I'm now "Socially" unbearable to be around and stopped dating and going out

I want to address the dating aspect of your post and second what others are saying.

I do not enjoy drinking out in social settings. When I was at an event, I was hit on twice by two guys.

The first guy asked if I wanted a drink and I said 'no, thank you'. He immediately responded with a couple of comments along the lines of 'you aren't any fun, c'mon, just one drink' etc. I simply said no again and steered the conversation elsewhere. Then he heads off to the bar.

The second guy comes over and starts a chat, also asks if I would like something from the bar and I say 'no, thank you, I am not drinking this evening' thinking that little extra at the end would make me sound more 'normal'. He responded with 'Would you like a water or juice instead?'... That was 2.5 years ago and we have been happily dating ever since. To him, my answer was not fodder for teasing or name calling and instead an opportunity to see if there was anything else he could get me.

The 'right' people that you hang out with will never make you feel badly for your personal choices that in no way affect them...period.

Good luck!

TnZMom wrote: »

-- get tea at the coffee shop. Then you're not weird, you're cultured.

My favorite here :-)

Socializing and food - yes, quite a bit hand-in-hand. Where I and my friends are in our lives (all with kids, kids in sports, work-home-adult responsibilities, family responsibilities, distance to travel to each other, and schedules to keep) we cannot really do the coffee shops, bars, and such stuff anymore. Glad we did that earlier. When we finally get together, it is long-planned and involves food. If the stars align, and we can spend good time together, then we will use it all, including mealtime(s).
My friends, my family, and I are pretty healthy eaters though (and also come in all shapes and sizes), and our potlucks are much flavorful and diverse. And if we are grilling, there are veggie patties present as a staple, together with other options. We have all developed fairly healthy eating habits, but not going to pick on someone for not sharing those, nor swear we will not EVER touch that ice-cream or pudding. Also, kids are now present at all our socializing moments, and while some of us would drool at a mentioning of tuna tartar, the kids may not quite be there yet, so we have them in mind as well.

Getting older, I became more "picky" as well. But in some ways, more refined in taste. Black coffee - GOOD black coffee, properly roasted and brewed - is far more preferable to an overpriced coffeeshop sugary-foamy creation. Tea also, in all forms, from blackest darkest, to Earlgray-ish, to green, to caffeine-free herbal . Mineral water. I can have that all at home, because no time to go to coffee shop.

BTW, Starbucks sells pretty much all of those choices, and I have never seen an eyeroll for ordering that. Alcohol is a personal choice, and none of anyone's business, unless one is too drunk and attempting to drive, or wrecking many lives in process of abusing it.

You make your choices. You call your friends overweight. You call yourself anti-social, and a non-dater. You are the one saying "they obviously don't want me around". That is your perception of things and you are sticking with it. Have you asked your friends if they want you around, or you are just hair-flipping and taking an offended pose? If you step out of that (all of it), you will see there are far more important things out there to be concerned with. Cancer, for example. Or starving children.

Shutting yourself out from everyone, and life's possibilities and opportunities is not an approach that ever helped anyone. Not in the over-social environment we live in these days.

There was a point when I had such serious body image issues, that I, too, would try to avoid going out, to concerts, to movies, to birthdays, nature hikes, because I saw myself as socially-unacceptable fat. How kitten up is that?! I was the only one doing the damage, and to only one person - me, by insisting on missing out on things. Now I'm thinking - how screwed up was it to get so upset and deeply depressed over the fact of being invited to a social event, only because I'd have to show myself to others? The others, who wanted to see me no matter my size?

Don't miss out on life. Do what you must for you, keep your reality check going as far as your own attitude toward those who are different. And keep in mind you have choices of frothy coffee or yogurt at Starbucks.
There are some who are waking up on this planet, and have no choice of any food at all.

KingsGirl4 wrote: »

In the lunchroom today, my coworker says to me "oh, salad again today?!"

This is what's getting to me. In a professional setting, I'm being judged

No, you just feel like you're getting judged. These are just nosy, thoughtless comments that you'll need to learn to ignore.

Frankly, I'd let them know that I find it very odd that they are keeping track of what I'm eating. It's none of their business and you'll need to learn to stand up for yourself, professional setting or not.

Be consistent, firm, and change the subject. Period. It's not personal.