I'm now "Socially" unbearable to be around and stopped dating and going out
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I go to the corner bar with my husband and drink water, doesn't bother me -- but probably annoys the bartenders. I'm vegetarian too and never have an issue ordering off the menu, though a typical restaurant vegetarian meal does not fill me up. As for your social life, as long as you're not constantly talking about diet/food/health, I don't see an issue.1
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I don't understand why this makes you socially unbearable to be around
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cwolfman13 wrote: »I find balance in life to be very beneficial...
This ^^
If I'm eating out with friends or my husband/kids I save calories up during the week. Then I can eat what ever I like and enjoy a drink as well.
I went years not eating out or enjoying food or socialising and it was when I had an eating disorder.1 -
Some of my family are not very supportive of my dieting. It may be because they are overweight and don't want to be reminded of it, or they think I am overly concerned about it.
When we all met in San Diego over the 4th of July week, I was careful to not mention my diet, and just avoided eating meals with them until dinner. We hung out at the beach, etc. but I would walk (1.3 miles for exercise) back to my hotel and eat there for lunch.
At dinner I would choose what I thought was healthy, eat as much as I thought was appropriate. I did not reference my diet or say anything like, "oh I wish I could have that", or "I can't eat that". I think they knew I was dieting, but the subject never came up.
And then I have friends that know I am dieting and even suggest "healthy" restaurants they have heard about for us to eat at. Your good friends will support you.3 -
It's amazing how much social time is spent around food. You don't want to give up going for coffee or to restaurants. Here's what I do:
-- split meals with friends. Instead of eating an entire entree, my friend and I order a salad, an entree, and a dessert, and split them These days restaurant portions are so huge, it works.
-- get tea at the coffee shop. Then you're not weird, you're cultured.
-- make healthy snacks and share them with your friends. My definition of healthy is flexible... try homemade versions of bars and cookies and just cut the fat by a little and the sugar by a little. Not perfect, but healthiER.1 -
My group is full of vegetarians and people who are trying to be healthy, so I don't see this as much. I do make an effort to be less rigid when it's a special occasion, but not everyone wants to compromise for every event that comes along. My family gave me the toughest time and I still don't know how to deal with flack about eating habits.
That being said I'm a big fan of having people over for dinner or a movie night or dessert. Feeding people seems to relieve weirdness and also you yourself know what's in it. If however the issue is that your friends are trying to drag you down, maybe have a couple one-on-one conversations and try to honestly communicate how you feel. You shouldn't have to compromise on self care, and true friends wouldn't ask you to.1 -
It's good if you don't care what they say, but if it starts to affect your success and progress, maybe you need new friends to be able to support your lifestyle instead of make it more difficult to follow!1
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Everything you said seems pretty normal, at least in my city. People share desserts, ask for menu changes, embrace clean eating, etc. You're friends are immature. You have the right to eat and drink whatever you want, however you want it. Enjoy!2
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Therealobi1 wrote: »I don't understand why this makes you socially unbearable to be around
Because if I'm such an eyeroll for customizing my food/drink, then obviously they don't want to be around me.
From all the other comments, I realized it's a particular friend of mine who is getting me worked up. This friend literally says "you're weird" to my face in an embarrassing way in front of waiters. I guess since it was recent, it has multiplied the other comments I receive from other friends.
I'm learning more and more that it really comes down to who you surround yourself with. When I'm surrounded by my overweight friends, I tend to eat double or triple my servings. I just need to keep being with people who enjoy activities like I do.3 -
And as for dating - most guys want to drink alcohol (which I don't) and they literally have told me that it bothers them. They always want to go out to eat and then I can't wolf down drinks, appetizers, a full meal, and then dessert!(and most don't want to share). Guys get really offended when I can't finish that much food.
I don't know, maybe the city I'm in has too big of a spectrum - one one end, you have guys that just want to drink and eat junk food an then on the other end you have the super fit, gym rats that only date playboy models...
anyways, that's why I stopped dating.1 -
KingsGirl4 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »I don't understand why this makes you socially unbearable to be around
Because if I'm such an eyeroll for customizing my food/drink, then obviously they don't want to be around me.
From all the other comments, I realized it's a particular friend of mine who is getting me worked up. This friend literally says "you're weird" to my face in an embarrassing way in front of waiters. I guess since it was recent, it has multiplied the other comments I receive from other friends.
I'm learning more and more that it really comes down to who you surround yourself with. When I'm surrounded by my overweight friends, I tend to eat double or triple my servings. I just need to keep being with people who enjoy activities like I do.
everyone customises their foods who cares.
i more eye roll my friends when they are so rude to the waiters i wonder if they will customise their food in a unprofessional way
unless you are really being annoying sounds like you just need new friends.
you should eat whatever you want no matter what size your friends are0 -
KingsGirl4 wrote: »And as for dating - most guys want to drink alcohol (which I don't) and they literally have told me that it bothers them. They always want to go out to eat and then I can't wolf down drinks, appetizers, a full meal, and then dessert!(and most don't want to share). Guys get really offended when I can't finish that much food.
I don't know, maybe the city I'm in has too big of a spectrum - one one end, you have guys that just want to drink and eat junk food an then on the other end you have the super fit, gym rats that only date playboy models...
anyways, that's why I stopped dating.
you have really closed yourself off unnecessarily, not every man drinks. not every girl drinks
i can play with one drink for the whole night. if others around me want to drink and they do thats ok too just know how you are getting home safely.3 -
I very rarely drink, and even then it's in minuscule amounts. I get some playful banter, but nothing serious or mean spirited. You might be too sensitive to casual normal comments.0
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I want to address the dating aspect of your post and second what others are saying.
I do not enjoy drinking out in social settings. When I was at an event, I was hit on twice by two guys.
The first guy asked if I wanted a drink and I said 'no, thank you'. He immediately responded with a couple of comments along the lines of 'you aren't any fun, c'mon, just one drink' etc. I simply said no again and steered the conversation elsewhere. Then he heads off to the bar.
The second guy comes over and starts a chat, also asks if I would like something from the bar and I say 'no, thank you, I am not drinking this evening' thinking that little extra at the end would make me sound more 'normal'. He responded with 'Would you like a water or juice instead?'... That was 2.5 years ago and we have been happily dating ever since. To him, my answer was not fodder for teasing or name calling and instead an opportunity to see if there was anything else he could get me.
The 'right' people that you hang out with will never make you feel badly for your personal choices that in no way affect them...period.
Good luck!9 -
If your friend is rude and insulting, spend less time with her. Why does her being rude and insulting make you socially unbearable? It sounds like she's the one who is unbearable, not you.
As for guys being bothered by you not wanting to drink alcohol...so what. If your lifestyle is one where you don't drink every time you go out and a guy is bothered by that, you are not a good match. It seems fortunate that you can quickly figure that out and not waste too much of each other's time.
And as for not finishing your food, the guy probably wouldn't be bothered if you mentioned up front that you'll pay for your own meal.1 -
-- get tea at the coffee shop. Then you're not weird, you're cultured.
My favorite here :-)
Socializing and food - yes, quite a bit hand-in-hand. Where I and my friends are in our lives (all with kids, kids in sports, work-home-adult responsibilities, family responsibilities, distance to travel to each other, and schedules to keep) we cannot really do the coffee shops, bars, and such stuff anymore. Glad we did that earlier. When we finally get together, it is long-planned and involves food. If the stars align, and we can spend good time together, then we will use it all, including mealtime(s).
My friends, my family, and I are pretty healthy eaters though (and also come in all shapes and sizes), and our potlucks are much flavorful and diverse. And if we are grilling, there are veggie patties present as a staple, together with other options. We have all developed fairly healthy eating habits, but not going to pick on someone for not sharing those, nor swear we will not EVER touch that ice-cream or pudding. Also, kids are now present at all our socializing moments, and while some of us would drool at a mentioning of tuna tartar, the kids may not quite be there yet, so we have them in mind as well.
Getting older, I became more "picky" as well. But in some ways, more refined in taste. Black coffee - GOOD black coffee, properly roasted and brewed - is far more preferable to an overpriced coffeeshop sugary-foamy creation. Tea also, in all forms, from blackest darkest, to Earlgray-ish, to green, to caffeine-free herbal . Mineral water. I can have that all at home, because no time to go to coffee shop.
BTW, Starbucks sells pretty much all of those choices, and I have never seen an eyeroll for ordering that. Alcohol is a personal choice, and none of anyone's business, unless one is too drunk and attempting to drive, or wrecking many lives in process of abusing it.
You make your choices. You call your friends overweight. You call yourself anti-social, and a non-dater. You are the one saying "they obviously don't want me around". That is your perception of things and you are sticking with it. Have you asked your friends if they want you around, or you are just hair-flipping and taking an offended pose? If you step out of that (all of it), you will see there are far more important things out there to be concerned with. Cancer, for example. Or starving children.
Shutting yourself out from everyone, and life's possibilities and opportunities is not an approach that ever helped anyone. Not in the over-social environment we live in these days.
There was a point when I had such serious body image issues, that I, too, would try to avoid going out, to concerts, to movies, to birthdays, nature hikes, because I saw myself as socially-unacceptable fat. How kitten up is that?! I was the only one doing the damage, and to only one person - me, by insisting on missing out on things. Now I'm thinking - how screwed up was it to get so upset and deeply depressed over the fact of being invited to a social event, only because I'd have to show myself to others? The others, who wanted to see me no matter my size?
Don't miss out on life. Do what you must for you, keep your reality check going as far as your own attitude toward those who are different. And keep in mind you have choices of frothy coffee or yogurt at Starbucks.
There are some who are waking up on this planet, and have no choice of any food at all.5 -
In the lunchroom today, my coworker says to me "oh, salad again today?!"
This is what's getting to me. In a professional setting, I'm being judged2 -
KingsGirl4 wrote: »In the lunchroom today, my coworker says to me "oh, salad again today?!"
This is what's getting to me. In a professional setting, I'm being judged
Who gives a *kitten* what your coworker thinks
They are just bored
Either shut them up with something sarcastic or let it ride. Your going to make yourself sick if you are not careful4 -
KingsGirl4 wrote: »In the lunchroom today, my coworker says to me "oh, salad again today?!"
This is what's getting to me. In a professional setting, I'm being judged
I would have a rude sarcastic answer for said co worker.2 -
I really appreciate all the support in this thread. I think I'm just frustrated with being surrounded by these comments all the time. It's really almost every single meal time. So I might be projecting but I'm just a little frustrated.0
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KingsGirl4 wrote: »In the lunchroom today, my coworker says to me "oh, salad again today?!"
This is what's getting to me. In a professional setting, I'm being judged
I think you are being way too sensitive. People are going to judge you all the time, for better or worse. I find myself judging people in my head all the time. I'm not proud of it, but it's human nature and at least I have the manners to not say it out loud. Who cares what this person says? And what the heck is wrong with having a salad for lunch every day?
As far as the dating, there is nothing weird about a woman out with a new (or newish) date deciding not to drink. If the men you are dating think you are weird for not drinking or eating a 4 course meal, you're dating the wrong guys.
Honestly, either you talk a lot about your reasons for eating/drinking differently and don't realize it and it annoys people, or you are imagining all this "judging", or you know some really off people. Stop worrying about it, and start avoiding/ignoring people who go out of their way to comment, just make sure you aren't the one calling attention to your choices. :drinker:2 -
My co-workers, friends, and family used to make all sorts of comments. Now three years later, they just know that's the way I eat. Co-workers know I eat the same thing everyday. A 2 oz turkey spinach sandwich with mostly spinach. I started dating a man who doesn't drink, but doesn't mind if I do. He'll eat twice as much as me and we do just fine.1
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Also, I took up tea drinking specifically for those get togethers at Starbucks.0
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I've had bariatric surgery so I eat weird at every meal. I don't drink and eat at the same time. I may leave half my plate unfinished, and I eat slow.
I smile and laugh it off. Sometimes I order water then don't touch it. I ask for a take-out container at the end of the meal. I reassure the waiter that I enjoyed the meal very much. The rest is on them.1 -
KingsGirl4 wrote: »I really appreciate all the support in this thread. I think I'm just frustrated with being surrounded by these comments all the time. It's really almost every single meal time. So I might be projecting but I'm just a little frustrated.
So then stop eating with the people who are making the comments. Or ignore the comments. People say stupid stuff all the time. It doesn't mean you have to take it to heart.2 -
KingsGirl4 wrote: »In the lunchroom today, my coworker says to me "oh, salad again today?!"
This is what's getting to me. In a professional setting, I'm being judged
No, you just feel like you're getting judged. These are just nosy, thoughtless comments that you'll need to learn to ignore.
Frankly, I'd let them know that I find it very odd that they are keeping track of what I'm eating. It's none of their business and you'll need to learn to stand up for yourself, professional setting or not.
Be consistent, firm, and change the subject. Period. It's not personal.7 -
KingsGirl4 wrote: »And as for dating - most guys want to drink alcohol (which I don't) and they literally have told me that it bothers them. They always want to go out to eat and then I can't wolf down drinks, appetizers, a full meal, and then dessert!(and most don't want to share). Guys get really offended when I can't finish that much food.
I don't know, maybe the city I'm in has too big of a spectrum - one one end, you have guys that just want to drink and eat junk food an then on the other end you have the super fit, gym rats that only date playboy models...
anyways, that's why I stopped dating.
Speaking as a man, and at that one old enough to be your father:
You need to find different men.7 -
KingsGirl4 wrote: »Since my journey of eating clean and getting healthy for the last 3 years, I have made some great lifestyle changes and milestones. Though now I find myself pretty unbearable and "weird" to be around.
I don't like going out to eat that much and if I do, I'm pretty "picky" with my order (according to my friends). I might order my hot chocolate with less chocolate or I would like to substitute a veggie patty on my salad instead of chicken (trying to be vegetarian). Whatever it is, I'm just too difficult to be around.
I also gotten into the habit of drinking a lot of water and so now I literally just don't like coffee and tea at the moment. So there goes trips to a coffee shop as well (I end up getting some greek yogurt which is "weird" right?).
Also, if I want dessert, I literally only want a bite or 2 and again, that's "weird."
So these new lifestyle changes and habits of mine have affected my social life a lot. I'm thankful for the friends that respect me and to those that like to make fun of me and call me "weird" I honestly don't care for their opinions. I just wanted to know if anyone else has gone through something similar and how do you deal with it?
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Well I believe you must do what you like and makes you happy if you feel you re weird by yourself so it's something wrong with you and your new life style if you don't respect your self no body does and if you call yourself weird because are you eating yogurt at coffee shop they are gonna multiple the calls for fun or because they re jelius of you! You doing what you're doing for you and not for your friends plus every person is different and they look from different side the thing's! Respect your self and the others are going to respect you!0
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