Question for Ladies who have Lost Weight
JillianRumrill
Posts: 335 Member
I have this nagging fear in the back of my head that once I drop all my weight and look like the stunning beauty I know I am (oh so humble!), I'm scared people will mess with me.
Being overweight all my life has been like a suit of armor, nobody would dare kidnap the "fat girl" (and if they could, they've earned it!). I know that this fear stems from my mom's paranoid/anxiety disorder and it is irrational. Most people are good and decent. I already know first hand as I am a people person.
I'm just worried things will change, that all of a sudden, masked assailants will jump out of the bushes or strange weirdos will try to grab my butt. Please tell me this is not true, that nothing really changes (I don't mind a few cat-calls tho, I quite enjoy that LOL).
Being overweight all my life has been like a suit of armor, nobody would dare kidnap the "fat girl" (and if they could, they've earned it!). I know that this fear stems from my mom's paranoid/anxiety disorder and it is irrational. Most people are good and decent. I already know first hand as I am a people person.
I'm just worried things will change, that all of a sudden, masked assailants will jump out of the bushes or strange weirdos will try to grab my butt. Please tell me this is not true, that nothing really changes (I don't mind a few cat-calls tho, I quite enjoy that LOL).
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Replies
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So far, all the feedback has been positive. I haven't been accosted or received unwanted attention.
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If your really worried about it, why don't you add some self defense and kick boxing courses to your exercise regime?
Then they'd be dealing with a stunning beauty that can take care of herself and knock them on their *kitten*!!
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I agree with the self defense class! If your worried about it then this could really help you3
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You could do like I did and wait til you're in your 60's to lose the weight. No cat calls and the only one to grab my butt is my hubby. Oh how I wish I'd done this many years ago, but better late than never.13
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Running away from over zealous admirers just adds to my calorie burn26
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bikecheryl wrote: »If your really worried about it, why don't you add some self defense and kick boxing courses to your exercise regime?
Then they'd be dealing with a stunning beauty that can take care of herself and knock them on their *kitten*!!
You must be a Dad of daughters! If you aren't you should be
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Guys can be creepy no matter your size. Last night, a creepy guy at the gym used the treadmill next to me (there were like 20 others not directly next to me to choose from). I brushed it off as he was awkward, then he left. But apparently he was watching me somewhere because he followed me to my car in the dark to tell me I looked good and he “likes ‘em plump.” I weigh ~330 pounds, and this guy was old enough to be my father. BARF.10
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Its not like you go from your current size to the stunning beauty in one day.
For me they have to catch me first if they wanna grab me or my butt. Learn to run, maybe kickboxing too.4 -
I've only lost 20 lbs so I don't have advice, but I have this same fear! I want to travel the world and for some reason I worry being thin will increase my chances of being assaulted or kidnapped. I really want to take self defense classes and build up my strength so that I will feel less vulnerable, just knowing I have the ability to defend myself will probably ease my mind a ton.2
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Nope. But my husband says I have a constant 'don't fu*k with me' look, so there's that.11
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TenaciousGymKitten wrote: »Ok.. this is called "stalking" and the police should have been called. No part of that was acceptable.
Totally. I plan on letting the gym know when I go back tonight.9 -
If you have a kim k butt, be prepared for people to try to at least smack it. It's been happening to me ever since i developed it at 18. Do i mind? No. I mind when the grabbing happens. Unless you know me and i like you, you'll lose a hand.
As for the kidnapping/assault...ive never heard of that happening just because someone looks good.3 -
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Predators look for victims, not for "pretty" or "hot". They want someone who won't fight back. They want to get away with it. People aren't kidnapped because of being attractive, it's more about opportunity and vulnerability. Learn to protect yourself.28
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We have a toxic association in our culture that tells us that when a woman is “beautiful” she is “small” and “prey.” To get past your anxiety, stop thinking that your goal is to lose weight and be prettier. Make your goal to be stronger and more athletic - to do 100 push ups, to run a certain race, etc. Don’t measure your success in pounds lost but but pounds you can lift.
You will meet some badass, beautiful women on your journey (it won’t be a short one) who will help you stop equating prettiness and victimhood. But that takes time. Right now, just start by changing your goal.20 -
You may get more attention but I doubt anyone will jump out and grab you, but why not take a martial arts class and learn how to fight while getting leaner.1
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I've gotten more attention but not negatively. I enjoy the compliments! : D2
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Unfortunately, as your looks change you may appeal to a wider audience since "skinny" is the so called "standard" of beauty in the US. I haven't noticed any strangers hitting on me or being creepy, it's actually been people that I already know that have come out of the woodwork. Some that I've known for YEARS are all of a sudden asking me out and even my trainer who has been training me for over a year recently started asking about my relationship status and hinting that he likes me.
I wouldn't let this fear of being treated differently be a deterrent to your weight loss goals just know that if someone is really interested in you they would be at any size...2 -
Well, I'm tall, 5'11. I was tall when I was 193lbs and I'm tall now at 142lbs. So the scared of being "small and defenseless" really wasn't an issue for me at either weight. It's not like people see me as frail and week. I'm still towering over most of them. And for the unwanted attention, honestly, I didn't become that much better looking. Just thinner. People see I'm 193 anymore, but I'm still me.
Honestly, it sounds like you are trying to find reasons not to lose the weight. Like part of you is scared what it will be like. It's really no different. Your clothes are smaller. You fit on planes easier (but honestly even at a BMI 19.8, I still have issues on planes...). You can move easier, you are lighter. That's it. It's not like when you get to goal weight you automatically walk the run ways of Milan. You may have more confidence, you may not.
But I do have to say, losing the weight is worth it. For your health and just your well being. I never felt good overweight. I feel like I should now.6 -
If you honestly have a fear of this, and since you have a mother with an anxiety disorder, may I suggest therapy. I’m not saying that in a bitchy way. I had a mother with mental problems also, and therapy greatly helped me. Hoping the same for you.8
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Even when I was 18, fit right into that beauty standard of an hourglass figure and a bmi of 19.4 I was treated with respect by men. Did I get a lot of attention? Yes. Was I ever touched inappropriately? No. Even during my backpack trip in europe for a month, when I was all by myself wandering the streets at night, nothing happened.
As long as you don't dress to provoke that kind of treatment and carry yourself confidently I wouldn't worry about a thing. If you keep worrying about it I think others have made excellent suggestions. Good luck overcoming your fears!1 -
I'd be careful if I were you.0
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Oh yeah I'm getting more attention after losing 30-plus pounds, sometimes it can be overwhelming but nothing crazy. I personally don't care for the attention and i don't need it. I'm also petite 5'2" , curvy and losing weight makes me look even smaller and probably an easy target for some BUT I dare anyone one to try me. I live in a busy metro city and I go out walking by myself. I'm always in control. I've always had a higher than average self-confidence. No one messes with me without my permission. I don't even worry about it.1
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JillianRumrill wrote: »I have this nagging fear in the back of my head that once I drop all my weight and look like the stunning beauty I know I am (oh so humble!), I'm scared people will mess with me.
Being overweight all my life has been like a suit of armor, nobody would dare kidnap the "fat girl" (and if they could, they've earned it!). I know that this fear stems from my mom's paranoid/anxiety disorder and it is irrational. Most people are good and decent. I already know first hand as I am a people person.
I'm just worried things will change, that all of a sudden, masked assailants will jump out of the bushes or strange weirdos will try to grab my butt. Please tell me this is not true, that nothing really changes (I don't mind a few cat-calls tho, I quite enjoy that LOL).
Hi and {{{{{
HUGS }}}}}!
You've got a LOT of really terrific suggestions and opinions/advice here--really excellent! I'd only add that FEAR is one of my most vicious enemies, an lying, stealing, killing adversary, a scourge and since starting this weight-loss quest, I now actively seek and DESTROY any and ALL vestiges of fear in my life (and ESPECIALLY IN MY MIND, because that's one of it's main targets...thoughts/my mind) and ALL of it's deceitful cohorts: (self) deception/denial, expectations, doubt, pride/vanity, anger, selfishness and too many to name, because FEAR disguises itself in soooooo many different forms and "feelings"). I don't look at fear as a "feeling"...I look at FEAR as a "person/personality/a spirit" that even though I can't actually see it--I can see and "feel" it's manifestation(s) (intimidation, cowardice, self-pity, excuses, justification and all kinds of yucky hindernces/stagnation to real truth and real freedom from it's vicious clutches). Fear has caused me to lose out on soooo much in life. Fear has caused me to miss soooo many beautiful opportunities, wow. For so many YEARS, I allowed fear to rule and reign in my heart and mind and it did what it does best...lies and deceives me into keeping myself lock up in all kinds of yuck and woe. I HATE FEAR and live everyday to utterly expose and destroy it in my life. What's soooo crazy about fear is it's a liar--and 99.99998% of the things I CHOOSE to listen to and believe what that wicked spirit of fear convinced me of NEVER ever came true--WOW, yuck!
One thing fear dreads is LOVE. When you operate in LOVE instead of fear, BAM...fear flees and here come power like you've never even imagine. Love is the absolute enemy of fear, period.
Fear (like faith and love) needs to be fed, period. What you spend (the majority) of your time and give/PAY attention to will either feed THE spirit of fear or give you the power and sound mind to kick it to the curb and then stomp it to death. Lastly, one way I kick fears teeth down it's throat is "self-talk". When fear shoots those arrows of yucky thoughts, I IMMEDIATELY cast them down with The Truth. Example:
Fear: Hahaha...see, the scale is up and all that work is for naught, you'll always be fat, you'll always (fill in the negative blank).
me/self-talk: Hey, I'm looking fabulous and though the scale is up, so are my muscles--I'm feeling firmer muscle through out my body and muscle weighs more than fat, and even if it doesn't I'm in this for the long-haul and I've come too far look back.
Fear: You can't join that class, look at all those young and slim people--you'll look and feel ridiculous joining, go home and have some ice cream or cookies or something.
me/self-talk: I can do this and I'm going to...I'm not trying to impress anyone but Jesus--and He's most impressed with me being meek and humble, so humble myself I will and join--period. This class is going to be super tough for me, but it's also going to be super cool and fun too--I can't wait to go and feel the burn and see results, Boom--I'm in, no matter what!
Fear: oh, you can't go there by yourself...somebody crazy might be there and hurt you
me/self-talk: Well, if I'm going down, I'm taking somebody with me...nobody can get "crazier" than me and if they try anything funny--I'm going to go all the WAY off on them, go totally and completely OFF or die trying, bring it...I'm ready for ANYTHING!
The spirit of fear is actually a deceiving/lying coward, if you FACE it...it WILL back down, I'm a witness!
Lastly...fear always made me blame others for my woes and mess--make fear BOW, it's nothing more than the wizard of oz behind the veil...it's a lie and is/has been ripping you off for a long time, put an end to it now, if/since I can do it (admittedly thru Christ who strengthens me, I get my Power from The True and Living God--it's actually His Power that works thru me to kick fears behind ALL the time, everytime--but that's just me), ANYONE can...including and especially you--I promise! 5 -
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I'm wanting to come out in the defence of the vast majority of men here.
There are sexual abusers attracted to every type of human, animal and inanimate objects. Thankfully they are few and far between.5 -
JillianRumrill wrote: »I have this nagging fear in the back of my head that once I drop all my weight and look like the stunning beauty I know I am (oh so humble!), I'm scared people will mess with me.
Being overweight all my life has been like a suit of armor, nobody would dare kidnap the "fat girl" (and if they could, they've earned it!). I know that this fear stems from my mom's paranoid/anxiety disorder and it is irrational. Most people are good and decent. I already know first hand as I am a people person.
I'm just worried things will change, that all of a sudden, masked assailants will jump out of the bushes or strange weirdos will try to grab my butt. Please tell me this is not true, that nothing really changes (I don't mind a few cat-calls tho, I quite enjoy that LOL).
So much this for me. Except I have a history of childhood abuse that is the main contributing factor for me. I have only been overweight since having kids. But even prior to that, I walked around scared much of the time. I did what some others have suggested and I would force myself to stand tall (if a shorty can do that) and appear "strong" so no one would bother me (even though I was quaking inside). This emotional aspect is the last goliath I have to conquer to get past the emotional part of weight for me. I've spent this past year just dealing with junk from childhood and this one last little piece continues to plague me. I think you just gave me the kick in the pants I need to face it down and just deal with it so I can move on. But I so get you on the fear of someone coming after you. I totally get it. I don't have any great advice except to face it down and don't let the fear win. For me, it's David vs. Goliath, and I expect David to win.2 -
I'm a guy and just wanted to give my perspective...sexual abuse, harassment, etc aren't about looks or physical/sexual attraction...they are about power and it doesn't matter your size, if you're pretty, or any of that.
You may get more attention...it may be wanted or unwanted...but acts of actual assault are about power, not how you look.9 -
I am a country girl living and working downtown in a large city, so I feel the same way as the OP. I don't look fat, but I'm large and can "throw my weight around" if needed. But I already somewhat stick out and get comments because I am cute and different looking than most people walking downtown. I'm afraid if I get smaller, then people will do more than make comments. Maybe I need to take self defense classes. I got a black belt when I was a kid, but I'm a bit rusty.1
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As long as you don't dress to provoke that kind of treatment and carry yourself confidently I wouldn't worry about a thing.
We, as a species, are never going to ever move past the whole victim blaming of "What you wore caused a man to sexually assault you.", are we. Women younger than me are now regurgitating this myth so of course we aren't.
If I wasn't before, I am now actually relieved I have no biological stake in the future of humanity.
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