Treated differently after weightloss
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I've been really intrigued lately hearing stories of how people were treated differently by people after their weightloss, and most feel they are being treated much better than when they were overweight. If you have a story you would like to share relating to the topic, feel free to post here. Some of these situations are sad and unfair, but can also be motivating to hear. Plus maybe we can learn from these stories and become more accepting and friendly to all people we encounter.
For my own adding to the post, I am reflecting to when I was over 35 lbs heavier I was always left out of things and would often have to ask to be included in things, and when I lost weight I seemed to be included in much more things and it seemed like people now actually wanted me around, when before I felt like people were annoyed of my presence.
Don't you think you're more confident, though? Maybe they weren't disgusted by you or something, maybe you're more confident now and more open? So maybe they feel like you WANT to go do things?0 -
kalamarikm wrote: »I've been really intrigued lately hearing stories of how people were treated differently by people after their weightloss, and most feel they are being treated much better than when they were overweight. If you have a story you would like to share relating to the topic, feel free to post here. Some of these situations are sad and unfair, but can also be motivating to hear. Plus maybe we can learn from these stories and become more accepting and friendly to all people we encounter.
For my own adding to the post, I am reflecting to when I was over 35 lbs heavier I was always left out of things and would often have to ask to be included in things, and when I lost weight I seemed to be included in much more things and it seemed like people now actually wanted me around, when before I felt like people were annoyed of my presence.
Don't you think you're more confident, though? Maybe they weren't disgusted by you or something, maybe you're more confident now and more open? So maybe they feel like you WANT to go do things?
I totally understand this perspective but I also don't know if this is true in my case. I've always been shy, so I'm usually not the one to go over to someone to start a conversation, and when I was obese no one would even try to talk to me, but now even though I am still shy, people come over to me and start conversations. It's like I was invisible when I was unhealthy. It's hard to know if people are talking to me more because I'm more confident, or am I more confident because people are talking to me more?2 -
kalamarikm wrote: »I've been really intrigued lately hearing stories of how people were treated differently by people after their weightloss, and most feel they are being treated much better than when they were overweight. If you have a story you would like to share relating to the topic, feel free to post here. Some of these situations are sad and unfair, but can also be motivating to hear. Plus maybe we can learn from these stories and become more accepting and friendly to all people we encounter.
For my own adding to the post, I am reflecting to when I was over 35 lbs heavier I was always left out of things and would often have to ask to be included in things, and when I lost weight I seemed to be included in much more things and it seemed like people now actually wanted me around, when before I felt like people were annoyed of my presence.
Don't you think you're more confident, though? Maybe they weren't disgusted by you or something, maybe you're more confident now and more open? So maybe they feel like you WANT to go do things?
I totally understand this perspective but I also don't know if this is true in my case. I've always been shy, so I'm usually not the one to go over to someone to start a conversation, and when I was obese no one would even try to talk to me, but now even though I am still shy, people come over to me and start conversations. It's like I was invisible when I was unhealthy. It's hard to know if people are talking to me more because I'm more confident, or am I more confident because people are talking to me more?
I would say it's both - this relationship is cyclic, not linear. Your confidence is increasing because you are becoming increasingly familiar with a formerly unfamiliar activity. You've created a positive feedback loop. Keep it up!
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I believe when we lose weight, our cofidcence peaks and we become more positive and radiates and people are attracted to that and naturally react positively.3
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When i was in a healthy BMI range, I had a much easier time. Once I gained weight, I was regarded as "not as good" as I was thinner. Had one friend tell my bf, "she'd be a 9 if she were thinner."
I'm losing the weight now because I'm tired of feeling like my body is breaking down, not because I want to please those who feel I'm "better" when thin. They can suck it.17 -
When i was in a healthy BMI range, I had a much easier time. Once I gained weight, I was regarded as "not as good" as I was thinner. Had one friend tell my bf, "she'd be a 9 if she were thinner."
I'm losing the weight now because I'm tired of feeling like my body is breaking down, not because I want to please those who feel I'm "better" when thin. They can suck it.
They can suck it indeed! You have a great outlook on weight loss, and it is so important to lose weight for yourself, and for how it will make YOU feel.1 -
Just from a professional of view google "wage of fat people compared to fit". This is full on *kitten* but statistics show an overweight female can make as much as $9000 a year less than a skinny female. Now I am a guy and find jacked up. Should it matter in most office jobs?
For men being slightly overweight is ok but obese or more is not. From a Business Insider story here is a quote "What we found across our studies is that obesity serves as a proxy for low competence," Schweitzer said in a release. "People judge obese people to be less competent even when it's not the case."
In my company there is not one obese person in upper management. We also have very few in mid management that push into the obese range. This does not correlate to the average amount of obese people.
How you are treated professionally is one of reasons I am losing weight. It's lower on the list but when you hear of the CEO talking *kitten* about a "fat" person you know full well that weight affects your pay.
This is something that I was very concerned with when I went back into the job market (Overweight BMI), and then the last time that I switched jobs after gaining *more* weight (Obese BMI). I'm happy that in my field, most interviews are over the phone (distance), and I got my first pick job both times so the weight didn't matter.2 -
I am surprised that so many people feel more confident thin. Loosing weight was the hardest thing I've ever done, so I am proud of that achievement. Still..I feel like other people conquer bigger challenges every day. However...
In response to the above posts, I now make MORE THAN TRIPLE what I did when I was heavy. On top of that, I now have insurance; so I went from 50% of my income going to health care to barely 4%. I never correlated it having ANYTHING to do with my weight (maybe I'm clueless?), but I do match that statistic.
My obese father made half what my skinny mother made. I still feel like there were other reasons for that, but the fact still stands. The thinner family members on my father's side do make more than the fatter family members.7 -
maxinebeatrice wrote: »well, it depends on the crowd you're in. like me, when Im around people who are the same race as me, they make fun of me. they point out that i'm bigger than the usual. it's just asian women tend to be smaller and im not. but when I'm with other race they always make me feel contented with my body. like how they say they like thick women or that you're not fat. well bad for me, I'm always around the wrong crowd so I feel like crap.
my brother's poor ex got a lot of that from her parents. She's Japanese and her parents would tell her to watch her weight when she hit triple digits, granted she was under 5 feet, but seriously, 105 lbs is not fat!2 -
Lot's of flirting from males, went to GNC didn't have to pay for my protein bars the employee paid for it then of course casually threw in we should get dinner one day. Men hold doors open for me when they see me coming.. females compliment my wardrobe now. Just the little thing's I've noticed that didnt happen before6
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I was just discussing this with my best male friend the other day - I am trying to get back to my pre-winter weight of 135 and i'm currently 142 but I seem to get hit on MORE by men when i'm chubbier (i'm still a DD chest when I'm at 135 so it's not a matter of losing my "curves") and he said men are "intimidated" by a super fit woman and they think they have a chance if I'm not super fit!! Not sure I buy into that but I def get hit on by more guys when i have a few extra pounds, for whatever reason.3
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Men are friendlier, women less so. I have to watch what I say about nutrition and exercise now because people always seem to think it's about them. My accomplishments are dismissed. "I'll bet you couldn't gain a pound if you tried!" is a common phrase. People feel at liberty to comment on my body, my food choices, my exercise. It's like I've become public property.
Professionally, I think my credibility has actually taken a hit. No one wants to believe a fit women could also have a brain. Several years ago, before I put on weight, my then manager was actually accused of hiring me just because I was "young and cute." My resume and accomplishments were completely ignored. That never happened when I got heavier.
I see a lot of these studies about how thinner people make more money and get hired more easily, but I wonder if this is a regional thing. Looking around my office I can count on one hand the number of people who aren't overweight. And only one of them is in management.5 -
I think much of depends on your circle and the climate of thought. Our executive culture is shifting to a more energetic one - biking/running groups have formed, we have a Toastmaster's chapter on the way, and there is a definite movement towards new ideas and best practices.
Our new executive head of business development was the one who started the biking club and she tends to be very vocal and one of the key sources for innovative ideas. The old guard perceives her (and anyone advancing ideas) as a threat and use whatever ammo they can to diminish her, but it's not working.
One of the points I'm careful of as we dismantle the good ol' boys club is that we don't replace this with another discriminatory club of our own.8 -
I think that strangers do treat me better now. I can't think of any specific story, but speaking generally, I feel more accepted. But I also think that now, i'm confident and extroverted instead of insecure and introverted, so that probably plays a big part, too.4
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I honestly don't know if being smaller has anything to do with it, but I was at the car dealership for my bi-annual oil change and I wasn't charged anything for the service. Over 1 decade of taking my car to the dealership for oil service that has never happened to me. The serviceman said they took too long to do the job so, I get it for free. Oh also I was at a lounge and I was late because of the long line, they asked for an entrance fee, i said nope and I turned around to leave and the bouncer told me I could go in for free. Other than that, I don't notice that much difference in how I'm treated. I've always had high confidence in myself, and I have a very high self-esteem.
However, now that I'm also getting smaller with my pear-shape and I've always loved fashion, enjoy going out and socializing, I'm going crazy wearing different outfits to work. I'm trying to pay off my hefty school loans and I really don't want to spend on clothes but the temptation is everywhere.
I use to be able to just eye shop for years, probably because I couldn't fit the clothes, but now it's not an issue. 5 -
Interesting thread ...
No one at work knows me before I lost all my weight (100+ lbs). I notice people comment on me being little (which I am) and about eating healthy and not eating much (true) every so often. Not constantly, and when it happens it's in a matter-of-fact way. No one ever commented on my body or eating before.
Regarding the comments about women not being all that great to other women: I wouldn't take it personally. Truthfully, I don't think most people are evolved all that much. It's probably some primal, unconscious staring and snarling contest to assert dominance and ensure mating in the herd. Not joking. A week or so ago I was on FB and there happened to be a lot of weddings, so a lot of pics of friends / couples dressed up. I actually googled what is up with women who stand close to their guy and put their hands on his belly? Totally me, but I think that's beyond weird and bizarre. Like do you go around the grocery store together like that? Standing together waiting for the bus? Anyway, the study I read from an anthropologist (don't you just love the internet?) says it's code for: "Back off, ladies. He's mine." So, glares on the train don't surprise me. I bet it's also an age thing. I'm in my late 40's and look much younger than that. Only recently have I gotten some grey hair and every so often dye it. When dyed, I get the glares. A little grey, and younger women seem to not notice me. 9 -
Before, no one ever told me to stop gaining weight but now they feel like they have the right to tell me to stop losing weight. I wouldn't have had to lose so much weight or work as hard if they had put their two cents in earlier. Also, I do feel like both men and women are more eager to interact with me, most likely because I project confidence and optimism, something I didn't necessarily have before. However, suddenly being more physically attractive can be annoying at times because when people flirt with me, I can't help but think, "You wouldn't have talked to me 20+ lbs ago."
All that aside, I never felt like I was treated poorly when I was overweight. I was just not paid attention to very much. I was the cute chubby friend.5 -
LauraInTheWater wrote: »Before, no one ever told me to stop gaining weight but now they feel like they have the right to tell me to stop losing weight. I wouldn't have had to lose so much weight or work as hard if they had put their two cents in earlier. Also, I do feel like both men and women are more eager to interact with me, most likely because I project confidence and optimism, something I didn't necessarily have before. However, suddenly being more physically attractive can be annoying at times because when people flirt with me, I can't help but think, "You wouldn't have talked to me 20+ lbs ago."
All that aside, I never felt like I was treated poorly when I was overweight. I was just not paid attention to very much. I was the cute chubby friend.
I had people telling me to stop losing weight while I was still fairly into the overweight range for my height. "Don't you think you should stop now?" Uhh.. I'm not even 'healthy', yet.4 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »I was always the biggest girl in my class growing up, both height and weight until my teens when a bunch of other girls also became tall so it was just weight (ha).
But I seriously didn't think people treated me badly for my size or anything like that, even when I was morbidly obese...until I hit a "normal weight" in my mid thirties, and suddenly realized how with just that one change, still wearing similar styles, having the same level of professional success, same basic lifestyle, etc...I was being flirted with more by different types of guys, and women in my peer group were taking a big interest in me right away when meeting through work or mutual friends. Whereas before, they were polite, now, they are often like "OMG you have to come to this concert/party/whatever" and when I was bigger, I did not get that sort of invitation from relative strangers, just from people I'd known forever and considered close friends.
For me that is the biggest difference. It's been weird.
I am happily married so this part's a moot point...but as for the types of guys who hit on me, it's SO predictable. When I was fat it was definitely the cutest guys in my opinion, edgy artsy guys, and often inappropriately young guys. I was so used to that, I almost miss it sometimes. haha When I'm thinner with very short hair, it's women and really sporty types of guys who are younger up to my age. When I'm thinner with longer hair and dressed more conservatively for work, it's old guys who are much more overt & aggressive.
I was also a person who has (and am told I project) quite a lot of self confidence whether obese or not. I wasn't embarrassed of my body/looks before. If anything, I'm more conscious of my looks now because I've hit 40 and combined with major weight loss I am starting to see the signs of age, so while I may not fidget with my clothing like I once did, I'm always concerned about looking old or dressing too young and all of that superfun exciting stuff that women get to deal with...
I have also had heavier women (usually still way smaller than I was 10 years ago) give me really dirty looks. Based on what, I truly have no idea. In my head I'm still a size 24 most of the time so I am always really surprised and confused by this and I don't even know what the issue is...I mean, I could just be standing in line at a coffee shop and suddenly some woman is GLARING. I am a very average woman so it's odd but an acquaintance of mine insists that "all women hate women who are thinner than them". I am sooooooo glad that I was never like that mentally, holy crap. What a waste of energy! I hope it's not true for more than a tiny handful of people.
Remarkable observation.2 -
Last time I went to WW I asked a really good mate if she'd like to join. (We had done it together years before). She hummed & harred about it & in the meantime I started losing weight & posted my happy moments on social media & She started posting negitives of being slim & saying being overweight was healthy. I felt she was dissing me in a way but, whatever. What hurt me the most was when she turned up at my WW mtg with another friend because her group didn't have a mtg that night. She never let on she had joined, plus she barely even acknowledged me. Weird!
Funny cos a couple of weeks before this, the WW mtg was on how friendships can change when you start losing weight!10 -
I'm not being treated any differently now than I was being treated 120 lbs ago. Either I'm not very perceptive which is quite possible, or that I have not change much in terms of confidence, how I carry myself, how willing I am to let people in, my body language...etc, which is also possible because I don't feel any different. Either way, I have not experienced much of a difference. I'm glad I didn't. One of my biggest fears when I decided to lose weight that I would be treated differently and people would have higher expectations of me pressuring me to act in ways that are out of character for me (wear make up, do my hair, dress a certain way...etc). I'm happy that this hasn't been the case and that most people I know haven't changed in any way towards me.
Now it's very possible, and I imagine quite likely (although who knows), that the internal dialogue and thought process of people when they see me have changed. I don't really care. Internal thoughts are spontaneous and compulsive. Neither I nor other people have control over that. Most people were and still are polite to me and accepting of my quirks, so that's all that matters to me. My overall experience has not changed much apart from obvious things like fitting into chars and going up flights of stairs.6 -
I always thought the "women hate women" thing was untrue, or at least a dramatic over-exaggeration, until I lost weight. Not so much with people I know, but with strangers and passerbys.
Unfortunately its true, as soon as I lose weight I get the evil eye from my mother in law and only sister in law...who both bigger than me. When I was bigger they always made cruel jokes about me in public, however, they only did it when my husband was not there to defend me. I always held my tongue, but secretly vowed to lose all the weight and show them...lol the last laugh is mine :022 -
tiffaninghs wrote: »reverse for me... more attention at over 300lbs.. nw that im in the 170's to 180's i get no attention at all. i guess cause theirs nothing remarkable about me now.. im just a regular fish in the sea.. and I no longer have a big butt or large breasts so no one is paying any attention.. lol
You are crazy! You look great!3 -
I have definitely noticed a difference and I've only lost 30 lbs. My husband is so different now and he treats me different. All joking aside he is still hard to live with and a total jerk sometimes but he always freaks out and apologizes right away. Rewind to about 10 lbs ago and he would die before he admitted he was wrong. It is actually very annoying because I am still the same Kimber and he used to be so much less involved in my life now he's suddenly wanting know all about me. In a way it's not fair to him either because I have changed too. I am far less lazy than I used to be and in my humble opinion more interesting!8
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So just as a comment really, but with regard to holding a door open for a woman, I was brought up with manners and respect in the UK, so regardless of age or size, the door will be held open.
I have been fit, and ive been morbidly obese, currently losing weight, but the confidence is certainly cyclical, and the attention is both good and bad, as you see women that you thought were nice and all of a sudden dont wish to associate with a fit man.
It seems humans are just different in their attitudes and love to project their own feelings of themselves onto others.8 -
I've been slim and I am large currently.
When it comes to general treatment, I think people treat you how they assume you treat yourself. When I'm taking the time to groom, put on nice clothes, wear makeup and share my authentic self with people then the response I get is so much warmer. Men and women. Size doesn't seem to affect that.
Career wise, I am believing that study quoted earlier unfortunately. It sucks but unconscious bias is strong. When I'm slim if I get a raise then I'll come back and let you all know
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M my biggest surprise was how many people decided it was OK to openly talk about my sex life after my weight loss. These weren't complete strangers but they definitely were people I never discussed this topic with before, and out of the blue would say things like "I bet you are dating a lot more" or " I bet you're having a lot more sex." In every instance it was completely inappropriate and horrifying that 1 – felt it was OK and 2-that they thought that was a reasonable conclusion to draw.
As with most things, I realize that people's reactions to my weight-loss had a lot more to do with them and their *kitten*, then me and mine.8 -
Just from a professional of view google "wage of fat people compared to fit". This is full on *kitten* but statistics show an overweight female can make as much as $9000 a year less than a skinny female. Now I am a guy and find jacked up. Should it matter in most office jobs?
For men being slightly overweight is ok but obese or more is not. From a Business Insider story here is a quote "What we found across our studies is that obesity serves as a proxy for low competence," Schweitzer said in a release. "People judge obese people to be less competent even when it's not the case."
In my company there is not one obese person in upper management. We also have very few in mid management that push into the obese range. This does not correlate to the average amount of obese people.
How you are treated professionally is one of reasons I am losing weight. It's lower on the list but when you hear of the CEO talking *kitten* about a "fat" person you know full well that weight affects your pay.
During my career in the business world, my observations have proven this correct, with one recent exception. The current president is the heaviest person in the whole organization. Nonetheless, heavier folks in middle management did not advance and heavier folks in the staff never advanced into middle management. Sad!6 -
A lot of men have stopped trying with me since I lost weight - which is a big win for me as I'm happily taken. From the impression that I got, a lot of men thought I was desperate because I was fat and thought I'd be an easy score. Jokes on them
I got a promotion for losing weight! My boss said it's evidence that I can smash personal goals and that I'm clearly not lazy.
Yay 25 -
I was at a wedding this weekend when one of my friends mentioned how her brother-in-law was "mean" since he lost weight. He was no longer fun because he doesn't eat/drink like he did before. Another friend suggested he was mad because he didn't eat/drink like he did before. It kinda irked me that they would rather have him "fun" as opposed to healthy?? (both friends are overweight). I could understand where this guy is coming from - my focus is now on more healthier food/drink options - but I don't understand how you can call someone "mean" just because their focus has changed from going with the crowd to doing what is best for his health. (I'm sure I got talked about when I left the table for being "mean")
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