Loved ones are tired of hearing about my progress and process.
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First off- Congrats on your weight loss and healthier lifestyle!!
However, if you've been talking about it for three years, then I get where they are coming from. I don't want to hear about ANYTHING for three years straight! Be it the same complaints about a job/kid or progress in a video game or someone's weight loss!
Personally I don't discuss my weight loss with anyone other than my mom- we are losing weight together. If I don't discuss it with them then they won't be sending me articles about how I will "starve to death if I eat a plant-based diet" (Do they really not know any vegetarians??)
I am glad you found some good friends on here and hopefully with this outlet your relationships can balance out.1 -
I found when I was logging that you know you are doing MFP right when you irritate everyone around you.5
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I'm happy for you as is everyone else here. We all know how hard it is as well as the desire/need for support and encouragement from those closest to you. Keep at it with the next 31 lbs. Do you have some active hobbies? Might be fun to join a biking club or something like that to find some social support for your new lifestyle. Or maybe you could provide support to others, and for yourself, in an over-aters anonymous group of some kind. Good luck!Hi there. I’ve lost 74 pounds in a slow, healthy way over 3 years. I have 31 more to go until I’m no longer considered medically overweight. My friends and loved ones seem pretty tired of hearing about my accomplishments and my fitness and nutrition. I just want someone to be happy for me or encourage me, but they seem to think I’m lecturing or judging them. They often try to discourage or sabotage me. It’s very frustrating. Life is not like The Oprah Show or The Biggest Loser, is it? There’s no standing ovation or confetti, it seems. Thank goodness for my increasing health and energy as my prizes! If you have the same struggles, or if you’re just getting started and would like some support, please add me as a friend. I would love to trade support, encouragement, frustrations, and tips with you. Let’s be happy for each other and keep going!
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[/quote]I'm happy for you as is everyone else here. We all know how hard it is as well as the desire/need for support and encouragement from those closest to you. Keep at it with the next 31 lbs. Do you have some active hobbies? Might be fun to join a biking club or something like that to find some social support for your new lifestyle. Or maybe you could provide support to others, and for yourself, in an over-aters anonymous group of some kind. Good luck!
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Thank you very much! That is great advice and something I’m pursuing. I’m going to be moving from somewhere very isolated and rural to a bustling, healthy community surrounded by fitness opportunities. My husband and I have managed to learn to jog. We’ve been looking into the running clubs who run from pub to pub. Drinking isn’t required, but they seem fun because they don’t take it seriously. I’m not very fast. I think they’ll like my company better than a serious running club.
I appreciate your encouragement!
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ladyhusker39 wrote: »I get what you're saying. You're proud and excited at what you've accomplished and you want to celebrate it with people you care about. That's completely natural. Your family however, doesn't see it that way and it's grating on your relationship.
I've never been able to talk about my weight loss with my sister. I have a college degree, a successful marriage and a happy home, but I've always struggled with my weight. She has an unhappy home life, but she's always been tall and thin.
Now that I've lost weight I somehow feel like I'm stepping on her toes and throwing off the balance in our relationship. It's weird. I just want help figuring out how to buy clothes in the regular sized section which is much different and 10 times larger than the "big girls" department. I just gave up trying and don't talk about it anymore.
This is a very supportive community. You might need to do some searching to find the little corner of it that meets your needs. There are tons of groups that can be great for that. The general forums are more helpful in identifying where you might be struggling and providing helpful answers to problems. When a post like this comes up people go into problem solving mode and sometimes it can come off the wrong way to newbies. But you're completely welcome here and will get tons of support and help.
We'll also give you a kick in *kitten* when/if you need it
Congratulations on your accomplishment!
I'm sorry your sister isn't able to be supportive, but of course it throws off the balance in your relationship. It's hard work to have adult relationships with the people we grew up with. Whenever we get together as a family (6 of us) my younger sister and I (now 57 and 56 years old) somehow become "the little girls", like we're still inseparable, and still 4 and 5 years old. If you can talk to your family members about what you need from them to be supportive, great. If not, you do what works for you and get that support elsewhere, like here.1 -
Misery loves company, birds of a feather and all that...you have gone from being a part of that to becoming an eagle, soaring away from the lifestyle that was unhealthy for you but that your family and friends still embrace. They may be tired of hearing about your successes, but if even one of them (maybe the bacon-waver) starts thinking and doing healthier things because of your excitement, progress and transformation then that is cause for celebration! I am excited for anyone who is excited about feeling better, being healthier and a little less fluffy and a little more streamlined. Doing this is hard, holding yourself accountable, staying disciplined, walking away from the waving bacon and every other temptation...(I hate you, Sara Lee!!! ) is hard. You got this! And know that someone (me) is doing a happy dance (that is exercise, right?!?) in your honor!!!! Keep up the good, hard work!!!❤️2
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Dear Wabuss, you are on the right track. We are here to cheer, throw confetti, and work this program with you. It's tough! Even without a bacon-waver (and that's just inexcusably mean, IMHO).
I have two short answers for work: "yes, I am losing. Workin' on it still. Thank you!" And, "high protein, watching carbs, walk walk walk, drink drink drink." Both are lighthearted enough to show appreciation for their interest but that's it. Food intake is personal, to me.
My friends get almost the same, then a question about their lives, happy events, etc. If they come back for more info, I might discuss a little more.
Since I expect this lifestyle to last 40+ more years, I want it to be routine!1 -
maryannprt wrote: »ladyhusker39 wrote: »I get what you're saying. You're proud and excited at what you've accomplished and you want to celebrate it with people you care about. That's completely natural. Your family however, doesn't see it that way and it's grating on your relationship.
I've never been able to talk about my weight loss with my sister. I have a college degree, a successful marriage and a happy home, but I've always struggled with my weight. She has an unhappy home life, but she's always been tall and thin.
Now that I've lost weight I somehow feel like I'm stepping on her toes and throwing off the balance in our relationship. It's weird. I just want help figuring out how to buy clothes in the regular sized section which is much different and 10 times larger than the "big girls" department. I just gave up trying and don't talk about it anymore.
This is a very supportive community. You might need to do some searching to find the little corner of it that meets your needs. There are tons of groups that can be great for that. The general forums are more helpful in identifying where you might be struggling and providing helpful answers to problems. When a post like this comes up people go into problem solving mode and sometimes it can come off the wrong way to newbies. But you're completely welcome here and will get tons of support and help.
We'll also give you a kick in *kitten* when/if you need it
Congratulations on your accomplishment!
I'm sorry your sister isn't able to be supportive, but of course it throws off the balance in your relationship. It's hard work to have adult relationships with the people we grew up with. Whenever we get together as a family (6 of us) my younger sister and I (now 57 and 56 years old) somehow become "the little girls", like we're still inseparable, and still 4 and 5 years old. If you can talk to your family members about what you need from them to be supportive, great. If not, you do what works for you and get that support elsewhere, like here.
Thanks for the kind words, but I'm not the OP. I was just relaying my story to her to show that I can relate and that many of us here have been or are now in her shoes. I appreciate it tough.0 -
CONGRATULATIONS! That is amazing! Keep going. I believe in you. I'm sure going shopping for clothes is more fun and comfortable (and more expensive as time goes on haha!) The day you hit your goal will be an amazing day. I'm sorry that your inner circle is tired of hearing about your success
It does make it hard when nobody around you is trying to do the same thing (boat I'm in), but doing it for yourself is the goal. There's no reason you can't celebrate! This is a good place to come. It sucks that not everyone understood that you needed support, not advice. Keep logging! 1 -
Thank you to those of you who encourage me and have added me as friends! That’s just what I asked for and needed.
I adore my loved ones. They each have their reasons for how they interact with me. Bacon wavers think they’re funny. The article sender just loves me and has anxiety and worries about everything. Some are worried I’ll leave them behind. Some are feeling bad about the things they want to do but haven’t quite found the motivation to do yet. I understand everyone is on their own journey.
My situation is unique because I have a very isolated life due to my schedule, the nature of my career, and my location. I only see and talk to my loved ones occasionally...maybe every few months if I’m lucky. So, even though my changes are gradual, they seem drastic to them (sort of like when you don’t see a child for a long time but you’re still surprised that they’re bigger), and it can cause some intense reactions.
Lol so, all the advice about my talking too much for three years doesn’t really apply here. Thank you though...I’m sure it applies to someone.
I’m not expecting them to change on my terms, and I’m certainly not going to stop my progress to keep them comfortable.
I’m just happy to be here with people experiencing the same things so we can be happy for each other!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for friending me and/or supporting me!!
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Haha I feel ya! At the end of the day you have to be your own biggest cheerleader. And when noone close will listen anymore, there's always MFP
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I don't think that too many people in my life really care about what I'm doing health/fitness wise and that kinda stinks at times. It'd be nice to have a couple 'cheerleaders' but it is what it is I guess.1
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First rule of diet club: Do not talk about diet club!
People are jealous, insecure, and ashamed of their choices. Talking about diet, weight, and exercise is always rough territory.
I think too that diet success makes everyone a little bit pompous. I got that way the first time I got thin, and saw friends do it too when they lost weight. It’s natural and you try not to let it seep into your conversations with loved ones but it does. Add to that their jealousy and shame and it is a recipe for disaster!
Been through it, and am not talking this time!2 -
Change how you tell them - Don't constantly seek approval - Earn it.1
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Change how you tell them - Don't constantly seek approval - Earn it.
I think seeking approval is quite a different thing from wanting to share my joy with someone. Women like to do that. That’s why I’m here. To find other excited people on the same journey.
I never once asked for advice about my loved ones or anything else. I just asked for mfp friends.
Where’s the app for folks who cant help giving unsolicited advice based on assumptions? (This goes to all the advisors, not just you, dazzler21).
Thank you to those who have offered your support, personal experiences, and understanding!
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jenmarrs429 wrote: »First rule of diet club: Do not talk about diet club!
People are jealous, insecure, and ashamed of their choices. Talking about diet, weight, and exercise is always rough territory.
I think too that diet success makes everyone a little bit pompous. I got that way the first time I got thin, and saw friends do it too when they lost weight. It’s natural and you try not to let it seep into your conversations with loved ones but it does. Add to that their jealousy and shame and it is a recipe for disaster!
Been through it, and am not talking this time!
That is very insightful. Thank you so much. I will try to watch myself in the future and make sure I’m doing all I can to not seem pompous! I don’t feel that way...but maybe my sense of accomplishment and all the things I’ve learned about nutrition can make me seem that way. I love how I hold my head high now (even though I’m a long way from skinny) and how I feel comfortable in my skin, so I’m not going to stop that!
However, I will try hard to watch my words to not hurt sensitive souls. Lol it has become clear that people don’t always want the truth even if they ask a question. I’ll just try to be more vague and supportive and encouraging when they ask how I combatted my fatigue or my chronic pain or why I look so good. Telling them I went organic then eventually vegan or that I took up jogging and hiking just causes problems! They explain why they could never do that...and things are weird from there.
Maybe when people ask what I’m doing, I’ll just pretend nothing has changed at all and I don’t know what they mean, then ask about their new recliner or rug or whatever.1 -
Just remember, you deserve to be proud of what you have accomplished. But tiptoeing around fragile egos is part of getting along in relationships.
Be proud. I think you’re doing great.0
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