Why did you get married?

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  • stephanielynn76
    stephanielynn76 Posts: 709 Member
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    This is going to sound really archaic but my own personal feelings towards marriage are rooted in my beliefs about God a creation. I believe marriage was God's idea. For a man and woman to come together and devote themselves to one another for life... it's the most beautiful sacred thing ever. I am married to my soul-mate and I truly believe we were meant to be together. For me it's more than just a piece of paper... it's a holy commitment. My husband and I have only been with each other and we saved ourselves for our wedding night. We've been married 10 years... I'm still in love... still enamored with him. No regrets.
  • Thamantha
    Thamantha Posts: 102 Member
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    My partner and I have a brilliant stand off - He wants me to propose with a big diamond ring, and I want him to take my name.
    We have been together for 5 years, we have a mortgage and 3 pets together. I don't want to get married. I love him, and believe I always will, but I don't see the need for a big expense like a wedding. Even the cost of a small wedding would be better used to reduce our mortgage.
    I've been a bridesmaid twice this year. Being part of the bridal party just emphasised for me how much work it takes to put together a wedding - and the result is some pretty pictures and a piece of paper?
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
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    I've been a bridesmaid twice this year. Being part of the bridal party just emphasised for me how much work it takes to put together a wedding - and the result is some pretty pictures and a piece of paper?

    I find that really sad. i agree that there is a lot of expense and a lot of planning, but it doesn't have to be, you could go to a church in your ordinary clothes, ask people to come along and witness the ceremony and then you are married with no major expense, saying you don't want to marry because of how much it costs is an excuse, you can do it for virtually nothing, its all the extras that cost, I know, our Wedding day cost us a lot of money, but we wanted it that way, my Husband (and I love saying that) wanted to push the boat out, he insisted on real champagne, a decent reception venue, people travelled from across the world to share our day, we made sure they enjoyed it and felt part of it, the day for us was NOT about the pictures or the piece of paper, it was about showing that we were commited to each other in the eyes of the law, our family and friends then celebrated that with us. People still talk to me about our Wedding, they noticed all the small things I did to personalise the day, the pictures are fabulous to look at, but the memories are the thing, the memory of Bill's face when I walked up the aisle on the arm of my wonderful son, with my two girls, his face when my son handed my hand to him, his face when the children gave him a gift at the reception, some little bits and bobs, a key fob, socks, a mug etc, all saying worlds best dad, welcome to the family Dad'

    To them, it was not about the piece of paper or the pictures, to me it was not about that piece of paper or the picture, to my Husband it was not about the piece of paper or the pictures...it was about the love, commitment and the joining together of two people into an age old legally binding one.
  • Thamantha
    Thamantha Posts: 102 Member
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    I don't think that I personally require a piece of paper to show love or commitment.
    A friend once put it the perfect way (for me), that a wedding is not about proving your commitment to each other - you both already know how strong your love is- but about sharing that love and commitment with everyone else, it is about the big party and celebration of your union. I love this way of looking at it, but it doesn't make me want to get married. I will still be with my partner for the rest of my life, and we will still have happy memories and things to talk to friends about.

    I amn't saying that it isn't important and special to anyone else, just that it wouldn't be worth it for me. For me it would just be pretty pictures. It is not about the cost - even if it was free I wouldn't do it. I don't see any reason too.
    Someone has started a post on why people haven't gotten married so i'll move my chatter across to there now :)
  • Judy_V
    Judy_V Posts: 3
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    I always said, If I wasn't good enough to marry, I wasn't good enough to live with. It may be the same legally, but I honestly don't think it's the same emotionally, but that's just my opinion. I see lots of couples, my daughter included, who have a better, committed relationship with her man, than my ex-husband had with me.
    If I met someone else that I truly loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with, then I would get married again. I've learned alot since my first marriage, and still think it's worth it.
  • PhoenixRising11
    PhoenixRising11 Posts: 245 Member
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    Thank you noelheart.

    There are some good and bad stories here which I think means you can only go with how you feel right now.
    I used to panic about the future of me and my man as a couple. I'd worry about him cheating on me in 10 years time even though I know he wouldn't any time soon. What about when we've been together 10 years and he starts to get bored of me?
    If he would cheat on me in 10 years time, why am I wasting my time here?
    But I've realised thats pretty silly to think that way all the time and is very destructive if anything my constant worrying about what will happen a decade later is making it even more probable!

    Yo just have to live how life is right now, look forward to the future in a positive way rather than worrying about what might go wrong.
    And I also agree with the above about flirting, it's a great way to keep everything fresh.
    Constant recognition of the things they do that are great, complimenting and flirting every day will hopefully keep everything where it should be. I hope so anyway!
  • angelicdisgrace
    angelicdisgrace Posts: 2,071 Member
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    I knew he was the man I would spend the rest of my life with the first time we danced. I just knew. A little less than a year we eloped and this august will be our 14 year anniversary. We have had our ups and downs even a brief split but I don't see myself without him.
  • bluegirl10
    bluegirl10 Posts: 695 Member
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    What I can tell you... Love is worth the struggle. It's worth the anguish and the pain. Love it worth all the ups and all the downs.

    I fell in love with a girl. Our plan was to grow old together (while keeping each other young). Apparently, that wasn't everyone's plan because earlier this summer I lost her. After a week in the hospital I'm still here. I've been told I survived, but I don't feel alive anymore.

    My biggest hope for everyone who reads this: LOVE like you may never get to show your love again. Make it a passion. Make the person you love into your best friend. Don't try to control them. Don't toss them to the wolves. Don't ever give them a single moment to doubt how much you care. Stand up for them and support them in all of their choices... both good and bad.

    Love is worth it.

    I'm so sorry for your loss! Thank you for sharing this though... Yes, Love is worth it, no doubt about it!
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    I suppose I grew up believing in the tradition. And I wanted to get married. But I would have rather been single forever than be in an unhappy relationship, so I was older than all my friends when I got married. Much older. I was told I was too picky. Well ha! I'm glad I was b/c I have THE perfect husband FOR ME! He may not be perfect for someone else. But we're perfect for each other. And frankly, when it's right, it's easy. It's not a struggle. It's not hard work. It's easy to love him and be with him.

    We wanted it to just be us when we got married, like a planned elopement. But his parents pitched a fit, and he got tired of his mother's daily calls asking to be invited. So we caved and allowed just parents. Then his parents behaved so badly at the wedding. On our wedding night, when we were finally alone, he apologized for asking me to invite them. But if I block out the memories of them, the rest of the wedding was just beautiful and perfect.

    For some, a piece of paper isn't required. But for me and my husband, we wanted that piece of paper. We wanted to be married. We're five years in and having the time of our lives!
  • skittybang
    skittybang Posts: 1,525 Member
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    Well, I got the dress so I thought "what the hell"..
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
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    What I can tell you... Love is worth the struggle. It's worth the anguish and the pain. Love it worth all the ups and all the downs.

    I fell in love with a girl. Our plan was to grow old together (while keeping each other young). Apparently, that wasn't everyone's plan because earlier this summer I lost her. After a week in the hospital I'm still here. I've been told I survived, but I don't feel alive anymore.

    My biggest hope for everyone who reads this: LOVE like you may never get to show your love again. Make it a passion. Make the person you love into your best friend. Don't try to control them. Don't toss them to the wolves. Don't ever give them a single moment to doubt how much you care. Stand up for them and support them in all of their choices... both good and bad.

    Love is worth it.

    I am so terribly sorry. I cannot even begin to imagine. My heart breaks for you and makes me realize even in our bad days, I love my husband with all of my heart. He is my biggest fan and supporter and I am his.
  • kitchenfairy
    kitchenfairy Posts: 36
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    Hubby and I met at a church dance, the first thought was NOT "this is the guy for me" rather "this guy is weird". But when he took my number and promised to call the next morning and then did, well... I gave him a chance. First date and I just knew he was it. 2 months later we got engaged but the wedding had to wait until after a deployment for the Navy.
    Didn't spend a ton on the wedding, just the cost of my dress and the license because we got married on the ship and they covered everything else. It was small, his family and mine and a few guys he worked with, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Last month was 10 years and thought we have troubles, I can't imagine life with anyone else.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    For us, signing on to a 30-year mortgage together was the real proof of long-term commitment. The marriage came a few years afterwards!

    Too funny! The same thing happened to us! Long story shore - we moved in together after only dating for 3 months, lived in a few different rental places, bought the house after being together for almost 8 years then got married 3 years later.

    Obviously we married for love...I mean, why else would you? But there were defintely some benefits with lowering the cost of health insurance because he was covered under mine as a domestic partner, and there were taxes involved in that situation. There is also a significant difference in the sense of partnership and commitment. It was there before, but it's much stronger now. It took us forever to get there, but I'm so glad we did it! :love:
  • Fiesta80
    Fiesta80 Posts: 35
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    Because I found an amazing man! So after 11 months of dating we went to Vegas and got married. Had 20 guests.

    I am glad I didnt spend alot of money on the wedding.

    20 guests? it seems too little.
    How do you feel the life after marriage?

    haha..it's not the amount of time the two were together that shocked you, it's the "so few in attendance". :laugh:

    after roughly six months of talking with morgan, we moved in and that's all i ever really wanted from him. he's the best person for me, and we love and support each other indefinitely. he bought me a ring a little over a year ago, and we'll get married eventually, but i don't need anything to confirm my love for him. the only thing we do know is that if we do decide to, it'll be in vegas, and i'll probably only invite my bro and his immediate fam - the rest can watch it on the video feed. btw...we've been together since 2008, and i'm 30. lol!
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
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    I've been a bridesmaid twice this year. Being part of the bridal party just emphasised for me how much work it takes to put together a wedding - and the result is some pretty pictures and a piece of paper?

    I find that really sad. i agree that there is a lot of expense and a lot of planning, but it doesn't have to be, you could go to a church in your ordinary clothes, ask people to come along and witness the ceremony and then you are married with no major expense, saying you don't want to marry because of how much it costs is an excuse, you can do it for virtually nothing, its all the extras that cost, I know, our Wedding day cost us a lot of money, but we wanted it that way, my Husband (and I love saying that) wanted to push the boat out, he insisted on real champagne, a decent reception venue, people travelled from across the world to share our day, we made sure they enjoyed it and felt part of it, the day for us was NOT about the pictures or the piece of paper, it was about showing that we were commited to each other in the eyes of the law, our family and friends then celebrated that with us. People still talk to me about our Wedding, they noticed all the small things I did to personalise the day, the pictures are fabulous to look at, but the memories are the thing, the memory of Bill's face when I walked up the aisle on the arm of my wonderful son, with my two girls, his face when my son handed my hand to him, his face when the children gave him a gift at the reception, some little bits and bobs, a key fob, socks, a mug etc, all saying worlds best dad, welcome to the family Dad'

    To them, it was not about the piece of paper or the pictures, to me it was not about that piece of paper or the picture, to my Husband it was not about the piece of paper or the pictures...it was about the love, commitment and the joining together of two people into an age old legally binding one.


    I agree, it doesn't have to cost a lot. We spent what it cost to purchase our wedding license, bought 2 rings from James Avery and popped on over the JP. So, we maybe spent $200 total. I wore what I wore to work that day (yea, we went to work, then left to go get married). It wasn't a first for either of us, we'd both been there before and had our kids from previous relationships. This time was for us. No one was there, but the 2 of us and the judge.
  • kparks770
    kparks770 Posts: 113 Member
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    wow well I been with my other half for 7 yrs and engaged for 5.I used to want to get married but with all the stress and planning alone I kinda was like well this sux.I think weddings are boring and expensive.If I ever do get "married "it will be outside and with nature and just as cheap as possible.Why waste all that money when you can use it on your honeymoon:) Right now we are soo busy,and Im not even sure whats going on.I mean we havent spent hardly any time together and really I feel we are growing apart.Im hopng this is just some phase.I been super lonely and alone.We dont have a lot in common really we are very different.I dont know what will happen or if we should even talk about it.It ends up in a fight lol we are both in weird times in our lives.Her being a busy business woman and me trying to find myself I guess.I feel like Im floating through life.I wanna baby and Im 34 and freaking out that and I want to be more social.Not drinking just hanging out. Ok so this was TMI lol but honest.Sorry.
  • Riebop
    Riebop Posts: 275
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    I got married so I could have one day in my life that was all about me! :P Kidding!

    I married my college sweetheart. We started dating when I was 19. We were together 7 years before we got married. We wanted to wait until we were done college to get engaged. We've been happily married for 4 years. He probably would've preferred eloping, but I'm really close to my extended family. So, we did have the traditional wedding. I always knew that I'd get married one day and have the big traditional wedding.

    I adore my husband. I wish I could spend every waking moment with him. The only reason I can think of for getting married was to make our committment to eachother "official." Being married didn't change our relationship. We were together for so long that there weren't any skeletons left in either of our closets. We have a solid relationship built on trust and honesty. I know almost everything about him. There are times even now that I learn something new, but they are just minor little things that usually make me laugh.
  • angryguy77
    angryguy77 Posts: 836 Member
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    I heard you get sex 3x a day when you get married, so I proposed.

    I also think infomercials are always truthful, and I believe everything politicians say.
  • brattyworm
    brattyworm Posts: 2,137 Member
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    we had always talked about marriage and as a joke i gave him an expiration date. We were planning the wedding , didnt quite have a date yet, when it came down that he was supposed to deploy. He didn't want to leave me with out medical coverage and the ability to take care of his stuff so we got married. We had already been together 5 years so there was no trust issues. But we did the entire wedding planning in 2 weeks, and still had close to 50 people show up.
    But we had always planned on getting married and will stay married for awhile, its been 7 years since that day and I can't see ever being with anyone else. He's the best thing in the world.
  • liftingbro
    liftingbro Posts: 2,029 Member
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    I'm Catholic so this is a Catholic take on it:

    We as a people marry because it is a Sacrament and the sacraments are the way to know God. If you find a spouse who you love and cherish, nothing pleases God more than a Sacramental marriage. It is a bond for life, not until you no longer feel the need to be married.

    1 Corinthians
    1 Corinthians 13:1-13 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels,
    but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
    If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,
    and if I have a faith that can move mountains,
    but have not love, I am nothing.
    If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,
    but have not love, I gain nothing.
    Love is patient,
    love is kind.
    It does not envy,
    it does not boast,
    it is not proud.
    It is not rude,
    it is not self-seeking,
    it is not easily angered,
    it keeps no record of wrongs.
    Love does not delight in evil
    but rejoices with the truth.
    It always protects,
    always trusts,
    always hopes,
    always perseveres.
    Love never fails.
    But where there are prophecies,
    they will cease;
    where there are tongues,
    they will be stilled;
    where there is knowledge,
    it will pass away.
    For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
    but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
    When I was a child, I talked like a child,
    I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
    When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
    Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror;
    then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully,
    even as I am fully known.
    And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
    But the greatest of these is love.



    Sorry if the religious stuff bothers anyone but that's the way I see it.

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