Women with husbands.
hisamazinggirl
Posts: 38 Member
Do you every get the feeling where your husband is happier whenever there friends come over ? Whenever its just us my husband and i don't say much to each other . When we do we kinda argue or just do our own thing . I feel like he doesn't like me . Sorry for being all girly and complainy. Just need some advice . Any kind of advice. I have 2 daughters with him.
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hisamazinggirl wrote: »Do you every get the feeling where your husband is happier whenever there friends come over ? Whenever its just us my husband and i don't say much to each other . When we do we kinda argue or just do our own thing . I feel like he doesn't like me . Sorry for being all girly and complainy. Just need some advice . Any kind of advice. I have 2 daughters with him.
A few questions based on my thoughts on the matter:- What ages are you?
- How long have you been married?
- Do you still engage in husband and wife "bedroom" behavior?
- Do you both have jobs?
- Do your friends visit sometimes as well?
- Are there any mutual friends shared by both of you?
- Are there any family activities which include the two girls?
The answers to these questions might hold the clues to a happier future.1 -
And to add to these questions:
When was the last time you held hands?
Do you have date nights?
My marriage was similar towards the end. I can't remember the last time he kissed me good bye, good morning or good night. I can't remember the last time we held hands. And our last date night was about 5 years before our divorce was finalised. Our fighting was also much more than arguing though so don't compare too much2 -
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hisamazinggirl wrote: »Do you every get the feeling where your husband is happier whenever there friends come over ? Whenever its just us my husband and i don't say much to each other . When we do we kinda argue or just do our own thing . I feel like he doesn't like me . Sorry for being all girly and complainy. Just need some advice . Any kind of advice. I have 2 daughters with him.
what type of work does he do?1 -
It sucks that you feel that way...I am super sensitive to the littlest things...I'm not married but it has been suggested to me that I shouldn't take things so personally.
Maybe it's the 'comfort' of a relationship that makes your husband quieter?
In any case if it upsets you it's not ok, and you should tell him what you think in a non confrontational manner, he may be unaware of how you feel2 -
It’s girly to complain?8
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yep, you need to tell him how you feel. my husband does not have friends over or go out with the guys but every family is different.1
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All people need an outlet.....his is his friends. I think you are making a bigger deal out of nothing or you aren't telling the entire story.
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Our partners get all of us, the best and the worst. A marriage isn't all sunshine and rainbows and puppies, but it should be far deeper and more meaningful than all that fluff. An afternoon with the boys just goofing off is off course enjoyable to him. Would you want him to resent you for enjoying a shopping trip with your girlfriends?
If you never talk, something is probably missing and needs to be addressed by both of you. That's likely what you are upset about more than him having a good time with the guys.2 -
Everybody's a little bit different. If he doesn't beat on you or hide drinking or gambling debts, you are on the "winning" side.
You can improve things by realizing that "to love" is a verb, but for now it's possible that you need only enumerate the blessings you do have.
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my ex was like that............. We broke up3
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I’d say you both should join some activities and do them together. I joined my wife and kids in taekwondo and we all have fun and have something to talk about
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No, we are both glad when they leave so we can go back to it just being us. Granted I have been married for 20 years and we still really like each other a lot and enjoy being together.
Feeling like your husband doesn't like you sounds really lonely and troublesome! Insecurities we may have within ourselves may transpire into our relationship or perhaps that spark you once had is dwindling, maybe ask him out on a date, do some something fun you have not done in a while. Talk to him!!!3 -
No, my husband is my best friend. We have shared interests and hobbies, we like the same kind of films (mostly) and music (mostly). That's kind of how we got together in the first place. Mind you, we don't have kids... so I don't know if that's affected your dynamic. Do you do something as a couple or something as a family that could give you common ground? Good luck1
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We have been married almost 37 years and now that you mention it I don't have any friends to have over. If we entertain it is our friends but that is seldom. Kids are gone and we spend almost 100% of our time together, her office is across the hall in the business we run together. I recently decided that I need a hobby so I settled on woodworking but now I get the "well you just go to your shop and ignore me". Its funny that she never said that mowing the lawn or painting the house is ignoring her. Oh well, maybe it will grow on her.3
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You might want to talk to him about this... and maybe consider some couple's counseling too?1
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hisamazinggirl wrote: »Do you every get the feeling where your husband is happier whenever there friends come over ? Whenever its just us my husband and i don't say much to each other . When we do we kinda argue or just do our own thing . I feel like he doesn't like me . Sorry for being all girly and complainy. Just need some advice . Any kind of advice. I have 2 daughters with him.
to answer the first question.... no.
as others have said, you need to talk to him.0 -
1. It's not girly to complain, or to feel insecure, it's human.
2. The primary virtue in any healthy relationship, marriage or otherwise is honest, open communication, with each other.2 -
I agree with everyone, you need to talk to him. Good luck0
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I cannot imagine being this disconnected from my husband. We're both very independent people with individual interests and hobbies - we keep different schedules. But we're incredibly happy and communicate with each other about anything and everything. I am honestly unsure how anyone could live with/have children somebody who they'd rather ask an internet forum about, rather than just bring the issue to them.0
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Marriages go through phases and ups and downs. Hanging out with friends and enjoying it is normal and nothing to be worried about unless they spend every free moment together and never include you. Sometimes not talking much can also be normal especially when you have children. It can be easy to get into a routine and not do much to nurture the relationship. Just remember that husbands needs attention and love just like we do. For each person what they want/need might be different. For some it's home cooked meals and bedroom time. For others compliments and kind acts or dates. Just let your husband know you miss the quality time and figure out how to get more whether it's date nights or just hanging out at home with your favorite TV show after the kids are asleep. Don't make it a competition with his friends though. Having friends outside your marriage is healthy and not a bad thing even if your spouse is your best friend.0
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hisamazinggirl wrote: »Do you every get the feeling where your husband is happier whenever there friends come over ? Whenever its just us my husband and i don't say much to each other . When we do we kinda argue or just do our own thing . I feel like he doesn't like me . Sorry for being all girly and complainy. Just need some advice . Any kind of advice. I have 2 daughters with him.
You really need to have a heart to heart talk with him. It is very possible that he feels the same way you do, when you say that you feel like he doesn't like you. It's very possible they he thinks that you don't like him, as well. You have to communicate and let your feelings be known. Is the only way to be sure what the problem really is. I would almost bet that he's feeling the same you are! Good luck to you!1 -
hisamazinggirl wrote: »Do you every get the feeling where your husband is happier whenever there friends come over ? Whenever its just us my husband and i don't say much to each other . When we do we kinda argue or just do our own thing . I feel like he doesn't like me . Sorry for being all girly and complainy. Just need some advice . Any kind of advice. I have 2 daughters with him.
No. I think there are different kinds of happy. Dh is happy with his friends but he is also happy with me. We like spending time together and share interests. We talk. We don't argue often. If I think we have a problem I talk about it to him.
Are you happy with other aspects of your life? Is he? Did you used to do things together? Are either of you depressed, anxious or stressed generally? Talk to him about what you are feeling and what you would like to do together. Try to get interested in something that he is also interested in. Seek counseling.1 -
hisamazinggirl wrote: »Do you every get the feeling where your husband is happier whenever there friends come over ? Whenever its just us my husband and i don't say much to each other . When we do we kinda argue or just do our own thing . I feel like he doesn't like me . Sorry for being all girly and complainy. Just need some advice . Any kind of advice. I have 2 daughters with him.
A few questions based on my thoughts on the matter:- What ages are you?
- How long have you been married?
- Do you still engage in husband and wife "bedroom" behavior?
- Do you both have jobs?
- Do your friends visit sometimes as well?
- Are there any mutual friends shared by both of you?
- Are there any family activities which include the two girls?
The answers to these questions might hold the clues to a happier future.
I agree, answer these questions first. My wife and I have been together 27 years, dated 6 married 2, life has ups and downs, curve balls. But there is no one I would rather be with than her, we can get mad, and argue, but never to serious.
I also will never leave my house with out kissing her goodbye and saying I love you, never ever, because I do and always will.1 -
I agree you need to tell him how you feel. My husband is my best friend, so no hes not happier when friends come over, he is happy yes but we generally all hang out together and all have a good time.
The questions asked above should be answered first.
Just to give you a little advice I recently was upset with a situation involving my husband (it was nothing major, actually extremely minor) and I held it in for like a week, finally I just blurted it out and after a pretty long talk, he actually told me I just need to tell him whenever im feeling uncomfortable, upset, or if I feel like there is any distance between us. My guess is your husband might not have any idea you are feeling this way, and if he knew he might make an effort to fix it with you.
Also was this how you guys were before you got married or is this new behavior?0 -
JeromeBarry1 wrote: »Everybody's a little bit different. If he doesn't beat on you or hide drinking or gambling debts, you are on the "winning" side.
You can improve things by realizing that "to love" is a verb, but for now it's possible that you need only enumerate the blessings you do have.
Wow!!! She should shut up and put up just because she isn't getting beat on? It's HER fault because she doesn't "love him" enough?? She should just be happy with what she has, which by her own words, isn't much of anything?? Honey, don't listen to this BS.
Communication is everything. Just find a way to do it constructively and not accusatory.3 -
It's normal for people to talk more when they are with people they don't see every day. No?
I don't know what your expectations are as far as life and relationship, but life is not always a party. Some days you talk more, some days you talk less.
What is a bad sign though is that you said you argue most of the time when you are alone. Usually people argue a lot when they are not happy with each other and every little thing sets them off.1 -
As others have said you need to talk to him, but not in a way that would make him feel you are accusing him. How long have you been married? You said you have to girls with him, well do you guys do anything as a family?
There are so many possible issues and I think it would be best to find some kind of counselling. If he is unwilling to try then nothing is going to get better. I am sure it was not like this so try to open up and try to ask about the things you guys use to do.0
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