THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS.
Replies
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iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.
My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.
However, I just need to say two things:
DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.
And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?
LOL and I'm over here thinking I'm weird for wiping the cup with a paper towel that I put soap on and sprinkled with water so it's kindda clean before handing it in. I always thought, "Hey, after I wash my hands, I'd like to NOT get urine on my hands again." Lol I can never get that freaking cup directly where it needs to go so I won't get pee pee on my hand EWWWW!
I would like to apologize to you for some humans' lack of hygiene.3 -
iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.
My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.
However, I just need to say two things:
DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.
And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?
so how do you get out of it?
You don't.
You can't give me your peepee, I take your saliva. (evil laugh)
Yes but if you're lucky and very old then you don't have either of those things
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emmydoodles83 wrote: »iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.
My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.
However, I just need to say two things:
DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.
And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?
so how do you get out of it?
You don't. You can't give me your peepee, I take your saliva. (evil laugh)
Yes but if you're lucky and very old then you don't have either of those things
Which is about the ONLY way you get out of a drug screen, here. I think that's happened maybe twice.1 -
iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.
My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.
However, I just need to say two things:
DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.
And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?
LOL and I'm over here thinking I'm weird for wiping the cup with a paper towel that I put soap on and sprinkled with water so it's kindda clean before handing it in. I always thought, "Hey, after I wash my hands, I'd like to NOT get urine on my hands again." Lol I can never get that freaking cup directly where it needs to go so I won't get pee pee on my hand EWWWW!
I would like to apologize to you for some humans' lack of hygiene.
Bless you, darling.1 -
iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »emmydoodles83 wrote: »iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.
My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.
However, I just need to say two things:
DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.
And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?
so how do you get out of it?
You don't. You can't give me your peepee, I take your saliva. (evil laugh)
Yes but if you're lucky and very old then you don't have either of those things
Which is about the ONLY way you get out of a drug screen, here. I think that's happened maybe twice.
Hair though?0 -
iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »emmydoodles83 wrote: »iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.
My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.
However, I just need to say two things:
DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.
And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?
so how do you get out of it?
You don't. You can't give me your peepee, I take your saliva. (evil laugh)
Yes but if you're lucky and very old then you don't have either of those things
Which is about the ONLY way you get out of a drug screen, here. I think that's happened maybe twice.
Hair though?
Our lab doesn't do hair testing. If it came to that, the clinic could contract out to another lab locally and get an order for a hair test done. I've always wanted that situation to arise but it hasn't, haha.0 -
MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.
My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.
However, I just need to say two things:
DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.
And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?
LOL and I'm over here thinking I'm weird for wiping the cup with a paper towel that I put soap on and sprinkled with water so it's kindda clean before handing it in. I always thought, "Hey, after I wash my hands, I'd like to NOT get urine on my hands again." Lol I can never get that freaking cup directly where it needs to go so I won't get pee pee on my hand EWWWW!
I would like to apologize to you for some humans' lack of hygiene.
Whenever I've done it we're not allowed to run the faucet or wash hands until after they take the sample away
Pain management (me) versus a new hire/worker's comp, probably. We are pretty lax in that department.0 -
I am awed by the pee hat (while quietly humming the Easter Parade)3
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iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.
My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.
However, I just need to say two things:
DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.
And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?
so how do you get out of it?
You don't. You can't give me your peepee, I take your saliva. (evil laugh)
Sorry. Nothing goes in my mouth but food, water, a toothbrush, and lady parts.
0 -
Break__You wrote: »iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.
My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.
However, I just need to say two things:
DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.
And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?
so how do you get out of it?
You don't. You can't give me your peepee, I take your saliva. (evil laugh)
Sorry. Nothing goes in my mouth but food, water, a toothbrush, and lady parts.
Hopefully not at the same time.1 -
iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.
My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.
However, I just need to say two things:
DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.
And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?
the worse part of this when i was military - of them springing the random pee test on you right after you pee'd in the morning - our ROTC unit used to select people to pee before PT and then you would have to sit and wait in the unit until you could go...0 -
Oh and since we're talking urine-- poppy seeds can totally make you fail a urine drug test, as you'll test positive for opiates in most cases (depending how much you ate and what you ate) for up to 6-24 hours after consumption.2
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deannalfisher wrote: »iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.
My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.
However, I just need to say two things:
DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.
And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?
the worse part of this when i was military - of them springing the random pee test on you right after you pee'd in the morning - our ROTC unit used to select people to pee before PT and then you would have to sit and wait in the unit until you could go...
I love when Marines come in and expect that I'll be on pee pee patrol while they do their business. They're always so visibly relieved when I tell them that we aren't as gung-ho as the military.1 -
iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »Oh and since we're talking urine-- poppy seeds can totally make you fail a urine drug test, as you'll test positive for opiates in most cases (depending how much you ate and what you ate) for up to 6-24 hours after consumption.
So can apples.0 -
1 -
iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »emmydoodles83 wrote: »iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »So, for those who don't know, I'm kind of a pee-pee professional. I work for a clinic as the Field Service Rep for the lab who does their toxicology testing. Mostly urine samples, sometimes oral swabs.
My job brings all sorts of people into my life, and you get to observe many walks of life in my line of work.
However, I just need to say two things:
DRINKING WATER 12 SECONDS BEFORE YOU'RE GOING TO PEE IN A CUP WILL NOT HELP YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. Don't stop me mid-explanation to ask me to fetch you a glass of water to chug like it's somehow going to pass through you and your bladder before your booty hits the throne in a minute.
And secondly, IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE A PEE SAMPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T HAND IT OFF SOPPING WET WITH YOUR URINE ALL OVER IT. At least wrap a paper towel around it. Yes, I wear gloves, and not much really truly grosses me out but ew. So much ew. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
I realize these are really simple complaints. What are your 'THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS' moments/rants from your day to day life?
so how do you get out of it?
You don't. You can't give me your peepee, I take your saliva. (evil laugh)
Yes but if you're lucky and very old then you don't have either of those things
Which is about the ONLY way you get out of a drug screen, here. I think that's happened maybe twice.
and let's be honest when you're that old, we should just let you have your fun, you've earned it.1 -
iamthemotherofdogs wrote: »Oh and since we're talking urine-- poppy seeds can totally make you fail a urine drug test, as you'll test positive for opiates in most cases (depending how much you ate and what you ate) for up to 6-24 hours after consumption.
So can apples.
So can morphine.1 -
Less talk, more golden showers.0
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