My journey journal

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  • TorStar80
    TorStar80 Posts: 252 Member
    I've really loved reading and catching up on your journey @Lrlong82... congrats on your promotion :) I very very much identify with you, I'm 37, started at 250 lbs and honestly I am healthy, not pre diabetic, no cholesterol or blood pressure issues, I don't even feel any body pains surprisingly, I've carried this weight around all my life. I have a loving partner and good life. I kind of started by avoiding sugar. And I saw that I lost a bit of weight. I felt like it was a challenge at that point. I have nothing else going on, why not take the time and really see what I can do. Anyway. I hope you will keep lending your spirit and vulnerabilities and accomplishments to your friends here of MFP, you have a voice lady. God bless.
  • Lrlong82
    Lrlong82 Posts: 85 Member
    edited July 2017
    100 days! I feel pretty good about what I've accomplished. Lost 30 pounds. Dropped 3 to 4 sizes in clothes. No hip, knee or tailbone pain. Sleeping better. Increased mobility and flexibility. Regular BM. Etc etc etc. I feel pretty darn good
    Challenge: I feel like its time to stop the appetite suppressant from the MD. I know it jumped started this journey and helped me get to this point but I can't take it for ever. I've started weaning myself off by skipping a day or two. But I noticed that I ate more on those days.
    Overcoming obstacle: stick with MFP. Log all of my food. Stay aware. I am so proud of all that I have done so far that I am confident that I can do this too if I stay mindful. I know I have everything it takes to continue a healthy lifestyle because all of my needs have been supplied according to His riches and glory through Christ Jesus. To include this great app and wonderful people who support me. God bless and pray for me!
  • Lrlong82
    Lrlong82 Posts: 85 Member
    Whoooaaa! Its been pretty rough. I have consistently gone over my daily calorie goal. And not by a little bit either. Its been discouraging because I don't feel like I'm eating any different than I did when I was on the medicine. But I'm sticking with it. I keep logging. And I stay with my meal plans. Why? What's the motivation? Some where in me I know I can do this is. Its not a second guess. Not a hope. Not a daily affirmation. But a for real knowing. Just like knowing how to get home. I know my daily calories are going to catch up with my habits because I have established healthy eating habits. Waaay healthier than before. So I know this is going to even out. Matter of fact, I'm at the end of my day and I still have 47 calories left.
  • TorStar80
    TorStar80 Posts: 252 Member
    You've got this ... I feel that same knowing, so I understand the feeling. Just get back on track with sticking to your daily limit and next week will be different :)
  • Lrlong82
    Lrlong82 Posts: 85 Member
    Its been a while since I wrote in the journal because of hectic schedule. Working at work. Working at home. Work. Work. Work. Work. But all is well. I'm still working on me to. God bless and off to work I go!
  • Lrlong82
    Lrlong82 Posts: 85 Member
    Man oh man. Its been hectic.
    Challenge: I'm still off of the medication. I feel pretty good about that because I know what I'm doing now is working on my lifestyle, not just my weight. And so far I've consistently gone over my daily calorie goal. Some days are better than others. Some days I can skip the fried foods and sweets. But most days I load up on carbs. And I love love love to snack. Especially while I'm working on a big long project on the computer. Or something sweet after dinner.
    Overcoming obstacle; 1) stay positive. Focus on my daily achievements. Keep my spirits up so I won't give up. 2) look for healthier snacking alternatives, like fruit. Or even diet soda. 3) weigh myself so I can get a better understanding of how my decisions are effecting me.
    God bless and be encouraged.
  • TorStar80
    TorStar80 Posts: 252 Member
    I'm so happy when you update :) are you logging too?
  • Lrlong82
    Lrlong82 Posts: 85 Member
    TorStar80,
    Yes ma'am, because logging is my daily accountability. Plus I am loving the log streak I have earned. I actually have a non weight goal now to log all meals for six months.
  • Lrlong82
    Lrlong82 Posts: 85 Member
    Weigh in: 201lbs, down five pounds from one month ago. That's pretty encouraging considering all the challenges I faced. I whole heartedly believe that logging and staying positive have been the most helpful. That's kept me focused, held me accountable but prevented me from quitting. I feel good. God bless and thank God.
  • Lrlong82
    Lrlong82 Posts: 85 Member
    edited August 2017
    I hit a low last week. I mean a shameful low. But I am going to journal it because the word says we overcome by the words of our mouth and our testimony. So here is my confession: My co workers had an ice cream social two weeks ago. I was fortunate enough to miss it because I was out of the office training that day. When I got back two days later the left over fudge brownies, Oreo minis, chips ahoy minis and syrups were still sitting out on a table near the time clock. Whelp, I walked by the table that day but I ended up taking the cookies home that evening. The brownies and syrup remained. I did nothing at first, just kept walking by day after day. Eventually someone decided to clean up and threw those things away. Seeing the brownies in the trash stirred something in me that day. It was like I was hit with a feeling of regret. Regret of not getting what I wanted. Regret of missing out. Regret about being wasteful. And the feeling was so compelling that I took the brownies out the trash and ate them. Yup. I ate out of the trash. Sadly enough, as I'm walking to my office and eating the brownie one of my coworkers saw me. He asked "are you eating that old brownie?" Not sure if he saw me get it out the trash, if he was the one that threw them away or if he saw them in the trash his self. So with all of my shame I replied "I'm a chocaholic". Thank goodness for kind people because my coworker then stated "I guess chocolate never really goes bad".
    Not much more to say to that except; God bless and thanks for letting me share.
  • Ree13x
    Ree13x Posts: 46 Member
    Congratulations on reaching 201! that's a big deal. As bad as the brownie sounds I completely understand the feeling. I have a huge fear of waste when it comes to food, especially food I know I enjoy. As long as I think someone else is going to enjoy the food I can happily leave it for them, but the minute it looks like the food might be wasted I get an overwhelming feeling of responsibility and anxiety that will make me eat things far past their expiration. I know it's something that you're feeling badly about in the moment, but you're not alone and your calories can handle some brownies every now and again. Tonight is a new meal, and tomorrow is a new day, and re-dedicating is as easy as accepting where you are and deciding how you want to be. You've got this. Thank you so much for being brave enough to share the good the bad and the ugly.
  • Lrlong82
    Lrlong82 Posts: 85 Member
    Today was a good day. I did much better. So much better that I looked over my food diary twice to make sure I didn't miss anything!
  • TorStar80
    TorStar80 Posts: 252 Member
    I get that feeling too, of not wanting to waste. Especially when it's something delicious, sadly... I wonder if I actually feel bad about wasting or regret over what is being wasted.. you really perfectly summed up all the feelings of that moment. Congrats on getting to 201 and keeping up with logging. Xo
  • Lrlong82
    Lrlong82 Posts: 85 Member
    Wednesday - Wishes (what do I wish? It can be weight related or not, can be realistic or not)
    Whelp... I would have to say that I don't wish for anything. And that's because I'm too old for that. I don't believe in wishes. I believe in cause and effect. So if there is anything that I want then I must do something about it. And if I don't do anything about it then I must not want it.
    Wishing? No. Prayer? Yes. I believe in the power of prayer. Why? Because that is a part of my doing something. When I pray I give thanks, which takes my attention off of my problems and puts it on God. Praise fosters an attitude of gratitude. When I pray I ask for guidance, wisdom and strength to overcome\handle my issue. And when I pray I release stress and worry because I know my father hears me. He said He will never leave me nor forsake me. He says He will be with me even to the ends of the earth. And the God that created the heaven and earth never sleeps nor does He slumber. My God is a present help in the time of a storm.
    So no I don't wish. I pray. God bless and pray on.
  • Nhoff70
    Nhoff70 Posts: 43 Member
    I love your thoughts in your journal. Please add me if you are looking for encouragement and support. I have about 40 lbs to lose, have been on MFP for 5 days and have only lost 1.8 lbs. I'm trying not to get discouraged but it's hard. The calorie counting is getting easier and I'm thinking about changing my goals to be more realistic. Sigh.... Hope you're still on your path and staying positive!
  • TorStar80
    TorStar80 Posts: 252 Member
    Checking in lady! Hope you are well :)
  • Lrlong82
    Lrlong82 Posts: 85 Member
    Happt Holidays
  • Lrlong82
    Lrlong82 Posts: 85 Member
    Thanks to everyone who has posted, shared or checked in. it feels good to know that I am not alone on this journey because I have a community of like minded supporters who are looking out for me and each other. I really appreciate that. So sorry it took me this long to check in but between work, home and church, I am tied up all the time. I do what I love though so its all worth it.
    Here is my latest up: I've regressed a whole lot in my diet and exercise since I started this journey again in April 2017. one reason is work. I was recently promoted to supervisor. and to whom much is given, much is required. so that has really taken up a lot of my time energy and motivation. my focus became work and not my diet. especially on stressful days. I threw caution to the wind and grabbed anything to distract me.
    That's my "might as well" attitude. Another reason is that I stopped taking the appetite suppressant from the MD. I figured 4 months was long enough for me to have learned what I needed in order to do this without medicine. turned out not to be the case.
    Challenge: LIFE!! Looking over my diary I see that changes in my life started to impact my decision making around July. My average daily calorie intake increased to 1500 and steadily increased each month. As of October my average was close to 3000. On top of that I gained back 1 pound.
    Overcoming obstacle: KEEP LIVING! I keep logging. that's my way of having some thought about what I'm doing. good bad or ugly. logging also keeps me hopeful that I will learn more about myself and my habits so that I can find my healthy balance. i tried starting the medicine again but quickly learned that I really don't want that support anymore. When I first started I was excited and willing to accept the side effects to reap the benefits. But now I feel as though its time for5me to be a big girl and do this by my own self! Therefore I was waaaaay less tolerant of the side effects.
    so I'm still here
  • Lrlong82
    Lrlong82 Posts: 85 Member
    So I'm still here. I might be in a valley but I haven't given up.
    God bless and thanks for letting me share.
  • TorStar80
    TorStar80 Posts: 252 Member
    You are amazing and I love reading your thoughts on this journey.. congrats on your promotion and thank you for checking in. Sometimes life throws challenges and it’s okay that you’ve gotten off track a bit as you focus on that. What matters is recognizing you are off track and coming back. So welcome back :)
  • Lrlong82
    Lrlong82 Posts: 85 Member
    edited May 2018
    The mindfulness intervention for today is to work on my attitude. Instructor said that attitude is everything. And I agree. He said that having a resistant and judgemental attitude about my food cravings and poor eating habits only makes the situation worse and perpetuates the behavior. He said to be mindful about the habits and cravings but with a "playful" curiosity. The rationale: things that are humorous and light hearted tend not to be so devastating and stressful. He said I can reduce the affects that my cravings have by playfully explore why I'm having the craving and find the humor in why I started that bad eating habit in the first place.
    Now I agree with some of that. I would definitely benefit from an attitude adjustment about my cravings and poor eating habits because I was pretty frustrated yesterday when I was battling the cravings for sweets or to stress eat. I told myself that this was hard, that its going to take a long time to overcome and that I might not ever overcome. I even lowered my expectations in order to resolve my frustration. So I agree about changing my attitude.
    Challenge: finding the humor in all of this. I feel like I am too close and to deep in my struggles to find any of this funny. Matter of fact I felt like a darn crack head alcoholic yesterday trying to fight off my cravings. Similar to how I feel when I eat "good" food out of the trash. I just don't see the humor in it. I can't imagine myself being able to laugh at any of this right now.
    Solution: pace myself. Realize that I just started this change to my WHOLE LIFE just one year ago. And I just started the Eat Right Now program 4 days ago. Yeah I feel this way this morning, but that doesn't mean that I'll feel this way always. Give myself a break. Give myself some compassion. And don't give up.
    God bless and laugh on.
  • TorStar80
    TorStar80 Posts: 252 Member
    Lrlong82 wrote: »
    Over the past new year I noticed that I snack a lot. I notice that I tend to emotional eat, boredom eat, stress eat, avoidance eat, habitual eat and eat eat. I eat a lot! So I started a new intervention of mindfulness. Its supposed to help me bring awareness to the why what and how I eat. Its only been three days but the revelation is amazing. What I learned about my eating habits today just about floored me. See, one of the practices is to eat with full attention and on purpose. Not just shoveling down food while distracted by everything else. So today when I became hungry my intention was to engage in mindful eating. But then I thought "that takes time and I don't have time for that". I realized that I literally don't make time to eat. I have "working lunches" or "lunch and learns" or what ever else name was given for using the 12 o'clock hour to keep working.
    But its not just at work. Its at home too. Just one week ago I told my husband that I get drive through food on the way home from work so I can get eating dinner out of the way so I can focus on mommy duties when I get home.
    WOW. Talk about mind blowing; to realize that I plan such little time for my own sake that I don't even have time to eat.
    That's all I can say to that right now cause to say more would bring tears to my eyes. For real for real. Who treats a human being that way. But yet I do it to myself everyday.
    God bless and thank God for revelation. Because to know better is to do better.
    This is quite a revelation. I have found with counting calories just how much I’ve been forced to be mindful and present for every bite of food. It’s very difficult considering how busy life is, but it’s something you just have to prioritize. Also, when it comes to eating from emotion, the last thing I want is to confront the feelings by focusing... but I believe it’s necessary to heal and change. I saw your other post about finding humour. It does seem a little soon to approach it that way, I personally find no humour either, it’s been a lifelong struggle and burden that I wish I didn’t have... I’m trying to imagine myself employing that strategy and I’m not sure I could. I’d love to hear if you find a way and how you do it :) because imagine finding it funny, if not today then some day.
  • Lrlong82
    Lrlong82 Posts: 85 Member
    edited May 2018
    There seems to be something to this mindfulness thing. To being aware and in the present. I say that because I slowed down enough to gain revelation into another one of my eating habits.
    One day last week a vendor brought food to the office as part of the sales pitch, as all good vendors do. And although I wasn't hungry because I had already eaten, I considered getting one of the breakfast bagels. Why? Initially my thoughts were "Its Panera Bread. And Panera Bread is so delicious. So why not?". Well once I slowed down and considered it, I realized that I look to food for satisfaction. As a source of enjoyment. And dare I say it out loud; as a source of gratification. Instant gratification.
    Challenge: I look to food to flood my brain with dopamine because that "feels good". Does that make me addicted?
    Overcoming obstacle: Now that I am aware I can work through my urges.
    God bless and I'll keep you posted.
  • enjoylife23
    enjoylife23 Posts: 2 Member
    @Lrlong82, as a returning MFP member, I want to say I was blessed to see your post, in reading them; I found myself thinking...I can do this again!! Yes, I was on a great course with becoming healthy but life deals us minor obstacles, marriage problems, loss of a sister and 9 months later a loss of a brother then to end the year with being diagnosed with a tumor in my eye. Wow...enough of that...currently my mind set is get back on the course. My goal is 60/lbs (with the grace of God) thank you again for those encouraging words!!!
  • dsboohead
    dsboohead Posts: 1,899 Member
    Lrlong82 wrote: »
    There seems to be something to this mindfulness thing. To being aware and in the present. I say that because I slowed down enough to gain revelation into another one of my eating habits.
    One day last week a vendor brought food to the office as part of the sales pitch, as all good vendors do. And although I wasn't hungry because I had already eaten, I considered getting one of the breakfast bagels. Why? Initially my thoughts were "Its Panera Bread. And Panera Bread is so delicious. So why not?". Well once I slowed down and considered it, I realized that I look to food for satisfaction. As a source of enjoyment. And dare I say it out loud; as a source of gratification. Instant gratification.
    Challenge: I look to food to flood my brain with dopamine because that "feels good". Does that make me addicted?
    Overcoming obstacle: Now that I am aware I can work through my urges.
    God bless and I'll keep you posted.

    Has anyone told you how well you write? I like reading your entries. Great sentence structure!
  • Lrlong82
    Lrlong82 Posts: 85 Member
    Just when I think I am doing well with passing the sugary snacks when I grocery shop, some evil genius events Golden Oreo O's cereal! What the What!?!?!
    God bless and walk on by.
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