Discussing food and weight with your teenager
Javagal2778
Posts: 74 Member
I have a 14 yr old daughter who loves food! She has always been at a healthy weight but in the last 6 months or so, I have noticed that she is filling out. I'm meticulously weighing and logging so she is seeing that. It doesn't seem to affect her choices. On the one hand, I'm glad that she is not self conscious or worried about her weight or what she eats. On the other hand, I do worry that she is going to get there if she continues to get heavier.
How have you/do you broach this topic (if at all) with your teenager?
How have you/do you broach this topic (if at all) with your teenager?
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I'd talk to her doctor first and make sure it's not just developing into a more adult woman body.8
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Mom of 14yo here. Make no comments on her weight, appearance, or eating habits. None. Not any. Mouth closed.83
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Demonstrate as excellent a lifestyle as you can in all possible ways. They pay pretty close attention to what we do.15
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Thanks everyone! I will keep my mouth shut.17
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But if she does ask you about her weight, make sure you let her know that puberty is a really easy time for girls to gain if you are not living a healthy lifestyle. (Which sucks because it's the opposite of the guys).You aren't doing her any favors by not being honest either.9
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Two teenagers here. I consider it part of my parental duties to teach them sustainable, intelligent approach to making food choices. They both know how to log their intake, monitor their exercise, and have basic understanding of caloric and macro requirements.
I give them tools and perspective - they make choices.
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But if she does ask you about her weight, make sure you let her know that puberty is a really easy time for girls to gain if you are not living a healthy lifestyle. (Which sucks because it's the opposite of the guys).You aren't doing her any favors by not being honest either.
It seriously depends on the kid, not the sex. My sister and I struggled to keep enough weight on our growing bodies until we were well out of our teens. I was slightly underweight until almost 30. And I ate a lot.4 -
I second what alloypoe has said. And she will always remember your not being happy with who she is.4
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But if she does ask you about her weight, make sure you let her know that puberty is a really easy time for girls to gain if you are not living a healthy lifestyle. (Which sucks because it's the opposite of the guys).You aren't doing her any favors by not being honest either.
There are good and bad ways to be honest though. I don't know how helpful it would be to emphasize your point, especially since it won't be true for every girl. My sister didn't start gaining weight until after her second baby, everyone consistently questioned whether she ate enough (she did) or had an eating disorder growing up (she didn't) because she was so thin. If a parent wants to be honest with their teenager then point out the average healthy weight range for their stats and that while it's a good idea to try and make good food choices there's nothing wrong with having fun and enjoying some pizza or something either.3 -
You could invite her to join you in whatever exercise you do perhaps, without mentioning her food choices or weight? Just say you think it would be fun to spend some time together?8
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I do not have any kids but as someone who was always struggling with body image in my teens, I personally agree with most comments above about not mentioning her weight or body shape, but perhaps you can encourage her activity levels by getting out together to do some stuff.6
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I agree you shouldn't say anything. Teens are already hyper aware of what they look like and think that everyone is judging them. It's also unlikely that they would say anything to their parents about those feelings.
I remember when I was young my mom made some comment about how eating X amount of calories would make you fat. She wasn't criticizing me at all but the comment still stuck with me and when I was a teen I ate less then 1000 calories because I thought that was how you stayed/became thin. Not that I think every teen would react like that but my point is you have to be very aware of what you're saying and how it could potentially be taken in the mind of a young person.
Anyway, it's great that you want to help your daughter build sustainable and healthy habits. Taking care of yourself in a positive way is a good thing for her to see.8 -
Javagal2778 wrote: »I have a 14 yr old daughter who loves food! She has always been at a healthy weight but in the last 6 months or so, I have noticed that she is filling out. I'm meticulously weighing and logging so she is seeing that. It doesn't seem to affect her choices. On the one hand, I'm glad that she is not self conscious or worried about her weight or what she eats. On the other hand, I do worry that she is going to get there if she continues to get heavier.
How have you/do you broach this topic (if at all) with your teenager?
there is a difference between 'filling out' which you would expect a 14 year old to do, and 'getting fat'?
personally i am not convinced that her watching you meticulously weighing and measuring is a good thing, have you had a conversation about why you need to do that?10 -
But if she does ask you about her weight, make sure you let her know that puberty is a really easy time for girls to gain if you are not living a healthy lifestyle. (Which sucks because it's the opposite of the guys).You aren't doing her any favors by not being honest either.
Puberty is also a really good time for girls to go through a growth spurt.
OP, unless your daughter is getting into obese territory wait it out or talk to her pediatrician about any concerns you have.2 -
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TavistockToad wrote: »Javagal2778 wrote: »I have a 14 yr old daughter who loves food! She has always been at a healthy weight but in the last 6 months or so, I have noticed that she is filling out. I'm meticulously weighing and logging so she is seeing that. It doesn't seem to affect her choices. On the one hand, I'm glad that she is not self conscious or worried about her weight or what she eats. On the other hand, I do worry that she is going to get there if she continues to get heavier.
How have you/do you broach this topic (if at all) with your teenager?
there is a difference between 'filling out' which you would expect a 14 year old to do, and 'getting fat'?
personally i am not convinced that her watching you meticulously weighing and measuring is a good thing, have you had a conversation about why you need to do that?
I was actually worried when I started because I don't want to give her, or my other two children, a skewed view of food and exercise. I have tried to put the focus on me getting healthier and how much better I feel, sleep, activity levels. I still get treats in, almost daily, and they see me making those choices, too. I'm hoping that it's a healthy balanced example.
I really like the idea of doing activities with her. I bought a TRX kit for our vacation and she has been doing it with me. I'm going to get my husband to give it a permanent home so we can keep it up consistently at home.
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+1 for don't say anything. When I was growing up, my mum (who is somewhere around 300lbs at a guess) would constantly bug me about about my weight, saying things like "I don't want you to end up like me" and "I love you as you are but other people will say mean things". It completely crippled my self-esteem, and led to me being a secret binge eater, eating my emotions and getting to 245lbs almost to spite her.
I lost almost 100lbs within a year or moving out of that house. She has since asked me to "have words" with my 18 year old sister who is going down the same road. I have flat out refused as in my experience, the more you harass a teenager about something, the more they will rebel and actively do the opposite. And it is mentally damaging at such a difficult time of life!13 -
Mom of a soon to be 16yr old girl. Encourage, but do not force physical activity. "Why don't you go to the park with your friends, it's a beautiful day out". When you talk about food use health as a meter, not fat or calories. Why should they eat more vegetables: because it's healthy, that's it! Not because of calories or to help you lose weight, but healthy!. This way it's a concern for overall health and not appearance. Yes, weight will be affected by eating more veggies and less "junk" because of lower calories, but that's just a side effect. Also, hormones can have a huge impact of weight gain or loss, so long as she's normal - do not worry. My daughter started getting a bit chubby at 14, 6 months later she was 6" taller, and looked slightly underweight. She's normal now. Remember, their bodies are going through some major changes until they are about 18-23 for girls and 20-25 for boys.4
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Don't talk about it but be a good example. She's watching you and maybe she doesn't appear to care or notice now, but she does.3
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I agree 100% with @Jthanmyfitnesspal I'm 23 years old and grew up in an Italian family that ate whatever they want, when they want, how ever much they wanted. I do somewhat blame them for passing that life style on to me when I was younger and became big very fast and those habits brought into my adult life. If you can catch her now @ 14 and If you eat healthy around her and/or talk about exercising, I promise you she will be watching you and most likely want to join you and hopefully it'll save her from future misery of being obese! Good luck!!2
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Take it from someone who was overweight as a teen and had a mother that did nothing but criticize; in my teen mind of "rebellion" it only made me want to eat more and ended with me going crazy with food when I went to college and ending up obese. When I lost weight I only did it because it was MY decision and did it for ME. I know you are coming from a place of love and caring but your daughter may see it is criticism and disapproval, I often thought my mothers love was tied to what I ate as a teen even though she never approached it that way. If she starts to develop health issues surrounding weight let her doctor be the one to talk to her about it, absolutely be there to support her but leave it to the professionals to tell her to lose weight. As others have said, be a good example and support her with your habits.4
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We are very open and blunt in my family. I told my teenagers the same thing my mom told me. If you eat too much you'll get fat. If you eat nothing but junk food you'll be unhealthy. By the time they were teenagers they'd heard quite a bit about nutrition. I always thought teaching my children about a balanced diet was part of my job as a parent so it wasn't news to them.10
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Mom of 14yo here. Make no comments on her weight, appearance, or eating habits. None. Not any. Mouth closed.
Would you say this even if the teenager becomes overweight or even obese? Just sit by and watch your child destroy her health? Would you say the same if she were drinking alcohol or smoking or in some other way endangering her health?8 -
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suzannesimmons3 wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Mom of 14yo here. Make no comments on her weight, appearance, or eating habits. None. Not any. Mouth closed.
Would you say this even if the teenager becomes overweight or even obese? Just sit by and watch your child destroy her health? Would you say the same if she were drinking alcohol or smoking or in some other way endangering her health?
For all of the above you can preach until you are blue but they will do what they want regardless.
There is a very big difference in preaching and discussing.6 -
But if she does ask you about her weight, make sure you let her know that puberty is a really easy time for girls to gain if you are not living a healthy lifestyle. (Which sucks because it's the opposite of the guys).You aren't doing her any favors by not being honest either.
Nonsense. Puberty is when *both* genders put on more weight as they change from a childlike body into that of an adult. Girls are supposed to develop increased fat stores and hips at this point, because it's preparation for what would be expected and needed as a woman to carry a fetus. That doesn't mean that a girl who gains weight is doing anything wrong. It means that a girl is going through completely normal processes.8 -
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suzannesimmons3 wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »suzannesimmons3 wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Mom of 14yo here. Make no comments on her weight, appearance, or eating habits. None. Not any. Mouth closed.
Would you say this even if the teenager becomes overweight or even obese? Just sit by and watch your child destroy her health? Would you say the same if she were drinking alcohol or smoking or in some other way endangering her health?
For all of the above you can preach until you are blue but they will do what they want regardless.
There is a very big difference in preaching and discussing.
Not in a teens mind.
Depends on the teen I suppose. But probably more on the parent. But I would say if you haven't ever discussed nutrition and diet before a child reaches their teens you probably have already lost that battle. It's better to teach how not to develop a problem than to try to correct after a problem exists.15 -
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I don't approach the subject of eating much aside from pointing out occasionally that my daughter might need to consider more protein and less junk (for health reasons). She will still say things like, "so you think I'm getting fat?" to which I have to remind her that I am talking about healthy choices and never weight.
I also try to encourage activity - for health reasons and stress relief and the like. When she's stressed or upset, she has twice now said, "I'm going to take a walk," so maybe some part of that got through.
I don't talk about weight except to remind her that she's beautiful when she complains about her hips. Teen girls are so self conscious and touchy. She's not overweight; I just want her to create good habits.
They are so touchy. It's a slippery slope.7
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