My journey journal

Lrlong82

I am close to turning 35. Married. 2 kids (1 and 6). Professional Counselor in practice for almost 10 years. I have strong support through my large loving family. I love laughing, living and giving. I am a believer and proud to say that I live a blessed life because God has been good to me. I say all that first to help me keep things in perspective. During my annual history and physical my doctor gave me a talking to. I am 5'4 and 235lbs. Although I didn't gain any weight from last year, lab worked revealed that I am pre diabetic now because of my unhealthy life style. I have a sedatary job, I don't exercise and I eat whatever I want when ever I want. The news from my was kind of a bummer. Should be more motivation to lose weight though. Especially since my paternal grandfather passed away due to diabetic complications and my father is diabetic. Another motivator is my love for giving. I give my time, my counsel, my love and the love of Christ. I believe if I looked better than people would be more accepting of my offerings. Other motivators include modeling a healthy life style for my kids. But honestly, those are not the biggest reasons for my desire to lose weight. My motivation for weight loss is me. I want to look as good on the outside as I feel on the inside. I will admit that I am scared. I feel overwhelmed about the goals. And I already feel like giving up before I even start! So I started this journey journal to help me keep things in perspective. If you are reading this, I encourage you to share your journey with me too. Thanks for letting me share. God bless and fill in the blank!

Lrlong82

Here is the plan my doctor gave me:
1) Don't skip meals. (That was easy! ).
2) No eating after 7pm
3) No starches for dinner, just meat and veggies.
4) 1200 calories a day
5) Drink plenty of water
6) Exercise; 10 minutes x 5 days or 30 minutes x 3 days
7) No fried foods
I'm certain there was much more but that's about all my nerves can handle.
Challenge: Right now I'm so afraid of failing that I haven't gotten out of the bed yet. I have this fear that once I start eating, I'm going to mess up. I feel paralyzed. I don't want to end this day feeling like a failure which is why I haven't started.
Facing the challenge: Plan. Breakfast will be cereal (hot or cold). Apple and peanut butter for a snack. (That's as far a head as I can think right now) Take it one choice at a time. End my day with reflection, not criticism. Recognize my strengths, identify my short comings and look for ways to improve.
God bless and get going!

JeromeBarry1

Use the mfp food diary to record the exact weight, raw, of the food you eat. You'll need a digital kitchen scale.
Your doctor gave you a one-size fits all recommendation which won't hurt you. If you were to instead choose to abide by the calorie limits proposed by myfitnesspal based upon your actual gender, height, weight, and activity level, which is sedentary, you'd find that right now you could eat a bit more than 1200 and still lose weight. You'd find that you could exercise a bit more or less than 10 minutes a day and still lose weight. Until you lose your first 20 and start getting some confidence in your logging, there's no need to try to introduce starches, but you'll eventually learn that starches are measurable and controllable.

Lrlong82

Thanks JeromeBarry1, for your encouraging words. Funny enough, when I put my goals into MFp, daily recommended calories was 1200!

usmcmp

Lrlong82 wrote: »

Thanks JeromeBarry1, for your encouraging words. Funny enough, when I put my goals into MFp, daily recommended calories was 1200!

I'm guessing you selected that you wanted to lose 2 pounds per week. That's an aggressive goal and it's very hard to stick to. Try changing it to lose 1 pound per week. That's easier to stick to and gives you some flexibility.

SweetP27

Don't try to change everything at once. That becomes overwhelming and frustrating. Get used to logging your food. (All of it! ) Then start making changes. When one things becomes a habit - choose the next. Read the forums - you'll learn so much! Make (add) friends - they will really make the difference. They celebrate with you, encourage you and sometimes give you a boot in the backside. You can do this!

Lrlong82

Finished! And today was a good day. No fried foods. Ate less than 1300 calories.
Grocery shopping today was a little tough though because I wanted to buy everything that I thought would help. Had to slow down and pace myself. I figure I'll learn more about what I want and need as time progresses. Also, I observed that one of my eating habits is eating until I am full. I noticed that I didn't feel satisfied unless I felt full. Not a problem. Just another opportunity to overcome a challenge. But for now, I'm feeling pretty good. Thank God for a good day. I'm treating myself to a Redbox movie tonight.

Lrlong82

True story on how I got started this time. I saw ads about the Shape Up weight loss program at my doctor's office ever since I started going to that office three years ago. Never thought anything about it. Matter of fact, I've been researching gastric surgery as my weight loss plan. I'm tired of yo yo dieting and didn't think I had the motivation to go down this road again. But one day at work I meant someone who had success with the program and decided to give it a try. I had my first appointment this past Thursday. Honestly my expectation was to get a prescription for an appetite suppressant\metabolism booster and B12 injection. I didn't think the office had or would offer me anything else. Well, after the nurse took my money and gave me the first injection the doctor came to see me and spoke to me about my eating habits. He talked to me and educated me on changes that I needed to make in order to accomplish the goals I set for myself. I will say that I was impressed and disappointed at the same time because I didn't expect to have to do any work. Don't judge me! Sooooo, here I am. Back at it again. I figure this is what I signed up for so I might as well do it. God bless and thank God.

Lrlong82

A couple of years ago I was working with a troubled teen and her family. The young lady was very smart, resourceful, head strong but very rebellious. A lot of her complaint was a fight for independence as she often argued with her parents about what she wanted to do. One day her father said something to her that really stuck with me. He said "you can have what you want. You just have to change your mind about what you want". Of course my client didn't want to hear that. All she wanted to hear was yes to all her demands, which none were healthy or wise decisions.
When I look back over my life, and think things over

houghd

This is my first time ever posting. I read your posts and feel we walk the same shoes. I want to thank you for starting My Journal Journal. I look forward to reading your posts as I get myself back on track as well. What the father said to his troubled teen "you can have what you want, you just have to change your mind about what you want"...wow...did I ever need to read that!

tricia5715

Welcome to MFP from another new poster. I started April 3rd - I've lost 5.6 pounds so far. I am taking it really slow - no appreciable exercise yet (I, too, have a very sedentary lifestyle) I'll tackle that eventually. Like you, I had a sitting down w/my dr. at my physical last year and she was tracking my weight having me go back each month for three months. There was no weight loss. Here I am approaching my next annual physical and I absolutely cannot go back w/no effort to show. So I started here the beginning of the month - my goal is to lose 1.5 lbs per week - my daily calorie intake is 1520. I put my FitBit back on a few days ago - not to track exercise but to have the data of what my "normal" is so I have that to take into consideration when making exercise goals. My only plan for exercise is to walk, do the elliptical I have in my family room (I got for free from FreeCycle) and to put my iPod on and boogie to the music randomly for 15 min per day lol. Anyway, I'm eating what I want and losing weight and I feel good. I also have diabetes breathing down my neck and high blood pressure. I want to eliminate those - and, oh yes I have sleep apnea and need to use a CPAP machine - ugh! I want to get rid of that as well.

I am also a believer and know that God wants the best for me and has designed me to be healthy. Its my own poor choices that have gotten me into this mess but God is good and does not abandon us - He is my partner to get me through this!

Good luck! You can (and will!) do it.

Lrlong82

I realize I am in my current shape because I wanted to be. No I don't want to be morbidly obese and pre diabetic. But I didn't want to change because I didn't want to "restrict myself". Even with weight gain, pain in my knees and back, insomnia, chronic constant ever lasting constipation and fatigue I still didn't want to change and I made excuses not to. I told my self that I'm too old and stuck in my ways to change. I used my self esteem as an excuse, telling myself that I love me for me and not how I look. I told myself that it doesn't matter what size I am, as long as I can wear cute clothes. And when I became too big to wear the clothes I like, I blamed the stores for not having a bigger variety. I used my husband's love as an excuse, saying he loves all my curves so I don't need to change. I used the all too common excuse that eating healthy costs too much money and that I don't have time to exercise. I rationalized my behaviors by blaming others, telling myself that others have a higher metabolism than I do. I also allowed the fear of failure to paralyze me. I told myself that even if I lost weight I would eventually fall off and gain all it back, like I've done at least 3 times before. I even used Oprah Winfrey to justify that rationalization

Nikion901

Yep, what you describe is how many of us have allowed ourselves to stay obese. To keep from having to go down that long hard road to changing our body size and metabolic profile. To stay that fear of someday becoming disabled ... yet we don't truely feel/realize that by allowing ourselves to stay the way we are that we will face disability, or early death. We just cannot really, really comprehend it, even when we logically know it can happen to us because it has happened to loved ones or others we know.

Well ... take it from me ... who am now in my 70's and trying to do what I should have done when I was in my 40's ... get out of the obese category and just hope to even make it into the simple overweight class. Except now, for me, disability has already become a truth ... and believe me ... it makes it that much harder!

The suggestions you have had from others before me, and what your doctor told you to do are sensible and will have the effect of slimming you down.

My suggestion is about that need to feel full before you stop eating ... I was this way as well. Until I tried not filling up as much and found that it actually felt good to not have a bloated full belly that weighs me down even more than the actual weight I carry does. One tip to eat a bit less but still get full is what I'll share with you .... drink a big tall glass of water BEFORE you start to eat ... and don't drink anything with your meal. If you usually have a drink with your meal, save it for after you eat everything, then drink it. This is, of itself, slow you down as you eat because you will need to chew you food more thoroughly and you will need to take smaller bites to make chewing completely easier to do. That will, in and of itself, start to reduce how much you need to push down your gullet to make you feel full.

Give it a try. It works for me.

Lrlong82

This app is awesome. It has developed so much from when I first started using it years ago. I liked it then but I love it now. ❤

Chooklet57

Good on you Lriong82. You have started! Congratulations! There are plenty of people here who will help you on your journey. I have only recently started posting but have used the app for 18months. The other posts on here are really helpful. I was where you are at 3 years ago. I lost 36kgs (79lbs). I gained back 8kgs but that's OK, as I figure I'm learning how to maintain (after I lose again!). MFP is great, just be true to yourself. Be honest with what you log. I am 59yrs now and had been obese for 25 years. SweetP27 is right, just change one thing at a time. Once you are logging your food regularly you are learning about what you eat and where to save calories or how to burn them thru a bit of exercise. My biggest problem was eating after dinner at night... yes I liked to go to bed with a full belly as well. I ate pretty well during the day. I knew the one thing, if I could change it - was to cut down the late night sabotaging. Drink water, sit on my hands, iron, sort my lunch for the next day, phone a friend. I set up a reminder on my Ipad at 8pm. "Thats it now Stop!" Perhaps that will be my new evening distraction activity...check MFP site for your updates as well as others. Group hug! Good luck with your journey, to finding "you" again!

Lrlong82

BEen thinking about this for a couple days so I thought I'd share.
My husband and I recently went on a cruise to the Bahamas. One of the excursions we went on was a 2 mile kayak tour. This was both of our first time and quite an experience. I remember being more than half way through and looking around at all of the water. Water in front of me, behind me, to the left and to the right. And then it hit me, I couldn't stop paddling if I wanted to. There was a distination I had to get to and that was how I was going to get there. I couldn't turn around. I couldn't walk away. I didn't have my car near by to drive off. And even if I stopped paddling, that would have really only been a break because I had to press on in order to get to my destination. I'll admit that I felt some anxiety about that for a second, like I was stuck in the middle of no where. But as I continued to paddle the anxiety subsided because I was back working towards my distination.
I consider that the WHY for my weight loss needs to be like the distination on that kayak tour, do or die. Not that I was in any real or imminent danger of dying or that I want to be! I just want a reason that demands that I continue with healthy living. Even if I want to stop, or give up, if I lose my motivation or even lose support from others, I want a WHY that requires that I keep going inspite of because the only way I am going accomplish that WHY is to press on.
With that being said, I honestly don't know WHY I'm doing this. Granted, there are numerous and unmeasurable benefits of being healthy. My first post was about some of them. And I hope to experience them, all of them. But as I think them over, I feel no since of urgency within myself. Nothing that I believe will hold my attention longer than a year. Nothing that will sustain me and keep me from returning to my old habits.
So I guess my WHY for right now is "might as well ". When and if it changes I will share that as well.

Lrlong82

April 13th was my first visit to the Shape Up weight loss center. The doctor set my first month weight loss goal for 12 lbs. I tell you, my nerves were bad when I heard that. It sounded quite impossible. I tried to talk the doctor into lowering his standards but he was having none of that! If anything he recommended more support from the center, recommending weekly weigh ins for right now instead of monthly. Needless to say, it's been one week and time for my weigh in. I was so nervous because I didn't know what to expect. I "fixed my fork " (as my personal training cousin would say!) but I hadn't done any exercise. So was I looking at 1 or 2 pounds lost? Maybe 3 or 4? I secretly was hoping for six but didn't want to acknowledge that out of fear of disappointment. I was already struggling with how I would feel if it were only 1 or 2 pounds. Whelp. .. when I stepped on the scale I immediately noticed a difference. Last week I was so bloated that I couldn't see the numbers. This week I could see them clearly. And it said I was 7 pounds lighter!!! That was such a huge validation to my efforts. The nurse was so proud of me. My husband too. As for me and my feelings, I took it in stride because I have to stay focused. This is supposed to be a lifestyle change so I can't get stuck on the numbers. My weight is a symptom of my life style, not the goal. So God bless, good job and press on.

Lrlong82

Weight loss rewards:
230 - hugs and kisses from hubby

Lrlong82

220 - bath and body work set (soap, lotion and body spray
210 - flowers
200 - big exercise ball
190 - bring out old clothes that I stored away because I could no longer fit
180 - donate 1x - 3x clothes as a commitment to healthy living
170 - beach body DVD set
160 - shopping spree

Lrlong82

I go back to something I heard once "you can have what you want. You just have to change your mind about what you want ". I am changing my mind about my goal weight. That comes from me changing my mind about dieting. I don't want to diet. I want a lifestyle change. Therefore my goal weight is a reflection of the lifestyle I want to live. My lifestyle for the past couple of years supported a weight of 235 lbs. But recent changes to my eating habits no longer support that weight. There are some additional changes I plan to make in the near future, specifically increasing my activity level. Not sure what weight this life style will sustain. But I'm certain its going to be better than before! God bless and focus on life, not weight.

spingirl605

I have bookmarked your post. I love that you're just telling your story! It is inspiring!! Congratulations on the recent loss...You've got this Lrlong82!! Just keep going...You're doing it, and you're doing great!! I am going to continue to check in on you...I hope more people read your story.

Good luck and God bless!

Lrlong82

"....change your mind about what you want. "
During these past two weeks I have focused on improving my eating habits. I also took some time to get in two 30 minute work out sessions each week as well. Fortune for me, I've always had a desire for physical fitness. I love the idea of moving and sweating and pushing the body to the limit. So one of my wellness goals is to incorporate more physical fitness into my daily routine. Funny think though, I liked the idea of working out more than I liked the actual work out! . During physical activities, I tended to minimize movements and efforts to avoid the burn. I didn't like my legs to hurt. Or my arms. Or my abs. I was particularly hateful of cardio because I hated increased heart rate and breathing. Because I struggled with asthma as a child, cardio triggered me to hyper ventilate and my heart pounding felt so uncomfortable . So I was never a fan of strong work outs. I loved the fantasy of it. I admired others who did it. But none for me please. However, over these past two weeks I noticed a change in my thinking. During my workouts I actually appreciated the pain. Why? Because I appreciated the fact that I was working my muscles. Also, I loved that it was a pain I controlled. Because I'm obese my body was usually in pain any way. Lower back pain, knee pain and hip pain. But a work out was a special kind of pain. The pain of working and healthy living. Not from deterioration and failing health. I embraced that old mantra "no pain, no gain". I will admit, I'm still not a fan of cardio though. But hey. .. One day/one change at a time. God bless and feel the burn!

Lrlong82

Progress report: I'm sleeping better! For so long I struggled with insomnia. I would get in the bed and toss and turn for at least an hour. And when I finally fell asleep I wouldn't stay a sleep. I called what I did "napping" . Eventually I started using herbal sleep aids like melatonin, which kind of worked. When I spoke to my doctor about it she let me know that my lifestyle was to blame. And she was right. Around 8pm I took melatonin and then I spent the next hour eating Oreo cookies. Even though I learned early on that food is fuel I refused to believe that my cookies were keeping me up at night. But it was true. Now that I've stopped eating after seven and cut out all that sugar I've had a whole week of restful sleep. God bless and thank God for change.

sunshower786

Your posts speak to my spirit on so many levels. It seems you are on a path to making this journey one that can last a lifetime. I will be reading your post and praying for your continued success. Be encoraged and God bless.

Lrlong82

Soooo. ... The newness has worn off and the excitement has faded. My friend referred to it as "losing the new car smell ". I believe I lost some of the luster at last week's weigh in because I had only lost one pound. And I recognize that I am a little bummed about not seeing progress visually or in a decrease in my clothing size. I figure this is that time when my reason A.K.A the "why am I doing this" kicks in. Now that this is boring and just a part of my life I find that I encourage myself about other things besides my size. One motivator is that I get better sleep. Another is that I have more energy. I also appreciate not having knee, hip and back pain. But honestly that's not what keeps me going. I think what keeps me going is the fact that I wanted to do this for a while. I've thought about it for so long that it feels good to actually do what I want. So I guess I have to give thanks to God for being the author and the finisher of my faith. God bless and thank God

Lrlong82

CBT- cognitive behavior therapy, is about retraining the brain. The basis of this approach is that thoughts precede action. Our decisions are based off of beliefs about our selves and the world around us. We either talk ourselves into or out of an action/ behavior. So as I'm growing into a healthy life style I'm taking note of some of my beliefs and thoughts that perpetuated unhealthy actions/behaviors. Most have centered around food. One thing I've learned is that I have a "like there's no tomorrow " mentality\belief about eating and food. This led me to over eat because I didn't consider that I would eat later. I wanted all of everything during one meal. I wanted bread, protein and sweets so I ate it all at once. Not spreading it out over three meals. And I ate like that every meal. Well, thank God for revelation. Now that I know better I am doing better. 14 pounds down in 4 weeks to show for my efforts! Bless God and change your mind

susanp57

Hi OP, I'm enjoying reading your story and would be glad to help if need be, though I'm no expert.

I come from a long line of diabetics. My mother was. Of my 4 grandparents, 3 were. I'm not gonna be.

One thing I just noted in reading your story is your workouts. Find things you like to do. I was something of an athlete when I was younger. Things I like to do are different. Vigorous fitness walking which can lead to hiking. Riding a bike. Dancing like an idiot. I really did not like Beachbody P90X because I found him kinda skeevy. Plus it was too structured.

I have also started to do advance meal prep which is all over the net right now. There is a small thread in the recipe section about it. Saves time in the long run and on a Wednesday night it's nice not to have to make a decision about supper because it is already made.

HTH,

Lrlong82

Good morning. I Thank God for everyone that responds to these posts. I am sharing my life through this journal and in doing so I have gained so much support and encouragement. I pray that our words be a blessing, a lesson and motivation to others. Especially anyone who is in need of an inspiring word. I pray that people find comfort in knowing that they are not alone on this journey and find courage to share their story as well. May our words edify and build each other. Amen. God bless and keep sharing.

Danielle6327

Lrlong82 wrote: »

"....change your mind about what you want. "
During these past two weeks I have focused on improving my eating habits. I also took some time to get in two 30 minute work out sessions each week as well. Fortune for me, I've always had a desire for physical fitness. I love the idea of moving and sweating and pushing the body to the limit. So one of my wellness goals is to incorporate more physical fitness into my daily routine. Funny think though, I liked the idea of working out more than I liked the actual work out! . During physical activities, I tended to minimize movements and efforts to avoid the burn. I didn't like my legs to hurt. Or my arms. Or my abs. I was particularly hateful of cardio because I hated increased heart rate and breathing. Because I struggled with asthma as a child, cardio triggered me to hyper ventilate and my heart pounding felt so uncomfortable . So I was never a fan of strong work outs. I loved the fantasy of it. I admired others who did it. But none for me please. However, over these past two weeks I noticed a change in my thinking. During my workouts I actually appreciated the pain. Why? Because I appreciated the fact that I was working my muscles. Also, I loved that it was a pain I controlled. Because I'm obese my body was usually in pain any way. Lower back pain, knee pain and hip pain. But a work out was a special kind of pain. The pain of working and healthy living. Not from deterioration and failing health. I embraced that old mantra "no pain, no gain". I will admit, I'm still not a fan of cardio though. But hey. .. One day/one change at a time. God bless and feel the burn!

Thanks for the update I will use it

Danielle6327

Lrlong82 wrote: »

Here is the plan my doctor gave me:
1) Don't skip meals. (That was easy! ).
2) No eating after 7pm
3) No starches for dinner, just meat and veggies.
4) 1200 calories a day
5) Drink plenty of water
6) Exercise; 10 minutes x 5 days or 30 minutes x 3 days
7) No fried foods
I'm certain there was much more but that's about all my nerves can handle.
Challenge: Right now I'm so afraid of failing that I haven't gotten out of the bed yet. I have this fear that once I start eating, I'm going to mess up. I feel paralyzed. I don't want to end this day feeling like a failure which is why I haven't started.
Facing the challenge: Plan. Breakfast will be cereal (hot or cold). Apple and peanut butter for a snack. (That's as far a head as I can think right now) Take it one choice at a time. End my day with reflection, not criticism. Recognize my strengths, identify my short comings and look for ways to improve.
God bless and get going!

Thanks for the update I will use it contact me if u we would like to help me my email is hutchensjulieann1992@gmail.com

Lrlong82

Saw it. Loved it. Thought I'd use it for my journal as well. Especially since there are days I want to write but don't have words to say. Figured this would help:

GOALS and IDEAS for daily posts
1) Monday - Check In (how am I doing? Had any successes or struggles this week-end?)
2) Tuesday - Goals (do I have any Goals I want to update?)
3) Wednesday - Wishes (what do I wish? It can be weight related or not, can be realistic or not)
4)Thursday - Truth (got anything I need to fess up to or get off my chest?)
5) Friday - Fitness (what am I doing to get fit? How am I preparing for weekend eating?
6) Saturday - Success (what have I accomplished; focus on the positive of the week, NSV=non scale victories)
7)Sunday - Sharing (tell a little about self....update personal life)