Overweight kids
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I think making certain foods out as 'treats' isn't the best thing. You're making it seem like this special, rare food and that just makes you want it more. Plus surely associating certain foods with celebrations or reward is the start of an emotional bond with food?
This was never my experience.3 -
Very nice feedback on here. It's concerning that you said one kid is having weight issues and the other one isn't....dissect and make sure there aren't any underlying issues going on. A lot of time weight issues are a result of other things.
I'm happy that you recognize this is something that you need to pay attention and get a handle around - so kudos to you for that!5 -
Muscleflex79 wrote: »Keep junk food out of the house and only buy things in single servings (like one ice cream cone) as a treat after a busy day. Don't talk about diets, just change what you're all eating. Tons of yummy slow cooker recipes and kids will never overeat on veggies or rice. Don't make it seem like a diet.
No pop tarts, no sodas, little juice, NO cereals, nothing sugary. It will help if you all do it together and call it something fun, like a challenge. Who can skip the fastest, who can do more skips than the other, who can jog the fastest to the tree, that sort of thing.
Also, don't be afraid of the scale. My daughter uses mine and I use it only to make sure she's gaining enough weight. It's only used for positive reinforcement - ie "wow look at you, you're growing! 38lbs way to go!".
what a sad life that would be for a child!! and that would definitely make it feel like a punishment/diet. as others said, much better to focus on the positives (exercise, sports) and moderation with food - not altogether banishing all "junk".
Respectfully disagree, that's why I mentioned keeping one time treats out of the house so they aren't so easy to grab for kids. Time and a place! Parenting is not supposed to always be about being their best friend.. it's about doing what's best and in this case what's healthiest for the kids. Sometimes you have to be the bad guy. And sometimes, like in this case, that means banning junk from the house.
Kudos to OP for noticing the problem and reaching out.8 -
Muscleflex79 wrote: »Keep junk food out of the house and only buy things in single servings (like one ice cream cone) as a treat after a busy day. Don't talk about diets, just change what you're all eating. Tons of yummy slow cooker recipes and kids will never overeat on veggies or rice. Don't make it seem like a diet.
No pop tarts, no sodas, little juice, NO cereals, nothing sugary. It will help if you all do it together and call it something fun, like a challenge. Who can skip the fastest, who can do more skips than the other, who can jog the fastest to the tree, that sort of thing.
Also, don't be afraid of the scale. My daughter uses mine and I use it only to make sure she's gaining enough weight. It's only used for positive reinforcement - ie "wow look at you, you're growing! 38lbs way to go!".
what a sad life that would be for a child!! and that would definitely make it feel like a punishment/diet. as others said, much better to focus on the positives (exercise, sports) and moderation with food - not altogether banishing all "junk".
Respectfully disagree, that's why I mentioned keeping one time treats out of the house so they aren't so easy to grab for kids. Time and a place! Parenting is not supposed to always be about being their best friend.. it's about doing what's best and in this case what's healthiest for the kids. Sometimes you have to be the bad guy. And sometimes, like in this case, that means banning junk from the house.
Kudos to OP for noticing the problem and reaching out.
Needing to ban something from the house for it to stay out of the hands of children seems problematic to me.6 -
Muscleflex79 wrote: »Keep junk food out of the house and only buy things in single servings (like one ice cream cone) as a treat after a busy day. Don't talk about diets, just change what you're all eating. Tons of yummy slow cooker recipes and kids will never overeat on veggies or rice. Don't make it seem like a diet.
No pop tarts, no sodas, little juice, NO cereals, nothing sugary. It will help if you all do it together and call it something fun, like a challenge. Who can skip the fastest, who can do more skips than the other, who can jog the fastest to the tree, that sort of thing.
Also, don't be afraid of the scale. My daughter uses mine and I use it only to make sure she's gaining enough weight. It's only used for positive reinforcement - ie "wow look at you, you're growing! 38lbs way to go!".
what a sad life that would be for a child!! and that would definitely make it feel like a punishment/diet. as others said, much better to focus on the positives (exercise, sports) and moderation with food - not altogether banishing all "junk".
Respectfully disagree, that's why I mentioned keeping one time treats out of the house so they aren't so easy to grab for kids. Time and a place! Parenting is not supposed to always be about being their best friend.. it's about doing what's best and in this case what's healthiest for the kids. Sometimes you have to be the bad guy. And sometimes, like in this case, that means banning junk from the house.
Kudos to OP for noticing the problem and reaching out.
I wanted to say the same thing but wasn't for sure how. I didn't allow junk food when my kids were young. Treats were on special occasions. We didn't have desert either. If that makes a child's life miserable, that's a pretty pathetic life they must be living. Replace junk time with family time. Grab a game board, play outside, watch a family movie. Teach them to grab fruit and veggie snacks while having fun. Make ice tea. Bake homemade cookies. Learn a healthy treat recipe and bake them often enough that it is a go to recipe when they are adults like chocolate chip cookies are to most people. Do some crafts..7 -
I have two kids both adults, one was always thin and the other is obese(was overweight as a kid from age 8 on before that she was normal weight). we couldnt understand why because back then both hubby and I were of healthy weight and treats like candy,chips,fast food,were limited and only on special occasions and holidays. my daughter is not a big eater to this day she is still obese found out she has a thyroid disorder. took 2 years for it to show on test even in depth tests by her endocrinologist.
for some reason as a kid her tests would show up normal and she was active as a kid and was not a big eater even then. The first endo wanted her to weigh all food and do low carb. she was eating way less than 1200 calories(trust me as she barely ever leaves the house).. she still barely eats now. she has no energy though so she is sedentary most of the time. my son is taller than her by more than half a foot and he is just slightly overweight. he eats a LOT of food.
so I would say definitely see a pediatrician and talk to them. run tests if need be. I wasnt a fat kid and neither were my sisters and my parents were both of healthy weights. I grew up in the 80s so fast food and things like that were treats and were a once in awhile thing. my mom cooked dinner 99% of the time. we didnt do dessert after dinner either.but we were active kids and outside all the time. my kids see that I eat even better now than I did and work out more and yet neither one cares or wants to follow my lead.as kids they were made to eat what we had and at least try a veggie or fruit.
just get the kids out and do more with them to keep them active. maybe the one heavy daughter will grow and lean out.maybe not.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Muscleflex79 wrote: »Keep junk food out of the house and only buy things in single servings (like one ice cream cone) as a treat after a busy day. Don't talk about diets, just change what you're all eating. Tons of yummy slow cooker recipes and kids will never overeat on veggies or rice. Don't make it seem like a diet.
No pop tarts, no sodas, little juice, NO cereals, nothing sugary. It will help if you all do it together and call it something fun, like a challenge. Who can skip the fastest, who can do more skips than the other, who can jog the fastest to the tree, that sort of thing.
Also, don't be afraid of the scale. My daughter uses mine and I use it only to make sure she's gaining enough weight. It's only used for positive reinforcement - ie "wow look at you, you're growing! 38lbs way to go!".
what a sad life that would be for a child!! and that would definitely make it feel like a punishment/diet. as others said, much better to focus on the positives (exercise, sports) and moderation with food - not altogether banishing all "junk".
Respectfully disagree, that's why I mentioned keeping one time treats out of the house so they aren't so easy to grab for kids. Time and a place! Parenting is not supposed to always be about being their best friend.. it's about doing what's best and in this case what's healthiest for the kids. Sometimes you have to be the bad guy. And sometimes, like in this case, that means banning junk from the house.
Kudos to OP for noticing the problem and reaching out.
Needing to ban something from the house for it to stay out of the hands of children seems problematic to me.
My parents didn't necessary band all junk foods but we were told that they are for adults and when we had money we could buy them. Every single on of us (there are 7 of us) gain weight (are or was overweight) when we were able to buy our own food because my parents would not allow us to have it. It is about teaching them it you don't need this junk daily and to eat it in moderation.
A friend of mine mom did not allow any kind of junk food in the house growing up. He only got it when he went to friends. When he moved out of his parents house at 18, if it wasn't fast food, frozen pizza, deep fried, chips, or candy he didn't eat it. This past time seeing him he is 27 now was the first time I saw him eat a some what decent meal.
Telling them no and putting in out of reach but to banned is will cause unhealthy relationship with those foods.6 -
There's a lot of good advice on here but the problem is a lot deeper than "move more eat less". I have twin boys, 8 years old. One is thin, one is bigger. Both are in soccer, swimming, we hike, and ride bikes all the time. My wife and I don't have junk in the house and eat fairly well.
I constantly talk to them about choices in school snacks and lunches they get but it has to be something other than that. They understand the impact of surgar and actually read labels.... sometimes it drives me nuts when they are telling me the ingredients and calories,but whatever.
There's something we are missing, I've been searching. Gut health? Blood surgars? Carbohydrate tolerance? We are all made up so differently maybe there's no answer.
....can't give up though, right?3 -
hydechildcare wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Muscleflex79 wrote: »Keep junk food out of the house and only buy things in single servings (like one ice cream cone) as a treat after a busy day. Don't talk about diets, just change what you're all eating. Tons of yummy slow cooker recipes and kids will never overeat on veggies or rice. Don't make it seem like a diet.
No pop tarts, no sodas, little juice, NO cereals, nothing sugary. It will help if you all do it together and call it something fun, like a challenge. Who can skip the fastest, who can do more skips than the other, who can jog the fastest to the tree, that sort of thing.
Also, don't be afraid of the scale. My daughter uses mine and I use it only to make sure she's gaining enough weight. It's only used for positive reinforcement - ie "wow look at you, you're growing! 38lbs way to go!".
what a sad life that would be for a child!! and that would definitely make it feel like a punishment/diet. as others said, much better to focus on the positives (exercise, sports) and moderation with food - not altogether banishing all "junk".
Respectfully disagree, that's why I mentioned keeping one time treats out of the house so they aren't so easy to grab for kids. Time and a place! Parenting is not supposed to always be about being their best friend.. it's about doing what's best and in this case what's healthiest for the kids. Sometimes you have to be the bad guy. And sometimes, like in this case, that means banning junk from the house.
Kudos to OP for noticing the problem and reaching out.
Needing to ban something from the house for it to stay out of the hands of children seems problematic to me.
My parents didn't necessary band all junk foods but we were told that they are for adults and when we had money we could buy them. Every single on of us (there are 7 of us) gain weight (are or was overweight) when we were able to buy our own food because my parents would not allow us to have it. It is about teaching them it you don't need this junk daily and to eat it in moderation.
A friend of mine mom did not allow any kind of junk food in the house growing up. He only got it when he went to friends. When he moved out of his parents house at 18, if it wasn't fast food, frozen pizza, deep fried, chips, or candy he didn't eat it. This past time seeing him he is 27 now was the first time I saw him eat a some what decent meal.
Telling them no and putting in out of reach but to banned is will cause unhealthy relationship with those foods.
If you changed "will" to "may" in your last sentence I would agree with everything you just wrote (taking your word for anecdotal examples). Which is why I am against totally banning foods.0 -
hydechildcare wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Muscleflex79 wrote: »Keep junk food out of the house and only buy things in single servings (like one ice cream cone) as a treat after a busy day. Don't talk about diets, just change what you're all eating. Tons of yummy slow cooker recipes and kids will never overeat on veggies or rice. Don't make it seem like a diet.
No pop tarts, no sodas, little juice, NO cereals, nothing sugary. It will help if you all do it together and call it something fun, like a challenge. Who can skip the fastest, who can do more skips than the other, who can jog the fastest to the tree, that sort of thing.
Also, don't be afraid of the scale. My daughter uses mine and I use it only to make sure she's gaining enough weight. It's only used for positive reinforcement - ie "wow look at you, you're growing! 38lbs way to go!".
what a sad life that would be for a child!! and that would definitely make it feel like a punishment/diet. as others said, much better to focus on the positives (exercise, sports) and moderation with food - not altogether banishing all "junk".
Respectfully disagree, that's why I mentioned keeping one time treats out of the house so they aren't so easy to grab for kids. Time and a place! Parenting is not supposed to always be about being their best friend.. it's about doing what's best and in this case what's healthiest for the kids. Sometimes you have to be the bad guy. And sometimes, like in this case, that means banning junk from the house.
Kudos to OP for noticing the problem and reaching out.
Needing to ban something from the house for it to stay out of the hands of children seems problematic to me.
My parents didn't necessary band all junk foods but we were told that they are for adults and when we had money we could buy them. Every single on of us (there are 7 of us) gain weight (are or was overweight) when we were able to buy our own food because my parents would not allow us to have it. It is about teaching them it you don't need this junk daily and to eat it in moderation.
A friend of mine mom did not allow any kind of junk food in the house growing up. He only got it when he went to friends. When he moved out of his parents house at 18, if it wasn't fast food, frozen pizza, deep fried, chips, or candy he didn't eat it. This past time seeing him he is 27 now was the first time I saw him eat a some what decent meal.
Telling them no and putting in out of reach but to banned is will cause unhealthy relationship with those foods.
I have a similar experience. My dad was in construction, so my mom bought a lot of high calorie snacks to put in his lunch. We were told they weren't for us, but for dad. She would hide the stuff. She also bought pop for him, and we couldn't have it either. We always had to ask if we could have anything between meals. Consequently, my 2 sisters and I snuck food. We would find the stash of stuff for dad's lunches, and we would sneak it and eat it. Same with pop. All 3 of us have struggled with our weight as adults because as soon as we were out of the house it was like "Wow, now we can eat what we want!" and we chose to eat the things that were off limits to us. It took us until we were in our late 30's to finally change the way we eat and lose weight.
I also know of a family - the parents are very overweight, and out of their desire for their kids not to be obese, they don't let their kids ever have candy, snacks, etc. So, when they go to friends houses, they will ask for snacks and will just eat all the candy, snack cakes, cookies, whatever. Kids need to be shown through example that a couple of cookies or whatever, can be worked into their day, just not the majority, and it should start when they are very young, so that by the time they are 8 years old, it's normal. Also, I think at 8 years old, the parents can and should portion control the kid's meals if they are overweight. Nothing needs to be said necessarily, just give them the appropriate amount at dinner/lunch/breakfast.1 -
OP--can you talk with your daughter openly about her health and weight? Ask her how she feels about it and ask her if you can work together to focus on being strong and healthier together?
There are so many ways it can go wrong working with a kid about their weight--a good dietitian might help. I agree, sometimes there can be underlying medical or mental health issues or occurrences life that can cause kids (and all people) to self soothe with food.
Taking treats out of the house might work for you--it might not. There are many approaches that could work, depending on your family dynamic.
I know that I had a lot of self-loathing several years ago, and it severely impacted my teenage daughter at the time. It's easy as a parent to project our problems onto our children, but they don't yet have the adulting skills to manage those complex issues and turn to other ways to make themselves feel better or in control.
Some things I might try are making sure I prepare breakfast/dinner for your kids in the portions that are and eat it together. Not having the choice to have seconds, or at least having to ask for them, might gate some of the food intake without being so obvious. Packing a lunch for her that is highly appealing to her, but in portions that are appropriate would also work. Lunch is hard because there are "trades" that happen at school that you won't be able to control. Portion the "junky snacks" available at home, so that the temptation to eat a whole bag of chips or whatnot isn't there. Buy a value-pack of individual servings and put them out a bag at a time for each kid, so it's clear they can't just munch aimlessly. And of course, if you can get her in a sport or really any activity that takes up a good chunk of time, the opportunity to eat out of boredom will be less.
If you meal prep, can you get her involved in that so she can have a hand in the food she is making? Cooking together can be a great way to bond and also get her personally invested in the food she is eating. Food is such an emotional thing, having that special connection with something she has prepared may make a difference.
I wish you the best in working with your daughter and improving your own weight!2 -
Start with education. Chances are, your child doesn’t know or understand the concept of nutrients, or what exercise does for health. You and your pediatrician can help your children learn about these things, then develop a plan from there.
Kids do amazing things when equipped with knowledge.
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Whatever you do make sure your not just telling your overweight daughter she cant have junk and letting her sister have it. I think that is just horrible when parents do that. Try getting them both to be active, walking, enrolling in activities and healthy meals together as a family. 5
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This was my niece at one point in time. First off, my brother and sister in-law worked with their pediatrician...she wasn't hugely overweight, but it was evident that it could be a problem down the line.
They never really went into weight and discussing that with my niece...instead, they did things to change what had become some bad habitual behavior...ie snacking whenever she pleased, snacking on a lot of junk food, etc.
They established meal times and snack times and limited the amount of "junk" they kept in the house and they got her outside more to play. They never talked to her about her weight or used a scale.5 -
So, at our house we don't have money for a ton of treats. The ones we do carry on a regular basis (fruit snacks, granola bars, popsicles, crackers..my kids are goldfish addicts) have a limited serving size/number of servings between them all each day (I usually say they can pick two of those things). Once they reach that limit, they can have fruit or veggies. I also limit when they can eat outside of meals. Snack time is between 3:30-4:30. If they don't snack then, they wait until dinner. We can't afford to let them eat whatever they want whenever.6
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There is tons of good information in this thread about healthy eating and habits! But, maybe I missed it. I didn't see the relative heights of the girls anywhere.
I only mention it because girls 8-12 are going through a lot of changes (of course) and sometimes you can't rely on their weight alone as an indicator of their health. And pre-pubescents can fluctuate a lot; you can't really use one data point to determine what's really going on inside.
Example #1: Myself
According to my parents, I was around 80-90 lbs as a 3rd-4th grader. But I was also the tallest in the class, and taller than many 5th graders. Looking at pictures from that time I was a little chubby, but not fat. I have a very round face!
I ended up at my current height (5'-7") around my 11th birthday, and never weighed less than 120lbs after that. I pretty much settled at 140lbs until after college, but I was fairly muscular from playing softball and volleyball. I'm the same height (and close to the same weight!) as my Dad & one of my brothers, and I'm just an inch shorter than my other brother.
Example #2: My Sister
My sister is 2 years younger than me, and we have quite different body types. She was always near the smallest in the classroom and has always been petite. She hovered around 60-70lbs until freshman year of high school, when she "shot up" to 5'-0" and 90lbs. She gained another inch when she was 20 years old and now weighs around 105lbs.
Example #3: My Daughter
My daughter is 10-1/2 and just last week broke through 100lbs. But, she's already 5'-4" (she was 5'-0" at the beginning of 2017!), so it seems like she's following more in my footsteps. She's been over 80lbs since she turned 8, but has always been one of the tallest in the class and so I was never worried about her weight. But, she has a very long, lean figure (which I never had) from swimming and running. So I get the feeling she'll actually end up taller than me!
I guess what I'm saying is that you can often tell if weight issues are due to unhealthy behaviors or just normal development. Please keep in mind that all girls grow up differently and it could be a disservice to compare one to the other. Treat them equally when it comes to food and activities!
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So much YES to the above!!!!0
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There is tons of good information in this thread about healthy eating and habits! But, maybe I missed it. I didn't see the relative heights of the girls anywhere.
I only mention it because girls 8-12 are going through a lot of changes (of course) and sometimes you can't rely on their weight alone as an indicator of their health. And pre-pubescents can fluctuate a lot; you can't really use one data point to determine what's really going on inside.
Example #1: Myself
According to my parents, I was around 80-90 lbs as a 3rd-4th grader. But I was also the tallest in the class, and taller than many 5th graders. Looking at pictures from that time I was a little chubby, but not fat. I have a very round face!
I ended up at my current height (5'-7") around my 11th birthday, and never weighed less than 120lbs after that. I pretty much settled at 140lbs until after college, but I was fairly muscular from playing softball and volleyball. I'm the same height (and close to the same weight!) as my Dad & one of my brothers, and I'm just an inch shorter than my other brother.
Example #2: My Sister
My sister is 2 years younger than me, and we have quite different body types. She was always near the smallest in the classroom and has always been petite. She hovered around 60-70lbs until freshman year of high school, when she "shot up" to 5'-0" and 90lbs. She gained another inch when she was 20 years old and now weighs around 105lbs.
Example #3: My Daughter
My daughter is 10-1/2 and just last week broke through 100lbs. But, she's already 5'-4" (she was 5'-0" at the beginning of 2017!), so it seems like she's following more in my footsteps. She's been over 80lbs since she turned 8, but has always been one of the tallest in the class and so I was never worried about her weight. But, she has a very long, lean figure (which I never had) from swimming and running. So I get the feeling she'll actually end up taller than me!
I guess what I'm saying is that you can often tell if weight issues are due to unhealthy behaviors or just normal development. Please keep in mind that all girls grow up differently and it could be a disservice to compare one to the other. Treat them equally when it comes to food and activities!
But neither of your examples are overweight. I'm quite sure OP wouldn't have posted if her daughter was tall for her age.
I mean, I've heard the 'she'll grow into her weight' excuse and frankly, I've yet to see that happen without making any change.1 -
Lots of great advice already, so I won't try and repeat all of that, but just add that in our house we talk about food as fuel for your body. My kids do some kind of food/nutrition education at school but it can come across as very "good" vs "bad" and not help with just seeing it as food.
So we talk about what is good to fuel your body and how we need different amounts depending on our bodies and what we are doing. And if they want to eat something that has a lot of "fuel" then they will have to adjust somewhere else to make it balance out.
Another thing that has helped us all become a bit more active in our day to day lives is getting a dog! Now we have a very good reason to go on those daily walks, and bigger hikes at the weekend. Obviously that's not a solution that would suit everyone though.
Re the junk food in the house - we have some, but that doesn't mean we can eat it whenever we like. Potato chips might be for a movie-watching day, so will wait in the cupboard for a couple of weeks. Or the yummy biscuits are there so if we have unexpected visitors we can have a cup of tea and a biscuit with them. So they see us including "junk" in our lives, but in a limited way.
Sure, we sometimes have takeaways, but if they have already been to a birthday party that weekend and then ask for McDonalds, the answer will most likely be "no, not today".
It's a balancing act. But in some ways, making things healthier for my kids has made it easier to make them healthier for myself!1
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