Pissing me off
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This has happened in my house too. My husband recently got complimented by a friend of ours because he was looking so trim - he's in no way overweight but has been dropping weight because I'm not ordering dominos pizza three times a week.
I think its pretty normal for both partners in a couple to either lose or gain weight together. It isn't a zero sum game. Just feel happy that she's losing weight too.0 -
If my friend succeeds at something, I'm generally happy about it. If I don't feel happy for someone when they succeed, I conclude that they're not really a friend.
If you're losing weight for any other reason than your own health or wellbeing (I include aesthetics in that), you're not likely to succeed in the long term. It can't be about anyone else, you have to be doing it for yourself, or it will come unstuck.6 -
ijsantos2005 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »ijsantos2005 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »ijsantos2005 wrote: »You'll make it in the long run, she won't.
who says?
I said it. Why?
Because there's no reason behind it. Why should she succeed but her friend fail? :
Because to do anything meaningful or important requires effort and consistency. Thus is life.
If I were a betting man, I would put my money on OP. The odds are against her friend.
You really can't ever compare your level of effort, which you see from the inside, to someone else's, which you're only seeing from the outside and in little snippets. We never actually know what someone else is doing or how their current activities compare to their past habits. The other person may be working very hard in ways that aren't obvious to the OP, or her past habits may have been so bad that any change is having a significant impact. It's also true that we can lose weight just by creating a calorie deficit, so it doesn't matter whether the other person is eating junk or not. Spending too much time focusing on what other people are doing just takes your focus away from yourself and your own path.
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OP, accurate calorie counting is what's needed for weight loss. That's it. Eating clean doesn't work. I made my way up to 275lbs eating clean vegetarian.ijsantos2005 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »ijsantos2005 wrote: »You'll make it in the long run, she won't.
who says?
I said it. Why?
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cerise_noir wrote: »OP, accurate calorie counting is what's needed for weight loss. That's it. Eating clean doesn't work. I made my way up to 275lbs eating clean vegetarian.ijsantos2005 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »ijsantos2005 wrote: »You'll make it in the long run, she won't.
who says?
I said it. Why?
Explain how?2 -
ijsantos2005 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »ijsantos2005 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »ijsantos2005 wrote: »You'll make it in the long run, she won't.
who says?
I said it. Why?
Because there's no reason behind it. Why should she succeed but her friend fail? :
Because to do anything meaningful or important requires effort and consistency. Thus is life.
If I were a betting man, I would put my money on OP. The odds are against her friend.
You really can't ever compare your level of effort, which you see from the inside, to someone else's, which you're only seeing from the outside and in little snippets. We never actually know what someone else is doing or how their current activities compare to their past habits. The other person may be working very hard in ways that aren't obvious to the OP, or her past habits may have been so bad that any change is having a significant impact. It's also true that we can lose weight just by creating a calorie deficit, so it doesn't matter whether the other person is eating junk or not. Spending too much time focusing on what other people are doing just takes your focus away from yourself and your own path.
Someone that has goals and a plan are vastly more likely to succeed than someone that doesn't. There's nothing to argue here.3 -
cerise_noir wrote: »...accurate calorie counting is what's needed for weight loss. That's it.
I'm curious how you reconcile this statement with the hard time you are giving ljsantos2005 for saying pretty much the same thing? Either calorie counting is the key to success and ljsantos2005 is betting on the right horse by supposing that the person counting calories will have the long term success of the two in the relationship OR it is not true that "...accurate calorie counting is what's needed for weight loss. That's it."2 -
Weigh yourself when you are alone and don't make a big deal about it. Problem solved.
Or if she is really your friend, tell her you'd rather not be comparing weights as its a sore spot for you. And if she really is your friend, be happy that she is having some seemingly easy success.7 -
I suppose you're frustrated because it feels like you are losing weight slowly. Keep doing what you're doing and don't give up. You won't succeed if you quit, guaranteed.3
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So I've been good at weighing myself once a week and whenever it's my time to hop on the scale and I see that I've actually lost a couple pounds my girlfriend jokingly decides to get on the weight too and she keeps losing weight too. However I have been eating super healthy and counting calories while she hasn't been trying to lose weight and eats SO unhealthy. It makes me question whether or not it's worth it and it honestly makes me sad that her weight is dropping when she's overweight too but isn't trying to lose weight
In terms of weight loss it doesn't matter what you eat, or that you're eating 'healthy' (whatever that even means since it's a subjective term), but that you're at the correct calorie deficit for your weight loss goals.
As for the rest of your post, yeah not even going to go there6 -
Success is not a zero sum game. Another persons success won't take any of your success from you.
Also, because she is now in the habit of weighing herself, that could be causing her to be more mindful about what she eats. Even though she isn't on a specific plan, the weigh ins are almost certainly affecting her eating habits. If weight loss were the effortless thing she did naturally, she wouldn't be overweight, but she is. She is doing something different if she realizes it or not.
Try to just be happy for her. You'll feel better being happy for her. I'm happy for you both. It feels great!5 -
ijsantos2005 wrote: »You'll make it in the long run, she won't.
Going by the Op's post I wouldn't bet on it.9 -
OliveGirl128 wrote: »ijsantos2005 wrote: »You'll make it in the long run, she won't.
Going by the Op's post I wouldn't bet on it.
How do you figure that?0 -
ijsantos2005 wrote: »OliveGirl128 wrote: »ijsantos2005 wrote: »You'll make it in the long run, she won't.
Going by the Op's post I wouldn't bet on it.
How do you figure that?
When someone is questioning if it's even worth continuing doing what they're doing, based off of what someone else is doing, that shows where their head is at. The op has given control of the situation to someone else, which means she's set herself up for failure. When one is so easily influenced by others it shows a lack of commitment to ones self, which is crucial for long term success.
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OliveGirl128 wrote: »ijsantos2005 wrote: »OliveGirl128 wrote: »ijsantos2005 wrote: »You'll make it in the long run, she won't.
Going by the Op's post I wouldn't bet on it.
How do you figure that?
When someone is questioning if it's even worth continuing doing what they're doing, based off of what someone else is doing, that shows where their head is at. The op has given control of the situation to someone else, which means she's set herself up for failure. When one is so easily influenced by others it shows a lack of commitment to ones self, which is crucial for long term success.
Sounds like you're quick to judge and that you're not interested in giving advice to someone that's looking for help.9 -
ijsantos2005 wrote: »OliveGirl128 wrote: »ijsantos2005 wrote: »OliveGirl128 wrote: »ijsantos2005 wrote: »You'll make it in the long run, she won't.
Going by the Op's post I wouldn't bet on it.
How do you figure that?
When someone is questioning if it's even worth continuing doing what they're doing, based off of what someone else is doing, that shows where their head is at. The op has given control of the situation to someone else, which means she's set herself up for failure. When one is so easily influenced by others it shows a lack of commitment to ones self, which is crucial for long term success.
Sounds like you're quick to judge and that you're not interested in giving advice to someone that's looking for help.
Sure, it could be that. Or, it could be that I've been successfully doing this for a very long time now, and realize what it takes to not only lose the extra weight but to then follow through and maintain the weight loss, and I see the pitfalls that the op has set before herself. She admits that she's ready to give up, based on what someone else is doing. There's no long term commitment there, there's no long term focus. These two things are musts if one has any hope of being a part of the very small group of people who successfully do this whole thing for the long term.
The op needs to get real with herself and realize that this is a lifelong process, one that doesn't involve anyone else but herself. She cannot succeed if she continues to let others influence her weight management plan.
OP-I've been a daily weigher for around 5 years now. In that time I have never shared that moment with anyone else, including my husband. My weigh-ins are deeply personal-a time of reflection and a time where I get very honest with myself. Use your weigh-ins to help keep you focused. Get rid of the distractions-this is about you, not what anyone else around you is or is not doing.20 -
So I've been good at weighing myself once a week and whenever it's my time to hop on the scale and I see that I've actually lost a couple pounds my girlfriend jokingly decides to get on the weight too and she keeps losing weight too. However I have been eating super healthy and counting calories while she hasn't been trying to lose weight and eats SO unhealthy. It makes me question whether or not it's worth it and it honestly makes me sad that her weight is dropping when she's overweight too but isn't trying to lose weight
Im going through the same thing with my husband, he eats anything and everthing and is loseing weight and i eat salad and gain weight it just dont seem fair.He tries on clothes and they fit great i try on clothes and cant get them over my legs, sometimes i just go in my room and cry. Dont get discouraged it will happen for both of us, keep your head up and just rember you are a beautiful empowered women you got this3 -
ijsantos2005 wrote: »OliveGirl128 wrote: »ijsantos2005 wrote: »OliveGirl128 wrote: »ijsantos2005 wrote: »You'll make it in the long run, she won't.
Going by the Op's post I wouldn't bet on it.
How do you figure that?
When someone is questioning if it's even worth continuing doing what they're doing, based off of what someone else is doing, that shows where their head is at. The op has given control of the situation to someone else, which means she's set herself up for failure. When one is so easily influenced by others it shows a lack of commitment to ones self, which is crucial for long term success.
Sounds like you're quick to judge and that you're not interested in giving advice to someone that's looking for help.
Ironic post here.
The OP is too fixated on others, is putting too much emphasis on "eating clean" (which has no direct bearing on weight loss" and is likely lacking perspective in understanding that different people lose weight at different rates based on their starting points.
These are all hallmarks of an unsustainable approach to the long term requirements of weight loss and maintaining a healthy weight.
Just to be clear, my advice OP is, "you do you" and "find an approach that is sustainable for the long term".14 -
Weigh yourself when you are alone and don't make a big deal about it. Problem solved.
Or if she is really your friend, tell her you'd rather not be comparing weights as its a sore spot for you. And if she really is your friend, be happy that she is having some seemingly easy success.Weigh yourself when you are alone and don't make a big deal about it. Problem solved.
Or if she is really your friend, tell her you'd rather not be comparing weights as its a sore spot for you. And if she really is your friend, be happy that she is having some seemingly easy success.Weigh yourself when you are alone and don't make a big deal about it. Problem solved.
Or if she is really your friend, tell her you'd rather not be comparing weights as its a sore spot for you. And if she really is your friend, be happy that she is having some seemingly easy success.Weigh yourself when you are alone and don't make a big deal about it. Problem solved.
Or if she is really your friend, tell her you'd rather not be comparing weights as its a sore spot for you. And if she really is your friend, be happy that she is having some seemingly easy success.Weigh yourself when you are alone and don't make a big deal about it. Problem solved.
Or if she is really your friend, tell her you'd rather not be comparing weights as its a sore spot for you. And if she really is your friend, be happy that she is having some seemingly easy success.
I'm just wondering why because I am a girl and said my girlfriend you automatically assumed I meant she's a friend... it's 2017 if I say girlfriend then she's a girlfriend3 -
Weigh yourself when you are alone and don't make a big deal about it. Problem solved.
Or if she is really your friend, tell her you'd rather not be comparing weights as its a sore spot for you. And if she really is your friend, be happy that she is having some seemingly easy success.Weigh yourself when you are alone and don't make a big deal about it. Problem solved.
Or if she is really your friend, tell her you'd rather not be comparing weights as its a sore spot for you. And if she really is your friend, be happy that she is having some seemingly easy success.Weigh yourself when you are alone and don't make a big deal about it. Problem solved.
Or if she is really your friend, tell her you'd rather not be comparing weights as its a sore spot for you. And if she really is your friend, be happy that she is having some seemingly easy success.Weigh yourself when you are alone and don't make a big deal about it. Problem solved.
Or if she is really your friend, tell her you'd rather not be comparing weights as its a sore spot for you. And if she really is your friend, be happy that she is having some seemingly easy success.Weigh yourself when you are alone and don't make a big deal about it. Problem solved.
Or if she is really your friend, tell her you'd rather not be comparing weights as its a sore spot for you. And if she really is your friend, be happy that she is having some seemingly easy success.
I'm just wondering why because I am a girl and said my girlfriend you automatically assumed I meant she's a friend... it's 2017 if I say girlfriend then she's a girlfriend
None of us has any way to know one way or the other what the nature of your relationship is (people use 'girlfriend' in different ways). Anyway,, it doesn't really make much difference to the advice whether she's a friend or a partner. You still need to be losing weight for you, not someone else.
In fact it makes me more concerned. Your partner should be your friend and ally, and if she's succeeding at something, you should be happy for her, and she should be happy for you when you succeed.
My husband is 'naturally skinny', doesn't readily gain weight, and loses it easily when he wants to. I tend to run to fat and have to be much more disciplined over food than he does. That has always been the case and will always be the case. Is it 'fair'? I guess not. But that's just totally irrelevant to anything. I want to lose weight, so I work at it, and whatever he's eating or weighing or losing or gaining simply does not matter.13
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