My journey journal

slimNam2016

Am new to this group. I am an emotional eater. but by God's grace I can overcome. we are here to support each other.

Lrlong82

Heard these quotes recently:
1) "Change is a compromise. You have to give up something to get something".
2) "Nothing taste as good as it feels to be thin". Not my favorite. But I get it. Those caught my attention because they spoke to me about tightening up on discipline. About a month or so ago I celebrated what discipline I have acquired over the past year. I fought hard to create that foundation and found what worked in stopping weight gain.
Challenge: Lately I have been frustrated with a lack of progress in losing weight. I am agitated most of the time, my energy level is low and my sleep quality has suffered.
Overcoming challenge: 1) increase fiber intake. I know I feel better when I eat less processed food. 2) stop eating after 4pm. That seems to be my best solution to cut out calories as of right now because I have not been successful with anything else so far. 3) dont go to bed until 10pm because going to sleep too early was disrupting my sleep. I'm hoping that I will start a workout routine once I'm in the habit of staying out of the bed for that extra 90 minutes.
God bless and make that change.

thisPGHlife

So I am still working on reading through your full thread but I had a couple thoughts that I wanted to get out before I lost them. If they have already been said, I'm sorry. I also apologize for the length.

First: I have struggled with the proverbial donut myself and so had my husband. This time around in, what we are now referring to as, our healthy lifestyle (as opposed to before when we were just dieting) we know that this test items that we love are going to magically go away. Something that has been working for me, and I'm supporting my husband in his journey to come to fully realize this, is to make sure it's truly worth it.

At his work people have brought in Krispy Kreme donuts twice recently. He had had one or two, logged them, for them into his calories or made the concepts decision to go over. So these things are progress from the days of overeating and not paying attention. But the thing he said to me, both times, is that he didn't enjoy them. For me, I know that I love Dunkin Donuts old fashioned. Every once in a while (maybe once a month) I'll get one old fashioned and a small cup of blueberry coffee. I will take my time and enjoy it. Do I want more? Heck yes. Can I walk away satisfied? Yes. Because that donut is worth it. If I had a Krispy Kreme, and I'm not knocking their donuts but everyone had preferences, I wouldn't be satisfied so if still be selling more donuts to try and get that satisfaction.

The other thing I wanted to mention is that sometimes we all need a break. I think recently you saw this with your eat whatever day. I'm not saying that we should all go wild with our eating. But sometimes we need to continue practicing our mindful eating habits but do so while eating at maintenance calories. You won't lose any weight but you also won't understand all the positive things you've accomplished. This allows you to take a mental break and have a little breather. Also, it could possibly help with your hunger and satiety hormones by giving them a little break as well. Being on restricted calories for long periods of time can wear you down.

I don't know if any of this will be helpful. Either way, I'm really enjoying reading about your journey. It fills my heart to see the perseverance and self love. I know it can be hard but I am truly rooting for you.

Lrlong82

One week of diet change (although I journaled about it on the 13th I had already started on the 10th). I found it helpful in a number of ways. 1) having the cut off time helped me to eat less calories because I ate less food. 2) the cut off time also helped me to drink more water because that's all I allowed myself after 4pm, I went from 3 cups to at least 6. 3) filling up on fiber and drinking water helped get some things moving! 4) not eating so much all of the time helped me to see how much I ate unnecessarily. I saw that a 1800 calorie lunch lasted me for hours and dispelled my belief that I HAD to eat dinner too. 5) This past week I saw myself back off of taking food home because I knew it would go to waste since I wasn't going to eat it. 6) I ate at home more because eating less made me conscious not to waste my food at home. 7) I felt less sluggish and felt like I had more energy. And lastly. Although I ate what I wanted I was conscious of what I ate because I felt like I had to make it count.
No lie, it was tough. And some days I questioned why I was doing it and/or wanted to give up. I couldnt see myself doing this past three days and not for the rest of my life. But as of today, because of all of the benefits I saw, I made the decision to continue on. I know I get overwhelmed thinking about doing anything for the rest of my life so I'm taking it one day at a time. Especially since I know it will get easier with time. I heard it takes 21 days to form a habit. Whelp... 7 down, 14 to go!
God bless and count your blessings

Lrlong82

Man oh man. I thought I caught my second wind a few months but these past weeks have been phenomenal. 1) Going to bed at 10 instead of 8 has helped improve my sleep quality a bunch. I sleep all through the night with minimal disruptions. I notice that I have more energy throughout the day. Also, I use that extra hour or so for my mental and emotional well being doing things like praying, bible study, time with my husband, etc. 2) Due to a recent change in my youngest son's daycare services, I have an extra thirty minutes in the morning before we have to leave. And since I'm getting some sound sleep I've been pretty good about still getting up at 5am. I've used that time to work out, which is something that I've been missing. It feels so good to hurt this bad! 3) Maintaining a 4pm cut off time continues to be a blessing. My calorie count stayed low, which is a huge joy to see. And with the combination of the low calorie count and the work out I lost one pound this past week! Man oh man. I feel so blessed. Like all of that hard work over the past year has off. Me not giving up on me and with God's grace is what got me to this point. And naturally. No pills like when I first started this journey April 2017. Not using someone else's prescription for my food intake but consistently logging my meals, observing my behaviors and making adjustments until I found what works for me. I feel so blessed.
God bless and THANK GOD!

Lrlong82

Dear Lord, I thank you for your grace. For your mercy and goodness that follows me all the days of my life. I am so thank that throughout this journey you never left me nor did you forsake. You stayed with me, shielding me from hurt harm and danger. Through the sacrifice made by your son Jesus Christ, I was found worthy to commune with you as you walked with me. And through the strength of the Holy Spirit I persevered. I thank you for all the ways that you made for me. All of the doors that you opened along the way. For the support that came my way. I thank you Lord for every person that poured into my life. And now dear Lord, I pray for those who are also on this journey. I pray that they first, come to know you as their heavenly father. I pray that they accept the love shown on Calvary, the love of Jesus Christ, that price that was paid so that they can be washed free from sin and redeemed back to you. And through that love I pray that they find peace for today and hope for tomorrow. Dear Lord, my God and my heavenly father, I pray that others may come to know you in such a way that they overflow with blessings. That the wisdom and the strength of the Holy Spirit over take them and seal them with your promises. Let them be full. Let them be whole. And let them be free to be what you have called them to be. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

dyfalbarhad

Dear Lrlong82

I just read your entire journal and I want to commend you for showing up and logging your food despite the trials and tribulations of struggling with a serious illness, and by that I mean obesity. I see you hit a low point in July and logged a 5000 cal binge, which is very useful data because it showed you just how bad your food addiction is- and how important it is to get treatment for it. Maintenance caloric requirement for a woman of 237 pounds is 2400 calories, so that kind of binge risks propelling you to an even higher weight.

Right now, I think your priority is simply not to gain. (I don't know where you are exactly weight wise, because you had dropped to 207ish, but you have recorded struggling since, so I suspect you have regained some or much of it.) So it's really important to acknowledge your obesity as the life threatening condition that it is, because it is a progressive disease and can worsen. Just stabilizing at your current weight is a victory. And kudos to you for logging, even when it reveals painful truths.

I think that your doctor proposed way too aggressive a goal for you- losing 10-12 pounds in a month. Rapid weight loss is often counter productive because it triggers our fears and it also slows down our metabolism. People end up being able to eat less than before they started their diet. It's not worth it. Go on the maintenance page and read the stories there. Some people took several years to reach their goal weight. Some accepted goal weights that are higher than "ideal" and feel healthy and happy anyway.

Cutting your calories to 1250, as your doctor prescribed, is really low and likely to result in rebound eating, which you have experienced. Your idea to focus on keeping your calories below 2000 is a good one. Baby steps. A sedentary 200 pound woman of your age and height can supposedly eat 1900 calories a day in maintenance (obviously individual metabolism can affect this.) Add in a bit of exercise and you might take off a few more pounds. (I would not, however, give yourself permission to eat all the exercise calories back, since calculations are inexact and could lead to overeating.) You've already discovered how much better you felt at around 200 than at 237. Focus on that feeling.

Lastly, I note and sympathize with your feelings of depression around your eating situation. Addiction is a tough affliction to grapple with. I think it's really good that you are participating here on MFP and that it is an outlet for sharing feelings. I would also ask if you have the means to go to a therapist once a week to explore these feelings "What does it matter?" "Why bother?" because I think getting to the root might really be helpful.

I think right now rather than focusing on a far away goal weight or attempting rapid weight loss, it's more important to try to change your relationship with food and to explore why you feel so empty. But I think you've already discovered a better approach when you say, [I'm] "Not using someone else's prescription for my food intake but consistently logging my meals, observing my behaviors and making adjustments until I found what works for me." Way to go!

And keep showing up here!

Lrlong82

From beginning to now!

dyfalbarhad

Wow! Looking great! Taking off 30# is a wonderful achievement! Hang in there!

GaleHawkins

Lrlong82 wrote: »

A couple of years ago I was working with a troubled teen and her family. The young lady was very smart, resourceful, head strong but very rebellious. A lot of her complaint was a fight for independence as she often argued with her parents about what she wanted to do. One day her father said something to her that really stuck with me. He said "you can have what you want. You just have to change your mind about what you want". Of course my client didn't want to hear that. All she wanted to hear was yes to all her demands, which none were healthy or wise decisions.
When I look back over my life, and think things over

I like what the father said. I now can eat all that I want but my wants had to change first.

Keep up your great work.

Lrlong82

Wednesday Wishes... At this moment in my life I wish I didn't have to work so hard at this. I wish that it came easily. However, I think back to Paul's writing in II Corinthians Chapter12. He said that God afflicted him with a thorn in his side to keep him humble. And I also consider the man at the well of Bethesda who was lame all of his life. All others thought it was sin that caused his afflection but Jesus said it was all for God's glory. So I say, to God be the glory.

ahoy_m8

I share your observation. As a long time maintainer, sometimes it seems to take more effort than it should. It would be nice if it came easily, but feeling good is worth every bit of the effort so I don’t regret or begrudge working at it. You have an inspiring perspective and lovely smile. Press on!

Lrlong82

Challenge: the struggle of why? "Why can't I have it?" Intellectually I know its healthier not to have everything I want. But I still desire those things.
Overcoming challenge: instead of focusing on why I can't have it, I will explore why do I want it. In a non judgemental way, examine what desire I am trying to fulfill and seek a healthier alternative.
As I type this I'm having the feeling that I've said this before. So I guess this is a reminder to myself to start doing that again. This may seem tedious at first but if I keep with it, then I know I will grow stronger in this area. I will be able to satisfy my desires without battling over my decisions or fighting off guilt over an unhealthy life style.
Also, a while back I wrote that I needed some help. So I started using my insurance's Be Well Coaching program. I speak with someone every other week to get help with improving my lifestyle. I'm thankful for the understanding ear, the accountability and words of encouragement. It helps. Prayers do to!
God bless and thanks for the help.

Lrlong82

Today I was faced with a decision to eat a donut or not eat a donut. And instead of asking myself "why can't I?", I asked "why do I want to?". Interesting thing happened; I didnt have a good reason. This surprised me because I'm only used to not having a motivating enough answer for "why can't I". I'm used to talking myself into it because "why can't I" fostered feelings of frustration and being left out and being deprived. But when I asked "why do I want to", the only answer I had was "because its sweet and taste good". But beyond that I had no valid reason. And that just wasn't a good enough answer. So I didnt eat the donut. I actually had a piece of gum instead. Which was a win win because it was sweet and it freshned my breath!
Bless God and think things over

Lrlong82

Hard to believe that November was my last check in. But then again, yes I can. Since my last check-in I have put more effort into changing my food life style. It started in January with a 21 day Daniel Fast. Only whole grains, fruits, vegetables, dairy, 100% fruit juice, nuts/seeds, beans/legumes and lots of water. I felt so much better after just the first day of clean eating that I decided to extend that plan for 42 more days. After that I added honey, poultry, seafood, butter, kettle cooked chips and hot tea. I also had a cheat dinner with my husband.
I've lost 10 pounds. My digestive tract is happy. Sleep is good. I even feed my kids better.
Bless God cause its all good.

Lrlong82

Recent life lessons: a motivational assessment taught me the two basic drives for behavior: 1.obtain pleasure/satisfaction 2. avoid pain/suffering. I learned that my motivation is obtaining pleasure. Probably why my mom's negative consequences did nothing to deter my defiant pursuits for happiness! Also why my change in lifestyle was frequently challenged with frustration of feeling left out and restricted.
Overcoming challenge: 1) find new foods to love. This is helpful because I am more likely to reach for something that is pleasurable. And if that honey crisp apple or trail mix is pleasurable to me then it positively reinforces clean eating. It also decreases feeling left out because I can obtain as much enjoyment eating my sweet and savory trail mix as I would eating peanut m&m's. And with less guilt!
2) Cheat days work too. I used to think that I would have to bare knuckle my way through life never eating anything but whats on my approved clean eating list. Not to be mistaken, I love my food. But what happens on vacation, date night or girl's night out? I was recently faced with those decisions. For girls night out I had a grilled chicken salad and felt good. For date night I had supreme nachos and chocolate cake. Initially I was worried that I had "fallen of the wagon". But the next day I was back to eating the clean foods I enjoy. So I didnt feel so bad. Matter of fact my cheat day helped to even more decrease that feeling of restriction. No more struggle with taking it one day at time. I know that I can eat what I want because I had that day. And I am reinforced with the idea that I also want to eat clean. Not because I have to. But because I enjoy it as much as I enjoy all other foods so I want to. Man oh man... What a revelation.

Evalen306

Lrlong83, I know that the only way that I can make it through the day is by prayer. I went to the store the other day just to pick up three things, I prayed Father just let me get though the store and get just the three things. I came out of the store an praised God that I did make it. You see sometimes in the store I lie to myself and say God I can handle this, I can eat just one serving, but the truth is I really know I can't. If I buy it I eat it. So I have to rely on God to help me not do that. There are foods I cannot have in my house. Perhaps one day I will be able to do that, but not yet.
I am also a believer and I know one thing I cannot do this without God.
I will be praying for you along with my prays, If you have a day that you fall, then just pick yourself up, brush yourself off and keep going. We are not perfect people, You can do this, I know that you can, you sound very happy and excited and with Gods help you will make it. He has your best interest at hand and loves you so much. He is always there for us. Keep up the good work . Such a inspiring and great post. God Bless you

Daisy_Girl2019

Add me! I'm on 1200 cal diet too and I love to share recipes on my page.