Treated differently after weightloss
Replies
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Chef_Barbell wrote: »I get treated better by women when I'm fat than when I'm thinner.
I get checked out by men in any state of fatness for me.
same.
Most females don't want to be around a female that proved she could lose weight and get in shape lol. Men don't usually care either way.6 -
fatvegan88 wrote: »I'm not sure about it because I'm fat still and people have a tendency to always treat me with hatred but I have a friend who lost about 60 lbs and since her weight loss I hate who she has become. She cheats on her husband and looks for male attention a lot and has turned into kind of a party animal. I can't even be friends with her anymore because it's painfully awkward being around her when she's like that.
I had a friend who did that when I was in my late 30s. We both had lost a lot of weight and she went crazy. Still is and it's been ten years ago.4 -
I don't have an experience with this, because I have never been too overweight.
But..I have experience from the other side...
Sometimes people treat someone differently because all of the sudden some people act differently. Self confidence that comes from weight loss and getting in shape is great, but some people take it to the extreme and become cocky and attention *kitten*. I don't like to treat someone because they lost weight and they look great, if anything I try to be supportive and motivating, but I have no patience for that. You see it on this site lot too.7 -
I have lost and gained many times over, and I can't say that I've ever really noticed a difference in how others treat me. But then, I am almost 5'11" so even at my heaviest I do carry it pretty well. Sadly, my husband is the one who treats me differently when I'm big.
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RAD_Fitness wrote: »I wonder how much people's perceptions of how much different they are being treated is dependent on their confidence level when they lose the weight.
I no doubt thing that obese people are looked at differently, just as taller men are and how better looking people are as well.
But I also believe if you show that you are confident in yourself, some of that goes away even if your obese, short or not the best looking.
My experience has been that people see obese, confident people as a 'challenge', someone to be taken down a peg or two.6 -
I am surprised that so many people feel more confident thin. Loosing weight was the hardest thing I've ever done, so I am proud of that achievement. Still..I feel like other people conquer bigger challenges every day. However...
In response to the above posts, I now make MORE THAN TRIPLE what I did when I was heavy. On top of that, I now have insurance; so I went from 50% of my income going to health care to barely 4%. I never correlated it having ANYTHING to do with my weight (maybe I'm clueless?), but I do match that statistic.
My obese father made half what my skinny mother made. I still feel like there were other reasons for that, but the fact still stands. The thinner family members on my father's side do make more than the fatter family members.
When the obese were still an abuse-able minority in the country, research pointed to the economic value of height, finding that taller people were paid more, and blonder people were paid more. I'm going to guess that you switched jobs or even careers after or during your weight loss. Whatever the merit, I congratulate you.0 -
People treat others differently based on outward appearance. Weight, height, age, clothes, skin, hair.. it's human nature. We should all make an attempt not to.
As far as negative treatment, well there are just some people that are going to be negative no matter what. They're jerks, what else can I say.
Now, losing a bunch of weight sometimes shows who was your real friend and who wasn't. I lost some people that I thought were my friends, turns out that as soon as I was no longer bigger than them, they didn't want to hang out with me anymore. That was an eye opener.
Sadly the difference in treatment by those you're closest to hurts the most. And is the most frustrating, because you are still you, there's just less mass.
Seeing how people treat me differently helps me see how horrible double standards are. I try to make a concerted effort to never treat someone differently based on weight, or much else for that matter. There are exception, am I going to go to a party alone when asked by a random guy covered in obvious gang tattoos...no. Random mom at my daughter's school that has kids of her own...maybe, if she seems nice, why not.4 -
I distinctly remember the moment I hadn't seen a particular coworker much over the course of a month, he came to my office to ask me a question, and the second I turned around his jaw dropped and he fumbled over his words for a good minute. I guess my weight loss really hit the extremely noticeable point over that month.
I have noticed a huge difference mostly from strangers. People are generally friendlier with me, such as cashiers, waiters, and other passerbies.7 -
I think much of depends on your circle and the climate of thought. Our executive culture is shifting to a more energetic one - biking/running groups have formed, we have a Toastmaster's chapter on the way, and there is a definite movement towards new ideas and best practices.
Our new executive head of business development was the one who started the biking club and she tends to be very vocal and one of the key sources for innovative ideas. The old guard perceives her (and anyone advancing ideas) as a threat and use whatever ammo they can to diminish her, but it's not working.
One of the points I'm careful of as we dismantle the good ol' boys club is that we don't replace this with another discriminatory club of our own.
Now that's what I call good leadership.5 -
perkymommy wrote: »fatvegan88 wrote: »I'm not sure about it because I'm fat still and people have a tendency to always treat me with hatred but I have a friend who lost about 60 lbs and since her weight loss I hate who she has become. She cheats on her husband and looks for male attention a lot and has turned into kind of a party animal. I can't even be friends with her anymore because it's painfully awkward being around her when she's like that.
I had a friend who did that when I was in my late 30s. We both had lost a lot of weight and she went crazy. Still is and it's been ten years ago.
I have known many people like this, male and female. It is strange and off-putting to me.
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seltzermint555 wrote: »perkymommy wrote: »fatvegan88 wrote: »I'm not sure about it because I'm fat still and people have a tendency to always treat me with hatred but I have a friend who lost about 60 lbs and since her weight loss I hate who she has become. She cheats on her husband and looks for male attention a lot and has turned into kind of a party animal. I can't even be friends with her anymore because it's painfully awkward being around her when she's like that.
I had a friend who did that when I was in my late 30s. We both had lost a lot of weight and she went crazy. Still is and it's been ten years ago.
I have known many people like this, male and female. It is strange and off-putting to me.
I think of it this way...
They didn't change. This is the person they were before, but with the confidence to act and the opportunities to do what they wanted.22 -
There are a lot of stories about girls suddenly wanting to be your friend once youve lost weight or "gotten hot" (conversely I know there are many that say the opposite)
Anyone ever hear of the cheerleader effect? It's the concept that if you pack together a bunch of average looking things /people, the sheer number of them will increase their perceived attractiveness. I wonder if this is why some girls (subconsciously or not) like to surround themselves with other thin/pretty girls. It elevates their overall perceived attractiveness.
Personally I'm in favour of a bit of the opposite - I call it the roommate diet. Feed all your craving foods to your roommates and live vicariously through them. Oh and being around chubbier people will always make you look smaller. (J/k . Dont shoot me - I totally do NOT mean any of that
) 9 -
I have lost and gained many times over, and I can't say that I've ever really noticed a difference in how others treat me. But then, I am almost 5'11" so even at my heaviest I do carry it pretty well. Sadly, my husband is the one who treats me differently when I'm big.
Im sorry. Thats sad ( but maybe more common than I realize?) I had a boyfriend once who explained his friend cheating on his wife by "well she gained like 60 lbs after they got married". As if that was somehow justifying disloyalty! Needless to say that relationship didn't last.
Ironically I have the opposite problem where my husband is so concerned with not treating me different because of my weight , that he avoids the topic and doesn't want to celebrate my successes because he thinks that means he's saying he didn't like me the way I was before! Man the psychology of weight loss is really quite complicated !11 -
I believe it's much more likely that the person treats themselves much better. And they also perceive that people do too.
And vice versa.
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There are a lot of stories about girls suddenly wanting to be your friend once youve lost weight or "gotten hot" (conversely I know there are many that say the opposite)
Anyone ever hear of the cheerleader effect? It's the concept that if you pack together a bunch of average looking things /people, the sheer number of them will increase their perceived attractiveness. I wonder if this is why some girls (subconsciously or not) like to surround themselves with other thin/pretty girls. It elevates their overall perceived attractiveness.
Personally I'm in favour of a bit of the opposite - I call it the roommate diet. Feed all your craving foods to your roommates and live vicariously through them. Oh and being around chubbier people will always make you look smaller. (J/k . Dont shoot me - I totally do NOT mean any of that )
The Barney Stinson way of life? :laugh:7 -
Men definitely are nicer when thin, they flirt, open doors, ect. When I got thinner, women started being a bit rude, (aquaintances), especially if they were overweight. They would make remarks such as "You are getting a little too thin". They completely ignore the fact that I work damn hard to achieve where I'm at today. I felt as though it was out of jealousy.. This is my experience.8
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Men definitely are nicer when thin, they flirt, open doors, ect. When I got thinner, women started being a bit rude, (aquaintances), especially if they were overweight. They would make remarks such as "You are getting a little too thin". They completely ignore the fact that I work damn hard to achieve where I'm at today. I felt as though it was out of jealousy.. This is my experience.
Same, actually. But thin to average women became nicer to me overall by a good amount. Whether they were strangers or people I knew. Huh.0 -
Men and women both give me more attention and more compliments when not fat. I mean I was liked well enough when I was too fat, but now they seem to like me more lol. Can't complain about that.1
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I had this discussion with someone the other day. Yes - absolutely - strangers treat "normal" sized people differently in everyday situations vs. obese people. Meeting you in the eyes, striking up a random conversation in the store aisle (not flirting at all), holding doors open, etc. Quite a few people say that the formerly obese who are now "normal" sized get treated differently because they have more self confidence. I disagree. I used to weigh 245 at my highest, and am now 180 - still overweight but much more average size. I feel fatter now at 180 than I did at 245, and don't feel any more confident. If I feel WORSE at 180 than 245, but strangers treat me better, there is no other explanation. It is all about the weight and nothing else.
I hate to see people feeling like crap. If you haven't got the resources to go for counseling IRL there are free counseling sites such as seven cups. I also find that doing guided meditations at night is very helpful for mental health and feeling good about yourself.4 -
I have been both large and small and the only difference is the way the opposite sex treats me. Even losing 20 pounds recently has gained more attention from the opposite sex. It's like you get big and men stop noticing you, even larger men tended to give more attention to thinner women. Just my experience.7
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I keep seeing people post on here along the lines of It's either, "All because your perception and confidence had changed," or because "people are shallow and biased towards the more conventionally attractive." I don't think it's necessarily an "either/or," but rather a bit of both, depending on the individuals. If there is anything I've learned in my life, it's that trying to pigeonhole people into one group or another on any subject 100% is nigh on impossible. For every person that fits your worldview, there's a million more that differ in a multitude of small and diverse ways. For the person that says they experienced bias purely because of their appearance, I don't doubt it, and excusing it as a lack of confidence on their part doesn't take account for how different one life is experienced from the next, and vise versa. This is a huge world, and from the greatest hero to the worst villain, we are still human beings, one wrong turn from being the next Hitler or Rosa Parks.11
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I'm not sure if others are treating me any different after loosing 100 lbs, however I have more confidence in myself.3
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At almost 40lbs lost I got my first "Don't get too thin" comment recently. I was actually kind of stunned. My face is definitely thinner. My cheekbones are defined now and my jowls are disappearing. Still I only have dropped 2" on pants. I still have chubby arms, back, and gut. Why on earth would someone say "Don't get too thin"? *kitten* I am still in the obese bmi range, not that it's a good scale. My body fat is also still in the 30's range.
He has mentioned that he wanted to lose weight few weeks back. I told him to eat less and if he wanted he could exercise. Didn't have to exercise but helped me and diet is really the main thing. He did try for a week then stopped. I hope he gets motivated. Failing that to keep his negativity to himself.
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seltzermint555 wrote: »perkymommy wrote: »fatvegan88 wrote: »I'm not sure about it because I'm fat still and people have a tendency to always treat me with hatred but I have a friend who lost about 60 lbs and since her weight loss I hate who she has become. She cheats on her husband and looks for male attention a lot and has turned into kind of a party animal. I can't even be friends with her anymore because it's painfully awkward being around her when she's like that.
I had a friend who did that when I was in my late 30s. We both had lost a lot of weight and she went crazy. Still is and it's been ten years ago.
I have known many people like this, male and female. It is strange and off-putting to me.
I think of it this way...
They didn't change. This is the person they were before, but with the confidence to act and the opportunities to do what they wanted.
Exactly!0 -
I have had a bit of a different response...
I've lost one friend completely when I lost enough weight that- I think- her own insecurities came out and I wasn't able to talk about my weight loss or achievements or exercise so we faded away because of having to hide who I was... I get ignored by family members who are obese themselves, but used to call me lazy, and now with my 90 pounds weight loss they avoid me like the plague and say I'm just losing weight for attention... that just IRKS me!! I've also had a best friend who has been with me every step of the way, and while she's not losing weight, she's still a typical supportive fun friend, and our relationship has remained strong! Some people who you don't know very well REALLY show other sides when you lose weight! It's sad to be judged when making positive changes in your life, or feeling you can't share things because you get scoffed at
This is exactly what I'm going through I literally have 2 friends now because of weight loss. It makes me very sad because I am a very caring person and I would never make someone feel bad about themselves. I guess when you want to make yourself better you find out who your true friends are.4 -
I found that family members can sometimes be the worst - they needle you to lose weight and develop healthy habits, then criticize you for focusing too much on diet and exercise once you've begun seeing positive changes. And heaven forbid if you gain some/most of it back!
This time around I've not let anyone except my wife know I am trying to bet in better shape. Not providing them with any sort of declaration has made it easier for me to focus on what I need to do for myself.
As for other people, I'd say that when I am lighter women are more apt to flirt with me at the store or strike up a conversation - it's a definite confidence booster. I haven't noticed much difference from men outside of not getting looked at with disdain when boarding a plane and looking for an available seat - airplanes in general are much easier to navigate when you're smaller.8 -
At almost 40lbs lost I got my first "Don't get too thin" comment recently. I was actually kind of stunned. My face is definitely thinner. My cheekbones are defined now and my jowls are disappearing. Still I only have dropped 2" on pants. I still have chubby arms, back, and gut. Why on earth would someone say "Don't get too thin"? *kitten* I am still in the obese bmi range, not that it's a good scale. My body fat is also still in the 30's range.
He has mentioned that he wanted to lose weight few weeks back. I told him to eat less and if he wanted he could exercise. Didn't have to exercise but helped me and diet is really the main thing. He did try for a week then stopped. I hope he gets motivated. Failing that to keep his negativity to himself.
I understand, I received the same don't get too thin comment. I still have a gut, arm fat that giggles, I'm in the overweight category, I'm short 5'2 and I wear size 10 pants. I think because of my pear shape, I look smaller up top but I have to remind them I am bottom heavy. My co-worker was surprised when I told her I'm a size 10 stretchy pants only. I cant fit into regular size 10. She thought I was a size 8.2 -
I definitely noticed a difference during my last job search. I was at my previous job for 14 years and steadily gained during that time. I moved to a new city and started looking for a job. I have never had to be on more than a few interviews before I was hired but this time time was different. Interviews were cut short and I received no job offers. I worked contract positions for two months before landing my current job. I later found out I was the third choice for the job and only received an offer because two other people turned it down. I feel ignored and marginalized at my current job. I am not included in meetings and they "forget" to invite me to events. The only reason I stay is because the company itself is a very good place to work and I am afraid of going through the same exact thing on a new job search.7
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I still have a LONG way to go (started out a size 32W last year; currently a 20/22W) but since losing a considerable amount of weight (so far) strangers seem kinder and more attentive. I've had doors held open for me, helped on some machines at the gym, smiled at/talked to by nicer-looking, younger guys, offered to go ahead of someone in line...to name a few examples.
I also had natural dark hair and wore bifocals (with fashionable frames), long ditched for a gingery hair color and contact lenses. I don't know if that has anything to do with more attention, but doesn't seem to hurt. 4 -
So I have read countless women say that they usually attract more attention after weight loss. What about the men? Do you notice more attention or flirting coming your way? Does it also seem like people are generally nicer or no difference?1
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