Loneliness and weight loss.
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I got married a month after I turned 18, been married for 45 years, have 4 grown wonderful children & grand children. That's a lot of years to be married & go thru many ups & downs. Some of those hard years I didn't want to be married & longed to be single. I was very lonely & learned to have a life of my own being married. Fortunately, God has done a lot in both of us & we're fairly happy with each other now. All that to say what most ppl are saying, another person cannot make you happy or fulfilled or help with not feeling lonely. Grow in your life, in relationships & enjoy it & learn to be content/happy being you, that way, when you meet the "right" person you will be giving out of all the balanced & confident person you are & not expecting another person to give you what you lack. One of my sons didn't marry till he was 29 & lived a happy single life till then.0
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Last night me and my fiance went our separate ways. Just like some have said you never know what life will throw at you. One minute we were talking about plans for the future and a few hours later she tells me that I don't make her happy anymore. I guess I never really knew her. All I can do now is just focus on myself and move on to be the best version of myself.6
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Ohhhh girl! do NOT rush it! you have pleeeenty of time seriously. I married my wife at age 31 by then we both had dated enough and knew EXACTLY what we needed/wanted in a partner so it made the decision to get married easy. We have been married 3 years now. Hands down woman of my dreams.
I can't stress enough-take your time, enjoy your YOU time. before you know it you will have to consider their schedule their family drama their extra life woes on top of your own. If its hard to diet and exercise now it just gets harder when married. don't rush it. it will happen when it happens and when it does it will swoop you up so fast your head will spin! ENJOY~2 -
TorresCarmeniifym wrote: »Ohhhh girl! do NOT rush it! you have pleeeenty of time seriously. I married my wife at age 31 by then we both had dated enough and knew EXACTLY what we needed/wanted in a partner so it made the decision to get married easy. We have been married 3 years now. Hands down woman of my dreams.
I can't stress enough-take your time, enjoy your YOU time. before you know it you will have to consider their schedule their family drama their extra life woes on top of your own. If its hard to diet and exercise now it just gets harder when married. don't rush it. it will happen when it happens and when it does it will swoop you up so fast your head will spin! ENJOY~
Thank you!0 -
Last night me and my fiance went our separate ways. Just like some have said you never know what life will throw at you. One minute we were talking about plans for the future and a few hours later she tells me that I don't make her happy anymore. I guess I never really knew her. All I can do now is just focus on myself and move on to be the best version of myself.
I'm sorry it didn't work out. Heartbreaking. Best of luck to you.0 -
If you're reading this and are married, how old were you when you got married?? I'm 27 and still single, and often wonder if marriage will happen for me. That loneliness causes me to binge eat for comfort sometimes. Can anyone relate??
I was 25 when I married.
I remember being lonely and wondering what was wrong with me around ages 19-24ish when most of my friends were in relationships and getting married.
By the time I met my partner I was feeling pretty good about myself. I was focused on a new job, experiencing new things, doing things for myself. I wasn't looking for a relationship when we met.
Been happily married almost 18 years. It doesn't mean I never feel lonely or sad. I have never been an emotional eater though. I tend to clean or walk when I am stressed, lonely or upset.
If you are struggling with emotional eating try working on new tools to deal with emotions. Therapy, writing, music, art, exercise, woodworking, gardening, meditation, cleaning might be things to try instead of eating your feelings.
If you are struggling to meet someone maybe get involved in something new. Hobbies, volunteer work, activist groups, classes, sports, church groups, library book clubs, fan meetups for podcasts or bands, gaming conventions, community events, local theater.2 -
If you're reading this and are married, how old were you when you got married?? I'm 27 and still single, and often wonder if marriage will happen for me. That loneliness causes me to binge eat for comfort sometimes. Can anyone relate??
I was 25 when I married.
I remember being lonely and wondering what was wrong with me around ages 19-24ish when most of my friends were in relationships and getting married.
By the time I met my partner I was feeling pretty good about myself. I was focused on a new job, experiencing new things, doing things for myself. I wasn't looking for a relationship when we met.
Been happily married almost 18 years. It doesn't mean I never feel lonely or sad. I have never been an emotional eater though. I tend to clean or walk when I am stressed, lonely or upset.
If you are struggling with emotional eating try working on new tools to deal with emotions. Therapy, writing, music, art, exercise, woodworking, gardening, meditation, cleaning might be things to try instead of eating your feelings.
If you are struggling to meet someone maybe get involved in something new. Hobbies, volunteer work, activist groups, classes, sports, church groups, library book clubs, fan meetups for podcasts or bands, gaming conventions, community events, local theater.
I'm very much an emotional eater. Thanks for your great reply!
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I got married at 47, almost 48. Had I known what I'd be dealing with 18 months later, I'd have left someone standing at the altar.1
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I'm turning 32 and single AF. I don't see marriage or children in my future. I try to have fun with my flings.0
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I'm turning 32 and single AF. I don't see marriage or children in my future. I try to have fun with my flings.smokinbluegrass wrote: »I got married at 47, almost 48. Had I known what I'd be dealing with 18 months later, I'd have left someone standing at the altar.smokinbluegrass wrote: »I got married at 47, almost 48. Had I known what I'd be dealing with 18 months later, I'd have left someone standing at the altar.
Uh oh...0 -
Update: I am finally at peace and enjoying being single! Last night I actually rolled my eyes at the thought of having to impress a man right now lol. Being single truly is a blessing!1
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TavistockToad wrote: »
Yes! Everyone's replies really helped me rethink my attitude. Changing your way of thinking can change your life.0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »
Yes! Everyone's replies really helped me rethink my attitude. Changing your way of thinking can change your life.
MFP is good like that :flowerforyou:0 -
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I've been lonely my whole adult life and I am 37. I never really had a family around. And friends have been few and far between. For awhile I did not care about GFs, marriage, kids, etc. But then I discovered I was missing out on something I always wanted. I also noticed I had these destructive patterns that caused me to attract certain people and get the same results. So, now I am working on those destructive patterns. I've noticed I don't really have a problem attracting women. My problem is readiness and knowing better ways to love. I had a distorted understanding of this, and so did the women in my past. Now I am committing to changing my life around. I am putting myself around lots of different people so that I can become a different person. One thing that helps is define your ultimate relationship. Be as specific as possible. Do you want kids? Why? This will give you clarity. This way you won't waste your time with certain people. You have to be patient. If you keep dating people that just give you attention and the illusion of love you keep wasting your time. If you do some evaluating of yourself and your dating record you might discover some bad patterns of yours. Identify these and say no more to them. Quality relationships and love take time. But they also require you to make some changes and undo patterns of yours. Fight the urge to hook up with anyone that shows you attention. This can be hard but realize you are in control. You will notice that when you do this it is easier to spot red flags with people.3
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I also created a list of things I do not want, which is helpful.
No women with daddy issues or coming from broken homes, no women with a bunch of kids, no recent divorcee's or multiple divorces, no women with a bunch of Exes, no women who use drugs, alcohol or have other addiction, no women that regularly hang out at bars, must be mentally stable, etc. In my experience the above people are likely to be cheaters, have a wrong understanding about love, have a lot of destructive patterns, etc. And you are more likely to develop a codependent relationship with them.
Now, switch this out with men. Believe me, all of these are red flags. The problem is that if you are needy you will go with people like this because you feel you can't get better. This is *kitten*. Start understanding and acting like you are worthy of love. And that you do not have to earn it or try hard for it. Realize you are in control. Fight the urge to hook up with people. You may have a pattern of dating people like this, having random sex, etc. You have to replace people, places, and things in your life. This can cause a lot of anxiety and feelings of vulnerability. And, during this time you can be sucked back into the wrong kind of people, places and things. Recognize this and just fight it.1 -
TavistockToad wrote: »
Yes! Everyone's replies really helped me rethink my attitude. Changing your way of thinking can change your life.
Listen to some Tony Robbins on Youtube.0 -
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suzannesimmons3 wrote: »I also created a list of things I do not want, which is helpful.
No women with daddy issues or coming from broken homes, no women with a bunch of kids, no recent divorcee's or multiple divorces, no women with a bunch of Exes, no women who use drugs, alcohol or have other addiction, no women that regularly hang out at bars, must be mentally stable, etc. In my experience the above people are likely to be cheaters, have a wrong understanding about love, have a lot of destructive patterns, etc. And you are more likely to develop a codependent relationship with them.
Now, switch this out with men. Believe me, all of these are red flags. The problem is that if you are needy you will go with people like this because you feel you can't get better. This is *kitten*. Start understanding and acting like you are worthy of love. And that you do not have to earn it or try hard for it. Realize you are in control. Fight the urge to hook up with people. You may have a pattern of dating people like this, having random sex, etc. You have to replace people, places, and things in your life. This can cause a lot of anxiety and feelings of vulnerability. And, during this time you can be sucked back into the wrong kind of people, places and things. Recognize this and just fight it.
Not everyone from a broken home is damaged ....some of my friends from so called two parent families are screwed up more than me from a broken home....just saying
True. But as a general guideline it is something to worry about. Especially if they are not in recovery, which I find most are not. Many have these unconscious bad patterns because they never learned how it is to be healthy/normal. Their household was not healthy/normal. And they just pass this down in their relationships and on to their kids (if they have any). The above people are not inherently bad but their patterns are indicative to people with a lot of pain and dysfunction. Healthy people can spot a person with problems very quickly. If both people are unhealthy then they just become enmeshed and it's a horrible situation. The question is, what do you prefer? Would you rather keep having the same results or be the person in control and looking for a quality relationship?0 -
suzannesimmons3 wrote: »I also created a list of things I do not want, which is helpful.
No women with daddy issues or coming from broken homes, no women with a bunch of kids, no recent divorcee's or multiple divorces, no women with a bunch of Exes, no women who use drugs, alcohol or have other addiction, no women that regularly hang out at bars, must be mentally stable, etc. In my experience the above people are likely to be cheaters, have a wrong understanding about love, have a lot of destructive patterns, etc. And you are more likely to develop a codependent relationship with them.
Now, switch this out with men. Believe me, all of these are red flags. The problem is that if you are needy you will go with people like this because you feel you can't get better. This is *kitten*. Start understanding and acting like you are worthy of love. And that you do not have to earn it or try hard for it. Realize you are in control. Fight the urge to hook up with people. You may have a pattern of dating people like this, having random sex, etc. You have to replace people, places, and things in your life. This can cause a lot of anxiety and feelings of vulnerability. And, during this time you can be sucked back into the wrong kind of people, places and things. Recognize this and just fight it.
Not everyone from a broken home is damaged ....some of my friends from so called two parent families are screwed up more than me from a broken home....just saying
True. But as a general guideline it is something to worry about. Especially if they are not in recovery, which I find most are not. Many have these unconscious bad patterns because they never learned how it is to be healthy/normal. Their household was not healthy/normal. And they just pass this down in their relationships and on to their kids (if they have any). The above people are not inherently bad but their patterns are indicative to people with a lot of pain and dysfunction. Healthy people can spot a person with problems very quickly. If both people are unhealthy then they just become enmeshed and it's a horrible situation. The question is, what do you prefer? Would you rather keep having the same results or be the person in control and looking for a quality relationship?
wow. so much is wrong with this. broken homes don't make broken people. there are tons of situations where leaving is the healthy choice and i'm much happier that my parents split and were able to find love with other people than if they had stayed together and miserable. i got to see what functional relationships were like because of my 'broken' home. however, if you want to eliminate roughly half of the population from your dating options have at it. i've eliminated judgmental jerks from mine.
edited to add: it's worked out pretty well for me1 -
suzannesimmons3 wrote: »I also created a list of things I do not want, which is helpful.
No women with daddy issues or coming from broken homes, no women with a bunch of kids, no recent divorcee's or multiple divorces, no women with a bunch of Exes, no women who use drugs, alcohol or have other addiction, no women that regularly hang out at bars, must be mentally stable, etc. In my experience the above people are likely to be cheaters, have a wrong understanding about love, have a lot of destructive patterns, etc. And you are more likely to develop a codependent relationship with them.
Now, switch this out with men. Believe me, all of these are red flags. The problem is that if you are needy you will go with people like this because you feel you can't get better. This is *kitten*. Start understanding and acting like you are worthy of love. And that you do not have to earn it or try hard for it. Realize you are in control. Fight the urge to hook up with people. You may have a pattern of dating people like this, having random sex, etc. You have to replace people, places, and things in your life. This can cause a lot of anxiety and feelings of vulnerability. And, during this time you can be sucked back into the wrong kind of people, places and things. Recognize this and just fight it.
Not everyone from a broken home is damaged ....some of my friends from so called two parent families are screwed up more than me from a broken home....just saying
True. But as a general guideline it is something to worry about. Especially if they are not in recovery, which I find most are not. Many have these unconscious bad patterns because they never learned how it is to be healthy/normal. Their household was not healthy/normal. And they just pass this down in their relationships and on to their kids (if they have any). The above people are not inherently bad but their patterns are indicative to people with a lot of pain and dysfunction. Healthy people can spot a person with problems very quickly. If both people are unhealthy then they just become enmeshed and it's a horrible situation. The question is, what do you prefer? Would you rather keep having the same results or be the person in control and looking for a quality relationship?
whats normal anyway? and not everyone needs recovery/therapy,etc to deal with issues from a broken home. some of us learn what to do and what not to do when it comes to relationships.1 -
I also created a list of things I do not want, which is helpful.
No women with daddy issues or coming from broken homes, no women with a bunch of kids, no recent divorcee's or multiple divorces, no women with a bunch of Exes, no women who use drugs, alcohol or have other addiction, no women that regularly hang out at bars, must be mentally stable, etc. In my experience the above people are likely to be cheaters, have a wrong understanding about love, have a lot of destructive patterns, etc. And you are more likely to develop a codependent relationship with them.
Now, switch this out with men. Believe me, all of these are red flags. The problem is that if you are needy you will go with people like this because you feel you can't get better. This is *kitten*. Start understanding and acting like you are worthy of love. And that you do not have to earn it or try hard for it. Realize you are in control. Fight the urge to hook up with people. You may have a pattern of dating people like this, having random sex, etc. You have to replace people, places, and things in your life. This can cause a lot of anxiety and feelings of vulnerability. And, during this time you can be sucked back into the wrong kind of people, places and things. Recognize this and just fight it.
I understand and agree with needing to have certain core standards met by a potential mate. However 99.999999999% of women and men have a history with at least one of your listed "red flags." Everyone has issues somewhere if ya dig far enough. Maybe there are perfectly unscathed people out there I'm not aware of! I have an addiction to coffee, and I am not always mentally stable lol, but I've never cheated and I know what love is. Doesn't everyone deal with destructive patterns? Like me learning not to stuff my face when I'm emotional.0 -
I got married at 30, 2 weeks after we started dating. We just had our 22nd anniversary- though sometimes I'd like to run him over with the car You've got PLENTY of time. Don't fret- love your life, be free, eat snacks in bed! 1
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