weeks.

    This. Have you ever taken a diet break?

    I took 3 months or so off about a year and a half ago. Whether I hit my goal weight or not by winter I plan on taking a short break when the cooler weather rolls in and I'm not going topless in public.

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