I was FINALLY gonna talk to Hot Cafe Guy...

hellvee wrote: »

misnomer1 wrote: »

TeacupsAndToning wrote: »

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

Men do not like those who approach them. Well, most men. Men are chasers. The best you can do is offer mystery and be aloof.

It's 2017.

I don't know what 2017 has to do with it. When I was single I was exactly the way @Cutaway_Collar says. Though I don't know if most men are like that.

OP, you look great as well. You should go for it imo.

Because women being passive along with the 'first move' belonging to a man is antiquated. She's trying to say that we live in a time where if a female wants to be aggressive and make the first move, let her.

Not saying you're wrong - if your cup of coffee is to only let yourself be open to passive, shy women that's cool too! But if you've turned down any woman who made the first move on you, you might have missed out!

Advice comes 10yrs too late. Should have had all of them extra girls!!

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

Christen850 wrote: »

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

Men do not like those who approach them. Well, most men. Men are chasers. The best you can do is offer mystery and be aloof.

Here are some of my ideas to appear mysterious:
1) Answer a pretend phone call and loudly whisper, “They must not obtain the microfiche! We’ll have to make the exchange now! I’m at ____ Cafe; be sure your agent knows the passphrase.”
2) Instead of drinking my latte, I’ll not-so-discreetly pour small amounts into my shoe every few minutes.
3) To appear aloof: I will approach him and ask for the time. As he looks down at his watch, I turn and quickly walk away, muttering, “Whatever...”

THOUGHTS??

Act like he does not exist. That is a good start. Then sit close to his area. Pay him zero attention.

What I said earlier plays into the male psyche well.

Confident women play mind games. The whole let him come to me rather than me going after him concept. That feminine ego is very admirable. Because if you are approaching every hot guy in a coffee shop, you only contribute to male ego and setting yourself up for being brushed aside.

This is the first time I've seen a post of yours that I agree, to a point.
I don't believe in the whole men are chasers thing though, some men like to be approached.
I personally have never approached a man that I wanted. It's no fun for me. It's too easy, if course he will go for it. To me the fun is making him approach me. But...that's a personal preference. There's nothing wrong with women going for what they want.
OP, go talk to him.

Christen850 wrote: »

I promise I’m not trolling. I just have a dorky sense of humor. Also, I am simply incapable of thinking of normal social interaction scenarios.

hellvee wrote: »

Christen850 wrote: »

OutOfUserName wrote: »

TeacupsAndToning wrote: »

OutOfUserName wrote: »

Sivadee00 wrote: »

Christen850 wrote: »

I often go to a particular local cafe to grade papers and lesson-plan. This one guy, henceforth known as Hot Cafe Guy, is *always* here. I never have the guts to talk to him for 2 reasons:
1) He looks perpetually focused/angry.
2) I am shy and insecure.

Today was going to be the day! Feeling confident, good hair-day, etc. I packed up my laptop and headed for the cafe. I knew in my gut that HCG would be there.

And he is here, of course!
However...
He is currently being chatted up by a lovely young brunette.
This is literally the first time in a year that I’ve seen HCG smile.
Guess I can focus on getting work done...

Looks can be deceiving. I fell in love with a tall handsome man once. He was also funny and popular. What I didn't know was that he was mentally unstable and a stalker.

so op is an unstable stalker?

No the hot guy is an unstable stalker

but in the story op is the one who comes to his workplace and knows his work schedule

I’m stalking him?
Dude... the Hot Guy hangs out in this cafe literally *every evening*. I could go there any night of the week and dude is ALWAYS there. (I average 2 visits a week, on random days) So it’s more like I can’t avoid him!!

Also, he doesn’t work there, he *does his work* there - like I sometimes do. I’m grading papers; no idea what he’s doing. Usually staring sternly at his computer screen.

OP! I’m disappointed you didn’t talk to him yet

Listen to him OP

Zac1644 wrote: »

happimess1 wrote: »

Ironandwine69 wrote: »

Sivadee00 wrote: »

Christen850 wrote: »

I often go to a particular local cafe to grade papers and lesson-plan. This one guy, henceforth known as Hot Cafe Guy, is *always* here. I never have the guts to talk to him for 2 reasons:
1) He looks perpetually focused/angry.
2) I am shy and insecure.

Today was going to be the day! Feeling confident, good hair-day, etc. I packed up my laptop and headed for the cafe. I knew in my gut that HCG would be there.

And he is here, of course!
However...
He is currently being chatted up by a lovely young brunette.
This is literally the first time in a year that I’ve seen HCG smile.
Guess I can focus on getting work done...

Looks can be deceiving. I fell in love with a tall handsome man once. He was also funny and popular. What I didn't know was that he was mentally unstable and a stalker.

So now you go for the short and ugly ones?

Hey now...we need love too.

beat me to it hahah

You have to be nice guys though, amirite?

I was just reading thru some of the comments. I agree with some, disagree with others.

It's the 21st century. There's is nothing wrong with a woman approaching the guy. OP, I understand you're shy. Maybe make the first interaction casual. A smile as you pass by him. Use something from your surroundings to find a topic to talk to him about. Make a comment about the weather, anything really.

And if he ends up having a girlfriend, or whatever reason why he doesn't return the feelings, don't let that scare you away from the shop. Keep going. Let him see his rejection doesn't bother you. Still casually smile at him if/when your eyes meet.

tamlou89 wrote: »

hellvee wrote: »

OP - If you want something you go for it, the worst he can say is no. In fact, he won't say no. He'll probably be courteous and chat you up a bit. Be friendly and see where it goes, at the very worst you've gained a friend.

Regardless of the outcome you've gained experience + you'll never have the feeling of regret of not knowing 'what if' you hadn't drummed up the courage.

Personal development is never a wasted cause.

I agree. Don't wait and if you get turned down? Don't worry about it. You're hot, you'll find someone easily. On the other hand, he may be married and is trying to stay loyal to his lover, but keeps getting hit on by all these hotties. lol Did he have a ring?

Ironandwine69 wrote: »

browneyedgirl749 wrote: »

I was just reading thru some of the comments. I agree with some, disagree with others.

It's the 21st century. There's is nothing wrong with a woman approaching the guy. OP, I understand you're shy. Maybe make the first interaction casual. A smile as you pass by him. Use something from your surroundings to find a topic to talk to him about. Make a comment about the weather, anything really.

And if he ends up having a girlfriend, or whatever reason why he doesn't return the feelings, don't let that scare you away from the shop. Keep going. Let him see his rejection doesn't bother you. Still casually smile at him if/when your eyes meet.

Agree, there's nothing wrong with a woman approaching a man. But there are men out there, that like the chase and like to be the hunters rather than the prey. Old fashion or not, it's still their preference.
In my opinion, if a man is into you, and is available, smiling at him a couple of times is enough for him to approach you. If he doesn't, he either is not available or is not into you. Or he doesn't have the balls, which also puts him in the no no category.

i agree. for some, the thrill is in the chase. 15th century, 20th century or 30th century wont change that.